All New Letters From a Nut (18 page)

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1413 1/2 Kenneth Rd. #193
Glendale, CA 91201

Deb Wilson.
UNIVERSITY OF NORTH DAKOTA
3100 University Ave. Stop 8157
Grand Forks, ND 58202

Nov 18, 2009

Dear Ms. Deb Wilson, University Of North Dakota:

Thank you for writing back to me. Please excuse the tardiness in answering you, I was behind a heavy person at a vending machine and detained. Now. I am thrilled to leave you a donation. Currently I own HUMPTY DUMPTYS porta potty commode company. We supply portable toilets to Icelandic carnivals, Mid Pacific Rim tattoo events, Guadalajara bullfights. We were formerly known as PIE-ALA-COMMODES.

We are doing well. We used over 1 million Breeze Hand Washes in the last 3 decades. (foaming & multi fold) We almost invented Cabana Spray, & Graffiti Remover. (But we did not) Your past students have helped our business become what it is today. As i said I have had 12 of your former students working for me at various times. One has a degree from your school. One student works in our Moist Towelette Department. He has a cork in his head. Another mows my lawn.

Now for my donation to your school: How does 1104 Breeze Hand Wash Units sound? With foam. I am honored to do this. I will have them assembled and shipped to Glendale and then you can pick them up. How far is North Dakota? (May donate 1000 Maxims Flushers too – they’re the 3000’s; don’t know yet) I will also give you some multi fold dispensers. (foamy – what color would you like?) Go Hockey! I am still considering this donation. Will let you know positively. (there’s a lot of stuff here)

With respect,

F.D. Nancy (Ted L. Nancy)

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TED L. NANCY
1413 1/2 Kenneth Rd. #193
Glendale, CA 91201
[email protected]

Customer Dept.
1 800 Vending
VENDING Support Team
1284 West Flint Meadow Drive
Kaysville, UT 84037

7/10/2009

Dear 1.800. VENDING COMPANY Peoples:

I am interested in owning VENDING MACHINES. I will sell Pajama Bottoms from a vending machine at the airport. CARLO! Please excuse me I blurt out Spanish mens names when my medication has worn off. ANTONIO! I believe that people will buy pajama bottoms at the airport. Why wouldn’t they? Huh? When can i get as much information as you can send me on this vending stuff? I once ate a 12 year old cracker from a vending machine The filling was hard but it still tasted like a cracker. I belched up a wrapper.

It’s always nice to confer with those in the business world that have good ideas. I once sold Kiosks from a vending machine. I closed 7 hours into the next day.

Please reply with vending machine info. I will buy vending machines from you. I look forward to it.

Respectfully,

Fred D.

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Vending Company Comparison Chart
VENDING
X

Ted,

I have attached the Vending Comparison Chart I mentioned when we spoke on the phone and I made mention of it in the other email I already sent you.

I think you’ll find this to be a good tool as you compare companies. The top portion of the chart – the Critical Factors - will help steer you away from unethical or questionable companies. The long term, reputable companies will all pass the Critical Factors test and then you can concentrate on machine features, support etc.

We’ve listed as many third party resources as possible so that you can do an independent analysis. Let me know if you have a hard time finding information on a particular company and I will see if our research department can supply a link to the information you are seeking.

I look forward to talking with you soon.

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1413 1/2 Kenneth Rd. #193
Glendale, CA 91201

Marty Lloyd Regional Manager
1.800. VENDING COMPANY
1284 West Flint Meadow Drive
Kaysville, Utah 84037

Jul 10, 2009

Dear Marty Lloyd, Regional Manager, 1.800.VENDING:

Thank you for your emails. I read them when I watch Ice Truckers. Soon the A & E Network will have Ham Munchers. This is high octane extreme ham sandwich eating. Now. When did we talk on the phone? Down to my vending machine needs. I will sell pictures of Zac Efron’s gums from a vending machine at the train station. RAYON! Please excuse me I blurt out fabrics when i Twitter. DENIM! I believe people will buy Zac Efron’s gums from the train station. Why wouldn’t they? Huh?

Please load me up with as much information as you can on vending. I CAN’T GET ENOUGH! I thought i could get enough. But I can’t. I once ate a 31 year old peanut log from a vending machine in Daytona. The log itself was hard but it still tasted like a peanut. I JUST MADE 2 ORBITS AROUND THE EARTH WITH GENE CERNAN!!! (we ate vending machine tuna)

It’s always nice to confer with those in the business world with acumen. The professionalism you have shown will be noted and put on a plaque and shown to Otto Doll. Do you carry the Maxims Breeze Vending Machines? With foaming soap? Also do you prefer single fold or multi fold paper towel dispensers?

Please reply with vending machine info. I look forward to it. i can take more vending info. I have not had enough yet.

Respectfully,

Fred Nancy

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