All New Letters From a Nut (20 page)

My neighbor does resemble Mary Todd Lincoln, who I believe was a very good First Lady that loved her beloved husband and was good for our country. Maybe the name of the book is: THE LUNATIC MARY TODD LINCOLN. I wish I could be more helpful. I know it dealt with Mary Todd Lincoln supposedly being mad like my neighbor. I’d love to buy a book from you. I think it may even be out on audio (if there is such a book) that I believe Gary Sinise reads the book. Thank you for trying to help me here.

Respectfully,

F.D. Nancy

Full text of the above letter to follow.

Mary Todd Lincoln House, Lexington, Kentucky

This house in Lexington, KY was the girlhood home of Mary Todd Lincoln, wife of President Abraham Lincoln. She brought her husband and children to visit this family home on several occasions.

Drawing by Miriam L. Woolfolk

Dr Mr/s Nancy (Sorry I don’t know which) you are

The book you are looking for is called the madness of Mary Lincoln. We do not carry it but you can probably find it at most major bookstores in your town. I would recommend the new book by Cathuine Clinton: Mrs. Lincoln-alife.

I can not comment on your neighbor’s state of mind but I know she is not a direct descendant of Abraham & Mary as their last descendent died in 1985. She may be a descendant of the Todds as there are many ofas around (and we are not all looney
).

Good luck in your search.
Slenna Aolloway
Museum Slou Manager

Full text of the above letter to follow.

560 N. Moorpark Rd. Apt #236
Thousand Oaks, CA 91360

CELEBRITY SHOE MUSEUM
Terry Hillgartner
3229 Alta Mere
Fort Worth, TX 76116

Dear Mr. Hillgartner,

I am writing to you because I understand you have a Celebrity Shoe Museum. At last! I have been collecting celebrity shoes for almost 80 years and now want to donate them to you. (some are stinky) I know you will give them the best care.

I understand you are the only major shoe museum in the United States. I have heard of one in Antwerp. But they display only aviator shoes. Then there is one in Fiji that has only hospital slippers. This is a much need celebrity shoe museum.

Please look at my shoes. And maybe my socks. I need this. I have searched for shoes all over the world and have even taken them off a sleeping celebrity. (after i darted him)

Let;s get this shoe thing going! I am more then ready. Frankly i am sick of these shoes (some smell) I want to rid my home of them. They are evil. One winked at me. They are nothing but trouble. They have caused me grief. Would you like them? I await your response.

Sincerely,

Full text of the above letter to follow.

Mr. Ted L. Nancy
560 No. Moorpark Road Apt. #236
Thousand Oaks, CA 91360

Dear Mr. Nancy:

I am very interested in your 80 year quest of collecting celebrity shoes. It seems the stories about how you acquired these items may
upstage
the shoes themselves.

I have included some photos of my collection along with a current list along with articles written about our famous shoe musuem. Take note of the cases we use to enshrine each individual shoe.

Please write me or call me collect at 817/731–4961. I would love to talk about our collection and the possibility of acquiring your collection to place in everlasting
memory
on exhibit.

Very truly yours,

LARRY’S SHOES

Terry L. Hillgartner
Marketing Director

Full text of the above letter to follow.

1413 1/2 Kenneth Rd. #193
Glendale, CA 91201

MOIST TOWELETTES MUSEUM
Los Angeles, CA

Jul 13, 2009

Dear Moist Towelettes Museum.

I have a MOIST TOWELETTE from the Civil War. It was given to our family and it’s a wet thing in another thing that you rip. maybe it’s the oldest moist wet wipey thing around. Who knows about these wipey things?

My neighbor, this Inez woman, who is a direct descendant of Mary Todd Lincoln was left it with a bunch of her personal stuff and she gave me this. She said Mary Todd used it to wipe her face after she ate and to wipe her fingers after shaking hands with soldiers. (and for lemon pie)