America's Galactic Foreign Legion - Book 1: Feeling Lucky (13 page)

#14: I don’t know.

#2: You don’t know? Are you saying you have
no information about the American Tenth Fleet headed our way? What
are we going to do when the Tenth Fleet gets here? Throw rocks at
them?

#14: That intelligence has not been
confirmed. And, it is imprudent for us to be discussing the matter
in open court.

#2: Well, I have a question for you. In
addition to the American Tenth Fleet, just how many fleets do they
have? I think it is a very prudent question in light of the fact
that our only two fleets, the Invasion Feet and our Home Defense
Fleet, have been ruined due to the incompetence of the General
Staff. And another thing. Just how large is the United States
Galactic Federation?

#14: I am not sure.

#2: Didn’t anyone bother to find out before
we started this war?

#14: I was not involved in the planning of
the invasion. I merely did my duty when I was sent.

#2: And I commend you and all our other brave
soldiers for that. But since the invasion, you have gathered
intelligence information on the capabilities and size of the United
States Galactic Federation?

#14: Some, but the data is still being
analyzed.

#2: You are holding back on us again. If you
commit perjury one more time, I will draw my sidearm and shoot you
myself. I am handing you a star chart of our corner of the Galaxy.
Do you recognize this star chart?

#14: Yes, I collected this star chart from a
burned out library on New Colorado. I submitted the chart to my
superiors along with other military intelligence.

#2: The red dots seem to indicate the five
inhabited planetary systems of the Arthropoda Empire. Right?

#14: Yes.

#2: And these hundreds of blue dots? What do
they signify?

#14: The inhabited planetary systems of the
United States Galactic Federation.

#2: I may not be an expert, but it looks like
we have a serious problem. Do we?

#14: Maybe. This intelligence has not been
confirmed.

#2: So the plan is to wait until the human
Tenth Fleet arrives and destroys us. Is that going to be our
confirmation?

#14: I am not a member of the General Staff.
I cannot answer that question.

#2: Sergeant Lopez called you a bug just
before you shot him. Do you know what he meant by that?

#14: Research shows that we resemble
exoskeleton species from their home world. I suppose it was meant
as an insult. But our exoskeleton is far superior and more evolved
than their human body of soft tissue supported by bones. So I
personally took being called a bug as a complement.

#2: You missed Sergeant
Lopez’ meaning completely. Perhaps that is due to the imperfections
of our computer translation devices. On the human home world
a
bug
is something
stupid and little, that can be easily squashed. It fits you
perfect. Defense rests.

(After two hour recess)

JUDGE: In regards to the civil lawsuit, the
Court finds that #14 used excessive force against Lieutenant
Czerinski while said human pestilence was in custody. #14
wrongfully cut off Lieutenant Czerinski’s hand and allowed
Lieutenant Czerinski to be nearly beaten to death. The Court awards
Lieutenant Czerwinski 1,000,000 credits compensation for pain,
suffering, and loss of a limb that will not grow back. These
credits will be held in an account for Lieutenant Czerinski’s
heirs, and to defer Court and appointed attorney costs in
Lieutenant Czerinski’s criminal case.

JUDGE: In regards to the criminal
proceedings, after carefully listening to the testimony, reviewing
all of the evidence and recordings, the Court finds Lieutenant
Czerinski guilty of Murder, Genocide, Terrorism, Prisoner Abuse,
Custodial Assault, Criminal Conspiracy, Looting, Crimes Against
Civilization and Decency (Eating the Families of Habitat #40),
Theft, Custodial Gambling, and Extortion. To have found otherwise
would have been an affront to our whole civilization. Does the
defendant have anything to say before I pronounce sentencing?

Lieutenant Czerinski: Americans never quit.
When the Tenth Fleet gets here, they are going to put a boot up
your ass! It’s the American way.

JUDGE: Noting your lack of remorse, the Court
sentences you to death, pending appeal.

CHAPTER 13

I was immediately taken to my cell. Five
minutes later, #14 and four guards summarily strapped me to a
backboard and carried me off. I put up a brief struggle and got
tasered for my efforts.

“
Why are you doing this to
me?” I asked. “Did I lose my appeal already?”

“
We are doing what I should
have done a long time ago,” answered #14, as we arrived at what
looked like a sterile medical treatment room. They slammed me and
the backboard down atop a polished stainless steel medical
examination table and put an IV into my left arm. Electrodes were
attached to my head and chest. A spider doctor in a white coat
supervised. Hell of a way to end things, I thought. The IV drugs
were taking effect. I was feeling groggy. “Are you going to execute
me now?”

“
Don’t worry, you will die
soon enough,” laughed #14, flicking the IV bag with a finger to
make it drip faster. “You will tell me the truth now. These truth
serum drugs will make you tell the truth, and cause extreme pain if
you lie.”

“
We can start now,” said the
doctor. “Ask him something easy at first. Something we already know
the answer to. I’ll be following his responses on the
graph.”

“
What is your name?” asked
#14.

“
Joey,” I
answered.

“
Your whole name!” demanded
#14.

“
Joey R. Czerinski,” I
answered.

“
What is your
rank?”

“
Lieutenant.”

“
How long until the Tenth
Fleet arrives?” asked #14.

“
A long time,” I
answered.

“
What? How long is a long
time?” pressed #14.

“
How should I know?” I was
trying not to answer, but the pain was unbearable.

“
Are you sure the drugs are
working?” asked #14. “Maybe we should give him some
more?”

“
The drugs are working just
fine. You are getting truthful answers,” replied the doctor.
“Czerinski is just a smart ass, even when unconscious. Focus on the
questions you want to ask, and you will get the truth.”

“
What takes the Tenth Fleet
so long?” asked #14.

“
Because the big boats are
slow and heavy,” I replied, still feeling terrible pain, but not as
much.

“
Big boats? What do you mean
big boats?” asked #14, as he checked the controls on the
translation device. “This is a piece of junk manufactured by Green
Spiders.”

“
Battleships, dreadnaughts,
super dreadnaughts, fighter carriers, destroyers, nuclear
submarines, tug boats,” I added.

“
What is a nuclear
submarine?” asked #14, checking the translation box again. “Does it
have something to do with water? You will attack our water
supply?”

“
It’s full of missiles. They
will rain death down on our enemies,” I answered.

“
How Big is the Tenth
Fleet?” asked #14.

“
Real big. Bigger than I
even know. And the carriers are loaded with fighters – stealth
fighters – that can swoop down on our enemies undetected by radar.
You won’t know what hit you until the shock and awe lights up your
world.” I then started singing an old Legion song from antiquity,
“I’m Libyian, on a jet plane. Don’t know when I’ll be back again.
Battle group, JFK is gonna blow my ass away...”

“
I order you to give him
more medication,” said #14, turning to the doctor. “Something is
going wrong here.”

“
No! I have already given
him the maximum amount I dare,” the doctor objected. “Just keep
your questions simple so he cannot give rambling indirect
responses.”

“
Have you ever had sex with
your mother?” asked #14.

“
No, of course not,” I
answered.

“
Have you ever had sex with
goats?” pressed #14, obviously disappointed by my first
answer.

“
No.”

“
Have you ever even thought
about having sex with your mother?” asked #14.

“
Maybe, just once,” I
answered.

“
I knew it! These humans are
perverts! You should all be exterminated,” yelled #14, more excited
than ever. “I will exterminate every last one of you!”

“
Focus, sir,” suggested the
doctor. “Just ask pertinent military questions.”

“
Tell me about battleships
and super dreadnaughts,” demanded #14, sounded irritated at the
doctor’s advice.

“
They fire cruise missiles
and drop bombs the size of Volkswagens,” I answered.

“
Are Volkswagens big?” asked
#14, concerned.

“
Bigger than anything a bug
like you could drive,” I answered. Then a bad thought came to
me.
The nuke!
I
started thrashing back and forth. “Where is my
backpack?”

“
What? It is safe in
evidence, stored down below,” answered #14. “Doctor, what’s wrong
with him? Is he having a reaction to the drugs?”

“
Maybe, but it will pass,”
said the doctor.

“
It’s in this building?” I
asked. I tried to chew through one of the wrist restraints but
couldn’t reach it. “I need to get to my backpack now.
Please!”

“
Calm down,” said #14,
returning to his list of prepared questions. “Tell me about the
captured star chart that was presented at trial. Is this star chart
an accurate depiction of United States Galactic Federation
assets?”

“
The star chart is Star Wars
#29,” I replied. “It is a poster.”

“
But is it accurate?” asked
#14, again.

“
It’s a game It’s all a
game! You will lose!” I yelled, in pain again. “The Evil Empire
will fall!”

“
Never!” shouted #14,
slapping my face. The doctor pulled #14 back and restrained him.
“The human pestilence will never prevail!” #14 insisted.

“
Down with Darth Vader! The
Force is with us!” I yelled. Suddenly an explosion rocked the very
core of the underground facility. Concrete chunks fell from the
ceiling, and I was knocked off the table.

“
What was that?” demanded
#14. “Is it your stealth fighters? Is it the Tenth
Fleet?”

“
My backpack!” I yelled in
panic.

“
It is the American Tenth
Fleet!” screamed the doctor as he ran from the room. “We must get
out of here!”

“
How can we fight an enemy
we can’t see?” asked #14, dazed from being knocked down and covered
with debris.

“
You can’t,” I
answered.

Then the lights went out. Guards with
flashlights entered the infirmary and carted me off to my cell,
throwing me onto the floor. I felt ill. I was battered and bruised
and still naked. I was cold, but still alive. The good news was
that I no longer had to worry about being killed by the nuke in my
backpack.

* * * * *

My cell door swung open and the guard
announced I had a visitor. It was my attorney, and he was carrying
a crisp new Legion uniform, boots, human food, and some letters
from home. I could have cried.

“
A most interesting turn of
events on several fronts,” announced #2 as he set up his chair,
table, and notes from his briefcase.

I was shaking, I was so happy to see him and
to finally get clothes.

“
I trust you are in good
health?”

“
Good as can be expected,” I
said. “Did I win my appeal?”

“
Yes. The case was dismissed
on appeal, pending re-filing by the prosecution. It seems all
existing evidence, documents, transcripts, video camera recordings,
computer downloads, and stored body parts were destroyed by a
nuclear explosion originating in the evidence room directly under
the Court. Even the Judge got nuked. The matter is being
investigated, but in the meantime your case has been dismissed on
appeal for lack of reviewable evidence for the Appellate
Court.”

“
Dismissed?” I asked, as I
opened letters from my parents. “I can go home?”

“
Not yet. Technically you
are still a prisoner of war. But soon, I think, you will be
released,” assured #2. “Oh, I took the liberty to read your letters
for you. State Security checked them already, so I did not think
you would mind. Your parents love you. And they are a lot younger
now because you sent them a Fountain of Youth chip. Just a side
issue, but I would like to get one of those chips for myself. Do
you think they would work on me? Anyway, your mother is running for
the Senate from Arizona. There is talk of your father running for
the Presidency of the United States Galactic Federation on a
platform that you should have been released a long time ago. There
is even talk of impeachment because the President tried to leave
you in our custody in exchange for a peace treaty. You are now
something of a celebrity back on Earth. Everyone saw you naked at
your trial. The human public is outraged and demanding continued
war if you are not released soon. I am told there are long lines of
females who want to have your babies. Most interesting. Even the
public here on Arthropoda is outraged that our leaders started an
ill-advised war against such a giant as the United States Galactic
Federation. There has been some rioting in our streets and the
General Staff has confined all troops to their barracks, pending
the formation of a new government. The Emperor has not been seen in
public for days, and there are rumors that he is either dead or
under house arrest. There are also rumors that the General Staff is
negotiating a surrender.”