America's Galactic Foreign Legion - Book 1: Feeling Lucky (23 page)

“
You can never have enough
money,” said Lieutenant Lopez. “Besides, this ship could be an
insurance policy against something going wrong. If war ever breaks
out again with the spiders, casinos on the DMZ will be worthless.
They’re like buying real estate on a volcano. You just never know
when it will blow.”

“
The scientists say they
think this ship is a prototype. Prince Tak was a fool to land
something this valuable where it could be captured,” I said. “Its
speed and stealth technologies are amazing. I suppose we could
become pirates and use the ship to raid Formicidaen shipping for
booty and prizes.”

“
I’ve had that same
thought,” said Lieutenant Lopez. “ARRRRR, ARRRRR, mate. Hand over
ye gold bars and ye Formicidaen babes” He laughed. “Do you think
the Legion would let us do it? We’re about to go to war with the
ants anyway.”

“
No,” I answered. “The
Legion might use the ship to lead a sneak attack, but there
wouldn’t be much time for pirating. We would be part of a military
operation. Besides, I have no interest in leading the charge
against the ants in the next war. I want to stay right here on New
Colorado where it is safe, until I get my discharge papers. They
are due any day, now that we are at technically at
peace.”

“
Dream on. You are in for
the duration, and it’s not over yet. It’s not even close to being
over,” said Lieutenant Lopez. “We will go where the Legion orders
us to go. I just want to make sure we go in style in this
ship.”

“
The spiders might have
something to say about that,” I said. “It’s their ship,
too.”

“
And that’s another thing,”
said Lieutenant Lopez. “Do we want the spiders to have all this new
technology? If for no other reason than that, we should steal this
ship for the good of humanity. It is our patriotic duty to steal
this ship. Its stealth technology should not fall into their
claws.”

“
You might have a good
point,” I conceded. “But stealing this ship would damage our
alliance. We are allies now. We agreed to share the technology. Our
fleets are working together at this moment, hunting down
Formicidaen ships in our space.”

“
The alliance will be
damaged if the spiders figure out this technology before we do,”
said Lieutenant Lopez. “Sure, the President made an agreement with
the Emperor. You and I helped form that agreement. But no one
trusts the spiders. No one is really happy with that agreement. It
was the best deal we could get at the time. But the situation has
changed. We are stronger now.”

“
Nothing has changed,” I
argued. “We have treaty obligations.”

“
You know #64 is lying about
Prince Tak,” said Lieutenant Lopez. “Tak wasn’t killed trying to
escape. The spiders are hiding him somewhere, pumping him for
strategic and technical information. The spiders are withholding
that information in violation of our treaty. That violation voids
the treaty.”

“
So what are you saying?” I
asked. “It’s still not our call to violate the treaty.”

“
We should steal the
Formicidaen ship for the good of humanity,” said Lieutenant Lopez.
“Our government can claim we acted on our own without their
knowledge. Warrants of arrest will be issued for us as a cover.
Then, we secretly sell the Formicidaen ship back to the United
States for its exclusive use and research. Do you think two billion
dollars is too high?”

“
I don’t like the part about
warrants of arrest,” I said. “Your plan could backfire on
us.”

“
The warrants are just a
ruse to fool the spiders,” explained Lieutenant Lopez. “Your father
can get us a pardon when things calm down.”

“
You should be in the
C.I.A., not the Galactic Foreign Legion,” I said. “Do you really
think the President would go for your idea?”

“
No,” said Lieutenant Lopez.
“Not at first. It’s too risky for any president. We would have to
steal the ship, then convince the President afterwards. And, we
have to steal the ship now, before all those spiders take the ship
apart.”

“
Now?” I asked. “You mean
this week?”

“
No, I mean this minute,”
said Lieutenant Lopez. “I’ve already turned our business interests
over to Sergeant Green and Amanda to run while we are absent. We
seize the moment,
now.
”

“
Sergeant Green has my
money? I don’t know what you’ve been smoking, Lopez, but we are not
stealing the Formicidaen ship,” I said, getting up to leave. “You
need to think this through.”

Privates Washington and Williams entered the
ship, carrying crates of supplies. Corporal Kool followed with
legionnaires carrying missiles and nukes. Lieutenant Lopez nodded
to Corporal Kool. “Secure the ship. Kick the spiders off. We blast
off in five minutes.”

“
Belay that order,” I said.
“We are not going anywhere.”

A couple shots rang out. Lieutenant Lopez
pointed his pistol at me. “Strap in, we are leaving now.”

Moments later we blasted off, and beamed
across the galaxy to the Formicidaen home world. From our stealth
ship, Lieutenant Lopez watched in fascination the line of ant
merchant ships passing back and forth from the planet below.

“
I know what you are
thinking,” I said, looking at Lopez. “You are thinking it will be
an adventure to be pirates. Pirates of the Foreign Legion. It
sounds grand. It has a ring to it. But you forget – humans hang
pirates. What do you think ants do to pirates? What ever it is, it
can’t
be good.”

“
I turn command back over to
you, General,” said Lieutenant Lopez, holstering his pistol. “Which
ship do you want to plunder first?”

I looked at the radar and light displacement
screens showing spaceship activity originating from a single
spaceport on the planet’s surface. “All is not forgiven, Lopez,” I
warned. “Only constraints on imagination limit how painful your
death will be.”

“
Oh come on, Czerinski,”
said Lieutenant Lopez. “You are wound way too tight. Look here.
Already I have a message from General Kalipetsis commending us for
our initiative and authorizing us to attack Formicidaen shipping.
We are going to be rich beyond our wildest dreams, and heroes to
boot.”

“
That was fast,” I said,
looking at the message. “They want to know what we named our new
ship.”

“
The U.S.S. Shenandoah,”
Lieutenant Lopez said immediately. “They will never catch
us.”

“
That fits,” I said. “You
know, this is not going to have a happy ending. We are sitting on
top of an anthill. We will die a horrible death for
sure.”

“
You sound worse than
Sergeant Green,” scoffed Lieutenant Lopez. “No pain, no gain. Let’s
just do it, sir.”

“
Target ten ant merchant
ships with missiles, and use the space cannon to drop nukes on the
spaceport and the space station,” I ordered.

“
What?” asked Lieutenant
Lopez. “Where is the profit in that? I want booty.”

“
The Formicidaen fleets are
massed at the frontier, poised to invade and destroy humanity,” I
explained. “We need to draw them back.”

“
Draw them back to us?”
asked Lieutenant Lopez. “Are you sure about that?”

“
Today we send a message to
the ants. Humanity is pissed off about their intrigue with the
spiders. Humanity is pissed off about their invasion plans. And
humanity is not to be messed with. They need to fear
us.”

“
We will tell the ants who
did this?” asked Lieutenant Lopez.

“
No. Let them panic and
speculate,” I said. “We will hide in deep space and pick off their
merchant ships for prize money. The ants will find out soon who
attacked their home world. You wanted to be famous? They will put
us on the Five O’clock News when they hang us from our toes and
skin us alive.”

* * * * *

Lieutenant Lopez tracked the lone freighter
on radar, inbound toward the Formicidaen home world. “The prize
value of that ship alone will make us wealthy beyond our dreams,”
said Lieutenant Lopez. “Just think of the riches it may be
carrying.”

“
Fire a cannon flare across
its bow and command it to stop,” I ordered. “Then initiate
electronic jamming on all frequencies.”

The freighter came to a halt. I used the
space cannon to put a small round through its side. I could see no
sign of armament, but I remained wary. “Let them repair the damage
before we board.”

“
What good is a prize ship
if you fill it full of holes?” asked Lieutenant Lopez. “It’s
damaged goods.”

“
Our crew is small. A big
freighter like that may have a large crew,” I explained. “They need
to know we mean business.”

Williams, Washington, and Kool led the
boarding party. The ant crew of ten quickly surrendered. Its
captain, the largest ant aboard, was very upset. “I put a lifetime
of savings and effort into this ship, and you pirates punch holes
in it for no reason,” complained the captain. “We surrendered, and
you shot us anyway?”

“
Shut up, ant,” said Private
Washington, giving the captain a shove. “Don’t look at me. Put your
face to the bulkhead.”

“
What are you hideous
creatures?” asked the captain, eyeing Private Washington. “You look
like a giant spider.”

“
Your empire plans invasion
against Earth, and you don’t even know who we are?” I asked. “We
are the Grim Reaper, coming to collect souls.”

“
I know who you are, human,”
said the captain. “It is that spider I have never seen. Just make
sure you keep your oversized pet under control. There will be a
reckoning if any of my crew are mistreated.”

“
What are you carrying?”
asked Lieutenant Lopez. “I want a bill of lading.”

“
Take it all. What do I
care?” asked the captain. “It’s all insured. But please, don’t
damage my ship. It’s all I have.”

“
It’s my ship now,” said
Lieutenant Lopez. “Be happy if you survive the day.”

“
ARRRR, ARRRR,” bellowed
Private Williams. “Give us your chest of bobbles and gold coins or
you will be walking the plank, you scurvy dog. ARRRR,
ARRRR.”

“
Shut up Private Williams,”
I said.

“
Is he stable?” asked the
captain.

“
No,” I answered. “He is
from Tennessee.”

“
Take us to your hold,”
ordered Lieutenant Lopez, giving the captain another shove. “I want
to see your cargo.”

The captain led us to the cargo area. What we
found wasn’t cargo. It contained about two hundred sentient
beetle-like creatures locked up in cages. Soon our translation
devices started working. “You are here to free us?” asked an elder
beetle. “We heard explosions. Are we saved?”

“
What is this?” I asked.
“You command a prison ship?”

“
These beetles are valuable
cargo,” explained the captain. “They are tireless workers that will
bring instant profit to any factory. They’re quite docile,
too.”

“
This is your only cargo?”
asked Lieutenant Lopez, grabbing the captain by the neck. “I want
treasure!”

“
Isn’t this enough?” asked
the ant captain. “They are worth a fortune.”

“
If there is not more, I
will kill you for free,” said Lieutenant Lopez.

“
They are slaves?” I asked.
“Not just laborers?”

“
These beetles and their
planet, Coleoptera, are the property of the Formicidaen Empire.
They are the spoils of war.”

“
There was no war,” said the
beetle elder. “We don’t even have a military. The ants just invaded
and took what they wanted. They take whatever is in their path.
It’s what they do.”

“
You deserve to be slaves,”
said Lieutenant Lopez. “You gave up your freedom without a
fight.”

“
We are a peaceful species,”
said the elder beetle. “There is no violence on Coleoptera. We
don’t believe in war. War solves nothing.”

“
Are you kidding?” asked
Lieutenant Lopez. “War has solved every problem there ever was:
slavery, Nazis, Communists, spiders, megalomaniacs of all kinds ...
Democrats. All those ills took wars to eliminate. And it will take
a war to get rid of these ants.”

“
We still have spiders,”
corrected Private Williams.

“
I’m going to hit him,” said
Lieutenant Lopez. “I will kick him through the goal posts of
life.”

“
Who will join the United
States Galactic Federation Foreign Legion in a war to free your
planet and save the galaxy?” I called out. No beetles stepped
forward.

“
The beetles are not like
you and I,” commented the ant captain. “They want to be ruled. They
need our guidance. It’s their lot in life.”

“
We will not join your war,”
repeated the elder beetle.

“
I only advocate war as a
means of peace,” I said.

“
I will fight,” said a young
beetle, stepping forward. “Old School here doesn’t speak for me.
Many of us would have fought, but we had no weapons. We weren’t
organized like the ants. Arm us. We will kick ass.”

“
What is your name?” I
asked.