Anathema (5 page)

“They’re fine, just like before you…slipped
away. I promised, remember?”

I close my eyes and release the breath I’ve
been holding, grateful for those two miracles. “But my hand….”

He looks down at it. “I found you when you
were stabbing yourself, Elizabeth. I tried to stop you, but I
wasn’t quick enough. You were lost in some kind of trance, and no
one could seem to wake you.”

I look down at my hand and try to move it
beneath the swaddling gauze. That’s when the pain hits and I
grimace. Lev strokes the bandage lightly. “I’m sorry, Elizabeth. I
am so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” I manage, suddenly
exhausted. “None of this is your fault. It’s mine.” I can barely
speak because my throat is so dry.

“No, it’s because of the dagger.” He grabs
the glass and helps me up enough so I can take a few sips before
lying back down.

In my peripheral vision I keep seeing the
bandages. “How bad is it?” I whisper.

He shrugs. We cleaned it and did the stitches
here because the last thing we needed was to take you to the
hospital and keep you in a mental ward for observation. It’s like
you were sleep-walking with your eyes open. I don’t have a clue how
we would have tried to explain that to the ER doctors, so we
thought trying to treat you here was better. Evan is pretty skilled
in that area.”

I nod and try not to think about the vicious
throbbing that feels like I’m being stabbed all over again with
each new breath.

“Do you need something for the pain?”

I shake my head, knowing any drug I get for
pain will likely dull my thoughts, and with this damned power, the
last thing I need is to be less than coherent. I can see that he’s
about to argue, but I shake my head even harder. “I’ll be fine,
okay? Trust me. If I can’t take it, I’ll ask for something.”

“Do you remember what happened before all
this started? What might have set it off?”

I swallow hard and try to remember. To be
honest, even with the pain, my thoughts are scattered, and it
frightens me. “I was getting ready to go to school. I walked to the
Jeep.” I blink, trying to remember. It seems like so long ago.

“And then what?” Lev softly prompts, stroking
my good hand. “What else do you remember?”

I chew my bottom lip, fighting to remember.
Then it comes to me. Sarah. I’d seen Sarah walking down the street.
“I saw a woman who looked like Sarah and chased her down. It was
her, Lev. She threw me into a fire hydrant, and I hit my head.”

The golden glow of Lev’s skin fades slightly,
and he swallows hard. Although he tries not to show any emotions,
the neutral line of his mouth is a dead giveaway. He closes his
eyes and shakes his head as though trying to come to terms with
something he doesn’t like.

“You know what’s going on, don’t you?” I ask,
pushing the hair from my face.

“Not entirely, but enough.”

“Then explain it to me.” I sit up as the grim
reality of what’s happened sets in deeper than before.

“Apparently the powers of the dagger were
latent and might have remained that way if Sarah hadn’t attacked
you, but once she did that, the power began to feed off that
negative energy. I’m surprised we didn’t find Sarah’s dead body on
the street. But if you see her again, I’m quite sure she won’t get
away a second time.”

I open my mouth to ask another question when
Jimmie appears in the doorway, followed by Evan. The usual
tight-lipped frown belies the fear in his eyes as he strides to me
and sits on the bed beside me. For a moment, we just stare at each
other, but as I realize how grateful I am at least most of what I
witnessed wasn’t real, I fall into his arms and cling to him. He
rubs a large circle on my back just like he used to when I was
small and I’d had a horrible nightmare I couldn’t shake.

“It’s okay,” he whispers. I don’t know how
much Lev or Evan have told him, but I do know one thing. It doesn’t
feel remotely close to okay. For a moment, I just sit there and let
his love cocoon me against all the fears I can’t control, and when
I finally do withdraw, he stares at my face for a few long seconds
before standing so Evan can get through.

He looks at both Jimmie and Lev. “I want to
talk to Lizzie alone for a few minutes.” Lev straightens, and his
lips part as though he’s about to argue, but something in Evan’s
eyes convinces him otherwise. He gives me one last look before
following Jimmie out of the room and closing the door behind
them.

“I get the feeling I’m not going to like
this,” I finally say, looking down at my hand. Part of me wants to
toy with the bandage, but part of me knows better.

“No, you’re probably not.” Evan pulls up the
chair from my desk and situates it near the bed so we face each
other. I want to ask how the whole angel thing works and if he
really isn’t Lev’s father, what their relationship is, but I know
that’s just my coping mechanism. I guess I don’t want to talk about
anything unless there’s something really difficult to talk about.
Then it’s nothing rather than something, if that makes any
sense.

“I’m sorry Lev had to drag you away from
wherever you were.”

“It’s all right,” he manages and nods to my
hand. “How’s your hand?”

“Hurts some, but I’ll be all right.” The
fluorescent lighting glitters in his blond hair, reminding me of
Lev—as if I need any reminders.

I can see he’s struggling to find the right
words to tell me whatever it is I won’t want to hear, so I just
shake my head. “You might as well just go ahead and say it. No
matter how hard you try to find easy words, it won’t help.”

“You’re more right than you know,” he finally
admits, leaning back in the chair. “Here it is, then. Lev risked a
lot when he interfered with things in order to keep you alive when
you stabbed yourself with the dagger. He had worked so hard to save
you he couldn’t not intervene, even though the consequences of that
choice could lead to destruction. Do you understand what I’m
saying?”

His tone is soft and low, and his eyes are
sad. But none of that eases the truth. I nod. “You’re saying I
never should have survived.” The words make me want to panic, but I
manage to say them in a more or less detached way, as if I’m
speaking about the weather.

“Yes.” He shifts in his chair, and I can tell
he’s just as uncomfortable as I am. “I tried to tell Lev there
would be consequences for his decision, but he didn’t want to hear
that. He wanted to believe that he could save you and avoid the
unpleasant chain of events he’d set off.”

“But he can’t, can he?” I reach for my water
just for something to do, but my hand fumbles. The glass starts to
tip, but Evan quickly seizes it.

“No, he can’t.” He hands me the glass, and I
take a sip. I feel him staring, and I have trouble breathing. It’s
like the world has totally changed, and it scares me.

“So what do we do now?” I set the glass back
on the nightstand.

“That depends on how far things have
progressed, Elizabeth.”

A cold chill sweeps through me, and I
shudder. I know it’s more from fear than the temperature. “I don’t
understand what that means.”

“Did you see three very different angels
after you hit your head and the world seemed to go crazy?”

I know the angels he’s talking about, but I
didn’t see them after, only before. It’s a technicality, but at
this point, I don’t want to talk about those angels, so I lie. “No,
I didn’t see them, at least not that I’m aware of.”

Evan stares at my face, frowning for a moment
before he finally nods. “All right.”

“Who are they, anyway?” It’s a question I
know I shouldn’t ask because I’m not going to like the answer, but
I’m too rattled not to ask.

“Every supernatural power has angels to watch
over it, Elizabeth. The Dagger of Light was no different. When that
power fused with you, you became a supernatural being, subject to
their watching as well.” He stands and looks out the window.

“But why should I bear watching? I’m not a
weapon like the dagger.”

Evan turns and folds his arms across his
chest. “Yes, Elizabeth, you are, and since the transformation, you
are more dangerous to the world of men and of angels because so
ancient a power is now fused with a fallible human spirit. And now
that power has been awakened, thanks to Sarah, we have to temper it
and teach you how to use it if necessary.”

“Where do those angels come in, then?” I try
to keep my voice casual, but that’s far from easy considering the
panic building inside.

Evan draws a deep breath and lets it out.
“I’m hoping by some miracle they didn’t feel the disturbance when
the dagger’s power shifted to you. Then again, I don’t know how
they could’ve missed it, considering I wasn’t anywhere close to
you, and I felt it.”

I lick my lips nervously. “So what if they do
come? What happens then?”

“They’ll begin tracking you by your aura,
Elizabeth, and once they find you, we will have to convince them
you didn’t intend to absorb the power and are really no
threat.”

I grip the blanket tighter and shake my head.
“How could they believe anybody would want this power?”

Evan rakes his fingers through his hair.
“They have good reason to want to protect the power you possess—and
just because you don’t want it doesn’t mean others with less
altruistic motives wouldn’t love to have it. You don’t realize what
you possess.”

I shiver. “Then tell me.”

“You can kill all beings, Elizabeth, even
angels. Do you understand just how dangerous that gift could be and
why if they come looking for you, it’s not going to be any small
feat to convince them you do not wish to have this power, and that
it was an accident that gave it to you? If we don’t convince them
as much, they will kill you.”

I sit up and start to swing my legs over the
side of the bed, all the while feeling Evan hovering, a grim frown
of concern on his face. I start to get up, but my knees are
unsteady, and I fall back onto the bed.

“Perhaps you should lie down a bit longer.
You still seem pretty shaken.”

I want to tell him I’m fine, that I’m ready
to start learning how to use this gift, but I’m frightened, not of
the angels but of myself. What if I cannot learn to control it? I
swallow hard. “In my dream or whatever it was, you were the only
one who could fend off the power. Why?”

He shrugs. “I’m guessing because the dagger
was supposed to be in my keeping, so it was built with a fail-safe
mechanism to keep from harming me.” Although he’s trying to keep
his voice strong and undaunted, I can sense a turmoil from within
him.

“But you don’t know how long that fail-safe
mechanism is good for, do you? You can’t say for sure it will last,
can you?”

“No.”

I close my eyes, and a shudder runs through
me as I remember the details of that dream or trance, whatever it
was. Lev was so sure Evan could save him from me, and I was so sure
I wanted to believe him. Biting my lip, I force myself to stand and
ignore the fuzziness still plaguing my vision.

“You should get back in that bed,” Evan warns
softly. He walks over to cut off my path. “You’re still pale and
weak.”

“I can’t just lie around and pray this gets
better. You didn’t see the world I saw, the one where I actually
used this ‘gift.’”

I try to brush past him, but Evan sets his
hands on my shoulders, stopping me. “You think not, Elizabeth? Both
Lev and I know what you imagined. In order to free you from the
trance, we had to slip into that world with you.”

“Then you know why I can’t stay here.” I fold
my arms across my abdomen. “You know why I wish I could cut this
thing out of me.”

Evan reaches out and touches the bandage. “I
know that. But it’s not something you can cut out. It has become
one with you, and no matter how much you hurt yourself, you won’t
get rid of it.”

I close my eyes and tense at the thought of
my next words. “Unless I get rid of me, too.” I try to walk away,
but Evan’s fingers tighten.

“That’s not an answer, Elizabeth. Lev would
do anything to save you. Don’t throw that away because right now
it’s hard.”

I jerk free, even though the motion makes me
dizzy. “This is hard? That’s it? Because I was thinking more along
the lines of impossible. I love Lev with every fiber of my being,
but I can’t be with him because I’m afraid of what this power will
do. You’re the one who said I could kill angels, or don’t you
remember that?”

“You can’t run away from this. If we don’t do
something, the triune of angels will hunt you down, and Lev will
sacrifice himself protecting you. Is that what you want?”

My shoulders cave under the weight of that
news, and I try to think of something—anything—that will make my
life salvageable. But there’s nothing. My knees start to buckle,
and I feel the tears coming but can’t stop them. The grief is like
a freight train hitting my body at top speed. Somehow Evan is there
to guide me back to the bed, and I lie down, closing my eyes to
shut out the world around me.

“I didn’t ask for any of this,” I whisper.
“Why can’t I make it go away?”

Evan strokes my hair. “I know you didn’t.
Just give me some time to figure out how to help, okay? Don’t do
anything rash.”

If I weren’t hurting so badly, I’d ask him to
define
rash.
Is it stabbing my body with a supernatural
weapon? Or falling in love with an angel? What defines rash and how
the hell do I avoid it?

Chapter Four

It’s evening when I finally resurface into
consciousness. Although I’ve been having nightmares, for some
reason I’m not experiencing them right now. At first, I just think
maybe I just imagined the dreams. Then I open my eyes and find
myself curled up next to Lev, with his wings draped around my body.
Although there’s a soft glow that emanates from his body and wings,
it’s a peaceful, drowsy light that almost soothes me back to
sleep.