Anathema (7 page)

My throat tightens, making it harder to
breathe. “What is it?”

“The power of the dagger, Elizabeth. That’s
what it was designed for, dealing with rogue angels who have
completely forsaken their true purposes.”

My shoulders sag as I realize exactly what
he’s telling me. “You mean I have to kill her, don’t you?” I grit
my teeth and think back to that dream or whatever it was that
almost resulted in me cutting off my own hand.

He stares just head for a moment before
finally nodding. “Yes.”

“Is that why I dreamed I killed her?” I
fiddle with the corner of the gauze wrap, threatening to pull it
loose before Lev stops me.

“I don’t know, Elizabeth. There’s so much we
don’t know about the dagger. It’s possible the power latched onto
her because you were mulling over the possibility she had survived
the last use of the dagger, which should have killed her. But all
of this is speculation. I don’t have any way of knowing exactly
what’s going on.”

I lean my head against the wall and close my
eyes, willing myself to focus on my breathing, not the furious
pounding of my heart I can’t seem to slow no matter what I do. My
thoughts are spinning out of control, and I don’t know what to do.
I remembered the feeling when I thought I’d killed Jayzee. The
power was so painful, and then seeing her body next to Griffin.

“How do I do this?” My voice is raw, and I
keep my eyes closed so I don’t have to see his face. “How do I kill
another being?”

Lev squeezes my hand. “I don’t really think
it’s going to be up to you, Lizzie. The power will work of its own
accord no matter how you feel about it.”

“Meaning?” My throat feels dry and scratchy.
I just want to run away.

“You have become the vessel for it,
Elizabeth. I’m hoping we can harness the power, but if arguing with
Sarah was the touchstone to trigger the power’s awakening, I’m not
sure what will happen the first time you actually see Jayzee, which
is why we need to start training you as soon as possible.”

“Great,” I mutter. “So the next time I see a
rogue angel, am I going to go bonkers and start killing everyone in
sight like in that dream?” My whole body now aches with tension,
and I want to quit and run anywhere but here.

“It’s going to be okay,” Lev whispers,
enfolding me in his arms. “One way or another, we’ll find a way to
deal with this stuff.”

“I don’t want to kill anyone,” I whisper and
open my eyes to peer into his. The hall light shimmers in his blond
hair, and I find myself lost in his gaze. The heat of his body
warms me so I stop shivering. I know it’s not about temperature;
it’s about my whole world collapsing in on itself as I stand and
watch. But even the pain and sadness that seem to cling to me
lessen in Lev’s arms. Part of me thinks it’s just being with him
that makes it easier to bear; part of me thinks he’s using his
abilities to relax me. Both parts are probably right.

“I’m glad Celia is here,” I whisper as he
leads me into the living room where we sit on the couch. Lev
probably realizes I’m not going to be able to drift to sleep very
easily, not with my thoughts racing so fast, so he’s probably
hoping to distract me with a movie or some mindless television
show.

“Yeah, I know you missed her.” He kisses my
forehead as I lean against his chest and wait for his arms to wrap
around me.

“So will you explain something to me?”

He shrugs. “If I can.”

“I know Evan isn’t your father and Celia
isn’t your sister, but you three seem to stay together. Why?”

He looks down at me, studying my expression.
“Earth is a hard place for angels, Elizabeth. We’re used to a place
that doesn’t have this kind of misery, and so when we are expected
to fulfill our duties, our Father puts us in groups—not for safety,
just to help remind us of what we left behind and to hold fast to
those memories as we accomplish our earthly tasks.” He leans his
head back. “So even though Evan and Celia are not related to me as
most families are, they are my family because of my Father’s
designs.”

And when he says that, I realize that me
falling into Jimmie’s life was no accident. That, too, was part of
a design, and I will always be grateful for that. Jimmie has been
amazing.

“So how is this training thing going to
work?” I ask softly, my thoughts still lingering on Griffin and
Jayzee.

“We’ll start tomorrow. Since the key, I
think, is getting to feel the power within you and channel it, the
first thing we have to do is help you understand how the power
feels when it is hidden.”

“How will you do that?” I ask, thinking maybe
that doesn’t sound so bad, after all. Surely that won’t hurt
anyone.

“You’ll have to go back into a trance state,
where you are most susceptible to feeling the power. Once you feel
it, we can begin to work with it.”

“No, don’t ask me to do that.” I sit upright,
and even the thought of returning to a state where I wanted to kill
myself to protect those around me makes me feel nauseated.

“It won’t be like last time,” Lev whispers,
leaning forward with me. His fingers lazily stroke my lower back,
trying to soothe me.

“You can’t know that.”

“Evan will be there. He will keep things
under control.” He leans his forehead against mine. “I promise you
no one will be in danger.”

“But what if something goes wrong? What if
Evan’s power somehow fails?” I pull back and look at him, my faith
shaken. “I can’t lose you, Lev. I won’t.” I tense my hands,
forgetting that one of them is wounded. Immediately the pain rips
through me.

Lev gently takes that hand. “Evan won’t fail
us. You just have to have faith.”

I shake my head, wondering how much of what
Evan told me he shared with Lev because it sure seems like Lev has
no idea that Evan may not be able to control that power growing
within me.

“Lev, worst case scenario, what happens if I
lose complete control and this power takes over? What happens
then?” I don’t know why I’m asking, maybe to test his
boundaries.

“It won’t.” He’s quick to answer and even
quicker to stand, and I realize it’s not me he’s trying to get away
from so much as it is the questions I’m asking him for answers he
can’t bear to give.

“You don’t know that.” I force myself to rise
as well and follow him to the window. “And we have to talk about
this. There has to be a plan. I can’t go around killing people,
Lev. Whether I wanted this gift or not, it doesn’t matter. I can’t
do that. So you have to be prepared-”

“Enough!” Lev hisses, raising his hand, as
though that will physically silence me. “It’s not going to happen
like that.”

“You don’t know that.”

He grabs my arms and whirls me to face him so
our noses are mere inches apart. “I do, Elizabeth. I have faith—and
I believe that no matter what, it won’t come to that.”

Chapter Five

The world is darkness swirling around me as I
run through the misty forest. My feet are bare, and I feel rocks
and sticks jab my soles. But I cannot stop. Never stop. They will
find me.

I risk a skewed glance back. More darkness. I
cannot see them. But they have no trouble finding me in spite of
the thick mist that seems to hang in the air. Ahead, a low branch
crosses my path, and I barely manage to duck while keeping my speed
up.

“
Where am I?” I mutter, trying to get my
bearings. But nothing looks like it should, and even the sky is
dark. The mist and clouds block the full moon from my
sight.

A light flashes in front of me, and I cannot
stop except by sliding to the ground in front of the large, glowing
being with shimmering wings. Before I can scramble to my feet, two
more of them converge from the sides.

I open my mouth to scream, but no sound will
come even as I watch them raise their long arms and point at me.
Glowing light leaps from their fingertips to my chest. I scream.
How I scream.

I jerk upright, expecting to find myself
lying beside Lev on the couch. Instead I lie atop the damp ground,
a full moon hanging in a cloudless sky. I look around, trying to
figure out where I am and how I got here—something that makes
sense. What is even more bizarre is that I’m surrounded by
headstones and statues.

What in the hell am I doing in a
cemetery?

Trying to shake off the dream, I force myself
to stand and search for Lev. He has to be here. This makes no
sense. As I start to walk around, I feel pain. Looking down, I
realize I’m not wearing any shoes, and one foot aches from
something sharp prodded into it.

“Lev?” I call, forcing myself to start
walking again despite the pain. The moonlight helps me avoid
stepping on other things, at least.

An owl answers my call, and I jump, not
expecting the sound to come from behind.

“Lev? Are you here?”

Stupid question. If he were, I think he would
have answered. But I don’t know what else to do, and although the
days are still pretty warm, the night breeze caressing my bare arms
leaves goosebumps stippling the skin. I keep thinking about those
angels, the ones who will be coming for me, and I know I probably
should have told Evan the truth, but I’m so tired of this.
Sometimes I just want the whole thing to go away.

But that would take Lev away, too, and I
can’t bear that thought.

“Lev?” I call, one last time, hoping he’ll
answer. I just want to know what’s happening to me. Is this yet
another side-effect of the dagger, or are my fears causing me to do
things like sleepwalk when I’ve never done so before?

I fold my arms across my abdomen and turn,
taking in the full landscape surrounding me. Did I drive or walk
here? It’s two miles from the house. I frown and try to orient
myself, but this is a bigger cemetery than I’m used to, and I
haven’t been here that much except when Bob was here. So where is
that headstone he used to visit? I start walking to my left, but
I’m not sure where I’m going. At night, the place looks totally
different, and I’m cold, so it’s hard to focus.

In the distance, I see a figure standing by
one of the crypts. I can’t make much out besides his or her slight
build, but I’m willing to bet it’s Lev looking for me, so I start
over that way, trying to ignore the hard ground and stones that dig
into my feet and make me hobble around, muttering curses under my
breath. The wind picks up strands of my long hair and toys with
them before thrusting them into my face and obscuring what little I
can see that much more.

Sensing the figure is about to turn the
corner of the crypt and disappear into the shadows, I break into a
run. Granted, it’s more of a jog because of all the headstones in
my path, but I have to catch him. I just don’t understand why he’s
not coming to me. Doesn’t he see me?

“Lev?” I call, half-stumbling over a stone.
The pain rips across the top of my foot and I wince, but I can’t
stop now or I’ll lose him. I jog faster, reaching the building as
he disappears. By this time, I’m starting to pant because I don’t
normally run anywhere, and I’m pretty tired, anyway. My hand is
starting to ache, and I just want to go home.

I turn the corner, but I’m definitely not
prepared for what’s on the other side. The figure is shorter than
Lev and far less bulky, suggesting not a male but a female, and
when I rustle through the thick grass, she turns to face me.

Jayzee. Her long, golden-brown hair has been
tucked up under a hood that she jerks back so the length of it can
spill over her shoulders.

“Not quite who you were expecting, Lizzie?”
she asks in a caustic tone. Her arms dangle at her sides, but her
fingers clench to fists. “This is so not going to be good for
you.”

I step back, stunned. My heart rams in my
chest, and all I can think is that I need to run. I don’t want this
power to overtake me, and I can’t control it. So I turn and get
about three steps before I feel her lunge upon me. The force of it
knocks us both to the ground. My chest slams against the earth,
stunning me, and for a second all I can think about is breathing,
not getting up.

“Wasn’t that fun?” she asks, quickly rising
and standing over me.

“You don’t know what you’re doing,” I
whisper, trying to get to my feet. “You have to stop!”

“No, actually, I don’t.” She jerks her leg
back, and I feel the front of her shoe jam into my ribs. “And you
can’t make me, Lizzie. You might as well face that.”

She doesn’t know how wrong she is
, I
think, rolling into a ball, trying to slow my heart rate. I close
my eyes, thinking that will stop my vision from transforming—the
first sign things have progressed too far to turn around.

“Please stop,” I say again, my voice
breathless.

“I will. When I’m ready.” Another kick I
can’t block. Then her foot strikes my hand, and I scream from the
pain. My eyelids jerk open, and I feel the cramps in my stomach,
the desperate ache that accompanies the shift in visions.

“You don’t know what you’re doing! Stop!”

“I know exactly what I’m doing. Getting rid
of my problem—the one that ruined all the plans I’d so carefully
laid with Kane and Colin. You deserve to die!”

She starts to kick me again when I catch her
foot and yank so she tumbles to the ground beside me. As her body
hits the earth, she grunts as though she’s definitely not expecting
it.

Pain shoots through my hand, and even in the
moonlight, I can see a huge pink spot now stains the gauze, and
it’s probably only going to get bigger from ripping out the
stitches Evan put in.

“You’re going to pay for that,” she snarls,
quickly getting to her feet. Behind her, I see the air shimmer as
the faintest hint of her wings make themselves apparent. That’s the
last thing I see as my vision totally shifts to the splotches of
light. Her form is so bright it hurts to see her, and the outline
of her body is so clear that when she starts to throw a punch, I
easily dodge—too easily, which worries me all the more. I shouldn’t
be this flexible or fast.