I logged into my online banking and checked my accounts, seeing that I had a recent deposit into my personal account of $10,000. I shot a text to my Uncle Ken thanking him for the birthday money that he had just given me. I already knew it was from him because he had transferred it straight from his account. When Laela and I first started living with my Uncle Ken, I was pissed over him forcing us into the streets but at the end of the day, he had been there for us 100%. Maybe not like my father would have been but in his own way. I knew that he loved us and I could call on him whenever if need be. My cousins and my Auntie Shae and Quita had also been there for me through this pregnancy and while I was locked up. Our relationships had started off rocky but I was thankful that they were in my life.
“Here you go, pretty lady.” I looked up and saw that the guy who had taken my order was standing in front of me, handing me my food. “I felt like I should personally bring you your order. I wouldn’t want you to go into labor over a pastrami dog.”
I laughed at his silly generosity. “Well, thank you. I do appreciate that,” I said, grabbing my order from his hands.
“Christian, but my friends call me Chris,” he said as he extended his hand.
I pushed off the gate to my feet. “Jaeda.” I shook his hand and attempted to walk away but he lightly grabbed my hand, pulling me back. I looked up into his dark brown eyes and waited for him to speak.
“I just wanted to say that you are beautiful and you are wearing that baby very well.”
I smiled and thanked him as I heard a familiar voice yelling my name.
I turned around and was face to face with one of the young niggas from the block Tae. Tae was about 16 and had been close to Jah and Tone when they were alive and he had actually been like a little brother to all of us. I smiled brightly as he walked up on me and gave me a hug. “Damn, Tae, how u been?” I asked, still holding on to his hand.
“I’m good, big sis. You know I ain’t seen you since everything happened but I just wanted you to know that you have my deepest condolences and if you need anything, you know you always got love on the block.”
I nodded my head and smiled. I knew that I needed to go show my face a little more. I might not have been grinding anymore but the hood was loyal to me and I couldn’t just live my life as if they never existed. That wasn’t how I was built. “It’s all good, Tae. I was actually about to stop through once I left here. I just been to myself since everything and trying to maintain a healthy pregnancy and shit,” I said as I noticed Chris still standing there.
“It’s all good, big sis. Happy birthday and I’ll be back in the hood in a few so we can holla then.” I nodded my head and watched as Tae mean mugged Chris and turned back around to grab his food order.
I turned to Chris and he was staring at me deeply. I saw that Lexis’ old sucker for love ass was finally off the phone and making her way towards me. “I should go, but it was nice meeting you,” I said to Chris as I glanced at my vibrating phone.
“So you lost somebody close to you?”
I looked at him and shook my head. “Thank you for bringing my food but it’s well past time for me to go,” I said.
“Well, happy birthday to you.”
I walked away, leaving Chris standing there as Lexis and I went and got into the car. Now I was freezing and ready to eat my food. The block wasn’t too far away so as soon as we pulled up, we sat in the car and scarfed down our food. You knew food was bomb when there wasn’t a word spoken while you were eating.
“So dude was trying to talk to you?” Lexis asked as she sipped her lemonade.
“Yeah. I mean, I guess so. I didn’t really give him a chance, though. He started asking personal questions and I walked off on his ass,” I said as I wiped my mouth and applied a coat of lip-gloss to my lips.
“He was sexy as fuck, though,” Lexis said, grinning wide.
“Okay Miss Married. Let me tell Jizz that,” I said, laughing as I spoke of her boyfriend. I had met her dude Jizz a few times and he seemed pretty cool. He was a little older than us and was from San Francisco. He was a hustler, of course, because all Lexis liked was a hood ass, get money nigga. They had been dating for about six months and I could tell that they really liked each other. I hoped for the best with them because he treated her well and they complimented each other.
“I know you’re still grieving and I’m not trying to rush you into moving on, but just remember that you don’t have to not meet new people just because you love Tone. We all know you loved him and he knows it, too. You will have to move on one day.”
I nodded my head because I understood where she was coming from and I didn’t want to be one of those females that were just stuck in the past, still hanging on to the love for a nigga that was gone forever. Some females couldn’t live a normal life because they always compared the new nigga to the old nigga and that was never fair to anybody in the equation. So everything that Lexis had said was true but I wasn’t looking for anything at the moment. My son and our security were my main focuses at the moment and if love was for me I was sure it knew my address.
“I know, Lex. I’m open to whatever but I just want to focus on my son when he gets here and get my life together so that my great-great grandkids will never have a thing to worry about.”
We got out the car and the block was kind of thick. It was nearing sun down so I figured we would hang for about an hour and then cut. I was almost nine months pregnant and I didn’t want to put my child in harm’s way by being out on the block naked.
As I stepped out of the car, I was hit with a feeling of nostalgia. This was like my safe haven. I was so comfortable being on the block that it probably held more familiarity than my own home. It was the place that I felt as if I was close to everyone so I closed my eyes as I sat on a foldaway camping chair that was sitting on the sidewalk. I could hear and see everyone so vividly. Sage’s voice and Laela’s laughter filled the air and I could feel Tone’s arms wrapped around me. I could see Jah stuffing his face and lighting a blunt at the same time. I opened my eyes and let out a deep breath. There were so many good memories created right here on these blocks and there were some bad but whatever the case, my heart would always feel at ease right here.
M
y 18
th
birthday had come and gone and I had just come back from my weekly doctor’s appointment. I was now full term and Baby Tone could come at any day now. I was so ready for him to make his grand entrance now. I was extremely uncomfortable and I was tired of feeling like a stuffed elephant. I had been sitting in the house all day and I had begun to get a little stir crazy, so I figured that I would get out the house and go do something. I didn’t really feel like shopping and I wasn’t hungry so there wasn’t really much to do. I decided I could go to the bookstore and buy me a new tablet and a few new books to read as well. I loved having books on my bookcases but I also loved the idea of not toting a book around and being able to read anywhere I wanted so I always stocked up on both E-books and paperbacks. I decided to go by myself because Lexis had gone on a cruise with her boyfriend and the guys were out doing them. Tamia and Jamiya weren’t really into books like that and they were both in relationships and stuck up under their niggas so I was rocking solo. I had been having some small pains in my lower back for the past day but I figured I could use the fresh air for a couple hours.
I pulled into the parking garage of the shopping center and got out of my car. I was headed towards the bookstore when I got a call from Rico. “Hey, Ric Gotti!” I said excitedly into the phone.
Rico began to laugh, “What’s poppin, sis? You sound good. How was your birthday? Did you get my card?”
I stopped in front of the elevator and pressed the button but then remembered that I would probably lose service if I got in it. I headed towards the stairs and took a deep breath before climbing them with my fat ass. “Yeah, Ric, I got it and thank you very much. The picture that you sent was so beautiful. I think I will get it laminated and buy a frame for it while I’m out and about today,” I said, getting slightly out of breath and I wasn’t even halfway up the stairs yet.
Rico had somebody draw a portrait of Tone and I that was absolutely beautiful and it looked like it was a real picture; that’s just how well it was illustrated.
“Damn, Jae Money, the fuck you doing, running a marathon?” Rico asked.
“Nah, I took the stairs because I didn’t want the call to drop,” I said, finally making it to the top of the stairs.
“Who you with? I know you not doing all that damn walking and shit out by yourself and you due any damn day!” Rico yelled into the phone.
I laughed because he sounded like somebody’s daddy instead of my goofy ass, hot-tempered brother. Jail had made Rico grow up in the time that he had been in. He had really matured and I admired the growth. “I’m by myself, Ric, but I’m straight.”
I walked into the bookstore and decided to grab a cup of hot tea from the café before I started shopping. I talked to Rico for another fifteen minutes and then our call was cut. It always felt good to talk to him because he had a way of bringing my spirits up. Now I saw why he and Laela were so close.
I needed to go and get Jahlisa for the weekend so that I could spend some quality time with her and give Ericka a break. She had been doing well for herself by going to school and working and I was actually proud of the turnaround she had made after having Jahlisa because Lord knows I just knew that baby was doomed to a life of ratchetness and foolery. I pulled my phone out and sent Ericka a text asking if I could come and get Jahlisa tomorrow afternoon and keep her until Sunday. She replied quickly and told me that she didn’t have a problem with it. I smiled and put my phone away.
Rounding one of the bookshelves, I felt as if I was being watched. I looked around but I didn’t see anybody and I didn’t know whether it was just nerves but I felt naked without my gun on me. I continued to browse the shelf until I felt somebody walking up on me, so I quickly turned around and saw that it was Chris from the food truck whom I’d met on my birthday.
“Hey, I thought that was you. The belly kind of gave it away.”
I smiled at his comment. “Yeah, it’s me. How are you?” I asked, walking around him and grabbing a book that I had been waiting on for months. I tried my hardest not to make eye contact with him because I didn’t want to find myself smiling all up in his face and shit while I was carrying Tone’s child in my stomach. No matter how crazy it was, I just felt it was disrespectful, like he could see me and I didn’t want him looking down like this thot ass bitch.
“I see. How long before you are due?” Chris asked as he reached out and rubbed my stomach.
I jumped back a little, not knowing if it was appropriate to allow him to touch my deceased boyfriend’s offspring. This was just too much for me right now. “Look, Chris, it was nice seeing you but I have to be on my way,” I said but stopped in my tracks as I was hit with a sharp pain in my lower back. “Agh! Shit!” I yelled a little louder than I’d intended.
Soon as the pain subsided, I straightened up and attempted to walk off to the register so that I could go pay for my things. I paid the cashier for my items and placed my receipt in my wallet but soon as I had gotten close to the exit, I was hit with another strong pain. This time, I was practically doubled over as I rode the wave of the pain in my stomach and lower back.
“Jaeda, are you alright? Are you in labor?” Chris asked as he rushed to my side.
I shook my head. “I don’t know. I have been having some pains since yesterday but they haven’t been anywhere near this intense,” I said as he opened the door for me. I took a couple steps and looked down at my thighs as I felt a warm liquid travel down my pants leg.
Chris followed my eyes and looked at me. “Okay, Jaeda, your water just broke. Let’s get you to the hospital. Can you sit here while I go and grab my car?” he asked, looking nervous as hell. I nodded my head as I rubbed my stomach, begging Baby Tone to hold on just a little bit until we got to the hospital.
After a couple minutes, I looked up and saw Chris exiting his car and coming up the stairs to where I was. He helped me out of the chair and instead of walking me to the elevator, he scooped me up into his arms and carried me down to his car. He had laid a towel in the passenger seat and reclined it so that I would be comfortable. Once in the car, Chris drove and talked me through my contractions as he gave me his hand to hold. It took about twenty minutes to get to the hospital and I had experienced about a million contractions during that time. They were coming about three minutes apart and I was ready to push this monster up out of me. Chris hopped out of the car and ran into the hospital. He came out a few seconds later followed by two nurses. One was pushing a wheelchair and opened my car door to help me out.
Once I was in the chair, they whisked me inside the hospital and up to the sixth floor, which was the labor and delivery department. I was undressed and placed in a hospital bed where I was attached to monitors then my midwife came to check and see how far I was dilated. I was about 4 centimeters dilated and I was left alone in my room to my thoughts and the sounds of the machine.
This moment felt so surreal. I didn’t know how to feel because, at the moment, my biggest emotion was loneliness. Lexis was out of town and I honestly didn’t expect the guys to come until the baby was here. I just wished I had my mother and sister to share this moment with but most importantly, Tone. I began to shed tears as I endured a few intense contractions. I was waiting for the nurse to come back and give me the epidural.
I had my eyes closed for a minute and when I opened them, I saw Chris coming into my hospital room. I actually didn’t even expect for him to come in. “Hey, here is your stuff. Is there anybody that you would like me to call, like the baby’s father, your mother or somebody?” Chris asked.
“Umm, my child’s dad, my mother and sister are all dead,” I said, voice cracking with emotion. I looked away as I saw the pity in his eyes. I reached for my phone and sent a text out to the Squad and my Aunt Shae and cousins telling them that I was in active labor and was dilated 4 centimeters. I placed my phone on the table beside me and laid my head back.