As You Turn Away (The Walker Boys) (11 page)

Paige’s office was in the same hospital her dad was in, and by now, Quinn knew her way around without having to ask for directions. She made her way to the third floor easily, and traveled the familiar hallway until she stopped outside his door. Her heart was beating faster as she steeled herself for what she would find, and told herself not to get her hopes up, since someone would have called her had he woken today.

The room was dim, and her father lay in the same position as usual. He looked unaware of anything, peaceful, even. Quinn walked across the room and opened the blinds partway before she eased herself into a chair by his bed. Rummaging through her purse, she took out the battered paperback copy of
The Fellowship of the Ring
. The series was one of their favorites when she was a child, hence the current shape of the book. Her father had gotten it second-hand at a yard sale, and they’d been careful not to damage it, but the cover was worn from time and from many readings.

Quinn thumbed through until she found her bookmark. “Looks like we left off at chapter eight yesterday,” she commented softly. When she first visited him, and didn’t know what to say, she remembered the book, and brought it her next visit, starting from the beginning. “I’ll read a chapter to you today, Daddy, and maybe by the time I come back tomorrow, you’ll be awake.” Quinn laughed softly.

She placed her finger in the book as a marker. “I know I say that every day, but I really hope it’s true this time.” She studied his face, but didn’t see any outward sign he could hear her. “I miss you so much, and it doesn’t feel right, reading our favorite book without you. So if you can hear me—” A strangled sound jumped ahead of whatever word would have come next, and Quinn cleared her throat, battling back tears. “ If you can hear me, come back, please. I know I don’t deserve it, but I wish we had one more chance to make our relationship right again.”

Dropping her gaze to the page, Quinn picked up where she’d left off, reading to her father about hobbits and adventures, and magic, and hoping he’d latch onto these words, if not hers, and find his way back to her.

~~~~~

“So how did the appointment go?” Lanie stirred something on the stove before she rounded the island and dropped into the chair across from Quinn.

Quinn raised her head, rubbing at her temples. “It went okay. Doc Paige said I’m doing fine. And I sat with Dad for awhile.” She tried to hold her smile, but she felt it tremble and slip-slide into a frown. “I just want him to wake up.”

“I know you do.” Lanie touched Quinn’s hand briefly. “And he will. It may seem difficult to believe, but he will. One of these days, you’ll go see him and he’ll be sitting up and ready to talk to you. And Quinn?” She waited until Quinn looked at her. “When that happens, the two of you will be okay.”

Stretching out her legs, Quinn sighed. “I really hope you’re right. I was never sure if it was him or Mother, or both of them who hated me for leaving and staying gone.” She dropped her hands to the table, folding them together. “But the more I think about it, I think it was her. I think he was trying to be close to me again.”

Lanie nodded. “From what you told me about your mom, Q, she seemed like she let anger and other bad emotions eat her alive. I know you said your dad would actually try to talk to you sometimes.”

“I just.” Quinn closed her eyes. “I just wish I’d taken the opportunity with him before the accident. I wanted things between us to be normal, but any time I tried, Mom got between us.” She opened her eyes, glancing at her best friend. “Did I tell you I found divorce papers in Mom’s things? They were served by Dad, but she hadn’t signed them yet.”

“I didn’t know things were so bad between them.” Lanie stood, and once she was at the stove again, she cut back the heat on one pot. “But it makes sense, sadly. I don’t think they were happy together, Quinn.” She broke spaghetti noodles in half and dumped them into a second pot.

“Neither do I. I mean, I knew Dad stayed gone a lot growing up and you know how Mother was. She was always the one pushing him to take on more at work, make more money. I think maybe she needed it to feel important. And it doesn’t excuse anything—not how she acted, or how I did. It doesn’t make anything right, but it would explain some things.” Her stomach churned, and she shook her head. “You’re making spaghetti?”

Lanie nodded, but didn’t stop slicing fresh bread. “Yeah, I mean, I know you have enough frozen dishes to last a lifetime, but I thought you’d want something different after today. You won’t have this good cooking to look forward to when I go back to the city.” She put the bread on a baking pan, and smiled at Quinn.

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” Quinn groaned. “I’m not sure I’m ready to share a house with Dare again.”

“It might not be
so
bad.” Lanie faced the oven, putting the bread in to bake, and kept her back to Quinn.

Quinn eyed Lanie, watching the way Lanie wouldn’t face her. She knew the two of them were spending a lot of time together, at dinners and her appointments. Lanie didn’t have to go back for a few more days for in-service and other school things, so she’d become a fixture in the house. And Darren
was
here more often than normal, though Quinn had attributed that to
her
…but she was getting around better now. Was there another reason for his over-attentive ways? Had she missed something starting between the two of them?

“
Lanie
.”

Lanie hummed under her breath, and stirred the spaghetti sauce. She always made her own, and Quinn swore she should bottle it and sell it. Growing up in a single parent household, Lanie and her brother had to fend for themselves enough that she learned how to cook.

“Delaney Elizabeth Shaw.” Quinn planted her hands on the table as Lanie finally faced her. “Are you and my cousin hooking up?”

“Um. Well.” Face twisting, Lanie looked at the ground, out the window, and anywhere but Quinn. She leaned against the counter, and finally glanced at Quinn. “We kind of are, yeah. I guess. I mean we haven’t had sex or anything.” She blinked rapidly. “We want to—”

“Ewww!” Quinn covered her ears with her hands, and glared at Lanie. “I get it, you don’t have to go into details like that.”

Lanie stared at Quinn like she’d suddenly grown a second head. “Are you serious? You
love
when I share details like that.”

“Not when they’re about my cousin!” Quinn took a drink of her coffee, watching Lanie squirm. Literally. The girl couldn’t stand still, and her shoulders were drawn upward. Finally, Quinn set down her cup. “Lanie, you know I’m teasing. I may not want to know the specifics, but you know I’m happy for you.”

Hoisting herself onto the counter, Lanie drummed her fingers on the surface, a smile bringing her lips upward. Her eyes took on a faraway look that Quinn vaguely remembered seeing in the mirror years ago. “Thanks, Q. I was worried about telling you, and so was Darren. We didn’t want you to have anything else to stress over right now.”

Quinn waved her hand, leaning back in her seat. “No, it’s not even a big deal. It’s a little surprising, I guess, but it shouldn’t be. Darren has a way of winning people over really quickly.”

Lanie’s eyes widened. “You could say that. I mean I know you
know
him, but he’s amazing.”

Quinn chuckled. “Yeah, and he’ll be the first to tell you that, too.” She sipped at her coffee. “Don’t get me wrong, Dare is an awesome guy on a lot of levels. He’s so smart, and supportive, not to mention funny as hell, and a gentleman at times.” She rolled her eyes. “But you know, he’s also…”

“What?”

Quinn fiddled with the lid on her coffee cup. “He’s a player. I love him, but he goes through women so quickly. He doesn’t…you know, he doesn’t try to hurt anyone. He respects women, but I don’t think he’s been in a real relationship in years.”

Quinn knew Darren had been in a serious relationship as a teen, and she knew it ended badly. She couldn’t seem to remember who the girl was, or even if they’d met. She thought maybe it was a short-term thing, but serious while it lasted. She remembered Darren actually dressing up for dates, and staying out all night. She’d covered for him several times, never dreaming she’d ask him to do the same a few years later.

Since then, his style was casual, to say the least. He’d come to see her last year in New York, and she’d seen him texting two different women. She just had to roll her eyes at him. She loved her cousin, but she didn’t necessarily understand his actions.

“That doesn’t bother me.” Lanie jumped down from the counter, and sauntered over to the stove.

Quinn envied the confidence her friend moved with; as a dancer, Quinn had grace, but felt like she lacked belief in herself. Lanie was wearing a curve-hugging outfit Quinn wouldn’t have been comfortable in even just around the house. Quinn tended to wear loose clothes, unless she and Lanie went out somewhere. As a teen, she’d loved finding great vintage clothes and other funky things at thrift stores, until her mother took them all away in a fit of rage. Her mother informed Quinn she looked “ridiculous,” and after that, Quinn hadn’t seen the need to try to look or feel beautiful.

“I’m not looking for a relationship right now, Quinn. Especially not with someone here.”

“I just don’t want to see you get hurt,” Quinn murmured. She finished her coffee and got up to throw away the cup. “Dare can be totally into someone one day, then over them the next day.”

“Thanks for the warning.” Lanie stirred her sauce again, and took the noodles off the heat. After she drained them, she looked at Quinn again. “Seriously, Q. I’ll be fine. You know I can take care of myself.” She sighed. “Taking a risk sometimes is good.”

“I guess you’re right.”

Quinn stood and made her way to the cupboard that held their plates. She gathered three, then grabbed silverware and napkins, and took them back to the table. They hadn’t eaten a meal in the formal dining room since the first night, when Darren told her how much he’d always hated sitting at the long table for awkward meals.

“I
know
I’m right.” Lanie brought the sauce to the island, and stared at Quinn. “It might be good for you, too.”

“What are you talking about?” Quinn felt her breathing quicken, and she focused on folding the silverware into the napkins.

“Quinn, I’m saying
you
should take a risk for once. And don’t tell me you’re seriously dating, because baby girl, I wouldn’t call any of the guys you’ve brought home a real contender for your heart.”

“Why not?” Quinn pushed her hands into the table, her stomach rolling. “I
do
date, pretty often.”

Lanie shook her head. “Yes, but not in a way that makes it clear you’re looking for love. You go out on dates that end early. And when you do let a guy stay the night, you basically kick him out the next morning. I haven’t said anything before, but I know why you do it.”

Quinn straightened, but put too much weight on her bad leg, and grimaced. “Why?”

“You’re still hiding behind your hurt over Jonah Walker.”

Quinn was jealous of the easy way Lanie said his name—clearly it didn’t feel like knives in
her
mouth. She wouldn’t suffer the consequences of saying it either; she wouldn’t spend the next hours adrift in memories that hurt because they were still so close to the surface. So real.

“No.” Quinn’s voice sounded small even to her ears. “I’m not.” She sank into her chair. “I’m—” Her voice shattered the word like a Christmas ornament falling from unsteady hands. “I don’t know, but I’m not hiding.”

“Aren’t you?” Lanie folded her arms across her chest.

“No!” Quinn breathed in deep, but it did nothing to calm her.

“I think you are.” Lanie eyed her, and walked over to her. She took the chair across from Quinn. “I’m not saying this to hurt you, because I love you, and I only want to see you happy. But Quinn, you’re stuck. Frozen in the past. You’ll never love again if you don’t make peace with what happened between you and Jonah. Trust me. I know.”

“I’m fine.” Quinn blinked to keep her tears in check, just as the oven timer went off with a loud beep. It continued every few seconds, as Quinn dodged her best friend’s gaze. “Your bread is going to burn.”

“Promise me.” Lanie gripped one of her hands, hard. “Promise me you’ll think about what I said.”

Quinn frowned, knowing her best friend had seen through her, as she always did. Lanie was always able to get Quinn to be honest with herself, even when it hurt. “Okay.” She took another deep breath, this one leaving her a bit steadier. “I’ll think about it, and I’ll do what I can to find peace with us.”

“Good.” Lanie stood and went to check on her bread.

Quinn exhaled and wondered what she had agreed to, and how she would handle it.