Jason listened to it all, asking detail questions throughout, and didn’t get too squeamish at the few gay sex references. “What’s the plan now?”
“What other options do I have? I’m going to mope and pout until I get over Kyle and then move on. Now that I’m out to you, I’m going to slowly come out to the other people who are important to me, and I’m going to enter the dating scene. No more hookups for me—I want something more meaningful.”
“I hope you find what you’re looking for, buddy. You’re a great guy, you’ll make someone a very happy man.”
Dustin felt a light blush color his cheeks. “Thanks, Jason.”
Jason glanced at the clock. “I told Angela I’d go and visit her when we smoothed things over...I should probably head now.” He sat up, then paused. “Would you like to join us? We could all go out for drinks or something.”
“Thanks, but I think I’ll pass. I still need some moping time.” His stomach growled audibly. “I think I need to see if there are any leftovers in the cafeteria. If not, I’ll have to scavenge the vending machines.”
Jason smiled. “You take care of yourself, buddy.”
“Thanks again, Jason. Your friendship means a lot.”
Ten minutes later, Dustin threw on his shoes and walked over to the cafeteria in desperate search for a snack.
Ten
Monday
Dustin woke up feeling lighter and freer, either because of coming out, or because he started to get over his broken heart. Most likely, it was a combination of both.
Dustin tugged his shirt on and sorted through the books and papers he wanted to cart around with him for morning classes. Behind him, Jason toweled off from the shower. It relieved Dustin to see nothing had changed. He feared coming out to Jason would mean they’d be living together in a very different way than before. But Jason toweling off and standing there naked told Dustin his friend was comfortable with him, for if he was uncomfortable, even minimally, he would have at least put on his underwear in the bathroom. Out of respect for Jason’s acceptance, Dustin made sure not to sneak a peek like he normally did.
“His name is Kyle, right?” Jason asked.
Dustin glanced behind him. Jason tugged on his pants and had a concentrated look on his face. “Yeah. Kyle, uh, Kyle Randall, I think. I’d have to check my email to be sure.”
“And he’s a math major.”
Dustin zipped up his backpack. “Mmhmm.”
“You said he’s blond...a runner...” his voice trailed off into thoughtfulness.
Dustin’s heart skipped a beat. “Do you...do you know him?”
“I’m not sure.”
Dustin dropped his backpack on the bed and turned around. “Explain.”
“Well,” Jason said, buttoning up his shirt, “
if
I’m thinking of the same person, I don’t actually
know
him, but he’s a friend of a friend. I’ve met him a few times. I know he’s recently single, studying something in the sciences—though, I thought he said chemistry—and he fits the physical description you gave.”
Dustin watched him, unsure what to say.
Jason noticed the stare. “Do you want me to talk to him?”
“Yes,” he blurted. “No. I don’t know. He wants nothing to do with me. I should do as he asks; I don’t want to make this worse than it already is.”
“What do
you
want, buddy?”
Dustin didn’t answer, his mind lost in a jumble.
“Stop thinking,” Jason said. “First reaction—what do
you
want?”
“Kyle. I want Kyle.”
“Okay. I’ll keep that in mind.”
Dustin’s heart raced—in panic or excitement, he didn’t know. “What are you going to do?”
“Leave it to me. And we don’t even know for sure if we’re talking about the same Kyle—I may not know your guy.” Jason picked up his books and headed to the door. “Don’t worry about what I do, okay, buddy? Try not to look so terrified. Trust me.”
The last time someone asked Dustin for trust, it didn’t end well, but Jason was a completely different person, one he knew instinctively would not take advantage of his trust. So, though the word brought on a new sense of panic, he forcefully brushed it aside.
“All right, Jas, I’ll try not to hyperventilate.”
“Good. I’ll talk to you later, Dusty.”
Jason left, leaving Dustin alone and in a new state of unrest. Whereas he spent last week in a constant state of unrest due to lust and love, it was now due to complete nervousness and worry. Dustin flung his backpack over his shoulder and headed off to class, trying his hardest not to think about what Jason was up to.
Dustin suffered through his classes, depressed, yet also hopeful Jason might be the key to bringing about a happy ending to this. As he attempted to tackle his linear algebra homework, he found the answers were a bit easier to reach, the mistakes happened far less often. Dustin smiled...perhaps, if he never saw Kyle again, their time together wasn’t wasted. He’d at least gotten a better understanding of math out of it.
And he’d come out. If he had no
reason
to come out to more people, if he remained single, then was it necessary to tell other friends? Or to tell his parents? Was coming out really worth the hassle? Now that it was Monday, the plans of Sunday no longer struck him as urgent. Maybe he’d be better off resuming the life he’d been living before.
His phone vibrated in his pocket and his heart fluttered when he saw it a text from Jason. Had he found Kyle? Suddenly, he felt ready to do everything he’d planned—come out to everyone and pursue the man of his dreams.
No luck with Kyle. Not the same guy. Sorry. Angela and I want you to join us for appetizers at 7:00 at the Grayfriar’s Pub. Know the place?
Dustin’s heart instantly deflated. He tapped out a reply.
I know the place, but I don’t think I’m up for social contact.
His phone buzzed as soon as he put it down on the table. A text from Angela filled the screen.
You can’t sit around sulking, you’ll only feel worse. You’re coming for appetizers. This is non-optional.
Dustin sighed. He knew if he refused, he’d never hear the end of it. Plus, she was right—sulking would solve nothing.
Very hesitantly, he typed,
All right, I’ll be there.
After a light supper and a short shower to wash away the depressive funk of the day, Dustin rode a bus to the Grayfriar’s Pub. He’d been here a couple times a Scottish-style pub, complete with haggis on the menu.
He found Jason and Angela at a corner table with four chairs.
“Hi.” He slid into one of the chairs. He noticed there were four menus on the table. “Someone joining us?”
Jason looked at Angela before replying. “Um, I hope so.”
Dustin’s eyebrow went up in curiosity, before his shoulders slumped. “Is this a set up? To get me over Kyle?”
“No,” Angela answered for Jason. “Not really.”
“Not really?”
Jason leaned forward. “I lied to you earlier.”
“About what? Kyle? You know Kyle?” Dustin’s heart raced.
“Yes.”
“Why’d you lie?”
Jason glanced at Angela again before replying. “We know you a little too well, buddy.
If
I told you I knew Kyle and tried to set up a meeting between the two of you, what would you do?”
Dustin wanted to say ‘leap at the chance’, but his mouth refused to form the words. “I probably would have freaked out and stayed home.” He would have chosen to go with sad solitude rather than risk being hurt in his pursuit of possible happiness.
“Exactly.” Jason thumped the table lightly with his open hand. “So we had to play you.”
“Does...does Kyle know I’m going to be here?” Dustin picked up a cardboard coaster and fiddled with it.
Jason shook his head. “I invited him to appetizers with ‘the guys.’ He’s not expecting you.”
An uneasy feeling swelled within the pit of his stomach and worked its way up. “I don’t think this is a good idea. I should—I should go. It would be better if he didn’t see me.” Dustin stood up.
“Sit,” Angela commanded.
He immediately descended back into his chair. As he did so, he noticed Jason’s eyes lock on something behind Dustin. Kyle must have just entered. Dustin cringed and closed his eyes to take a steadying breath. When he opened them, he heard Kyle just a few feet behind him. He didn’t turn around to look at him.
“Hi, Jason.”
“Hey, Kyle. Have a seat.” Jason looked almost as nervous as Dustin felt.
“I thought there’d be more people here.” Kyle took off his jacket and hung it off the back of his chair. Dustin watched his hands out of the corner of his eyes. He longed to hold them, to suck on the fingers, to have them caress every inch of his body.
Sudden silence descended on the table...a stillness with Kyle as the focal point. He’d noticed Dustin.
Paralyzed by fear, Dustin refused to let it win again—he’d lived his life cloaked in fear and he’d chosen to change. He turned his head and took in the beautiful visage beside him.
“Hi, Kyle.” His voice sounded meek and quiet, so Dustin cleared his throat and spoke with a more determined tone. “How have you been?”
Kyle looked petrified, like a cornered animal. “Um, all right. And yourself?”
“Pretty good.”
The table lapsed into awkward silence again.
“I’m Angela, Jason’s girlfriend.” She reached a hand out.
Kyle shook it. “Nice to meet you.”
“How do you know Jason?” she asked.
“Through the gym, mostly. We have a lot of friends in common...apparently.” His gaze darted to Dustin briefly.
“And I hear you’re studying math?”
“I am.” Kyle sat in his chair, turning ever so slightly away from Dustin. They’d passed the first hurdle, getting Kyle to stay. “I’ll be entering my masters next year and, if all goes well, begin my doctorate a couple years later. And are you in school, too?”
“Yes, I’m in education. I’d like to be an elementary school teacher.”
“That’s cool. I don’t think I could handle thirty kids at once—it’d drive me crazy.”
Angela chuckled. “It’s not for everyone.”
Dustin silently thanked Angela. She always knew what to say or do, and right now she saved this set-up from becoming an immense disaster.
Conversation consisted mostly of random questions with brief answers interspersed with lots of awkward quiet moments. To say the evening was a bust was probably an understatement. After the initial greeting, Kyle never made eye contact with Dustin again and never initiated any conversation with him, building an obvious wall of ice between them.
Dustin took a sip of his coffee. He’d avoided alcohol to prevent loosened inhibitions or foolish behavior and listened as Angela and Kyle continued on with their question-and-answer discussion. Dustin enjoyed Kyle’s presence and the opportunity to learn more about the man, but the lack of interaction and knowledge he would go home alone depressed him.
A foot nudged him under the table. He looked up at Jason who gestured, an urging signal. Dustin steeled himself and waited for one of the frequent lapses in conversation.
“I wanted to thank you for your help, Kyle.” Dustin’s heart raced as he spoke, throwing a quaver into his voice. “Even though we didn’t have many tutoring sessions, I find I’m catching on more with linear algebra. It looks like you were right—with my foundation skills a bit stronger, the rest is beginning to fall into place.”
Kyle’s eyes widened a bit. He belatedly realized no mention of how Dustin and Kyle knew each other ever came up in conversation. Kyle probably feared being outed to Jason and Angela, though he probably figured they knew already. After a moment, the panic-stricken look disappeared.
“I’m glad. I knew you’d catch on. You have the ability. You just needed to refine the technique.”
“I’ve got a unit test next week. I think I’ll do all right.”
Kyle finally cracked a smile. Dustin melted, but managed to keep a stable exterior.
“I’m, uh, going to get another beer,” Jason said. “Anybody want anything? I’m buying.”
Dustin and Kyle both shook their heads.
“I’ll go with you.” Angela stood. “I’ll pick something out by the time we reach the bar.” She gave Dustin a pointed look before disappearing with Jason, her message clearly for him to make a move.
As soon as they were out of audible range, Dustin blurted out the first thing that came to his mind. “I had no idea they arranged this.”
Kyle cast a glance at the receding backs of Jason and Angela. “That’s okay. I take it they know?”
“A bit, yeah.” Dustin winced. “Sorry. They’re discreet, though. You can trust them.”
“It’s okay.” His voice was really quiet.
“I’m also sorry about, well, Saturday.”
Kyle waved his hands sharply. “Let’s not talk about it here. Please.” He took a sip of his beer and chewed his lip before the glass fully rested on the table again. Dustin knew the look; he was thinking about something, deciding what course to take. “I’m the one who should apologize. I led you on and ran away.”