“Aw, I’m sorry, buddy.” Jason’s grin immediately disappeared.
“Did he say why?” Angela asked.
“More or less what I expected—he’s at the very first stages of discovering his orientation, so not anywhere near being ready to date a man. He won’t be ready for some time, probably.”
“How are you doing, Dustin? You seem okay, but are you?”
Dustin took a bite of his sandwich and considered the question. He woke with a sense of peace and the morning went well, but because he was truly okay with what happened or because he avoided it?
“I think I’m fine. When I woke up, I felt this incredible calm, like everything was right with the world. I don’t know, it’s hard to describe. Yesterday, Kyle’s rejection devastated me. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. But today, it’s almost like I’ve found myself.”
“I don’t think you ever lost yourself,” Angela said. “It’s more like you were denying yourself of who you are. I would imagine this calm and rightness is because today you are living into who you are.”
“I wonder...” Jason scratched his chin. “If last night you got who you are as a person tangled up with Kyle. Now that he’s a no-go, you’ve disentangled yourself from him and became independent in your identity. You accepted it overnight and now you’re ready to forge ahead.”
Though Jason showed a few times in the past week he was more than just a brainless jock, Dustin was still surprised to hear such observations from him. He repeated Jason’s words in his head and analyzed them. “That sounds possible.”
“You’re an independently content man now, which gives you some stability, which will only help to attract potential boyfriends. You have endless possibilities ahead of you.” Angela waved a french fry as she spoke.
“Here’s what I’m wondering,” Jason said. “Say a year from now, you’re still single, and Kyle comes to you and says he’s ready to try something, do you go for it? Or would you turn him down?”
He took another a bite of his sandwich to consider. While Kyle certainly had physical attractiveness and a personality Dustin liked, would he be able to see past the flat-out rejection? Or would he always think of Kyle as tainted goods?
“I think I have to keep in mind where I am in my own journey versus where Kyle is. A week and a half ago, I would never have considered this sort of thing. I’ve known I’m gay for something like six years and I grew up believing gay relationships don’t work, that there’s something inherently missing in them. I couldn’t see how living with a boyfriend or partner would be any different from just living with a friend. It took me a long time to accept I’m gay and an even longer time to live into it.
“It took me six years—
six years
—to move from that way of life to where I am now. I can’t honestly expect him to make the transformation in just a few days. So, if Kyle came up to me in a year’s time, and I’m single, I might consider it. I harbor no resentment or anger for him.”
Dustin took a final bite of his sandwich and a swig of water as he thought it over some more.
“If anything, I’m thankful to Kyle. These past few days have been painful, but where it’s led me, so far, seems to be very good—a rebirthing process that wouldn’t have happened without Kyle acting as the catalyst.”
“Wow,” Jason said. “All in all, though you didn’t get the guy, it’s been a real win.”
“And I’ve been thinking about Kyle...I admit I want him, but if he’s not ready for me, then so be it. What I want most of all for him is happiness. And if Kyle being happy is with a woman, with a different guy, or by himself, then that’s what’s important. It took me a while to realize it, but if I truly care deeply about him, then his happiness should be what I want.”
“That’s a level of maturity most people never reach,” Angela looked at him hard then smiled broadly. “I’m really happy for you, Dustin. You’ve made some difficult choices, but because of it, you’ve got this new energy and life to you. You’re radiating right now. It’s so good to see you like this.”
Dustin smiled.
A little while later, after a small dessert and some more chatting, Dustin walked out of the cafeteria. Instead of heading to the study hall to kill an hour before class, he detoured to the student rec center, strolling by the row of student group meeting rooms. His feet slowed as he approached the Rainbow Room.
He’d known of the place almost since the day he’d moved here, but he’d never actually approached it. There was no longer an intimidating aura around it. The room was empty and the lights were off, but there were posters on the door and a basket of pamphlets. He scanned the posters, skipping past the STD prevention ones and stopping to read the ones advertising events. Perhaps the first step to being out on campus was to participate in gay life. It certainly would be helpful in meeting other gay men and, perhaps, finding someone to date.
Whether or not he actually came to events, it wouldn’t hurt to join their online group to at least connect on the virtual level. He reached and grabbed one of the pamphlets containing all of the information about the group. As his fingers grasped the edge of the paper, another set of fingers reached at the same time, brushing up against his.
“Sorry,” Dustin said, lowering his hand to let the other person grab a pamphlet first.
He hadn’t heard this other person come up behind him. He turned to find a very cute twink standing next to him with a blush tinting his cheekbones. He wasn’t a Kyle, but this guy was hot in his own right.
“Thanks,” the twink said. His spiky brown hair shone in the light.
This could be his chance. This week led him here, perhaps it led him to this twink. Even if there was no divine purpose in all of this, this guy was certainly cute.
Dustin’s heart beat rapidly as he reached for his own pamphlet. He flipped through it quickly, gathering up the courage to speak to the man and trying to fight his own blush.
The other guy also stood there awkwardly. Maybe he was waiting for Dustin to say something? He was probably just reading too much into this...but there was only one way to find out.
Dustin took a quick deep breath and exhaled, then turned to face the gorgeous young man. He held out his hand.
“I’m Dustin.”
The twink smiled and took his hand. His fingers were soft and warm. “I’m Alex.”
“You, uh, thinking of checking out some of the Rainbow events?”
“Yeah,” Alex said. “I think it would be good for me to get involved in the community, maybe meet some people.” His green eyes sparkled as he spoke.
“Same here. I just came out two days ago.”
“Congratulations! I’ve only been out for about six months, myself.”
“Congrats to you, too. Does it get any easier? Not that I’m complaining—I’ve had it pretty good so far.”
Alex smiled again, eyes still twinkling. “It does get easier. Plus, you start to meet real guys, not just those creeps on the internet.”
“Ah, yes, I know the creeps, perhaps a little too well.”
“Meh, it’s a stage. I’ve learned not to regret those experiences—they’ve helped shape me into who I am today. I know who I am and what I want and those creeps helped me figure some of myself out.”
Dustin thought through Alex’s words. “Same here, I guess. It took some exceptional creeps to help me see that a closeted life is really no life at all.”
“That’s cool. The story I most often hear is it’s the love of someone that helps pull a guy out of the closet.”
An unexpected jolt of hurt shot through Dustin’s gut. Maybe he wasn’t as over Kyle as he thought. And with that thought came images of Kyle’s smile, the way he chewed his lip, the strength of his arms, the heat they shared in the shower...
Dustin shoved all those memories back into the dark recesses of his mind and returned his focus entirely back on to Alex. He hoped his face hadn’t betrayed any of what had just run through his mind.
If he wanted to permanently banish Kyle from his thoughts, Dustin should make a move.
“Would you be interested in grabbing a coffee sometime?” he asked. Only by actually playing the field could he gain new experiences to replace what he so very briefly had with Kyle.
“I’d like that,” Alex said. “As long as it’s not in the cafeteria—their coffee’s vile!”
Dustin chuckled. “No, I’ll take you somewhere a little nicer. I promise it’ll be a place with fancy Italian names for all their drinks.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
They quickly exchanged numbers and Dustin headed off to his next class. His mind buzzed and he noticed his cock stirred. He visualized peeling off Alex’s jeans and swallowing him deep, though he did want to get to know him a bit first.
Halfway through his afternoon class, his phone vibrated silently in his pocket. Since he sat in the back of the room, he pulled out his phone and checked the text—it was from Alex.
Just wanted to say you’re cute.
Dustin glanced up to ensure his prof wasn’t glaring at him then tapped in a quick reply.
Thanks, man, you too. Looking forward to coffee.
The reply came almost instantaneously.
Me too. You got a day/time in mind?
Dustin took another furtive glance up at his prof then his fingers started typing.
Would tomorrow evening work? We could meet in front of the cafeteria and head from there (and I promise it’s not INTO the cafeteria)!
Hahaha! Works for me! See you then, hot stuff!
Should he reply or not? In the hookup world, a reply, usually very explicit, would be standard, but he suspected the dating might be a tad more civilized. So, reluctantly, he pocketed his phone and resumed listening to the lecture.
Texting distracted him. He absorbed no more than a few sentences of the presentation before his mind’s eye turned toward Alex.
Dustin saw himself falling to his knees in front of the twink, rubbing his cheek against the bulge in Alex’s jeans. Slowly, achingly slow, he unzipped the dark denim to find Alex going commando beneath. A delicious cock spilled out, one of almost proportional perfection—not too big to be a problem but big enough to drive him wild, just the perfect thickness.
His mouth twitched as he imagined licking the head and the shaft, then slowly taking his cock in and inching toward the bush at its base. Alex’s cock hit the back of Dustin’s throat and still he pushed deeper, suppressing a cough, until his nose buried in a bush of fine pubic hair. Alex moaned and ran his hands through Dustin’s hair.
He slipped the dick out of his mouth and looked up at the other man. Dustin physically jolted in his desk when he saw the face change to Kyle’s. He looked around at the students surrounding him. They were all focused on the lecture, no one caught his sudden movements.
Dustin settled back into his fantasy. He considered whether or not he should be kicking Kyle out of it and bringing Alex back. Reluctantly, he admitted he couldn’t fantasize about Kyle if he wanted to move on. He concentrated with all of his willpower and morphed Kyle’s face back into Alex. It slowly shifted, but then very quickly returned to Kyle’s features.
And before he could fight it again, he relived their brief shower rendezvous. Only this time, his imagination took it further...
Kyle took his hand and led him out of the showers and into the empty locker area, guiding him to a seat on one of the long wooden benches. Kyle got down on his knees and sucked Dustin as he furiously stroked his own cock. Dustin moaned and groaned. After seeming hours of this intense pleasure, Dustin put his hands on either side of Kyle’s face and pulled him upward into a passionate kiss.
Their lips parted just an inch or two. “I want you to fuck me.”
Kyle didn’t say a word, but gently nudged Dustin backward. He laid down and lifted his legs in the air. Kyle came in close, locking his body in with Dustin’s, hovering over him. His still-wet body and hair dripped down on him. Dustin took a deep breath, waiting for the moment when Kyle would brush his cock against his anus and then gently push in.
Kyle looked him in the eyes.
“Dustin? Are you okay?”
He shook his head when he realized it wasn’t Kyle’s voice. The fantasy disappeared like a fog breaking up and his professor stood in front of him, in an empty room.
“Um...yeah, yeah, I’m okay.” He tried to fight the ever-present blush as he shoved his things in his bag and picked it up. “It’s just been a rough couple of days, but I’m okay.”
“All right,” Professor Fernandez said. He pushed his glasses back up on his nose and walked back to the front of the room.
As Dustin stood up and walked out, he adjusted his shirt and pants to hide his prominent bulge.
So much for getting over Kyle.
Maybe I just need to get laid or something.
No, he shook the thought off. Another hookup would just leave him even more unsatisfied. He left the old pattern in the past. It would probably take a while before he fully extracted his mind from the hookup mentality, reminding himself it wasn’t good for him.
With another distracted attempt at studying and a quick dinner by himself, Dustin returned to his dorm room.
“Hey, buddy!” Jason greeted him as he opened the door. He lay on his bed with a book propped open. “How’s your Wednesday?”