Authors: Portia MacIntosh
‘You didn’t like him, did you?’
‘Nope,’ Leo replies confidently as he licks his ice lolly.
‘Are you going to tell me why?’ I ask. I know it’s none of my business who Leo chooses to dislike, but that just seemed so unwarranted and out of character.
‘Are you sure you want to know?’ he asks, and now I definitely do, so I nod.
Leo pauses for a moment and it’s almost as if he’s considering how to tell me.
‘This is going to sound really silly, but I was bullied by an Australian kid at school, and he just looked and acted exactly like a grown-up version of him so… I know that’s pathetic.’
I know exactly the type of kid he means because I had my fair share of dealings with those types of boys at school. The thing with the “cool” boys is that you couldn’t help but fancy them a bit, with their good looks, cheeky charm and charisma… but it was a bittersweet crush, because boys like that are not nice to fat chicks. If Chris had known me at school, there’s no way he would’ve had anything to do with me and that’s why I don’t get too involved with the kind of guys I attract now. They may want me
now
, but I don’t want them for much.
‘It’s not pathetic,’ I assure him, grabbing his uninjured hand and rubbing it. ‘I was bullied at school, I know what it’s like.’
‘
You
were bullied at school?’ he asks, and he couldn’t sound more surprised if he tried.
‘I could say the same to you. Why on earth would you get bullied?’ I ask.
‘I was a fat kid,’ Leo admits, sounding a little embarrassed, even though he looks perfect now.
I can’t help but smile.
‘Oi, don’t laugh,’ he warns me after seeing my smile.
‘I’m not laughing at you,’ I insist.
‘Well you’re not laughing with me,’ he reminds me.
‘I’m just smiling because that’s exactly why I was bullied. I was a fat kid too.’
Leo widens his eyes. ‘That’s the last reason I would have guessed you were bullied for,’ he tells me. I don’t ask what the other reasons were.
‘Yeah, well I don’t tell anyone about it. Ever. I only told you because you’re a fellow former fatty.’
Leo laughs. ‘Well you’ll understand then – that guy just brought it all back for me. Imagine seeing your former bully now.’
I pull a face, unsure whether or not I should say what I’m about to say.
‘What?’ he asks.
I like to think that I’m a bigger person (so to speak) and that – to an extent – you should forgive and forget, but Nancy is still absolutely horrible to me, so why shouldn’t I tell Leo?
‘Nancy bullied me quite a lot when we were younger – Belle did too, although only after Nancy came onto the scene.’
‘Really?’ Leo asks, although he doesn’t sound too surprised. ‘No wonder you’re trying to ruin the wedding.’ I open my mouth to protest, but Leo doesn’t let me speak. ‘I’m joking, I’m joking,’ he insists with a big smile. ‘Well, I’m glad you told me.’ Leo squeezes me hand.
I’m glad I told him too. I have never actually admitted that to anyone who I didn’t know before my image transformation – because I always worried that would be enough for them to judge me. For a while after I lost weight, I felt like some kind of imposter, like I’d changed on the outside but I was still that tubby little dork on the inside, and it would only be a matter of time before people realised that. But with great abs, comes great confidence, and I soon got over that.
It’s interesting that Leo used to be fat – that’s probably why he’s so nice now. You often find that people like Nancy, who was both skinny
and
a bully at school, grow up and remain a bit of an arsehole for the rest of their lives, whereas people like Leo and I had to be nice to make friends. Now Leo is hot enough to be as horrible as he wants, but he isn’t, and I really like that about him.
‘Give me a lick of that lolly,’ I insist, poking my tongue out in preparation.
‘Careful, it’s a slippery slope to putting all that weight back on,’ he jokingly warns me as he hands it over. ‘Remember, nothing tastes as good as thin feels.’
I playfully hit Leo on nose with the remainder of the lolly, but I must have done so harder than I realised because he jumps to his feet.
‘Shit! My nose!’ he cries out, his hands clapped over his face.
‘Oh fuck! Don’t tell me I’ve broken your nose, Belle will kill me if the photos are ruined,’ I panic.
Leo stops, removes his hands from his perfectly fine nose and his face dissolves into a massive smile.
‘Got you,’ he teases.
‘You bastard,’ I shriek. ‘Haven’t you ever heard of The Boy Who Cried Wolf? The third time you might not be so lucky.’
‘It was worth it, just to see the look on your face,’ he chuckles. ‘You really are worried about this wedding, aren’t you?’
‘I just don’t want another reason for everyone to be mad at me.’
‘Come here, fatty,’ Leo says, grabbing me and throwing me over his shoulder, fireman style. ‘Let’s get back to the house before they send out a search party.’
This morning the family has gathered together for a “formal breakfast” at Belle’s request, because Dan is finally able to move and he’s coming down to eat with us. This news has delighted Belle, because if Dan can make it downstairs for breakfast, then he’ll probably be totally recovered by the day of the wedding. In fact, Belle is so delighted that she’s even talking to me normally again – well, when I say normally, I mean normal for Belle.
As Dan enters the room slowly and takes a seat at the table, a few of us cheer his efforts.
‘I thought I was going to have to stand in for you,’ Mike jokes to his younger brother.
‘Unlucky, bro,’ Dan replies.
‘Maybe on your wedding night?’ Mike persists, and I can’t help but laugh.
‘Michael,’ his mother snaps at him, and she shoots me a filthy look too for daring to chuckle.
With everyone sitting around the table, Belle goes off to the kitchen to start making breakfast and the conversation soon turns to the day ahead.
‘So where are we going for lunch?’ my granddad asks.
My gran clicks her tongue. ‘You haven’t even had your breakfast yet, Jack.’
‘I know, it’s just I’ve been thinking about the delicious fish and chips we had the other day. We need to make the most of them while we’re here.’
As my family all discuss the most incredible fish and chips they have ever tasted, I sit and twirl a piece of my hair with my fingers, bored out of my mind.
‘They really are incredible, you know,’ Nancy tells Leo, blatantly flirting with him.
‘I’m not a big fan of chips,’ Leo replies.
‘Well, just have the fish then,’ she reasons, leaning closer to him.
I’m sitting across the table from them so I can’t help but see, and for some reason it’s really annoying me to see her flirting with him – probably because if she had known him at school, she would have made his life hell. I’m not sure if it’s because of what I told him, but Leo isn’t flirting back. I am distracted from Nancy and Leo by my auntie mentioning my name.
‘Mia can look after the kids again,’ she tells everyone.
‘I
have
to work today,’ I reply. ‘The wedding is getting closer and I’m running out of time. Anyway, you sure got over the whole Pulp Fiction thing fast when you got hungry, didn’t you?’
‘Don’t be rude to your auntie, Mia,’ my mum reminds me, the same mum who preaches about treating others how you wish to be treated yourself – by that logic, my auntie is asking for it.
‘Sincerest apologies,’ I say sarcastically. ‘But I really do have to work.’
‘The damage has clearly already been done,’ my auntie reasons, ‘you couldn’t do any more harm, could you?’
I could.
‘We want to stay with you, Mia,’ Josh chirps. Being one of the few people who genuinely likes me, I can’t bring myself to say no to him.
‘I’m sure I can manage a couple of hours,’ I give in, unable to resist Josh and Max’s cute little faces – although I’m not sure how I’ll entertain them this time.
‘Well I could go and do some work now while you guys eat breakfast,’ I suggest, standing up.
‘You’ll do no such thing,’ Dan’s mum snaps. ‘This is Dan’s special breakfast, and your sister has gone to a lot of effort. Sit back down.’
I look over at my own mum – is she really going to let someone else tell her child off? Surely only she can do that. I wouldn’t mind, but I’m twenty-nine years old, no one should be able to tell me what I can and can’t do.
The table has fallen silent during my ticking off. Leo, who is sitting opposite me, actually looks like he feels sorry for me, but I’m getting the same disapproving looks from everyone else.
‘OK,’ I say quietly as I sit back down.
Dan’s mum starts serving drinks.
‘Tea or orange juice?’ she asks me.
‘I might have coffee,’ I tell her.
‘I didn’t say coffee. Tea or orange?’ she repeats angrily.
‘Neither. Thank you.’ I reply through gritted teeth.
What I meant was that I would get my own drink, from the coffee machine they’re all too scared to touch. I wasn’t being smart with her. Am I being oversensitive or is she treating me worse than my mum, sister, auntie and gran combined? Still, no one else is speaking up, maybe it’s just me.
‘I’ll stay and help Mia with the kids,’ Leo says, breaking the silence.
‘You don’t need to do that,’ Nancy insists, clearly annoyed that her prey is getting away from her.
‘Mia knows how to look after us,’ Josh says in my defence. ‘She’s really cool. She lets us watch good films and she teaches us new words.’
‘Like what?’ my auntie asks. That caught her interest. I rack my brains, trying to remember what words I could have taught them, and hope that it wasn’t a bad one.
‘Strapadictomy,’ Josh says proudly.
Oh shit. I didn’t even know I was saying that one in front of him, he was hiding in the room. Almost everyone under thirty looks highly amused, but the others just look puzzled.
‘Strapadictomy?’ my uncle echoes.
‘See, even I don’t know that one. Well done, Kid,’ my granddad says enthusiastically.
‘Strapadictomy, strapadictomy, strapadictomy,’ my auntie repeats, and by the third time she has said it out loud, everyone has realised what it means.
‘Mia,’ my auntie shrieks. ‘What the hell is wrong with you?’
Dan’s mum clicks her tongue and my own mum places her head in her hands.
‘You see,’ Leo chimes in, a big smile plastered across his face, ‘she needs me.’
‘I’m going to get a coffee,’ I say as I head for the door, and this time no one insists I stay.
***
‘Did I hear you upsetting Harriet before?’ my sister asks me the second I step into the kitchen.
‘Who?’
‘Dan’s mum,’ she reminds me angrily.
‘Oh. Yes. Mum and Auntie June too.’
‘Mia, please don’t upset anyone, especially not Harriet.’
‘Your mother-in-law hates me – I thought she was supposed to hate
you
.’
‘You think life is a movie,’ my sister laughs, and whether she’s right or not, it’s nice to see her looking relaxed, and if she’s joking around with me then hopefully she’s forgiven me for the little hand job misunderstanding.
Hopefully things will get better now. Dan is mobile again, my sister seems to be OK with me and if I can just get this work done, then maybe I can actually enjoy myself at this wedding. Perhaps some of the oldies would still rather I weren’t here, but the kids like me, Mike is so much fun and Leo… well, I’m just really glad he’s here.
‘I’m babysitting today,’ I tell my sister as I make my coffee, ‘so I’m just going to nip upstairs and download some porn.’
My sister rolls her eyes at me as she fries bacon.
‘I’m actually going to go and do some work, then Leo and I are going to entertain the kids while you guys go for lunch.’
‘Ooh, Leo and I,’ my sister teases. ‘You two seem to be getting on well.’
‘Yeah, he’s cool,’ I reply casually. ‘A good friend.’
‘I didn’t realise you had friends, I though you only had F buddies.’
‘Very funny,’ I reply, because I think she was joking. Not about the F word though, God forbid Belle would say such a naughty word.
***
Having a shower and washing my hair before I started my work seemed like a brilliant idea, that way I could make sure I was ready to go and then work right up until the second it was time to babysit. After swapping my shower for a nice relaxing bath, slipping on something sexy (but hopefully still appropriate babysitting attire) and curling my hair, I had only just sat down to work when Josh, Max and Leo came bounding into the room. Josh jumped up and down on the bed, cheering on Max who had Leo in a headlock. I couldn’t help but smile as Leo jokingly begged and pleaded with the ten year old not to break his neck. He’s got that “way” with kids, something I appear to be missing.
With no chance of getting any work done, Leo and I thought it best we take the kids out for the afternoon, although with neither of us knowing the area we don’t exactly know where the child-friendly places are. I told Leo that finding somewhere to go is entirely his responsibility because, based on my track record, I can’t guarantee I won’t accidently take them to a brothel, sign them up for the navy or something else Auntie June would probably not approve of. After a lovely stroll along the beach, we decide to pop into the café to see if Shell has any ideas.
‘Hello my lovely,’ she says, greeting me with a hug much warmer than any of the female members of my family have given me since I arrived. She greets Leo, and despite this only being the second time she has met him, he gets a lingering hug too – then again, Leo has one of those bodies that you just don’t want to let go of.
‘We’re on babysitting duty today,’ I tell her, nodding in the direction of Josh and Max, who are currently ripping open sachets of sugar and making neat little lines of white powder on the table. ‘Leo, do you want to… erm…’ my voice trails off. I don’t need to tell him to intervene before the boys start snorting it, he’s already on the case.
‘They seem like a handful,’ Shell laughs.
‘They are,’ I agree, failing to point out that they probably weren’t until they met me. ‘I was wondering if you knew of anywhere we could take them today, somewhere that will keep them entertained.’