Read Barely Breathing (Just Breathe) Online
Authors: Heather Allen
I glance at my watch and realize I don't really want to talk to James right now. Just knowing he's here, back from the Erebus caves, brings too much emotion, I'm not ready to deal with. It's bad enough we will be going to the same house after school.
I quickly gather my things and get up telling Gabbi, "Hey, I'll see you after school, okay?" She nods and I leave heading toward my next class, biology, yet another reminder of Jack.
***
As soon as biology is over, I go straight to the parking lot. I need to avoid James as long as I can. Whatever he knows about Jack, I just can't handle it right now. Of course if I do talk to him, I won't be able to avoid asking. So I'm just not going to cross paths with him for as long as I can. I know I'm crazy, I think I proved that a few months back though.
The jeep's engine comes to life as I turn the key. I look up feeling a pair of eyes on me and spot a girl across the lot leaned up against a white Cabriolet with her arms crossed. If looks could kill, I'd be dead right now. I glance away uncomfortably. She must be new or younger, I don't recognize her. I back out and forget about her as I drive away. My mind is focused on forgetting everything for the moment. The best way for me to forget is to swim. I glance back behind the seat as I stop for a red light. Yep, extra suit, still in the car. I don't even need to go to the house.
I drive straight to the lake with my music as loud as it will go.
Forget, forget, forget
, I repeat this mantra through my brain the whole ride there.
***
I climb out of the jeep and look around to see if anyone else is currently using the lake. Deserted, exactly the way I like it. I climb into the back seat and change into my suit. Wading in proves that the water is on the chilly side as it should be, it's March after all. My body regulates my inner temperature as I wade in further. Unfortunately, my mind won't stay focused. I keep remembering all the times I was here with Jack. Some, not so good memories... but some... incredible ones. I shake my head,
they were really all just a lie. He was never truthful with me
.
I dive in and skim the bottom not coming up for air for a little while. I use my hands to light the bottom and I lose myself in following the fish through the soggy bottom grasses.
When I do surface, I start the laps I know so well. The same sounds, and movements my body recognizes from so many times here. I lose myself in the routine and speed up. The familiarity feels so good. I can feel some of the pressure I've felt, washing away.
As I reach the far bank, movement by my jeep catches my eye. I look over and see a car pull up on the other side of the jeep. Oh great, with my luck it's probably James. I brace myself for the conversation I know I can't avoid. Suddenly, all that pressure has found it's way back.
Great!
I watch as feet that are not boy feet walk around the back of the jeep. Then I see red hair peeking over the back of the jeep. Ah, Gabbi. I smile and dive back in the water heading for the opposite bank. As I pull myself out of the water, Gabbs is standing there with her arms crossed and a frown on her face.
She starts in on me, "I thought you would see me after school! huh? When are we going to catch up? Haven't you had enough of the water lately?" She smirks at the end of her rant.
I know she isn't really upset.
I walk over to the jeep and grab my towel, "Of course, we're going to catch up. I just had to clear my head a little."
She smiles and sits in the grass pulling at what is left of the long, brown grasses. She starts pulling them apart in her hands and they crumble from being so dry.
I pull my clothes on over my suit and plop down next to her.
"Okay so fill me in on Reggie, I want to hear all the juicy details."
A huge grin spreads across her face, "Well, I don't know what's to tell." And she's blushing.
I nudge her, "Obviously you have something to tell, spill it."
"Well we didn't go all the way or anything...just..."
I smile surprised, "Really...What happened to, I'm saving myself for marriage...?" I imitate her whiniest voice.
She gapes at me,"I just said we didn't go ALL the way...I
am
saving myself..."
I laugh, "Gabbi, I'm thinking you went close...right?"
She shrugs with her hands splayed up, smiling.
"I'm just giving you a hard time."
I get serious, "Do you think he's the one?"
She smiles and nods, "Yes, I really do, I love him, Ever."
I smile back at her, I am so glad they found each other. If anyone deserves happily ever after, it's Gabbi.
I change the subject slightly, "Have you decided about next year?"
"We decided we are going to stay here for two years and do the community college thing, then go away together for the last two years. All of our parents are good with it."
I bring my knees up and hug them to my chest
. I couldn't be happier that everything is turning out for her. At least, I know she'll be here if I do ever get to come back.
She nudges my arm, "Hey you zoned for a minute. Tell me about what's been up with you."
I shrug my shoulders. My life is definitely not what I feel like talking about right now.
She stares at me waiting. I know I have to tell her something. She will be hurt if I don't share. We have been sharing since fifth grade. This year is the first year I haven't wanted to share with her. I feel bad for not letting her in. I just don't think she'll get it. But she did seem to understand when I was confused before, about Jack. It didn't exactly turnout too well though.
"Ever, come on, you're shutting down again, I can see it in your eyes. Is there more to it? Is it more than just a little argument, with you and Jack?"
I hug my legs tighter and shrug, "Things just aren't what they seemed. I really don't think it's going to work out with Jack."
Her eyes turn down and she frowns.
I assure her, "Hey it's all good. I'm...fine with it." I swallow a lump rising in my throat.
"You do know, you are one of the worst liars in the world, don't you?"
I glance down at the ground. I
am
a pretty terrible liar.
"Ever, what happened, come on, you can let me in. If not I will feel guilty for telling you to follow him in the first place."
Talk about guilt, she's really laying it on thick.
I take a deep breath, "When I got there after we talked, I found out he has really been on the Erebus side all along." My voice cracks on the last part.
She grabs my hand and squeezes, "Oh Ever, I'm so sorry."
A tear runs down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away.
He's not getting any more tears from me.
I squeeze her hand back and start to stand up.
Gabbi looks up at me and asks softly, "What are you going to do?"
I look back at her and firmly tell her, "I am going to fight with the Lior, just like I committed to do."
I walk toward my jeep, finished with the conversation. Gabbi scurries up and comes after me, "Are you one hundred percent positive that is the right decision?"
I turn quickly to face her, "Gabbs, I don't know what the right decision is anymore, everything is completely muddled, I just know more than anything that I have to make a decision and commit myself to it."
I take a deep breath and finish, "I decided to commit to the Lior and that is where my loyalty is."
She grabs my arm and pulls me into a hug. It gives me strength, that simple gesture gives me strength. I feel some of the immense pressure leak away. I needed my Gabbi.
Garrett drops me at home. The jeep is missing. Now that I think about this morning, I don't think it was here when I left. I was just running so late. That would explain the bathroom being locked and oversleeping.
Ever is going to come home at some point, especially if my parents know she's back. She will have to talk to me, eventually. Sara, on the other hand, I'm just relieved she didn't leave yet. Maybe I can corner her at school and apologize for being such a jerk.
I head into the house and climb the stairs to my room. I have to get some homework done.
As I round the corner and enter my room a hand grasps my arm and pushes me across the room. It causes me to lose my balance and fall backwards, landing on the edge of the bed. Glancing up completely shocked, I see Sara standing there with this sexy smile. She crosses the room and our lips crash into each other. Her hands grasp the back of my neck and run through my hair. I rest my hands on her hips. Our tongues meet and explore. She bites my lip gently. I just want to devour her. When we are both breathless, he pulls back and gazes at me. Her eyes are so intense.
She pulls back a little more so her hands are resting on my chest. My hands are still on her tiny hips. She squints and her lips curl. "I've wanted to do that, since the first day I saw you," She giggles, "You were trying so hard to avoid me."
I smile but remain silent.
Her eyes grow dark, "James, I told you the other day about the guardian thing. I was a guardian with the Lior but Seamus kicked me out of the city when I did something..."
I ask curiously watching her lips as she talks, "What did you do?"
She smiles easily and comes closer, "What I did doesn't matter, what matters is that I was a guardian and Jaspen...well he wanted me to continue that job for the Erebus. You are the first person I've watched over. He has this vision for the Erebus. He believes that we should have guardians just like the Lior, but instead of guiding them to stay on land, telling them all about both choices, then more people would choose to come to the sea."
She looks away from me.
I put my finger under her chin and turn her face back to look at me, "That's a good thing, right? People get to make a well informed decision, not something already decided for them."
She takes a deep breath, moves away and sits on the bed beside me. She looks up meeting my eyes, "But with either side, a guardian isn't supposed to be involved like this," and she points between us, "with the person we are watching over... This will prove to Jaspen that I can't handle it."
She looks so sad suddenly. Just a minute ago we were kissing.
I can't stand to see her broken apart like this.
I grasp her hand, bring it to my lips, and murmur, "Does Jaspen have to know about us?"
She stares at me for probably a full minute searching my face and slowly shakes her head, still unsure. A smile slowly spreads across her lips. Oh, I just want to taste those lips again. She stands and starts moving toward me again.
Before she gets closer, we both freeze. The front door downstairs opens and closes. She looks toward the bedroom door and back at me. As if I know what to do. I've never had a girl in my room before. This could be a bad thing. I hear footsteps coming up the stairs. Before I can react, Ever walks into my room.
She's glancing down so she doesn't notice Sara, "Okay James, I went for a swim and thought about things, I'm ready to tal..." She looks up and stops mid-sentence.
Sara turns around at the sound of Ever's voice. I can't see Sara's face but Ever's...first she has a look of shock on her face that quickly turns to a grimace and a glare.
She looks past Sara to me and asks, "What's she doing here?" Sara doesn't look back at me. She continues looking at Ever.
I have a feeling Sara and my sister in the same room is not good.
I grab Sara's hand to show that she's here with me. Ever notices and quickly looks away.
"She's here... She's helping me." I leave it short and sweet. What are we doing actually, I don't know. The helping has turned into more. I know for me it's more.
Ever turns on her heel and walks toward her room. She glances back to tell me, "Let me know when you can talk, ALONE." She draws out the last word.
Sara turns back to me and takes her hand out of mine. She looks completely uncomfortable now.
"I need to go. I'll ah... see you at school tomorrow." She's rushing toward the door.
I stand and follow her out, "Sara! Wait!" She seems to speed up going down the stairs. I take two at a time to catch up.
Before she's out the front door, I grasp her arm, "Wait, you don't have to rush out of here." She looks up at me with a pained expression.
"I...I have to go." She pulls her arm out of my hold and almost runs down the road to her car.
The feelings I have right now are starting to scare me. Sara is really getting to me. My anger starts to rise and I have the sudden urge to yell at my sister. This is probably not going to be a good conversation.
I climb the steps taking a deep breath. I need to calm down before I completely go off on her.
What the hell was that? She basically chased Sara out
.