Authors: J. Jakee
Ronnie rubbed his head and looked away. "Listen, I gotta go."
"Answer me!" I shoved his chest. "I was mistaken?"
Still not a word.
"I'm not moving until you answer me. Whoever she is will be stood up."
Ronnie went for my hand. "You're acting crazy."
"Don't touch me."
He shoved his hands in his pocket. He was dressed so sexy. So edible. A red, yellow, and orange-checkered button down shirt. Distressed jeans. Tan canvas sneaks. I wanted him. And I burned because I couldn't have him. "I honestly don't know what made you think we had something going—“
"You gotta be kidding me."
"—I thought we were two friends passing time—“
"That's bull. You know that's bull."
"—if I blurred the lines somewhere along the way, I deeply apologize—“
"You apologize?"
“—I would never date my daughter’s best friend—“
"Soror."
"—against her wishes."
I wasn't buying it. He couldn't even look at me. "So you never felt anything deeply for me?"
The pastor backed up and took two steps to the side while stroking his chin. I imagined him trying to conjure up some lousy explanation.
"Look at me!"
When he did, his eyes fell directly to my lips. And then my eyes. And back to my lips.
"Nothing? No feelings whatsoever?" I begged for an answer.
He hesitated first. Then he said, "I'm sorry, Nola."
My eyes fell to the ground right along with my crushed feelings.
Ronnie stepped forward and extended his hand.
I swatted it. "DON'T TOUCH ME!"
I hopped in my Range and burned rubber out of there.
***
“What are you still doing here?”
I slammed the door behind me, jolting Silas from his nap on the sofa. The living room was dark aside from the glowing television screen. Dominic was likely in bed, and it was evident that the manny was gone. The space where he parked was now occupied by my father’s vehicle.
Silas wiped the corners of his eyes and then stretched his arms. He yawned when he asked, “Where’d you run off to?”
I snapped my neck. “That’s none of your business.”
Silas nodded. “You’re right.” He slapped his knees and rose.
“Last time I checked, you weren’t my man.” I spat as he walked by me and headed for the door. I was still infuriated with how played I felt by Ronnie, and I needed Silas to be my punching bag. “And if you keep popping up here, and trying to spend the night, you will NEVER be my man.”
Silas bit the bait. He turned and faced me. “I wasn’t trying to spend the night. I was making sure you got home safe. It’s called being a gentleman. A man of honor. Something ungrateful chickens like you wouldn’t recognize.”
“I will never be grateful for something I never wanted in the first place. You’re a bug –an irritant who’s always in the way. Take a hint and take a hike!”
Silas waved his finger at me and faked a chuckle. “You… you are a miserable little girl. You know that? I thought you had something going for you, but you’re just a typical brainless beauty who’ll end up single and a bum.”
I kept my composure as I sucked in his ammunition. He was trying to hit me where it hurt. Nevertheless, I knew how to hit him harder.
I stepped to his chest and fired. “I’d rather be single than be addicted to abandonment like you. I rejected you how many times? And you just keep running back. Keep vying for my attention like the little boy
you
still are. I’m not your momma. She never wanted you and neither do I!”
“You
BITCH
” Silas’s mouth foamed with fury. “You silly
BITCH
.”
I said nothing. Couldn’t say anything if I tried. I was too shocked. Shocked that
he
would take it there… Disrespecting me in the worst possible way.
He
of all people.
“You lazy, fake
BITCH
!” As he spat each word, he began to look nothing like himself.
I tried to push him from my face. “Stop,” was all I could muster.
He mushed my head.
Then he kept at it. Calling me all possible B-words until he suddenly backed up off me and walked out of the house. I stood in the doorway stunned.
Silas sat in his car without starting it up. His arm was resting out of his window, and his head was resting on his fist. When the shock wore off, I immediately felt bad and walked towards his car, my heart pulling me like a magnet after metal.
I said nothing when I opened his car door. Just grabbed his hand and led him out. My eyes apologized, and he knew this, picking me up and carrying me up to my bedroom.
We were tangled in my sheets. “
I’m sorry
” smothered by passionate kisses and heavy breathing.
“I forgive you”
demonstrated with each thrust –each stroke.
I wanted to crawl under my bed and hide from God when Silas left.
Then, as if I could hear the deaconess’s voice whispering in my ear, I remembered that with each rising of the sun, God brings us new mercy. Since Silas was out of there just before dawn, I hurried to my knees hugging the bible that Deaconess Camper gave me.
I whispered, “Um, hey God. My name is Nola, I know You already know who I am, but I never formally introduced myself. I’ll be honest, I don’t know what to say. No. I know what to say. I don’t know how to say it. Well, the deaconess said prayer is conversation, so I’ll just let it flow out so I don’t waste up Your time. Here goes: I sinned. Right here. On my bed. I don’t know what got into me or why I did that. Or, why I feel I have to tell you this. All I know is I don’t feel good at all. It feels like I committed a crime. God. I’m no criminal! Please get rid of this feeling. Please sprinkle some of that mercy on me. Ok? Thanks. This was easy. I can do this more often. Ok bye. Well, not bye, but… You know what I mean!”
I stood up and exhaled. When I turned around, I nearly jumped out of my skin seeing Dominic at my bedroom doorway.
“What were you talking to?”
“I was praying to God, Dominic. Why are you up?” God,
I hope me and Silas didn’t wake him
.
“I had to use the toilet.”
I breathed, “Oh ok.”
“I want to meet God.” Dom stepped in my room and sat at the edge of my bed.
“You really do?”
He nodded.
“Ok. Well, sit here.” I had Dominic sit in my desk chair while I shuffled through the pages of my New Member’s workbook. When I found the page that I was looking for, I said, “Now repeat after me…”
Dominic echoed the statements, “Lord I admit that I am a sinner… I admit that You are our Lord and Savior… I believe that You died on the cross for my sins…. I believe that You rose from the dead…. I confess and repent of my sins…. Please take control of my life…. In Jesus’ name…. Amen!”
I hugged Dom tightly. “Now you know Him. All you have to do is believe deep in your heart. That’s what a really nice lady told me.”
“I believe, Nola.”
I handed him a bible—the unused one—and helped him bookmark the book of John. “Ask the manny to help you read this section. When you are done, I’ll help you find a church that won’t bother you. I’d bring you with me to my church today, but it’s
too
loud.”
Dominic smiled. “Okay. Can’t wait.”
***
“Tell your neighbor: drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes ain’t the only addictions.”
The church echoed Pastor Ronnie’s sentiments.
“And, I see some addicts up in here today.” He slapped his podium and walked to the side. The congregation roared with laughter. Even I couldn’t help but chuckle.
The entire sermon, he had me tuned in. For the first time, I wasn’t focused on how good he looked pacing along the altar, and it probably was because I sat on the balcony with other tuned-in worshipers who loved to slap high-fives or tap your shoulder saying, “Amen, Amen,” when he said something really good. I guess it was beneficial that I felt too salty to try to sit up front.
“Praise God. Listen, Listen.” Pastor wiped his forehead and returned to the podium. “We become so hooked on…
addicted to
… what the
flesh
desires, that we begin to think it is making us happy. But, in the long run it is
destroying
us sometimes physically, sometimes mentally, but most
definitely
spiritually. I didn’t make this up. It’s in the bible. Romans 8:5-6, ‘For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.’ Therefore, that
tail
you was chasing last night,—“
People began to rise and shout, “Preach pastor!”
“—that
car
you was profiling in last night,—“
“AaaaaaMEN tell ‘em!”
“—those
big face ‘hunits
you were glorifying last night, not about to
guarantee you
the kind of PEACE that MY GOD can!”
“Preach, Preacher!”
“Some of us carry so deeply a void in our hearts, and we are allowing our flesh to fill it up with the wrong things,” he went on. “Listen to me,”
The church quieted down. Some were still praising and whispering, “Hallelujah.” A woman next to me was rocking side to side with her eyes closed. Under her breath she kept murmuring, “Thank you for your deliverance, Father. Thank you.
Thank you
.”
“People, vanish. Clothes, fade. Cars wear and tear. Money gets snatched. Food perishes…. But God…”
Pastor Ronnie paused to praise, himself. The congregation clapped and praised, too.
“God… God is everlasting. His love endures. Now THAT is something to get hooked on. Let us pray…”
***
I met Silas in the lobby right after service. He hugged me tightly and told me that he had a surprise waiting for me at his place. He was hoping I’d leave with him right then, but I wanted to linger. This time for Deaconess Michelle. Silas kissed my cheek and told me to call when I’d be on the way, and I sat patiently in a chair for the deaconess to come out of the sanctuary.
It didn’t take long for the lobby to clear. Deaconess Michelle was nowhere to be found. Something stirring deep inside the bottom on my belly had me needing to know why she jilted me at FeliciTEA’s, so I wasn’t about to let that stop me from finding her.
I walked right past the secretary lady and tapped the Pastors door. His eyebrows rose when he opened it and saw it was me. “Sorry if I’m disturbing you. I just wanted to ask if you had Deaconess Michelle Camper’s address. She was helping me through New Members classes. I haven’t been able to reach her. Thinking about paying her a visit.”
“Come in.” The pastor stepped aside, and then closed the door after I walked in. “I usually don’t do this, but since I know you, I trust you wouldn’t do anything crazy with it.”
The pastor pulled a folder from his file cabinet, copied her information on a sticky note, and then handed it to me.
“Thank you!” I turned to walk away, but I didn’t move. I had to ask first. I turned back around to face him. “How was your date last night?”
The Pastor folded his arms and shrugged. “I didn’t go…”
“Oh.” I turned to leave.
My hand was touching the doorknob when he said, “As you can see, Marley and Greg didn’t make it to church this Sunday.”
“I see...”
“They can’t come for brunch, either… I uh, had this spread prepared. I don’t want it to go to waste… You should join me.”