Blackness Within (14 page)

“I know a lot about that,” I huff and force myself to be strong on my own. I’ve been that way for a decade and I’m proud of the life I’ve built.

“Your parents around?”

“My mom lives in Cameron. We’re not close, but we’re not enemies or anything like that. She’s just not equipped to be the kind of mom I need or the kind I needed growing up. If it weren’t for Blake, I’m not sure I’d be here.”

“Why’s that?”

“He did everything for me. Blake took care of me from the day I was born according to him and I believe it. As I grew up, he’s the only one I remember cooking my meals and making sure I bathed, got to and from school…all the stuff my mom couldn’t do. She worked two jobs my whole life. Still does. I respect that about her. She wanted to work instead of living on welfare. She’s a high school dropout with no skills so she couldn’t get good paying jobs. I’m not sure if she even tried to be honest. Anyway, two full-time jobs doesn’t leave a lot of time to raise kids. With no extra money, childcare was out of the question, so Blake and I were on our own.”

Sully’s brow is knitted together tightly, listening intently. I want to reach up and rub the crease away with my thumb, but I don’t. I clear my throat and continue.

“The hardest part was the relationships. She’s the kind of woman that can walk in a room full of men and she’ll pick the drunk, the drug addict, the abuser, the cheater. She only wants the bad ones. Blake was good at avoiding the men and kept me safe. When a boyfriend got outta line, Blake put him back in it and we left. My mom never kept us with a man if he did something to us or even tried. But she let them treat her like shit with no consequences,” I grumble.

“And Blake always kept you safe?” he asks quietly.

“Always,” I assure him. I know what he’s asking. I’m lucky I grew up with a brother that could bring a man to his knees even as a child. He’s my savior in life.

“I like him even more now.”

I beam a smile at him because Sully’s the first person in my adult life to like my brother. Ben hates him. My other two boyfriends hated him. If my friends knew him, they’d hate him too. It feels so good to have someone understand the love I have for Blake.

“You wanna watch a movie and veg out?” Sully asks, bringing the serious conversation to a close.

“Where’s Shannon and the rest of your crew?”

“Saturdays are hospital days for The Kellerman clan. The rest of the crew is working.”

“Hospital days?” I ask concerned.

“You familiar with the Butch Rossi case?”

“A little. I know Butch Rossi was wrongly convicted of murdering his wife and beating his daughter into a coma.”

He nods thoughtfully before responding, “Butch is like family. His daughter, Mia, was Kid’s first case outta law school. Kid’s at the hospital every week to visit.”

I can only imagine how difficult Butch’s life has been and what he’s going through now with a comatose child. Even though I don’t know him, I’m happy he has Shannon.

“So, we’ve got the place to ourselves. Which is an uncommon thing.”

“We should streak through the house to celebrate,” I say and then slap my hand over my mouth.

“I like that idea. Maybe later.” He lets me off the hook.

Sitting here talking to him about his family and mine was so normal, comforting. I need to keep my guard up. I need to come up with a plan too. I almost forgot why I’m here with a stolen baby, hiding.

“We should probably come up with a plan.”

“We’re not gonna figure anything out until Finn has more information for me. We just need to sit tight. Blake’s at the detox facility. You’re here and that means you’re safe. Let’s just relax for a while. You could use a break from all of this,” he says sweetly and I cave.

I do need a break. Even if it’s just for a few hours.

“You’re right.”

“I know.”

And the cocky man is back.

I roll my eyes at him as I slide off the stool and make my way to the massive cocoa-colored sectional. I flop in the middle and groan internally at the comfort behind my aching back. I could live on this couch.

“I’m gonna grab a quick shower. Be right back,” Sully says from behind me.

I tip my head all the way back to find his naked torso hovering over me. He hands me Junior and I do my best not to drool at the sight of his body. I can’t, so I snap my head up and say, “Take your time.”

I think I hear him growl before he says, “Remote’s on the table.” His voice is low and husky in a way I haven’t heard it before.

“’Kay.”

I hear him plod away and catch a glimpse of him bounding up the stairs before he disappears.

“Keep it together, Natasha,” I chide myself.

I flip on the TV that’s mounted above the fireplace. I don’t pay attention as I surf through the channels. Instead, I think about Sully and his unconventional family. People willing to do anything to save the ones they love. I have a feeling I’m about to learn how far I’m willing to go to save my family. I hope I have the strength to survive it.

O’Sullivan

Buzz, buzz.

Kid: Be home in 30. Things ok there?

Me: We’re good. Probably stay in my wing tonight. Don’t think Natasha’s ready for a full house yet.

Kid: Who’s ever ready for our full house? We’ll stay out of your hair. Let me know if you need anything.

Me: Will do.

“News?” Natasha asks with worry in her voice.

We just finished dinner after spending the day together. We talked and didn’t. Some of the time we spent in silence was just as good as the conversation. I’m comfortable with this woman and that’s making it hard to keep my head on straight where she’s concerned.

“Kellerman clan is headed this way. I was thinkin’ we could hang out in my wing. Dealing with a houseful of my crazy family can be a bit overwhelming,” I explain, cleaning up the last of our mess.

Natasha insisted on cooking for us and it was awesome. Braised pork chops with apples, onions and sliced potatoes. I licked my plate clean, literally.

“I don’t wanna be rude,” she whispers, looking at her hands.

“It’s not rude. You’re goin’ through some crazy shit. They won’t care about you keepin’ to yourself. We can hang out with them if you want. It’s up to you.”

I slide the last plate into the dishwasher and round the bar to where she’s sitting at the breakfast table. She’s in dark skinny jeans and a thin light purple sweater with her hair in a messy bun on top of her head. I’d like to lick her clean.

“I can go up to your wing on my own. You don’t have to babysit me. It’s Saturday night. I’m sure you have plans. I’ll probably just go up and crash.”

“Natasha,” I say with a command in my voice for her to look at me.

She snaps her stormy grey eyes to mine.

“I’m not fuckin’ babysitting you. You’re here because I want you here. I promised Blake I’d keep you safe.”

“I’m safe, Sully. Go enjoy your evening. At least one of us should.”

She rises to her feet and pats my chest twice before floating past me. Zeus hops up and follows in her wake. Junior’s already upstairs sleeping. I hesitate for about two seconds before going after her.

I silently climb the stairs, her peaches and cream fragrance leaving a trail. I do have plans tonight and I’m not even thinking about them. I’ve spent the day with this woman and I’m not ready to stop spending time with her. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to and that makes me sick to my stomach. I’m getting in too deep with Natasha.

If I were smart, I’d get dressed and head out with Kav and Cal like I’m supposed to.

I’m not smart.

When I enter my sitting area and find Natasha trying to rub her own back, I realize I’m really not smart.

“Let me do that.”

“I—”

I cut her off, placing my large hand in the spot she was struggling to reach. A moan flows from her mouth at the contact and my dick twitches, rising to half-mast instantly. She braces her hands on the back of the couch, bending at the waist and my dick is at full salute. This woman is going to be the death of me.

I massage her back, working out some gnarly knots as I go. Natasha’s body is so soft. As my fingers dig in, I wonder what it would feel like to grab onto her hips while I slide into her from behind. Another groan of relief breaks from her chest and I have to stop. If I don’t stop now, I won’t be able to.

“Thanks, Sully,” she says standing up and smoothing down her sweater. “I forgot.”

“Forgot what?”

She turns and gazes up at my face before replying, “I forgot what it’s like to have someone take care of me. It’s been a long time. Thank you for today, for yesterday…for everything.”

Natasha raises up to her tiptoes and places a small kiss on my cheek, lingering for a breath too long. Giving me time to fuck this whole thing up. I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her flush with my body, loving how she fits me perfectly.

Sexual tension fills the air as we hover near each other’s mouths, breaths coming in short pants. I feel myself leaning forward, closing the gap and opening a can of worms.

Junior screams.

Natasha goes rigid in my grasp and the tension melts away. She puts her hands up against my chest and pushes away. I reluctantly release her from my clutches.

She offers me a small timid smile and hurries to the baby. I watch her hips sway, adjusting my dick that has a permanent imprint of my zipper on it and head to the kitchenette. I make a bottle while I listen to Natasha coo and change the baby.

Just as I’m done warming the bottle, Natasha enters the room with Junior on her hip. I focus on him and feel anger begin to burn in my chest. How is he here with us and not one report has made it in the news that he’s missing?

I know he belongs to some nasty shit. But I’d burn the city to the ground to get Johnny and the twins back. It hits me in this moment that someone may very well do that for Junior. Natasha will just be a bump in the road when that person comes.

I’ve had such an amazing day with her, I forgot. I stopped thinking about needing to keep her safe until her brother’s return and just spent the day enjoying time with a stunning woman that makes me laugh. I have to stay more focused than this. She has to be safe and me muddying the waters with my dick isn’t an option.

“That scowl is gonna give you wrinkles.” Natasha’s voice pulls me out of my head.

I drop the scowl and hand her the bottle.

“Thanks. I could’ve done that.”

“You didn’t have to.”

There’s a warmth in her eyes as she sits on the couch cradling the baby that gets my dick stirring again. I need to jack off…ten times. I need to jack off until my junk’s raw.

Jesus, I feel like a twelve-year-old that just discovered tits.

“Are you okay?” she asks with her brow raised at my posture.

I’m standing in the middle of the room with my hands on my head, eyes closed tight. My internal battle isn’t so internal.

“You need to stay away from me, Natasha. You’re in serious trouble and I’ll only add to it. Let me keep you safe without putting you at further risk,” I state plainly walking toward her as she becomes increasingly shy.

“I’m sorry, Sully,” she whispers, her gaze planted solely on the baby in her arms. “I was just tryin’ to say thank you for what you’ve done for me. Twenty-nine years it’s taken for someone other than Blake to help me out. I can’t describe what that means to me. I…I wasn’t…I’m not…” she blows out in a huff, unable to finish.

I sit on the couch next to her. She has her legs drawn up beneath her, the baby covering her chest. A protective ball, using Junior as a shield.

I lean forward to catch her eyes, but she leaves them remaining where they are.

“I’m not a tease, Sully,” she says shocking the shit out of me. “I shouldn’t have done that though. We’ve had a great day together. You’ve been kind, attentive, funny and genuine. I’ve never gotten that side of you in the last two and a half years. This thing between us can’t happen. I know that. I’m sorry.”

“Natasha—”

I’m cutoff when she rises to her feet before saying, “I’ll see you tomorrow. I’m tired. Good night, Sully.”

She doesn’t look at me as she speaks. She doesn’t look at me before she walks away. She doesn’t look at me when Zeus hops up off the floor to hurry to her side. She doesn’t look at me when she closes her door with a soft click.

I’m a fucking dick. I just let her walk away from me thinking I called her a tease. She wasn’t teasing me. My brain is teasing me. My dick is teasing me. My heart…no, I’m not going there.

I want her. I want her so fucking bad, it’s taking everything I’ve got not to stomp into her room and devour her, consequences be damned. But she doesn’t need that right now. She needs to feel safe. I can do that. I just need to shut my hormones off for a few days until we get a handle on the Vojtech Bratva. I have the feeling they’ll be rearing their ugly head soon. I need to be ready for that, not balls deep in a woman I’ve been lusting after for two and a half years.

I’ll hurt her worse that the Bratva. I need to make her understand that. I’m dangerous. The blackness within me will destroy her. I’m not willing to do that.

I don’t want to hurt her.