Blackness Within (16 page)

“You told me to be afraid of you. To stay away from you. What else would you be warning for?”

“This.”

I smash my mouth against hers and wait for the rigid response to melt away. I’ve stunned her, but as I work my lips across hers, I feel Natasha’s soft body leaning into mine. Her hands tentatively move up my jacket before she fists the leather, pulling me closer. That’s all the encouragement I need.

I plunge my hands in her silky hair and tilt her head where I want it. Before I have the chance to coax it out, her tongue darts into my mouth. We tangle and massage, drinking from each other. She tastes sweet and minty with a hint of coffee. Something else is there that’s just Natasha. I kiss her with everything I’ve got. Showing her why she should run. This thing between us will consume her. She needs to see how dangerous I am.

Too bad it’s not working on her or me. Natasha feels perfect pressed against me, crafted to mold into the hard lines of my frame. I move one hand to the nape of her neck, the other to the small of her back. She stops clinging to my jacket and wraps her arms around my neck with a moan of ecstasy filtering in my mouth as I suck her tongue.

I should stop this. It’s not proving what I need it to.

I palm her ass instead.

Jesus Christ, it’s the best thing my hands have ever felt. Natasha is soft, supple. My large hand wants more than what it’s getting. So I shove it inside her yoga pants and shudder with gratification to find her cheek bare, my fingers trailing a slight piece of lace before it disappears.

I knead her ass aggressively while I devour her mouth. She’s clinging to me at this point, allowing my assault. Mewling and arching her back, begging for more. I could take her in the pool house. It’s only a few feet from us. I’ve wanted to feel this woman beneath me for two and a half years. I’m losing the battle. I started this with a goal in mind that doesn’t mean shit to me now.

Suddenly, she stops the kiss. Her grey eyes peer up at me from beneath her long lashes, waiting. My hand is still down her pants and I can’t bring myself to remove it. Then she smiles coyly at me and I come back down to Earth. I can’t do this to her. I don’t do serious and she doesn’t do superficial. I’ve never tried serious…I could try with her. But I’d fuck it up. Hurt her. I can’t do that.

“I do this at least three times a week with other women,” I purr into her ear. “You don’t wanna be another one I forget about the next morning.”

I expect her to look annoyed, shocked, pained…something other than the blank stare she’s returning.

“You’re right. I don’t. I’m nothing spectacular. I get that. I have no desire to try to change a man. I’m not gullible enough to believe that’s healthy or normal. But I’m worthy of a man that thinks I’m the world. And when I find him, he won’t take any convincing and I’ll accept him as he comes. I’m not missing anything with you other than a few good orgasms. So thanks for the reassurance that my instincts are right. You almost had me fooled yesterday. That care and love you show for your family, I thought I was getting that part of you. I was so wrong. If you’ll let go of my ass, I’ll go in and pack us up to leave. I don’t need you mindfucking me with everything else going on.”

I’m the one that’s shocked…stunned…speechless…gaping at her like a fish out of water. I do as she requests and turn to watch her magnificent ass saunter away. What the fuck just happened?

Natasha

“Always trust your gut, Natasha,” I chastise myself as I walk away from Sully.

I whistle for Zeus when I reach the door and he sprints to my side. When I enter the warm space, the joy and laughter echoing through the room is annoying instead of comforting.

“Can you keep Junior for a few more minutes for me?” I ask Shannon devoid of any emotion.

“Sure,” she responds with a quirked brow at my tone.

I don’t utter another word as I walk through the great room and bound up the stairs two at a time. I didn’t really unpack so repacking only takes five minutes. I load up with the two duffle bags and a roller bag before exiting the space without looking back.

The roller bag thuds down the stairs alerting the room to my actions. I don’t give a shit. I’m not concerned with what these people think of me. I’ve never cared what people think of me. I’ve always been shit on the bottom of a shoe in the eyes of others. I know differently and that’s what matters in life.

“Can I give you a hand?” Kavanagh’s deep Vin Diesel-esque voice pulls me from my thoughts.

“I’ve got it,” I reply, hitting the bottom stair with an awkward bang.

I turn away from the room, hearing footsteps following me. Sully wasn’t in the room with everyone so I know it’s not him. It is a man following me though.

I open their front door and struggle to get the roller bag across the threshold until it’s ripped out of my hand. I turn to find Kavanagh looking at me with a cocky grin smeared on his handsome face.

“Thanks,” I snap.

“No problem,” he returns kindly, ignoring my shitty attitude. “Sorry about earlier. You kinda surprised us. Not an easy thing to do, by the way.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I dismiss him.

I toss the duffle bags in the trunk of my Camry and Kavanagh settles the roller in between them. I slam the trunk shut, stomping back to the house to get Junior and Zeus. The faster the better.

When I enter the house, it’s quieter than it was last time. I’m sure my hissy fit isn’t helping the mood. As I make my way to the car seat, I find all eyes on me. Not every expression is the same, but I would say there are varying levels of concern going on. I ignore it and move to Shannon. Everyone else climbs to their feet and forms a semi-circle around us.

“Thanks for watchin’ him,” I say as kindly as I can, hauling Junior from her arms. “And thanks again for letting us crash here.”

“You shouldn’t be on your own. I’m sorry we acted like jackasses earlier. Don’t leave because of that. I assure you we’re easy goin’ most of the time. The people lookin’ for you are a lot more dangerous than we are,” she finishes strongly.

“I’ll be fine. I shouldn’t have involved all of you in the first place. Finn?”

“Yeah?” He seems surprised I’m addressing him, but takes a few steps toward me.

“Thank you for helping out with Blake Friday night. I understand you’re the one tryin’ to figure out where Junior came from and what trouble my brother’s in. I’d like you to keep investigating. I can pay you. If you could just let me know when you find the people that are lookin’ for Blake and me, I’d appreciate it. If you don’t find them in the next few days, I’m goin’ to the authorities. I can’t keep this baby much longer, I have shifts next week.”

He runs his hand through his blond hair roughly. It’s a move I’ve seen him do enough to know he does it when he’s stressed.

“I wouldn’t suggest contacting authorities at this point, Natasha. The Vojtech Bratva, that’s who’s lookin’ for your brother and now you, they’ve got contacts everywhere in the city. You contact the wrong cop or social worker…” he trails off not needing to elaborate. “Just give us some more time to get to the bottom of this. Once we—”

I cut him off.

“You, Finn. Not we. I only want to work with you,” I state pointedly as Sully walks in the backdoor. His brow creasing in confusion as he spots us.

“I’ll work faster with help,” Finn says tenderly, understanding my protest.

I pull out a crumpled piece of paper from my pocket that I wrote on while I was packing up.

“That’s my email. My ex works with computers so it’s secure. No one’s hacking me. I’ll get a burner once I leave here and I’ll pay cash as I go. I know how to hide. Been doin’ it my whole life. Email me an invoice for the work you’ve done and we can set something up for the rest of your time. Okay?” I press the paper into his palm, not willing to take no for an answer.

He hesitates for a moment before taking it.

“Thanks, Finn,” I breath out in relief. “I’ll be in touch.”

“Take my card. If you need anything, call me. Day or night. I don’t like this plan, Natasha,” he grumbles, passing me his business card.

“Imagine how I feel,” I quip, shoving it in the back pocket of the jeans I changed into.

I lean down and load Junior into the car seat and then hoist it over my forearm.

“Your boys look great,” I compliment Shannon, peering at the three of them playing on the carpet.

“Natasha, please don’t leave. These people are dangerous. I’m begging you not to put yourself in harm’s way,” she pleads, ignoring my attempt at kindness.

“I have to trust my instincts, Shannon,” I say it to her, but I lock eyes with Sully as I do.

He hasn’t moved any further toward our group, instead hovering by the backdoor for a quick escape. His gaze is pleading with me the same as Shannon’s words.

I can’t stay in this house with him. He’s intentionally fucking with my head. I don’t need that or deserve it. He can take that shit and shove it up his ass. I’m not like the women he spends time with. I value myself. I’m worthy of the dream, even if I never get it.

“I’ll text you my new number,” I say to Finn before waving at the group.“Let’s go, Zeus.”

He’s immediately at my side as I leave Sully’s fortress. My mom and her fucked up life have trained me for this. I can hide with the best rats in the city. No one will find me until I’m ready to be found. I can take care of myself and Zeus can keep me safe. I’m in the world all alone and I’m not scared. I’m pissed.

O’Sullivan

“What the fuck did you do?” the entire group screams at me when Natasha closes the front door.

“Fucked up,” I answer honestly.

“Fix it! Now!” Kid yells at me, stomping her feet as she does.

I race to the front door to try to catch Natasha. I didn’t need my family to tell me to do it. I just couldn’t make my feet move before. When I hit our front porch, I find the driveway empty. She moved faster than I did.

“Shit,” Kav mutters behind me.

“Yeah,” I agree, stalking back inside. “Finn!” I bellow before turning toward the home office.

“You’re a stupid motherfucker, you know that?” he snarls at me.

“Fuck off, Finn,” I growl back. “She said she was goin’ to a motel near her first apartment. Get me that address.”

“I’m not sure you goin’ after her is a great idea. I’ll go. You take a backseat now,” he instructs, flopping into the desk chair.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” I argue, taking the seat across from him.

“Well, you’re not doin’ a bang up job tellin’ yourself what to do. Someone smart should run your brain for a little while,” he snarks back, not looking away from the monitor of the computer.

“I just wanted her to see I’m not good for her. I didn’t mean to run her off,” I huff.

“I’ll take a turn then. She’s fuckin’ hot as hell, smart, independent and all alone. I’d hit that in an instant and never let go.”

“You touch her and I’ll end you,” I threaten in a menacing tone, balling fists on my thighs.

“So you don’t want her and no one else can have her? Fuck you, O’Sullivan. I always thought you ran through pussy like Kav, havin’ a good time. I didn’t know it was because you’re a bitch that can’t man up when it’s time.”

I leap to my feet and round the desk in a few strides. Finn’s on his feet ready for a fight when I get to him.

“You put your hands on me and we’re goin’ at it hard,” he warns me.

“Don’t touch Natasha!” I roar in his face.

“If he can’t, I am,” Kav growls from the doorway.

“Fuck off, Kav!” I scream at him.

“I’m gonna fuck Natasha. That sounds better,” he taunts.

“I’ll beat the shit outta both of you. Quit fuckin’ with me.”

“Pull your head outta your ass,” Finn instructs before sitting down again.

I know what they’re doing and it’s working. They want me to see what I had right in front of me and I just ran it off like a little bitch, afraid. It’s unfortunate that I’m an idiot. She was putty in my hands and I let it slip through. No, that’s too easy. I shoved her away because I didn’t know how to hold on.

“I’m not findin’ any addresses for her or Blake,” Finn grumbles at the screen.

“What did you do to her?” Kav questions, sitting in the chair I was in before confronting Finn.