Blackness Within (20 page)

In a desperate attempt to stop our progression, I heave myself around. I smash into his chest and throw my arms around his neck. I must startle him with my move because his grip loosens enough for me to continue my motion. With all my strength, I leap onto his front like a baby monkey, wrapping my legs around his narrow waist and tighten my grip on his broad shoulders. I drop my head to his shoulder and plead, “Please don’t make me go back. I won’t ask you for anything. I’m scared. Please, Roman, I’m so scared.”

His large hands firmly palm my ass before he responds.

“No more, Natasha. I’m a busy man. The more trouble you are for me to deal with, the harder you make my already taxing schedule. If you become any more of a problem, I’ll wash my hands of you and let your corpse convey my message. The people that need to be taught already know I’m capable of torture and murder. I’m doing something different with you. Maybe I’ve made a mistake.”

I pull my head from his shoulder and meet his midnight gaze. I pushed too much. I knew I was and I couldn’t stop myself. I’ll never stop trying to protect Blake. If I can make Roman want me—truly want me—then maybe when Blake comes I can convince Roman to spare him in order to keep me. I have to use all of the things I’ve spent a lifetime trying to hide about myself now. I’ll be the sexpot my body conveys. I’ll be the seductress that sparkles within my eyes. I’ll be the lover my hips indicate with each sway. I’ll be the whore all the men have always wanted and never gotten. I’ll be my mother.

I press a tender kiss to the edge of his lips causing his hands to tighten almost painfully.

“Convince me, Natasha,” he purrs and I do.

I dig my hands in his buzzed hair and I kiss him with everything I have. I kiss him with the passion I gave Sully. I’ll never have Sully now. I’ll die either in Roman’s arms or by his hands. My life is over, but as long as I’m alive and can try to protect the people I love, I’ll do this. Right now my lips, my tongue and the tiny moans squeaking from within me are keeping everyone safe. Everyone but me.

O’Sullivan

I shove my legs into a pair of black fighting shorts before stalking from my room down to the gym. I’ll only have an hour or so to warm up and get my shit together. Fighting while emotional makes a sloppy fighter. I need to focus and bloody my knuckles before I can stitch up any wounds.

When I enter the gym, Kid is waiting for me, a mask of fury setting her features alight.

“Come on,” she barks, holding pads up for me.

A cocky grin dances across my face and she snorts before dropping the pads and punching me in the chest. She knocks me back a few feet and her own cocky smile appears. Touché.

I go about working up a good sweat while Kid pushes me to work harder. After twenty minutes, Kieran comes in the gym and tries to take over from Kid gaining him a pointed glare. He chuckles at her but doesn’t push the issue. He just watches us, leisurely crossing his legs as he perches on a workout bench.

“Jump rope for a bit,” Kieran orders after another twenty minutes pass and Kid lands a rough one-two combination.

I’m not fighting her. I’m letting her get hits in. Kieran doesn’t like me warming up this way…never did. Something about taking blows prepares me to stop any that will come my way when it counts. I’m also letting my sister relieve her anger at being left out of our mission. It’s a win-win.

“Cooper’s upstairs runnin’ through the building schematics Finn rounded up. The building’s fuckin’ massive so this needs about a week more plannin’ than what we got. Brian, you’ve gotta keep fightin’ until we get her out. If we’re lucky, we’ll get that baby too. You need to tap back into that fighter you were as a kid, Bry. No mercy. No quit,” my cousin dictates.

“I’ve got this,” I assure him, flipping the rope a little faster.

“I can’t believe you motherfuckers are keepin’ me and Kat here. It’s a mistake,” Kid grumbles.

“I’m leavin’ Aidan with you,” Kieran says softly, trying not to rile her.

“Bullshit you are. Natasha and the baby could be all fucked up. You need a doctor with you. He’s the only fuckin’ reason I made it,” she snarls.

When Kid was kidnapped and shot, Aidan saved her life. Kieran may have found where she was being held, but Aidan found her body. He lost her five times on the way to the hospital and I could live every day without ever recalling his tale about that experience. Based on the tormented look on Kieran’s face, he feels the same.

“I’ll take Aidan. Who should I leave with you?” Kieran asks gruffly, squashing his emotions.

“Kat and I don’t need babysitters, Kieran. Keep fuckin’ treatin’ me like I’m some helpless victim and I’ll put a bullet in you to prove how wrong you are,” she seethes.

“You die and those babies are without a mother. I can’t have that shit on my conscience so give me a fuckin’ break,” Kieran snarls.

“There’s no goddamn way I’d die and you know it. I would never leave my boys! I’m stayin’ here because Kel wants it and as much as that pains me, I can’t go against him. He’s had enough of me doin’ shit like this. But if something happens and I could’ve prevented it…I’ll be pissed.”

“Shannon,” Kieran tries to apologize to be met with a hand in the face.

“Save it,” she huffs before striding over to me.

“Beat the living shit out of every person that comes at you,” Kid orders as I pause my jumping.

“You know how partial I am to poundin’ pussies,” I snark, offering her a cocky smirk.

The tension melts away from her emerald eyes. She needs me to be okay as much as I need her to be safe. I’m her entertainer and my mouthy bullshit lets her know I’m just fine. I’ll be better than fine once I get Natasha and Junior back.

“Love you,” she murmurs into my neck after launching into my arms.

“Love you, Kid,” I mumble into her sweaty auburn hair, crushing her body.

I mindlessly trace the tattoo covering her ribs with my fingertips as I hold her close. Kid says it’s the way we’re all connected, and it is. But when I think of the knot dotting the
i
of my last name scripted across my back from shoulder to shoulder, I know it’s a tiny piece of the woman that made me feel worthy for the first time in my life I carry with me. She’s the good in me.

I feel Kid’s fingers gently rub my tattoo in return before she releases me.

Her eyes search my face as she pulls away before she offers me a manly chin lift and turns her back on me. I’ve been given my orders and she expects me to fulfill them. I go back to jumping rope as she approaches Kieran.

He’s rubbing his chest, just below his heart. Kieran, just like everyone else in the family, now has the clover tattooed on him. He rubs that spot in comfort whenever he needs a reminder that we’re always here for each other.

Kid places her hand over his to stop his movement.

“Beat that motherfucker to a pulp for me,” she dictates.

“My favorite thing to do, Shannon. Love you.”

He lifts her off the ground and buries his face in her neck. They call each other cousins, but she’s as much his sister as she is mine. They’re family. Kieran will do anything for her and her for him. Beating someone’s ass is a small ask in our family.

“Love you too.”

Kid uncurls from Kieran’s embrace and leaves the room with her spine steeled and her shoulders straight. She’s not much of a girl. She won’t cry. She’ll wait until the emotions fill her up and then she’ll go to the gun range to take it out on a target. I envy her strength. I won’t fall apart now. I’ll do whatever needs to be done. And when the threat is gone, I’ll collapse. I always do. I’m just hoping when I fall apart this time I’ll do it in Natasha’s arms.

“Ready?” Kieran asks calmly. He’s not worried.

“Yup,” I return, popping my
p
.

He claps me on the back as we leave the gym. I climb the stairs two at a time until I hit the great room, finding it full of the people I love.

Kat and Shannon are on the couch talking with the Cooper teenagers and Cara. They’ve been through enough in this family that our situation doesn’t seem to be fazing them. I stride to Cara and rip her off the couch in a rough hug.

She’s grown a lot since she’s been with us. At almost six feet tall, her model features are more accentuated. She couldn’t give a shit.

“Hey, Baby Girl,” I murmur into her neck.

“Hey,” she whispers back.

“Missed you.”

“Missed you too.”

I kiss her hair before setting her back from me.

“Boys,” I greet the Cooper brothers that have also blossomed in the last two years.

They all give me chin lifts as Cara curls into Cole’s side laying her legs across Dane while Sawyer places a hand on her feet. If you see Cara alone, something’s wrong. The boys are always with her and usually touching her. I get it. I fucking love witnessing it. I know without a doubt she’s always safe.

I’d like to sit and talk to them all night, but I’ve got shit to do.

“Hey, gorgeous,” I purr at Kat.

She pins me with a meaningful glare. Kat Cooper is as scary as Kid and she’s pissed off at me just like Kid.

“Fix it,” she orders.

“I will,” I assure her before bolting from the area to grab my sweats.

When I come back downstairs, I look like a fighter, loose black sweats hanging off my hips and a hoodie pulled low over my brow. It feels good. I’ve missed this and that’s fucked up but true. I spend my day in suits, conducting business in conference rooms and courthouses. Yet, after all these years I still feel my best in sweats preparing to beat someone’s ass.

The great room is empty when I come back down. It’s late so I’m hoping the people staying behind have headed to bed. I know they won’t sleep until they know we’re safe and sound, but I’ll feel better knowing they’re where they should be.

I plod to the office where I find all the guys in criminal outfits, loose holey jeans and dark T-shirts. We’re usually a walking Hugo Boss ad, tonight we’re mafia TV drama.

“Dude, you’re not comin’,” Kieran says to Blake as I enter the room.

“She’s my fuckin’ sister,” Blake argues, trying to buck up to my deadly cousin.

“Yeah, and you did this shit. What do you think Vojtech’s gonna do when he sees you? Either he ends you right then and there or he fucks with you by doin’ somethin’ to your sister in front of you. You’re not comin’,” Kieran growls, leaning into Blake’s face.

Blake’s face pales more than it already is. He’s not thinking clearly, though I don’t know if he ever does. All he can think about is getting to his sister and I understand that motivation. But Kieran’s right. Blake is a problem, not a solution. If I thought we could offer him up for Natasha’s freedom, I’d do it in a second. Not because I don’t give a shit about Blake, but because Blake loves his sister enough to sacrifice his life for her. Natasha would never forgive herself if that happened. She doesn’t need to carry any guilt from this wacked situation.

Kid comes in the door a few beats later and indicates with her head for Blake to follow her. He considers arguing and decides against it, climbing shakily to his feet. When he gets to Kid, she sweeps an arm around his waist to support his weak frame and leaves. But not before she casts a lingering look on all our faces, resting the longest on Kellerman. He beams a loving smile at her and she grins back. Then she’s gone.

“Let’s move,” Kieran dictates.

The room empties quickly as we make our way to the driveway, piling into chauffeured SUVs. No way we can be traced back to this house that way. Cooper claps me on the back, halting my progress toward the SUV.

“Anything feels off, you let me know. I’ll pull you out,” he says quietly.

“Not leavin’ without Natasha.”

He studies my face for a moment before clapping my back again and climbing in the SUV. I follow quickly and put my earbuds in, cranking N.W.A. for motivation. I breathe slowly, eyes closed and head tipped back. I can do this. The blackness within me was made for this.

Natasha

The crowd is screaming at a deafening level. I want to cover my ears and cower, but I remain still at Roman’s side. In the middle of the large empty room is a pit surrounded in ten-foot concrete walls. The seating rises from that point, rows upon rows of benches. It’s a miniature coliseum and the main event is bloody beatings.