Blizzard (The Brotherhood Journals #1) (13 page)

I carried Jayla downstairs. She was cuddled into my side and still completely exhausted. What I had hoped to be an early night with her last night had turned into an even later night than normal.

After I picked her up from Lucy’s a couple days ago, Lucy had been called out of state for family reasons. Her dad was really sick and they lived all the way in Washington State. While we shared care for Jayla, Lucy’s place had become where she spent most nights, simply because we didn’t want her to feel like she was constantly being shuffled from one place to another.

Routine was best for her.

But since Lucy was away, Chelsea and Op had helped me set up space in my room for a bed and some toys. It wasn’t perfect but it would do for now.

And I had to admit, I was enjoying having her around. I knew I was getting attached to her, and by the way she clung to me and always sought me out in a crowd of brothers, I knew she was getting attached to me too.

I loved kids. We didn’t have many around the club, but with my brothers getting to the age where we wanted old ladies, not club whores it was inevitable.

I knew the club girls were part of the attraction for men to the club.

For me, I’d grown up in the place, but for young guys looking for family and the lifestyle that the brotherhood gave them, having the club girls also was a large pull.

It felt good, knowing that you could have a woman on tap almost every night without the strings of a relationship. A lot of men came to us broken as well, and finding old ladies and starting families wasn’t high on their list of things they wanted out of life. Sometimes they didn’t even want that at all, too afraid to let someone get close to them, having lost too much already and not wanting to feel that pain again.

We attracted men of all types, but we all had something in common. We all wanted to be a part of a family who had your back through thick and thin. We didn’t want to have to second guess who was standing beside us. We wanted loyalty and passion and family.

We all wanted to ride our bikes and live free.

And that’s what they were given here.

When we got to the dining room, it was reasonably full for how early it was.

Jayla had woken me up at six a.m. with a poke to the eye and a high pitched giggle. Luckily I was an early riser anyway, so I got us both dressed and headed out to find food.

Jay’s eyes lit up. “Macy.”

I spotted Leo sitting at a table, attempting to get his little girl to eat her breakfast. Her curls bounced as she shook her head from side to side. Leo had been quiet the last few weeks.

I knew why.

A few months back, we had some trouble with some guy going after one of our club girls, who was now turned Old Lady for the president of our Troy, Alabama chapter down south.

When we went into this man’s house in search of her, we hadn’t found her but had instead rescued a young girl called Andie.

Leo and her got close while she lived at the clubhouse and attempted to get back on her feet. She was a sweet kid, young, not even out of her teens. But obviously wiser than her years.

Macy fell in love with her and I think Leo was well on his way with some strong feelings of his own. And then one day about a month ago, she was just gone. He hid his feelings well, but I knew he must have been taking it hard.

Leo lost his wife, Macy’s mom Kim, during birth. She hemorrhaged and there was nothing they could do. Kim had been his high school sweetheart. They lost each other for a while when he joined the military, but some things were meant to be and she turned up in town just after he patched in with the club.

Losing her was a loss to all of us.

I felt my brother’s pain and torment through that time, and I would have given anything to take away even a sliver of the pain that he had felt.

In the end, it was having Macy that pulled him through. She was his light inside a very dark tunnel. One that I hope he doesn’t retreat into now that he seems to have lost another woman that he cared deeply about.

I placed Jayla on the floor. “Go sit with Leo and Macy. I’ll be over soon.”

She bounced away. I watched as Macy caught sight of her and began jumping excitedly in her chair. I filled two plates for us and headed over.

“But I don’t want to go,” I heard Harlyn groan as she followed Optimus and Chelsea into the dining room.

“You are going to school. That’s fucking final, Harlyn,” Optimus snapped, turning sharply to face the whining child.

“They aren’t like me, Daddy. I’m different.”

I felt Harlyn’s frustration. Sugar had put her into one of the top schools in Athens. She wanted Harlyn to have the best education that she could. I wasn’t sure if she was scared that being a biker brat would hinder her somehow, the small handful of club kids we had all went to the local public school. I’d never heard of them having any issues, but I guess Sugar had higher expectations and Optimus could afford to send her wherever they pleased.

They grabbed their food, Harlyn walking slowly behind them sulking, and came to the table we were at.

Jayla sat on my lap as she ate her cereal and Chelsea whipped the spoon away from Leo and began chatting to Macy as she popped the spoon in her little mouth. Macy grinned, a trail of mush leaking out the side and down her chin.

Leo sat back in his chair, relieved.

“Ready for another day at school?” I asked Harlyn. She glared at me across the table as she took an angry bite out of her toast.

“Don’t start,” Op muttered.

“I don’t know why we don’t just talk to Sugar about moving her to the public school. It’s closer and they have a good reputation.” Chelsea aeroplaned a spoon into Macy’s mouth as she talked. “It would also be a lot cheaper.”

Her eyes connected with Optimus before flicking down subtly to her stomach.

Op rolled his eyes. “You know money isn’t the issue.”

“Please, Daddy,” Harlyn pleaded, tears brimming her eyes.

I frowned. Harlyn was a strong kid, she didn’t even cry when she grazed her knees or when she sprained her ankle last month. There was something more going on here.

“We’ll talk to Mom about it later,” Op sighed. Harlyn nodded before excusing herself from the table. She’d barely touched her food.

A loud high pitched shriek came from next to me as Macy threw her hands it the air and yelled, “Finished!”

Chelsea laughed and clapped for the little girl. “Yay, Macy.”

Leo pulled a baby wipe from the bag he had at his feet and wiped at the little girl’s face. Macy squirmed, attempting to evade the cleaning process. “Geez kiddo, I thought you were never going to eat that shit.”

He put his arm around Chelsea’s shoulders and pecked her on the temple. “Thanks, Chel.”

She shrugged, pulling Macy out of her high chair and bouncing her in her lap. “Need the practice.”

She stilled when she realized what she had said. I looked over to Optimus, who shook his head but couldn’t hide the shit eating grin on his face.

“Shut up,” Leo exclaimed, looking between them.

“Shhh,” Chelsea admonished. “There’s only a couple people who know, and you two are it.”

Leo threw the dirty baby wipe at Op who looked up at Leo in disgust as it landed in his lap. “You old dog.”

Jayla began to wiggle. “Woah, kiddo.” I tried to still her, but she kept trying to slide off me. I let her go, knowing there was no trouble she could get into. Her little legs carried her to the door where Rose stood, looking around uncomfortably. She was wearing skin tight athletic type pants and a crop top with her headphones still in her ears.

The look on her face instantly changed when Jayla appeared in front of her. “Rose!” she cried happily.

She pulled the cords from her ears. “Hey, there beautiful.” She ruffled Jay’s hair before picking out some fruit and cereal.

“Rose, come over here,” Chelsea shouted.

Rose’s cheeks were already flushed, no doubt from her exercise, but when she spotted me at the table, she reluctantly dodged through chairs and people and took Harlyn’s empty seat.

Jay followed her the whole way, coming back around to me and climbing onto my lap, satisfied her new friend was sitting in the vicinity.

“Morning,” she offered quietly before she began to pick at her food.

“How was your run?” Chelsea asked. “I wish I could’ve come with you.”

“Not likely,” Op muttered under his breath as he scanned through his phone. Chel hauled her arm out and smacked him across the chest, all while keeping the smile on her face.

He choked on the scrambled eggs he’d been chewing and glared over at her.

Rose watched the interaction, giving it a moment before she answered. Her shoulders seemed to sink slightly. “It was fine. Bit cold that early in the morning.”

“Maybe you should wear more clothes,” I offered.

Leo snorted and Chelsea spun her head to me.

“Maybe you should try run eight miles and see how many layers you keep on,” she shot back without missing a beat.

Optimus and Leo both laughed. Sure I was fit, I worked out and toned my muscles, but I wasn’t that fit. I didn’t respond, just watched as she stabbed her fruit with a fork before placing it between her lips. The act was strangely erotic. The urge to pull her from her chair and carry her upstairs to my room was strong. Stronger than it had ever been.

I was fighting an internal battle.

It hadn’t been hard to be angry and malicious toward Rose when she was absent. I was able to talk myself into hating her because of what she’d done and chose the memories that I wanted to replay in order to convince myself that I was in the right.

But then she comes back into my life and suddenly I’m reminded of the girl who she was when we were together. The smart mouth, the way she cared for others, her passions.

Maybe Wrench was right. Maybe the liar and the deceiver that I had labeled her, were actually the fake Rose. Maybe the girl I knew and was beginning to see now was actually the real her, and the time we’d spent together had actually given her a release from the dark part that she was being forced to play.

It was a dangerous assumption to make. I wanted so badly for it to be true because I knew in my gut that my feelings for her were becoming stronger. It was getting to the point where it was a struggle to just contain them.

But there was a huge risk.

My heart.

I’d managed to walk away last time only slightly scathed—even with her cousin attempting to kill me.

If it happens again, I think I’d rather be dead.

“Your uncle is not happy, Rosalie,” Angelo scolded through the phone.

I ran a brush through my hair as I watched myself in the bathroom mirror. “Unfortunately for him, my life goal is not to please him.”

I snagged a knot in my hair and puffed out a frustrated breath. Placing my phone on speaker, I put it down on the counter as I attempted to detangle my messy locks.

I heard soft laughter come from down the line. “Gone a few days and I can already hear more strength in your heart. Despite the circumstances, it is good to hear.”

I smiled, it was true. I was feeling stronger. I wasn’t sure why. I was about to do something completely crazy and dangerous, throw myself into the deep end of the swimming pool and hope that I could keep my head above the water. The difference between now and a few months ago when I was in much the same situation, was that I had people willing to jump in after me and pull me out if I found myself sinking.

“I feel it, too,” I told him quietly, picking up my foundation and shaking it.

“Any particular reason for this change?”

I sighed, dabbing some liquid on my brush and applying it to my face. “I’m making amends.”

“With the bikers?” he asked curiously.

“Sort of, I guess.”

I stroked the brush under my eyes, the dark circles that were once there were slowly beginning to disappear and I could already tell that my face was filling out.

After everything that went down with Marco, I’d lost a lot of weight and my skin had become pale and patchy. Even moving to New York City with my uncle and cousins had not done much to change my appearance. I’d lost my love of exercise and health, and had fallen into what I can see now was a dark depression. The hole had been slowly swallowing me and I didn’t know how to escape from it, just letting it drag me deeper. The hole was still there, and I was still fighting to get out. But I felt like someone had finally thrown me a rope.

“Don’t let anyone make you feel like you have something to prove, tesoro mio,” Angelo told me with a tone that I couldn’t quite read.

Was it anger?

“The only one I’m trying to prove something to is myself, Angelo.”

“We can be our toughest critic.”

I studied myself in the mirror, picking up my blush, I stroked it lightly onto my cheeks. “While I love chatting with you, boss man.” He chuckled. “Was there any particular reason for this call?”

“Your uncle wants you home,” his voice was harsh and unconvincing.

I frowned at the cell phone. “I thought I had a choice? I come back, or I forfeit my rights to the DePalma name.”

“Is that was he told you?” I jumped, my eyes looking up and finding Blizzard’s reflection in the mirror. Leaning against the doorframe behind me.

I narrowed my eyes. “I locked the door. How did you get in?”

“Answer the fucking question,” he demanded, not allowing me to distract him.

“Not in so many words, but that’s what I took from it.”

“Rosalie?” Angelo’s voice echoed in the small space.

“That’s not her fucking name,” Blizzard snapped, not moving his eyes from me. The atmosphere was becoming tense very quickly. I picked up the phone and switched off the speaker, holding it to my ear but keeping my eyes on Blizzard.

“Angelo, you and I both know that’s not my home. I wasn’t happy there,” I sighed, talking softly. Angelo was a strong force. He took no shit and had a million men at his disposal, ready to back him with a single word. He may work for my uncle, but his men were loyal to him and him only.

“You’re willing to walk away from your family?” His voice was tense, no longer playful or thoughtful.

“DNA isn’t always the answer. What if there’s something better for me? What if there was a place I could be happy and content that isn’t with the people whose blood I shared? Should I give up on having that just because we don’t share a name?” I gripped the vanity and leaned forward. I wanted to believe that place could be here, but at this point, the club was still very wary of me.

I just knew that I was not born to be a DePalma. I would rather walk away now with nothing, than live a lie for the rest of my life and possibly bring shame on my uncle and my cousins. I still cared for them. My heart skipped, it’s erratic thumping filling the silence.

“I would tell you that happiness trumps everything,” he finally said, his voice soft and smooth but still sure and confident. “Anthony has been like family to me for a long time now. Gio, Rico, and Cee, too. He’s done much more for me than my blood ever did.”

“And I’m so glad that you found him. He really is a great man,” I whispered. I believed it too. We may not look at things the same way, or agree on a lot of things, but he’d taken me in when I had no one and treated me like one of his own children. He didn’t have to, but I’ll always be grateful he did. “You found your place. I’m still searching for mine.”

There was silence on the line, but I knew he was still there. Unlike Gio, my cousin, Angelo still had a heart in his chest. I saw it often. He was a lot older than his time, his words always filled with wisdom like he’d lived a thousand lives already. I knew if I could make him understand, my uncle would too. Angelo just had that type of presence and power.

My eyes looked up into the mirror again, Blizzard stood still, watching me carefully. His jaw was clenched tight.

“My place is not your place,” he agreed quietly. “I will speak with Anthony, but you need to face up to him, too. He respects people that step up and share their thoughts even if they fear the consequences.”

“I will, there are just some things I need to figure out first.”

“Don’t leave it too long, tesoro mio.”

I sighed softly before pulling the phone from my ear and hanging up.

“Friend of yours?” Blizzard sneered.

I took a deep breath and pushed away from the vanity. “My uncle wants me home.” Just saying the word home made me feel ill. Even with all the bad memories of being beaten and abused, Athens still felt more like home than New York ever would.

I brushed past Blizzard as I walked back into the small room. He didn’t move to let me pass. But he never was one to stand down.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?” I asked as I concentrated on stuffing all the clothes I’d pulled out of my bag in search of an outfit, back inside.

He walked around the bed, holding a skimpy bikini up between his fingers.

I laughed. “Having memory loss in your old age? We won remember?”

He tossed it at me and I caught it against my chest. “It’s not for that. I’m doing my good deed and taking you and Jay out.” He turned to walk toward the door. “Put it on under your clothes and I’ll grab the squirt.”

“What about Harlyn?” I called after him.

“She’s at school, and she’s also grounded, so Op said no.”

I stared at the bikini in my hands. It was cute, something I would have picked out for myself. I wondered whose it was, then quickly decided I didn’t want to know. I looked out the window, summer was on its way out, but it was still ridiculously hot outside when the sun reached its highest point.

I huffed out a breath and just decided to do it.

I pulled my jean cut-offs over the scarlet red bikini and a black tank top over the top before grabbing a towel and throwing my handbag over my shoulder. I found Blizzard sitting in the bar area with one of his brother’s, Wrench. Jayla was skipping round around the table they sat at in a beautiful purple sun dress, every now and then when she passed, Wrench would reach out and tickle her belly and make her giggle. Both the men smiled as they chatted.

“Have you got sunscreen?” I asked as I moved over to them. Blizzard took me in, his eyes roaming my body from head to toe. He lifted his chin and held up a large bag which looked to be stuffed full. He stood from his seat and patted Wrench on the back.

I scooped up Jayla in my arms and propped her on my hip. “You ready, missy?”

She grinned and bobbed her head up and down enthusiastically.

We loaded Jayla into Blizzard’s truck—which I didn’t know he had—and I climbed in the front seat.

I checked his attire. “Are you going swimming in jeans?”

He lifted his shirt as he steered us out of the compound gates and I had to stop myself from licking my lips. His swim trucks sat just above his low riding jeans, a tattoo peeped out at me just above the hem. There were swirls and patterns which stood out against his surprisingly tanned skin. The skin looked smooth apart from the line of hair which ran from his belly button down and underneath his pants.

I wiggled my hips, just that little temptation enough to start a wetness building between my legs. “Oh…” I whispered quietly before turning my head to look the other way.

We drove through town, turning off onto a street I didn’t know and began to head away from the populated area and into the country. I wound down my window, enjoying the breeze that hit my face and swirled my hair around me.

We drove for a good twenty minutes before we pulled off onto a gravel driveway which was marked with a private property sign. It wound down a hill, a steep cliff on one side, the road only big enough for one car.

It was a tight squeeze, but Blizzard maneuvered the corners with ease.

When we reached the bottom, the area opened up to a vast open space. My mouth hung open in awe. To the left at the base of a tall cliff, there was a wide open lake type area. The water was beautiful and blue, almost clear. The area had obviously been made specifically for swimming with lounging beach chairs set up around the edge.

But that wasn’t the most stunning part. It was the broken down building that sat just off to the side.

“What is this place?” I asked in awe as Blizzard backed his truck up next to the water.

He looked over at it. “Used to be an old concrete factory I think. It’s just rubble now.”

There was one large concrete building still standing, but it didn’t look like it should be, with concrete slabs and arches fallen around it. There were trees and shrubs growing all around and even some poking out places which I suspected used to be windows.

Graffiti decorated some of the walls, and on one large broken wall, I even caught sight of the Brothers by Blood insignia.

I dragged myself out of the car and marveled at the destroyed ruins as Blizzard helped Jayla out of her car seat, pulling her dress over her head to reveal a cute pink one piece swimsuit.

“It’s Wrench’s land. He bought it a couple years back.” He pointed over my shoulder and I turned to see a large two story home sitting on a hill overlooking the area. “He did this all up. The club comes here often over summer for family gatherings and parties.”

“Swim?” Jayla beamed as Blizzard pulled a donut shaped floaty from the truck. It had straps that tied her in.

I could feel a bead of sweat begin to trickle down my back, the water began to look amazing.

Jayla bounced toward the edge and began to dip her toes in, laughing as she did.

I started to unbutton the front of my shorts, drawing Blizzard’s eyes to me. He watched my fingers as they pulled the zip down and I tucked my fingers into my waistband and wiggled them over my hips until they fell at my feet. He licked his lips and scratched at the stubble on his face.

“I didn’t really want to ask who you got this bikini from,” I said as I whipped my tank top over my head and tossed it with my shorts inside the cab. “I like it, so I won’t complain.”