Blizzard (The Brotherhood Journals #1) (8 page)

It was surreal, standing in the exact same place I’d been when my cousin had gunned down Blizzard. I stared at the sidewalk, inspecting it like I expected to see some kind of stain or reminder of what had happened. Even under the light of the overhead street lamp, I could see that there was nothing. I sighed, I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. The memory was heart wrenching, watching Blizzard fall to the ground unmoving. I remember screaming his name, but I couldn’t get to him. I felt so lost, my cousins pulling me away while he lay there helpless.

Because of me.

It was all because of me.

Suddenly, I wasn’t so confident and my stomach churned. I tried to remind myself why I was there.

Redemption.

Overhearing the conversation inside the hotel was exactly what I needed. They needed someone, I needed to prove to them that I was sorry. Even if sorry meant putting myself in the middle of a shit storm and hoping for the best.

“You grow a pair of balls while you were away?”

I startled. The street was dark, but of course, someone was standing at the front gate to The Brothers’ compound. As he stepped out of the gateway and into the light, I recognized his face. I fought to remember the name of the prospect who had spent hours sitting outside of the apartment Chelsea and I had once shared, watching over her constantly.

“Ham, isn’t it?”

“What are you doing here, Rose?” he asked cautiously, his hand gripping tightly to the gun he held at his side.
This is what it had come to.
These people I once called friends, feeling like they needed to protect themselves from me.

“I’m not here to cause trouble,” I told him, trying to ease the tension.

He chuckled. “We both know that you coming here is going to cause all kinds of trouble. So let’s not bullshit.”

I sighed. “Can I see Optimus?”

His eyes narrowed on me. “And why is that?”

“I think you have a problem and I might have the solution.” I tried to hold my head high and my shoulders back despite the aching need to turn around and run. My only chance was asking to see Optimus, not anyone else. I knew Ham would, at least, have to take this to his president.

“Phil, call Op.”

I saw movement in the shadows behind him. Of course. There wasn’t one, but two of them holding down the fort.

Ham continued to stare at me while a hushed voice behind the large gate talked quickly and quietly. I didn’t get another word. His stare was intimidating, but I wouldn’t let myself back down now. I’d come this far, I was stronger, I wasn’t that weak girl I once was.

I heard gravel crunching, it slowly got louder and the stirring in my stomach got worse and worse. When the gate creaked open and Optimus stepped out, I knew this was it. It was my only chance to have my say and pray that I could convince him that I was here to help, not destroy.

“Never thought I’d see you back here again,” he said as he came into the light. His eyes studied me before scanning the street around us.

“Never thought I’d be back,” I answered honestly.

“That probably would’ve been the wisest option to take.” I took the hit but didn’t falter. Now was not the time to argue my rights to be in this town. I needed to do this, and I needed to do it fast before he had time to think and turn me down.

Swallowing harshly, I placed my feet apart in a firm stance. “I heard you need someone to go in undercover?”

He raised an eyebrow but didn’t give anything else away. “We ain’t the cops, Rose.”

“I know what I heard.” I placed my hands on my hips. “You need someone and I just happen to have something to prove.”

I saw the corner of his mouth twitch. “Don’t know where you’re getting your information from, or what exactly you think you wanna prove, but I think it’s best if you take it elsewhere.”

He turned to leave, effectively dismissing me. But I wasn’t going to go down that easily. I searched my brain for something that would tell him I wasn’t full of shit.

“I can get Lane back.”

He stopped dead in his tracks, turning his head to the side so I could see his profile. The light from the streetlamp cast a dark shadow over his face, it was a sight you wouldn’t want to meet walking home alone at night.

“Where did you hear that name?”

I cleared my throat which had suddenly gone dry. “I overheard a conversation at the hotel I’m staying at. I know you need someone to go in and get her back.”

He slowly turned his body to me. “Anyone ever tell you it’s rude to listen to other people’s conversations?”

“Maybe you should tell your friends that the hotel bar isn’t a place to discuss club problems,” I snapped back, regretting it almost immediately as he took a step forward. My body reacted instantly. Stepping back, in order to keep a safe distance between the huge man who looked like he was ready to pounce and me.

“I think it’s best if you forget what you heard and go home,” he growled.

I puffed out my chest. “I’m trying to make this right, Optimus. I fucked up. I screwed up so bad that I will never stop regretting what I’ve done. I’ll never move on. For the rest of my life, I
will
be haunted by it. But right now, right here, I am asking you… begging you… to please let me gain back that small bit of self-respect I once had.”

He stared at me silently, and for a minute, I thought I saw what may have been a flicker of respect in his eyes.

“I’m warning you now, you coming here is going to severely piss some people off.” He talked slowly and cautiously as if he thought I was completely stupid and had no idea what I was getting myself into. But I knew and I was ready to take whatever consequences came with it.

“I may never be able to gain your trust back, I get that.” My throat tightened. “But this isn’t just for you. I need to prove to myself that I’m not my father.”

He tilted his head, studying me like he was trying to figure out if I was lying, just trying to worm my way back through their defenses.

“Murdered anyone lately?”

My eyes shot wide. “What? No!”

Optimus smirked. “Then you’re
not
your father.” The tone of his voice was somewhat comforting. I almost felt like he believed I was a good person. “Be here in the morning, nine a.m. Ham will be waiting for you at the gate and he’ll bring you inside. This is something that needs to be discussed with the club first. A decision will be made then.”

Optimus was a great leader. He was strong and firm but also diplomatic. I respected him.

I dipped my head in agreement, but before I turned to walk away I couldn’t help but ask, “How is Chelsea?”

His eyes flicked back to the compound, no doubt where she was waiting for him. I wondered if he would tell her that I was here, I wondered whether she would care.

“She’s good. Almost back to herself.”

My heart tightened and I felt the tears begin to warm my eyes. “I didn’t—”

“That’s something that you need to tell her…” he cut in, “…if you get that chance.”

I cleared my throat, trying hard to gain back my composure. “Sure. I’ll see you in the morning.” I turned and began to walk back down the street, a cold wind whipping at my bare arms.

“Don’t make me regret this, Rosalie,” he called after me into the darkness. The use of my full name sent a shudder through my body. It was a subtle hit, but he was reminding me that he hadn’t forgotten who I was.

I didn’t reply, continuing to force myself forward. A couple of blocks away I called a cab to come pick me up. I tightened my arms around my body, a sad attempt at trying to hold myself together. I was shaking, this was my chance to redeem myself, maybe not in their eyes but in mine. I couldn’t chicken out now. I knew in my gut that whatever I had just offered myself up for, could be dangerous.

I could do this.

I had to do this.

There was no backing out now.

“Did you have to call church so fucking early?” I grumbled, tapping my coffee cup as we waited for the room to fill up.

Optimus reclined in his chair at the head of the table, me sitting directly to his left.

“Had something fresh come in late last night. We need to get this sorted ASAP, so I called your mom and Judge in.” He tapped a pen impatiently on the table.

I screwed up my nose. “It’s weird to hear that.”

He looked up at me with his eyebrows raised. “Why?”

Sipping my coffee, I thought about the question. Why was it weird to hear someone referred to as my mom? I’d spent so long getting used to the idea of it just being me and my dad—if that. “She hasn’t been around since I was a teenager. Doesn’t it get to the point where they forfeit the right to be seen as a parent?”

“I wasn’t around Harlyn for five years. Does that mean I forfeit the right to be called her father?” He didn’t say it like he was offended by my words, but he hit the mark I knew he was aiming for.

“That’s fucking stupid.”

“Exactly my thoughts.”

Bastard.

The doors to the meeting room pushed open and my brothers flooded in, some fresh from workouts with bottles of water and towels, others dressed in the same clothes they were wearing yesterday and half asleep.

Leo wiped the sweat from his brow and took the seat opposite me, to the right of Op. Leo was our Sergeant at Arms. He controlled our security, and in some ways was the voice of reason where dangerous situations were concerned. It was his job to keep us level-headed and above ground.

After all the boys were seated, more figures appeared in the open doorway. My
mother
and Judge with Light standing just behind them. I still hadn’t grasped how much it hurt to see her, how much my body fueled with venom and anger when she was near. I still felt like I was that kid—the kid she had walked out on and left behind.

“Come in.” Optimus ushered them with his hand.

I tried to shake off the bad vibes, gripping my coffee cup in my hand and focusing on the heat that burnt at my palm.

“Came as fast as we could,” Judge explained as Ham and Phil shut the doors behind them. It was strange to have outsiders in church with us. It was usually unheard of, but I guess special situations call for a bending of the rules. That being said, they were still not asked to sit at the table with us, and would have to stand.

My mother gripped Judge’s arm tightly, even from where I was sitting I could see the darkness under her eyes. Lane’s kidnapping had evidently taken an enormous toll on her, cracks were beginning to show in her tough exterior.

“We have a small problem…” Optimus began. “It seems someone has overheard you discussing club matters.”

Judge’s eyes widened and my mom looked around at Light frantically. “We… I don’t know how that would have happened.”

Narrowing his eyes, Op stood. I could tell he was frustrated with this small development but there was something he was holding back.

“Next time you decide to talk about important matters, it would do you good to remember that there are ears everywhere. A hotel bar is not the place to share information.” I almost smirked at his tone. It was like he was scolding a small child, but what they had done was stupid. Club matters were kept for the clubhouse or secured areas, not for open spaces.

I watched Judge. Even though his bushy beard covered much of his face, I could tell that he was upset for being called out in front of our entire club. His free hand was clenched in a tight fist and his jaw was locked tightly. “Obviously, we made a mistake.”

Op laughed, causing me to sit up a little straighter. How he found this amusing, I had no idea.

“That could’ve been the best mistake you’ve ever made.”

Sitting forward, I tapped my finger on the table. “Brother, you been drinking this morning?” The boys chuckled lightly. “Because you ain’t making any sense.”

He walked around the table, ignoring me entirely. “It seems like the person who heard you talking wants to help. And with the intel we’ve gathered through Leo, what we have in mind just might work.”

My mom stood a little taller, breathing in deeply like it was her first breath of air in weeks. They had exhausted their options, coming here and asking us for help was their last resort. If we had said no they would have either had to fight, and possibly lose their lives, or give in to the demands that were being made.

Optimus may have just offered them their way out, and at this point, I wasn’t sure whether I was happy about it or frustrated.

“So…” Judge began, his body now standing a little stronger, more confident.

Light had pushed off the wall which he was leaning against and moved forward, eager to hear the plan that was possibly going to get his woman back.

They moved to the side of the room as Optimus swept passed them and placed his hand on the door. He pushed it open ever so slightly. “Come in.”

He turned to face me as he held the door for the so-called mystery person to enter. I couldn’t read the look on his face from where I was sitting, but I could feel the vibes he was sending out, and I knew even before she stepped through the door what was about to happen. She skimmed through the small space, her head down and her face hidden by a waterfall of brunette hair. There were murmurs from my brothers as they looked between her and I, just like me, trying to figure out what the fuck was going on.

I clenched my teeth and looked away.

Leo stared at me across the table, his arms folded like he was expecting me to lose it at any moment and he was ready to watch the show. “You knew about this?” I accused quietly.

He lifted his chin but didn’t speak.

Optimus rounded the table once again, coming to a stop at the head behind his president’s chair. Rose followed him like a little lost lamb. She didn’t cower like I expected her to in the presence of the people she was attempting to destroy. No. She held her body straight and stiff, more like she was preparing herself for an attack. The shaking of her hands which fell at her sides was the only indication that she was scared, or maybe just nervous.

She should be.

“For those of you who don’t know, this is Rose,” Optimus introduced her formally, as though having her there was of some sort of importance. “Not all of you would’ve met her, but I have no doubts my brothers all know who she is.”

As she pulled her head back, I got the first look at her eyes. They stared straight ahead, locked on my mother and Judge, purposely avoiding the stares of my brothers. I clenched my jaw and tightened my fists, trying to refrain from leaping out of my seat and demanding to know what the fuck Optimus was thinking bringing her in here.

“Rose wants to help get Lane back, and Leo and I have discussed a plan which may just make that possible,” he explained. “We can’t be entirely sure that these men are unaware of your connection with our club. Therefore, sending someone in who’s known to belong to us is far too dangerous and not worth the risk.”

My mother and Judge listened intently as Optimus went over his plan. I wasn’t sure I heard a damn thing he said, my eyes completely glued to the girl who had once driven me so crazy with lust. Her tongue darted out, wetting her lips before she pulled the bottom one between her teeth.

“These guys go to the same strip club every Thursday night. One of the boys is called Edge. He was born into the club, but seems to be the most unlike the others. Not as dark. The girls said he’s a…
look but don’t touch
… kind of man, but he has offered one of them to return with him to the house where they are staying.” I tried to keep up with Leo’s rambling. “All we need Rose here to do is get herself in with him and get herself an invite back home. From there, hopefully, she can give us more details on what we’re really up against with regards to numbers, firepower, and the safety of your girl.”

Rose watched Leo, taking in every word that he was saying and bobbing her head. She was scared. There was no doubt in my mind she was completely terrified. So why was she here offering to be thrown in the deep end?

“At least, she’ll have the faking it part down.” The words came out before I even had time to think about what I was saying. I could see the exact moment that they hit her, her body visibly jerking on impact. Even then, though, she continued to stare straight ahead, refusing to look at me.

That made the anger in me only heighten.

“Blizzard—”

I held up my hands. “No, I get it. It’s fucking perfect actually. We’ve already seen her acting abilities first hand, so we all know exactly what she’s capable of.” I leaned back in my chair, waiting to see what she would do next.

Would she take it like a good little girl? Or would she—

“You would know all about firsthand experience wouldn’t you?” I looked up as her words cut through the tension that had filled the room. Her eyes flicked to my crotch then back up to my face.

I heard laughter and Optimus couldn’t hide the grin that formed on his face.

Even I had to admire the way she shot back. I could tell she was scared out of her mind. It can’t have been easy, standing here in front of the same people just months ago that she had set out to destroy. The girl had balls and a part of me swelled. Pride in seeing her stand up for herself again.

Clearing his throat, Optimus asked, “Are you two done?”

Rose folded her arms across her chest and raised her eyebrows as if she was challenging me to continue. I saw the slight tremble in her hands.

She put on a brave face.

Just another of the faces she wears.

I held my hands out to the side. “Continue, oh, great sir.”

Optimus glared at me, I knew he wanted to kick my ass. I could almost guarantee that he’d told Chelsea about Rose being here and that she’d told him to go easy on her. Chelsea had a soft heart and Optimus was pussy whipped.

Stupid bastard.

“All right, let’s discuss plans.”