Blizzard (The Brotherhood Journals #1) (9 page)

My cell phone vibrated in my pocket as I sat on the club’s patio, waiting for them to make a decision.

I knew who it would be.

Pressing the answer button, I reluctantly held the cell to my ear. “Uncle.”

“You told me two days. Imagine my surprise when I send Rico to pick you up from the airport and you aren’t there.” I could tell by the tone of his voice that this was not a phone call that was out of concern for my safety. I was not where I said I would be and for my Uncle Anthony, that was a problem.

“I just needed some more time to get things sorted,” I tried to explain.

“Rosalie—”

“I don’t want to be called that anymore.” My voice was firm but inside my head I was screaming
are you fucking mental
?

Silence filled the line and I pulled my phone back from my ear just so I could check to see if he was still on the line. He was. I knew this wasn’t good.

“We are making funeral arrangements for your father.”

My heart stopped. Of all the things that he could have said to me, that was the least expected.

“He’s—”

“Yes. And while he was a disgrace to our family, out of respect for you, I have arranged to have a small ceremony.” His voice was flat and uncaring. This is what my so-called family was. They were loyalty and respect, but you turn your back on them and that was it. You made your bed, you lay in it.

I gripped the arm of the chair that I was sitting in, scared I was about to fall off. “I’m… I don’t want… I can’t do it. I don’t want a ceremony.”

“I don’t blame you, but you should still have the chance to say goodbye.”

I stood quickly, causing my head to spin. “Goodbye? I said my goodbyes when the SWAT team dragged him off yelling about how I should’ve been aborted! He doesn’t deserve a goodbye, and I refuse to pretend like I care that he’s dead just for show.”

The DePalmas had done a great job sweeping what happened under the rug. The last thing they wanted was to be seen as having a crack in their family and in their ranks. Showing weakness meant being a target and my uncle—he was never a target. This ceremony thing was just to save face, I had no doubt about that. And frankly, I wasn’t about to be a part of it.

“Rosalie…” Uncle Anthony warned, but I was already done with this conversation.

“Throw him off the side of a cliff for all I care, I won’t be coming back to say my goodbyes.” I knew my words were harsh, and the possibility of causing a shit storm of epic proportions was quite likely, but I was done. I was done pretending like this man whose DNA I shared, was anything but a sperm donor. He hadn’t cared for me. I was his revenge ticket, a way to get back at the people who he felt wronged him. He never saw me as his child.

I could feel my uncle’s anger even through the phone line. “Where are you?”

“I’m in Athens attempting to right my wrongs. And I hope that by doing it, I feel some kind of peace within myself.” I pressed my palm to my forehead, I couldn’t believe what I was saying. Where this strength had come from I had no idea, but I was going to ride the wave while I still had my feet firmly on the board.

“You owe that club nothing…” his voice was beginning to rise, “…they killed my son.”

“Your son hurt them! They are a family too, and just like you, they’ll do what it takes to protect the people they care about.” I heard movement behind me and a click of a door. I spun to find Blizzard, the patio doors now shut and him leaning against them with his arms folded across his chest.

“You have forty-eight hours Rosalie. Then I will expect you on the next plane back here. You were not raised within these walls so, for now, I’ll ignore your disrespect. You are either a part of this family, or you’re not. Make your choice.”

The line went dead and I fought to keep myself standing.

This is what it had come down to. In my uncle’s eyes, I was either with them or I was against them. There was no middle ground or wriggle room.

I had to choose.

I felt ill.

I’d been fighting for so long to belong to something, and now I was about to let it all go just so I could feel better about myself. Just so I could prove that I wasn’t the person that my father had forced me to be.

Was it worth it?

“How much did you hear?” I asked, turning away from Blizzard and staring out into the backyard of the compound.

“The asshole is dead, huh?”

I puffed out a short laugh. “Apparently.”

“Good.” His voice was deep and gruff and sent shivers down my spine.

I wasn’t sure what I was expecting. Did he want me to talk, to say sorry? I heard his footsteps coming closer and my body reacted instantly, tensing.

“They’re having some sort of ceremony or whatever. He wants me to show up and act like I care that he’s gone.” I turned, not expecting him to be directly behind me. I took a step back, but he reached out and grabbed my arm. His touch wasn’t what I expected, it was gentle, soft. Memories of my dream flooded in and I had to keep my body in check. The urge to wrap my arms around him and just hold him was so fucking strong.

I stared at his hand. “Should I care? Does it make me a horrible person for not giving a fuck that he’s gone?”

“I’d be more worried if you did.” His thumb brushed back and forth against the underside of my forearm, the sensation sent tingles through me. “Marco was not a father. He was a parasite.”

“He’s the reason I’m alive, that I’m here on this earth.” I swallowed. “Don’t I owe him that much, for giving me life?”

“It’s not always about that. It’s about who put in the effort, who cared more about being there for you than whose blood ran through your veins.” I could feel the absolute conviction in his words. He believed what he was saying with everything he had, it made me want to believe too.

“Who put in the effort for you?” I looked up, meeting his deep blue eyes that watched me, taking in every word and movement I made.

Warmth filled me. This was the Blizzard I knew. The man who could see inside my head and know exactly what I was thinking. The darkness had gone from his eyes, a darkness which I had filled him with.

We stood in silence, and for a second, I wondered whether he would open up and share himself with me once again, or whether I’d done too much damage to his soul to ever be trusted with his emotions.

“That other woman in there. That was my mom.” There was a slight crack in his voice at the mention of her. “She hasn’t been around since I was a teen. Up and left, and hooked up with another club. Left me with my dad.”

I nodded. “I know what it’s like to be raised by a single parent.”

He laughed, but there wasn’t even a drop of humor in it. “He spent too much time drinking, beating me and hanging out at the clubhouse to be considered a parent.” I took in a short breath. In that moment, I realized that maybe Blizzard and I weren’t that different. “The club raised me. They showed me what it was like to have a family.”

He released me and I missed his touch instantly, my hand twitched, wanting to reach out and pull him back. I felt the moment disappearing, but I was desperate to have it back. To have just a little longer with him while he wasn’t spitting cheap shots and venomous words at me.

“I need you to understand—”

“I understand.” He broke in. “It’s easy to convince ourselves that we’re doing the right thing when all you can see is the prize at the end and how good it could be.”

I was watching the barrier going back up. He’d let his defenses down, but now he was done. Tears welled in my eyes as I watched him slowly step backward as if he’d been in a dream state when he had come to me and now he was regretting it.

“You were my prize.” My breath caught and I let out a silent cry. “I let you get inside me, inside my head. I let you make me feel something. Now you have to live with the consequences of your actions.” And there it was, the wall was back up and his eyes were narrowed, once again seeing me as a threat. “And I have to live with the consequences of mine.”

He turned and grabbed hold of both door handles flinging them open. They slammed back against the building so hard, I was surprised they didn’t shatter.

And then—he was gone.

Tears streamed down my cheeks and dripped from my face.

I thought that the day he’d been shot was the most painful day of my life.

I’d been wrong, though.

It hurt me to see Gio shoot Blizzard—it hurt more than I could even express in words—but this hurt more because now I knew for sure, he’d had feelings for me. They may have only been small, but they were slowly building and could have been something.

They could have been amazing.

I took a hold of the chair that I’d been sitting on, everything inside me wanting to scream and toss it across the patio.

I could take the broken bones, the burns, the black eyes, but not this.

This was beginning to become more than my heart could handle.

“You don’t have to do this.”

I spun quickly, almost losing my balance. “Hi…” I murmured, attempting to brush away the tears that lingered on my cheeks. I knew it was going to be hard seeing Blizzard again, but I never imagined that one person could make me feel both beautiful and completely worthless in the same moment.

I was seconds away from calling a cab to take me to the airport, everything inside me screaming that I would never be good enough, no matter what I did.

Why am I doing this to myself?

Chelsea took a few steps closer, her eyes watching me the whole time. For a moment I thought she was being cautious, afraid I would pull out my knife and stick it in her back all over again. But the closer she got the easier it was for me to see the tears that streaked her face.

I sniffled, unable to hold myself together. “God Chel, I’m so sorry.” I covered my mouth, trying to hide my erratic breathing.

She looked over her shoulder and I followed her gaze, spotting Optimus watching us from a safe distance. His eyes never left her and I could tell that whatever she was about to say, it was him giving her the strength to say it. I braced myself for the onslaught as she slowly turned back to me.

“I want to scream and yell and hate you for what you did…”

Licking my lips I could taste the salty tears that had settled on them. I puffed out a short laugh. “You should.”

She continued to walk around me, watching me the whole time as she circled.

“I loved you. I stood beside you and held your hand when you cried. I was there for you.” Her voice was soft and quiet, but every word caused me to flinch.

“I know,” I whispered, my voice cracking.

I wanted to hang my head in shame, but I wouldn’t. I would stand here, and I would take whatever she had to throw at me. She deserved the right to let it all out, and if that meant being her punching bag, then it was the least I could do.

“I went through hell, because of the choices that
you
made.”

I squeezed my hands into fists, my nails cutting into the skin. Tears blurred my vision and I blinked furiously, trying to remove them.

“I’m so sorry,” I sobbed.

Suddenly, I was wrapped up in her arms, they squeezed me tightly. Her hand pressed against the back of my neck as she rocked me back and forward.

“So am I.”

“No.” I pushed against her, trying to break her tight embrace.

“I’m sorry I was so wrapped up in my own issues that I didn’t stop to see what you were really going through,” she whispered in my ear.

“No!” I tucked my hands between us and pushed, breaking her hold. We both stumbled backward. Optimus shot out the doors and onto the patio, taking hold of Chelsea’s arm to steady her. “Don’t stand here and apologize! Yell, scream… tell me you hate me,” I cried. My legs shook, threatening to give way. I couldn’t stand there and let her comfort me as I broke down. I didn’t deserve it.

“I don’t hate you!” she yelled, holding onto her man. “We were all victims, Rose. We all want to believe that our families do what they do because they love us. But that’s not true, some people are just assholes and they don’t care who they hurt as long as they get what they want. Your dad was one of those assholes.”

I gripped my hair with both hands. “I hurt you. I hurt all of you. I made the decision to do those things and I did them.”

“You were lied to and deceived, just like we were.” My mind was racing, I wanted to get out of there and fast. “It wasn’t your fault, Rose.” I heard her voice but it sounded so far away.

“It was. It was my fault, I let him inside my head. I let myself believe every word that came out of his mouth. I let myself get so obsessed with dreams and fairytales that I would’ve done anything just to be a part of something more.” I was rambling now, I knew it but I just couldn’t stop. Maybe if she heard me say it, then she would change her mind. “I almost killed you.” The words tasted foul in my mouth.

“Well, you didn’t do a very good job then did you!” she screamed at me. “Because I’m still here. I’m still breathing. And God damn it, I’m going to keep breathing. So will you stop feeling so fucking sorry for yourself and look at me!”

I stared at her in complete shock, not believing I heard what had come from her mouth.

“Would you like to take another shot at it?”

“Chelsea,” Optimus growled, glaring down at her.

The ridiculousness of this whole situation was beginning to dawn on me. I was yelling at her, adamant that I wanted her to hate me for what I’d put her through. My mind was telling me that I didn’t deserve her forgiveness or acceptance. I didn’t want her permission to forgive myself for what I’d done because it shouldn’t be that easy. People who did bad things were meant to suffer. But yet here she was, taunting me because I screwed up killing her off.

“Just look at me.”

I took her in. She was as stunning as ever and with Optimus’ hand resting at her waist it was perfect. So perfect.

“You look fucking amazing!” I yelled, throwing my hands in the air.

“Thank you!” she yelled back at me.

Before we even had a second to blink we were both laughing. The tears had dried up and there was nothing left to say.

She didn’t hate me.

She gave Optimus a quick squeeze before rushing over to me.

This time, I embraced her with everything I had. Warmth washed over me, flooding my whole body. Chelsea and I hadn’t been friends for long before shit went south, but it felt like a lifetime.

“I missed you,” she said smiling as she pulled away. She held her hands on my shoulders and looked me over, much like a mother would her child after so long apart. “You lost weight?”

I giggled. “It’s this new diet I like to call,
‘stress yourself skinny.’
”

“The only thing I get when I’m stressed is a tub of ice cream.” She laughed.

She nudged me toward the chair I was just sitting in, moving to pull up her own beside me. Optimus moved over and stood behind her, a looming omen, maybe even a warning. He was protecting her.

“I meant it when I said you don’t have to do this,” she murmured, reaching out to place her hand over mine. “There’s always going to be another way. And we
will
find it.”

I shook my head. “If I can help, I want to. I’ve spent too much time running and pretending that everything was going to be okay if I just moved on.”

“Everything will be okay.” She smiled at me reassuringly. I knew she was trying to be supportive. No doubt Optimus had told her about what was going down and how dangerous it was. But this was about me needing to do something selfless. I needed to feel like I wasn’t just wasting away in the world. I needed to find me again.

“Hey, I get to cross stripping off my bucket list.” I wiggled my eyebrows, but she just frowned at me, letting me know it was too soon to start joking about it. I sighed. “Look, just let me do this? That girl, Lane. She could be hurt, she could be suffering and if I can stop it, then I will.”

Chelsea groaned, looking over her shoulder at the man behind her. “This is stupid, Op.”

“Don’t even talk like you haven’t already tried to offer yourself for the job, woman.” He smirked down at her and she quickly looked away blushing.

“You hypocrite!” I laughed. “How did you think you were going to draw him in with your dancing skills?”

Even Optimus chuckled.

“I have
some
skills!” she demanded.

“The Mexican wave is
not
sexy.”

She frowned at me, but it quickly turned into a smile as she gave me a light shove in the shoulder. “Fine. But you promise me, you’ll come back in one piece?” Her face turned solemn again. I almost felt like I had whiplash from her changes in mood. “I just got you back,” she muttered.

I took her hand and squeezed it. “Trust me, I’m not about to change that anytime soon.”