Breathless (143 page)

“Hey, I didn’t mean to make you leave your party, love.”

“Well, you’re part of my party, and I wanted to talk to you.”

His face lit up with a lazy smile. “Yeah? You were with me all day, so aren’t you sick of me yet?”

I laughed softly and sat down beside him. “You wish.”

“Not at all. Never,” he answered ruefully and looked away. I could see the muscle working in his jaw.

“Today was grueling, huh?” he sighed and blew out a stream of smoke.

The scene had both of us crying our guts out and my eyes were still swollen. It was a big part of the exhaustion we both felt. I nodded.

“I’m sorry Dave is acting like a jealous ass in there.”

“I understand. I’d be doing the same thing if I were him. If you were mine, I couldn’t keep from touching you either. I mean… uh—”

My heart thudded in my chest and I was sure he must hear it pounding. “Cade. You can’t say things like that to me. I’m…” I struggled for words. “Well, I’m—I’m just—really confused about stuff right now.”

He reached out and took my hand, bringing it up to brush his lips on the inside of my wrist. “I know. I’m sorry.” His expression was serious as he searched my face. I couldn’t hold his gaze because I knew I’d get lost in his eyes. “I don’t mean to confuse you.”

“I know, but you do,” I said softly. So softly, that even I almost didn’t hear my own voice. I felt my throat constrict painfully. The emotions I felt with Cade, around Cade, and for Cade; were all over the fucking place. He could infuriate me like no one else could, make me burst out in hysterical spasms of laughter, make me want him so bad my skin vibrated. I felt his pain as deeply as if it were my own. Hell, maybe it was
my
pain. There were times when I couldn’t tell where he ended and I began. It terrified the shit out of me.

Cade turned to contemplate my expression and his eyes softened; his lips quirking slightly at the corners as he let out his breath in an amused huff.

“So… I told Martin we were meeting at a different restaurant.” His shoulder nudged against mine gently, his voice full of laughter. “I didn’t think you’d want him here tonight.” His attempt to change the subject worked.

“Uh uh! No you didn’t!” I said incredulously and laughed. “Cade!”

“What?” A beautiful smile split across his face. “I didn’t think you’d want him bloody crashing your party, right? Isn’t fifteen hours of listening to his incessant, mindless rabble enough for you?” he chuckled and I started giggling. This was the best I’d felt all night.

“Oh, my God, yes! You’re right. So what? You sent him somewhere else? He’s gonna be soooo pissed!” I was still laughing. “You’re amazing.”

His face sobered as he touched my chin with his fingers. “There’s the smile I needed to see on that beautiful face. You should be happy today. Let’s go eat cake, shall we? It’s my favorite part of birthdays.”

I longed to take his hand and press it tighter into my cheek, to lean into him and close my eyes. Instead, I nodded. “Okay.” I nudged his shoulder with mine lightly; repeating the gesture written for our characters, that had now become part of us. “This,
right now
, is my favorite part so far,” I said quietly and his eyes lit up and he leaned into me in return. “Thank you for the party.”

“Anything for you. You know, I have a gift for you, too, but I want to give it to you when we’re alone. How long is Dave staying?”

My heart fell at the mention of Dave’s name and my little illusion fell around me in shards. I swallowed and licked my lips, dropping my gaze to the ground.

“Uh, I think a day or two. Truthfully, I didn’t ask him.”

Cade nodded as he stood up and held out a hand to me before leading me back into the restaurant. “Well, then, in the next few days, yeah?”

The lump in my throat threatened to choke me. “Um… sure.”

*****

I sat on the bed as David moved around me, taking off his clothes as he went. He was talking, but I wasn’t registering one word he was saying. I stared off into space, not seeing or hearing anything, as my mind replayed the look in Cade’s eyes as we said goodbye before David led me out of the restaurant. The way his fingers fisted in the back of my shirt, as he hugged me and kissed the side of my face, told me everything I needed to know.

Of course, Cade and I weren’t lovers, but there was high degree of desperation in that embrace.

“Hey, Brook.” David was waving a hand in front of my eyes as my hand absently played with the bedspread, my unseeing eyes finally focusing on his almost nude body. Leave it to him to get right down to business. “Where the hell are you?”

I stood up and removed my jacket and kicked my shoes into the closet. “I’m sorry. I’m just so tired,” I said wearily. I prayed that he would just let me crawl into bed and fall into a blissful sleep. One where I wouldn’t dream of Cade’s tortured expression or the strain of that last embrace when he whispered, ‘Happy birthday’ against my face, with his hot breath washing over my skin.

“It’s no wonder, they work you like a dog. Where was Martin tonight? I was going to talk to him to see if he had any jobs on his other films.”

I smiled and flopped down on the bed. “Hmmph! I, uh, guess he must have gotten lost. He was invited.” I could barely contain the laughter. If Dave really knew the truth of what happened, he would be furious with Cade.

“Are you going to let me in on the joke? What’s so damn funny?”

“Nothing.” I tried to keep a straight face and failed. Dave’s expression tightened.

“Aren’t you going to get ready for bed?” Dave lowered his voice and crawled up next to me. He propped on one elbow and used his other hand to start unbuttoning my shirt, but my hand came up to cover his.

“Yeah, I’ll do it,” I said and got up from the bed. Dave sat up and pulled his knees up to rest his elbows on them. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye and found him studying me intently.

“What’s going on, Brook?”

I was digging in my drawer, looking for some sweatpants and a t-shirt, when my hand came across one of Cade’s shirts he’d left here after one of our all-nighters. I quickly shoved it under some others and pulled out a long sleeved Henley to wear with my sweats.

I stiffened at his words. “Nothing. I told you five times, I’m tired.”

“Yeah, well, I could see the way Carlisle was looking at you all night, like he was a starving man sitting in front of a huge steak dinner.”

I rolled my eyes and walked into the bathroom, hoping he wouldn’t follow. “Don’t you think you’re being a little over dramatic?”

“No, I sure as hell don’t. Wendy told me how he follows you around like a dog, and that you let him.”

I pulled my shirt up over my head and donned the one I was planning to sleep in. Dave showed up in the doorway to the bathroom and leaned on the doorframe. I could feel the heat rising up under my skin, and knew it would be flushing red.

“Wendy should mind her own fucking business,” I said sardonically. “And you shouldn’t be gossiping about me behind my back. She has ulterior motives. Jesus!” I knew she wanted Cade and wanted him bad. “If anyone should be following anyone, I should be following
him
!”

“Something’s different. You’ve changed.”

I dropped my jeans, not caring that he was there. He’d seen me naked numerous times and I pulled on the sweats.

I nodded and grabbed a scrunchie and wound it in my hair several times to secure it in a knot at the top of my head. “Yeah, maybe I have.” I shrugged. “People change.” I knew the tone in my voice was disinterested, disengaged and maybe if he didn’t have that accusatory tone to his voice I would have given a damn.

“Is
he
the change? Are you fucking him?” he asked forcefully. His face was angry and flushed. He was breathing hard with his fists clenched at his sides. I knew my next words were going to make him even more pissed, but figured it wouldn’t matter what I said. He and Wendy had already judged me.

“Look, you need to relax. You’re going to have a coronary,” I said dryly and went about pulling out my toothbrush.

“Brooklyn! Are. You. Fucking. Him?” he yelled at me.

“Yeah, right. Well, I’m sure you and your little partner in crime have already decided what I’ve done, so why does it matter what I say? I don’t particularly feel like answering right now, so why don’t you go ask Wendy? She seems to know everything.” I shrugged and loaded my toothbrush with too much toothpaste. My indifferent demeanor was only making him more furious.

“He wants you, you know.”

I shrugged, getting into the game now. He was pissing me off, making me feel more justified in building the wall between us. “Yeah, I know.”

“Why are you being such a cold bitch? I came up here to be with you and you couldn’t care less that I’m here. You’re more concerned with him than me!”

I heaved a big sigh, my anger finally coming to the surface and I threw my toothbrush into the sink. “Fuck you, Dave. In all the years we’ve been dating, shit like this has never come up, so why now? Frankly, I’m fucking tired of the little conspiracy theories that you and Wendy have cook up.” I turned and stormed past him into the other room and then whirled on him. “Are you sure you two still aren’t in junior high? Yes! Cade and I spend a lot of time together, but we are the two principals in this film. Yes! We’re friends. Yes! We care about each other. No! We aren’t fucking! Satisfied?” I was breathing hard and tears of frustration welled up in my eyes. Dave came toward me and tried to put his arms around me, but I pulled away.

“Please don’t touch me right now,” I said, my eyes looking straight into his. I could see the regret flash across his face when he reached out to put his hands on my shoulders.

“Brook,” he began, but I backed out of his arms. “I’m… Look, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be jealous but something about that bastard just makes me crazy.” My heart hardened at his use of the derogatory name for Cade. “I love you and all I want is to make love with you right now.” He came up behind me and pressed his pelvis into my ass. I could feel him getting hard against me.

I felt sick to my stomach and the last person I wanted touching me now, was Dave.

“You’re kidding, right? You were screaming at me thirty seconds ago and now you expect me to roll over with my legs in the fucking air? Not likely.”

I turned and pushed him away. He looked at me with stunned eyes.

“But, it’s been months.”

“So what? I don’t feel like it right now! In fact, I just want to be alone.” I went to the end of the bed where he’d left his clothes, picked them up and thrust them in his arms.

“What the fuck? You’re kicking me out?”

“I guess. Just go back to L.A.” I walked back into the bathroom, slammed the door and picked up the toothbrush I’d thrown in the sink. I took a deep breath and turned on the water. My chest was tight and, with the breath I’d sucked in, physically hurt.

I rinsed the brush and put new toothpaste on it and stared at my reflection. My eyes were wide and there was a bright red flush on my skin. I was so screwed up, and Dave was so insensitive. Pawing at me all night and, in between that, buying into Wendy’s lies.
Stupid Bitch.
If she wanted Cade, she shouldn’t have been causing problems between Dave and I
, I thought.

I brushed my teeth and decided to take a shower, hoping that when I went back out into the other room, David would be gone. Thankfully, he was. My body started trembling. I didn’t want to hurt Dave, but I just couldn’t stand the thought of sex with him. Maybe I had changed; just like he’d accused me of. I had hurt both of the men I cared about tonight, but I felt out of control of everything.

I glanced at the clock and it was almost midnight. Cade and I had been up for 18 hours and I was tired, but the look on his face when I left with David haunted me. My instincts told me what he’d been thinking, and I couldn’t let him think that, not if there was the slightest chance it caused him suffering.

I went to my jeans and dug out my phone. It rang three times when he finally answered.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked anxiously. “I didn’t expect to hear from you anymore tonight.”

“I’m fine. What are you doing?” I sat on the floor at the end of the bed, leaning up against it.

“Ethan is here. We’re just having a drink and talking. Um, what about you?”

“I just wanted to call you. Dave left,” I whispered into the phone. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting for a response, I just knew I needed Cade to know.

Silence.

“We got in a fight.”

“I understand if you don’t want to tell me, but um… what about?” He was hesitant and pensive. I could almost see his face just by the sound of his voice; the low tenor of it flowing like silk through the phone. He was so fucking sexy. “Uh, I mean, you looked… he was very attentive tonight.”

“I guess he was too attentive for my tastes. We argued about a few things.”

“Like what, Brook?”

“Apparently he and Wendy had a little soirée and talked behind my back. I was tired and didn’t want sex, and just….
You
,” the last word ripped from me.

“Oh.” I could hear him breathing and the sound of Ethan calling him from across the room. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, you didn’t do anything, so don’t apologize. Will Ethan be there long?”

“Not sure. Why? Do you need me?” The velvet timbre of his voice dropped another level and it made me catch my breath.

My heart leapt in my chest.
You have no idea.

“I don’t want to interrupt you guys, but if he’s leaving soon, can you—?”

“Yeah. I’ll be right there.”

“How—?”

“I just will. Ethan knows… well, he’ll understand. Can I bring your birthday gift?” he asked hopefully.

I smiled, ran a hand through my hair and pulled a knee up to my chest. Leave it to Cade to make me feel better with his sensitivity and thoughtfulness, once again. I knew that was what I was finding lacking in David now. After Cade, he seemed so much less than before, even though it wasn’t his fault. Caden Carlisle was a damn tough act to follow… or precede.
Whatever.

“Okay.”

“Be right there.” And with that the phone went dead.