By Force of Instinct (3 page)

nor could he expect her to welcome his attempts to relieve her distress—she had made it perfectly clear what she thought of him, and he would be the last man she would wish to offer her solace. With an unfamiliar sensation of helplessness, he realized there was nothing he could offer her for her present distress. The question in his mind, however, was as to
why
she was upset.
He
was the rejected suitor;
he
was the one misjudged and falsely accused. The answer was not long in coming; with a bitter taste in his mouth, he realized that her tears had nothing to do with him at all but must represent the pain of her disillusionment over Wickham. Her feelings for him must have been more tender than Darcy had ever considered, and a surge of hatred rose in him. Was it not enough that Wickham had injured his beloved sister, without taking away the woman he loved as well?

“Do you think that any consideration would tempt me to accept the man,
who has been the means of ruining, perhaps forever, the happiness of a most
beloved sister?”
could it be possible that elizabeth despised him as he did Wickham for the hurt wilfully done a beloved sister? The thought that his actions could be seen in such a light was acutely disturbing, the more so because he could not even defend himself against the charge. Whatever his motives, concern for the feelings of Jane Bennet had never entered his head, only the advantages he perceived for Bingley and for himself in their separation.

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His heart aching, he turned and retreated as quietly as possible to reflect upon his painful realizations—his elizabeth, so deeply involved with Wickham as to be devastated by his revelations about her favourite, and her right to despise him as being no better than Wickham himself. How was he ever to face her? How was he to live with the knowledge that she would never be his?

elizabeth knew it was hopeless to think she could appear even tolerably cheerful at rosings that night, and had settled it with herself that merely maintaining her composure would be enough of a goal. That she was quieter than usual was not immediately a problem; Lady catherine was perfectly capable of handling the conversation without input from anyone, and it appeared that this was a tendency Lord Derby shared with his sister.

Darcy gave no visible reaction to her arrival, though she noticed that he quickly abandoned his seat opposite her to walk behind her where she could not see him. she could feel, however, the pressure of his gaze on the back of her neck, and she remained acutely conscious of his presence, all the more so after Lady catherine said irritably, “Darcy,
will
you stop that pacing? you are making me quite dizzy!”

Darcy obeyed his aunt’s command somewhat ungraciously, feeling that pacing was a substantial improvement over the other possibilities that came to his mind, both of which involved taking bodily hold of elizabeth Bennet, though whether to shake her or kiss her he was not quite clear. He ignored her further directives to sit down immediately by Anne.

Darcy being insufficiently responsive to her demands, Lady catherine’s vexation grew, and as her eye fell on elizabeth, she turned to this new target. “Miss elizabeth Bennet, you are very quiet tonight!” exclaimed her Ladyship. “no more of your decided opinions for you?”

Aware of the gentleman behind her and the wrong she had done him, elizabeth seized the opportunity to make a sort of apology. In as composed a manner as she could manage, she replied, “your ladyship has brought to my attention that there is a danger in owning decided opinions. I have realized that there is the risk that one might hold them on the basis of false information, which could lead to regrettable circumstances.”

Lady catherine was undecided as to whether this response qualified as 17

Abigail Reynolds

impertinence or appropriate humility but decided it must represent the latter. “I am glad to know my advice did not go unheeded, Miss Bennet, and to hear that you are not above taking the counsel of your betters in these matters.”

Darcy, who had been frozen in place by elizabeth’s unexpected admission, winced at his aunt’s ill-bred words. Was that how
he
sounded to elizabeth?

Lady catherine’s attention now shifted to Miss Darcy. “Georgiana, your brother has given me excellent reports on your progress at the piano-forte.

I should be pleased to hear you play now.”

Georgiana paled. “Please excuse me, Lady catherine. I could not possibly play before all these people.”

Her aunt frowned at this disobedience. “nonsense, Georgiana. you play quite acceptably, though perhaps not quite so well as my Anne would have had she had the chance to learn. I must insist that you play for us.”

“I beg you to excuse me,” the girl said in a voice barely above a whisper.

“I will not have this, Georgiana! you are my niece, and I refuse to believe you unable to perform before a small family party!” Lady catherine’s annoyance with her niece’s stubbornness was clearly growing rapidly.

elizabeth had never seen Lady catherine in a mood quite as vindictive as tonight, and her heart went out to Miss Darcy, who was clearly petrified. she could not even bring herself to answer, and tears were beginning to gather in her eyes. elizabeth was relieved to see Darcy move to stand beside his sister’s chair, his hand resting comfortingly on her shoulder. “If Georgiana does not wish to play,” he said deliberately, “I see no reason why she should have to do so.”

“now, see here, Darcy,” rumbled Lord Derby. “you are mollycoddling her again. That is no way to help her!”

Darcy’s jaw was set in clear lines of anger. elizabeth could not understand the precise nature of the problem at hand, but she could see that Miss Darcy was on the verge of losing her composure completely.

With sudden resolve, elizabeth fixed her eyes firmly on Darcy, willing him to look her way. As if drawn by a magnet, his gaze turned to her. she gestured slightly with her head toward the piano-forte. He watched her unreadably for a moment, and then said, as if unwillingly, “In fact, I had been looking forward to hearing Miss Bennet play tonight.”

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“As have I,” added colonel Fitzwilliam quickly.

elizabeth stood before any objection could be raised. “It would be my pleasure. Miss Darcy, might I impose upon you to turn the pages for me?”

Miss Darcy agreed to this idea with embarrassing alacrity, escaping in elizabeth’s shadow to the piano-forte. As they sat down to the instrument, elizabeth began paging through the sheet music. “Thank you,” said Georgiana softly.

elizabeth turned to her with a smile. “you are quite welcome. I hope that you do not pay overmuch attention to what was said,” she said quietly.

“What do you mean, Miss Bennet?” she asked shyly.

Placing her fingers on the keyboard, elizabeth said mischievously, “I daresay that you will hear criticisms of my playing tonight, but I would have to play a great deal worse than I do in order to be as ashamed of my playing as I would of being so ill-mannered.”

colonel Fitzwilliam drew a chair near them, putting an end to their conversation, but the interchange had not gone unnoticed by Darcy. Although unable to make out their words, he could see Georgiana’s look of surprise and admiration, and he wondered what elizabeth had said to her. Before her playing could begin to cast its usual spell on him, he looked straight at her to remind himself of the accusations she had made, and the familiar rush of anger at her wilful misunderstanding of his nature filled him once again.

Lady catherine, misinterpreting the look of distaste on his face and quite prepared to criticize anything about her nephew, said, “Miss Bennet plays none too ill for one who has not had the advantage of a London master. one could hardly expect her to meet the standards to which you are accustomed, Darcy, nor to have taste equal to Anne’s or Georgiana’s.

If she would only practice more, I believe that she would be a pleasant performer.”

elizabeth inclined her head toward Miss Darcy. “It begins already, you see,” she whispered, amusement in her voice. “now, I urge you to ask yourself, which of us has cause to be embarrassed.”

Georgiana giggled, her admiration of elizabeth nearing adulation as she continued to receive Lady catherine’s remarks with forbearance, but not without quiet commentary of her own. elizabeth was pleased to see the girl’s spirits rising, but wondered how her brother would feel about her at-19

Abigail Reynolds

tempts to encourage his sister to assert her independence. she was grateful, however, to Lady catherine for offering her the distraction of worrying about Miss Darcy’s feelings; it was far more tolerable than her own concerns. With these thoughts, she continued to play till it was time for her party to return home.

colonel Fitzwilliam and Miss Darcy called again at the parsonage the following day. Georgiana was anxious to spend time with her new idol. Although under ordinary circumstances elizabeth would have enjoyed her company, Georgiana continued to be an unpleasant reminder of her brother. The suspicion that Darcy would not approve a friendship between his impressionable sister and the woman he wished to forget, and that he would not wish Georgiana to be tainted by elizabeth’s low connections, could not but enter her thoughts. With her mind so occupied, it was difficult for elizabeth to retain her concentration. reflection must be reserved for solitary hours; whenever she was alone, she gave way to it as the greatest relief; and not a day went by without a solitary walk in which she might indulge in all the delight of unpleasant recollections. But despite elizabeth’s distraction, Miss Darcy pressed on her an invitation to visit with her at rosings the next day, an invitation she dearly wished to decline, but she could come up with no excuse.

Thus it came to pass that the morrow found elizabeth slowly making her way to rosings, hoping against hope for the absence of Mr. Darcy. on her arrival, she was shown to a mercifully empty parlour while a servant went to locate Miss Darcy. to calm her nerves, she picked up a book lying on a table. Finding it to be a volume of poetry she had an interest in reading, she took it over to the window for better light and began to leaf through it.

Unaware of her presence in the room, Darcy entered, and was immediately captivated by the picture she made, her dark curls framed by the sunlight pouring in the window. Her lips were moving as she read, clearly tasting the metre and the rhythm of the poetry. He could not look away, all his anger with her momentarily drowned by his need to touch her face and kiss those lips.

Warned by some sense that she was no longer alone, elizabeth looked up to discover Darcy, his dark eyes intent on her with a meaning she could not comprehend. A becoming flush stole up her cheeks at what he must 20

By FoRce oF InstInct

think of her presence there. “Pardon me, sir; I did not mean to intrude; I am waiting for Miss Darcy,” she said with a certain agitation.

Say something, damn it!
he told himself. “My apologies for disturbing you, Miss Bennet. I was merely looking for my book.”

elizabeth looked down at the book in her hands with a sinking feeling.

she closed it quickly and held it out in his direction. “This must be yours, then, sir,” she said, feeling as if she should apologize for trespassing on his property by having read it even for a moment.

“If you are enjoying it, Miss Bennet, please continue; there are many other books I can read … Are you fond of Wordsworth?” he asked desperately, not completely sure why he was pursuing this conversation. she had once again undercut his equanimity, and it was hard to recall why he had been so angry with her when she was before him.

“I have enjoyed what I have read of it,” she replied automatically. “When I was in London there was a discussion one evening at my uncle’s house about Mr. Wordsworth and Mr. coleridge, and how they have been trans-forming the art of poetry. Mr. Monkhouse, whose cousin is married to Mr.

Wordsworth, was saying that his personal vision of nature contrasts with the formal meanings that were common to cowper and Gray, and I was curious to see for myself what might appear in this edition …” she felt as if she were talking to no purpose but to fill the empty space in the room.

“you have not read this collection before, then?” He was beginning to recover himself from the shock of seeing her so unexpectedly, and his voice grew more formal and distant.

she heard the surprise and the chill in his voice. “no, sir, I have not had that privilege,” she said shortly, loath to admit a deficiency in her education to him. since he had made no move to take the book from her, she set it down on the neutral territory of a small table.

“you are welcome to read it, Miss Bennet. you might enjoy Lyrical Ballads by coleridge and Wordsworth as well—that was their first published work.”

The turn of his countenance was making her quite uncomfortable, as did his condescension in pointing out the obvious regarding poetry. “I have read many poems from it already; it indeed heralded a new age in poetry. I am interested to see where Mr. Wordsworth goes with his current work in progress.” she looked at him challengingly.

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“The Prelude? What do you think of it?”

Displeased to find that she could not better him on the subject, elizabeth said shortly, “I have seen only brief excerpts from it.”

“I hope that you will have the opportunity to discover it for yourself in its entirety soon, then, or at least such parts as have been published,” Darcy said lamely, aware that he had somehow displeased her.

elizabeth heard his discomfort and misinterpreted it. “Thank you, Mr.

Darcy, but we must be realistic, must we not?” she said with a bite in her voice. “I must consider my restricted opportunities; after all, my father has an excellent library for a man of his means, but that does not extend to the newest books; those of us with
inferior
connections cannot hope to have such amenities.”