By Force of Instinct (30 page)

Unused to extravagant compliments of this sort from elizabeth, but finding the sensation quite agreeable, Darcy was silent for a moment. Finally he said, “I shall just have to recall, then, what it is that I have which he does not.” Leaning over, he gently took her nipple into his mouth and suckled it just long enough to leave elizabeth filled with unsatisfied desire, then he returned to her lips to explore them with concentrated thoroughness. “But you have not yet told me, my heart, what impelled you to come to me today, and I should
very
much like to hear it,” he said, his eyes displaying that familiar intensity that spoke of his desire.

Having reached that point where acting on her reasons had greater appeal than speaking about them, elizabeth decided that he deserved a small dose of his own medicine. she ran her hand down his chest in what she hoped was a tantalizing manner, then smiled at the look upon his face. “It was a combination of circumstances, actually—a comment you had made, and one of my aunt’s as well, but mostly it was the realization that my loyalties lie with you. I have seen you ready to defy your family’s wishes and all the expectations of society to marry me, and I wished you to know that my commitment to you is every bit as great.”

“My elizabeth!” said Darcy, unaccountably moved by her words, in his heart as well as quite profoundly in his body. “And now you
are
my wife in very truth, if not yet solemnized by the church.”

she looked at him in amusement. “That may be so, Fitzwil iam, but you appear remarkably disinclined to act upon it at the moment,” she teased. “Perhaps it is time for me to return to my uncle’s house and leave you in peace.”

Almost before the words had left her mouth, Darcy trapped her body with his arm and insinuated his leg between hers. “Do not even
think
about it, my heart! I will have more than enough difficulty letting you go when I must.” He buried his face in her hair.

The strength of his response took her by surprise, but the serious undertone in his voice could not be missed. Affectionately, she reached up and caressed his cheek. “Very well, sir, you have convinced me,” she said gently, 181

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realizing that she was seeing a new side of him today, a vulnerability he habitually masked with demands. In hindsight she could see that it had always been thus, at least since they had met in Kent, and she had failed to recognize it. even his proposal in Hunsford had been so—now, knowing him better, she could look back and see the agitation and worry behind the words which on the surface demanded immediate obedience.
Had he always been so guarded?
she wondered, and to her mind came the confidences of Lady Derby—what had she said? That he had idolized his parents, but they had little interest in him? Perhaps he had never learnt another way to express his all too human need for affection. “I love you,” she whispered, and a tension that she had not recognized left his body.

He seemed content for the moment just to hold her, one hand toying lightly with her soft curls. she recalled his words after their quarrel:
You
cannot rid yourself of me, because I cannot do without you.
she was unaccustomed to being necessary to another person—Jane would perhaps have come closest, but even she tended to keep her own counsel and to expect elizabeth to do the same. The idea that he might need her was more than a little frightening, but it also gave her a certain feeling of warmth and protectiveness. she suspected that it was an even more difficult admission for him than it had been for her, and heaven knew
she
had resisted coming to need
him
. Who would have thought it, when first they met, that she would come to depend on him for her happiness, and he on her? Who would have thought that she would feel a love so strong as to make her see a virtue in violating so many of the precepts taught to her? Who would have thought that doing so could feel so natural and right?

she became aware that his hand was beginning to stroke her curves once again, and she abandoned her thoughts to enjoy the pleasure of his touch.

Unfortunately, his fingers travelled a bit too lightly along her ribs, causing her to start with a gasp. “Fitzwilliam, I will thank you not to tickle me!”

she exclaimed with a laugh.

He raised his head to give her a devilish look. “Are you ticklish, then, my heart? I shall have to remember that—it might be to my advantage some day,” he said.

“you already have quite enough
advantages
over me, thank you!” she said with rueful good humour. “I am altogether too susceptible to your form of argument.”

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The expression on his face changed subtly. “Is that so?” he asked softly.

“Perhaps I should test out this theory.” He cupped his hand around her breast and lowered his mouth to hers.

After a kiss which began gently but grew gradually to greater excitement, she said, “Altogether too many advantages!”

“I shall take advantage wherever I may,” he said, reaching to lightly stroke her inner thighs. “After all, my dearest, all
you
need do is smile at me, and I cannot resist you.” He watched her with pleasure as she began to move against him.

she could feel his arousal pressing against her. “Perhaps, then, I should test out
your
theory,” she said with a deliberate smile of mischief.

Parting her legs with his knee, he gently insinuated his fingers into the heart of her desire. As elizabeth gasped at the sudden intense pleasure of his touch, he said, “My theory was proven months ago, dearest, loveliest elizabeth. It does not even take a smile—a passing look, a thought, the sight of you from across the room—and I am yours to command.”

The gentle movements of his finger were sending a rising tide of desire through elizabeth, and she shivered from the building excitement within her. Darcy’s eyes darkened with passion at her response, and suddenly there was no more need for words.

183

Chapter 10

Darcy would not hear of elizabeth finding her own way back to cheapside that afternoon. Although he acknowledged reluctantly that it would risk discovery if he took her as far as the Gardiners, it would do no harm, he argued, were he to drive her within several streets of their house. His motive was not only her increased comfort; in truth, he was finding it difficult to face the prospect of letting her go and was trying to delay the inevitable as long as possible.

He elected to drive her himself in order that he might at least be allowed to sit by her, rather than be forced by propriety to sit across from her, unable even to touch her. elizabeth smiled at this obvious ploy, but found nothing on her own part to object to.

There was an issue on Darcy’s mind, however, and this seemed a good time to raise it. “We have not yet considered the question of a wedding date, my heart,” he said as he steered his horses towards cheapside.

“no, we have not,” replied elizabeth with amusement, feeling perfectly certain of what he wished to say on the subject. she had no objection to giving him an opening, though, so she added, “Have you any thoughts on the matter?”

He gave her a sidelong glance. “I would prefer not to have a long engagement.”

It was difficult not to tease him, but she was beginning to learn that she should not tease him about herself. she kept her face solemn with an effort 184

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and said, “I thought perhaps not.” The effort proved too great; her mirth would not be completely suppressed, and she smiled despite herself.

“you find the subject amusing?” he asked, with a slight frown, his attention focused on navigating the busy streets.

she laid her hand daringly on his arm for a moment and gave him an affectionate look. “not the subject, sir, but perhaps how formally we are discussing a matter on which, if I am not mistaken, you have already reached a conclusion,” she said

With a sardonic look, he replied, “Very well, madam, since you find me so easy to read, what are
your
preferences?”

As it happened, elizabeth shared his preferences more than he could know, since the prospect of more time in either her uncle’s house or her father’s did not at present appeal to her at all. In a case such as theirs, however, too much of a rush to the altar could look compromising in and of itself, and there was already enough scandal associated with her family to risk inviting more. “It would seem to me that if a shorter engagement is preferable, the simplest way to accomplish this would be to have a double wedding with Jane and Mr. Bingley next month,” she said, watching for his reaction.

The same thought had occurred to Darcy more than once. “That might be the most reasonable,” he said reluctantly, feeling that a month was a very long time to wait, but knowing that convincing elizabeth of anything sooner would be unlikely. He added, “once your father has formally given his consent, we can begin making the arrangements.”

elizabeth’s smile vanished as if it had never been. “My apologies; I neglected to tell you that my uncle received a letter from my father last night, and he has given his permission,” she said. she had forgotten her distress over Mr. Bennet’s response while she had been with Darcy; now it came rushing back into her remembrance.

“no need to apologize, my heart,” said Darcy. “It was not as if there were any doubt, and I believe you may have been somewhat … distracted.”

He directed a smile at her, recalling the source of her distraction. to his dismay, he saw elizabeth biting her lip as if in distress. “Is anything the matter?” he asked in concern.

elizabeth’s first instinct was to deny any difficulty, but she stopped herself before she was able to do so. reminding herself of her resolution to 185

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trust him, she glanced up at him, and recalling the intimacies they had shared that day, made her decision. “Although my father consented, it appears that he is not pleased,” she said, feeling all the anxiety of sharing this concern with him.

Darcy frowned. “on what grounds?” he asked.

“He did not say,” she replied. “I do not believe, though, that he ever saw reason to change his first impression of you. I could wish, however, that our families were pleased about our engagement.”

“
I
am pleased about it, more than pleased, and if you are as well, that is all that truly matters,” he said gently.

elizabeth accepted his assurances, and the ride passed in pleasant and affectionate conversation. Leaving her was as difficult as Darcy had imagined, though; as she walked away from the curricle towards Gracechurch street, he felt a sharp pain of loss, and he knew how empty his house and his bed would feel without her. He could not even begin to regret what had happened that day, but he knew that it would be all the more difficult to be without her because of it; that theirs was a love which, once shared, would be desired and needed all the more for it. As she reached the corner, she turned to look back at him with a wave and a smile, and his every instinct demanded that he race after her and take her back to Brook street where she belonged. He consoled himself with the memory of how it had felt to have her body beneath his, her shyly passionate responses only adding to his pleasure. He suspected that he would be living more on these memories in the weeks to come than on food and drink.

He would have been reassured to know that elizabeth was already missing him as well, although her mind had already begun to turn to how to prevent questions from arising in the Gardiners’ minds. she had taken great care before they left his townhouse to restore her dress and her hair to as pristine a state as possible, and thought that there was nothing there to be noticed, but feared more that the change in
her
which felt so profound would somehow be visible. If her uncle were to discover what had occurred, he would be quite distressed, and no doubt indeed send her home, though not before marching her down the aisle forcibly if necessary—
perhaps not
so bad an option
, she thought. she felt a rush of emotion at the idea of returning to Darcy’s house as his wife, never to have to leave or be forced into subterfuge, and she could almost wish that it would come to pass, were it 186

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not for her desire to save both him and her family from scandal. But the thought gave her the courage to walk into the Gardiners’ house with a confidence she had not previously possessed, and to pass without question.

It was not until that night when she was alone once again that she allowed herself to reflect on what she had done. she gazed in the mirror, wondering why there should be no difference in her appearance when she felt such a profound change from within her. she had known from an early age that some engaged couples anticipated their marriage vows in one way or another, and that society turned a blind eye to it; but she had never thought she would be among them. on the other hand, it seemed there was so very much she had never anticipated—the powerful feeling of connection and bonding that came of falling in love, the deep joy of giving happiness to one’s beloved, and the intensity and the pleasure of physical contact with him which confirmed and deepened that connection, setting it apart from all the other loves of family and friends. The greatest surprise, though, had been the discovery that there was a point where Mr. Darcy had become more important to her than anything else. The change she felt in herself, she reflected, came more from this shift in priorities than the physical act that had occurred between them, powerful as it had been. she wrapped her arms around herself tightly, recalling the pleasure and comfort of his embrace, and longing for the time when they would no longer need to be parted, but could be proudly and publicly together.

Darcy arrived the following morning for his call even earlier than was his custom, bearing a gift of a pair of elegant silk gloves for elizabeth. At his first look, she knew precisely where his thoughts tended, and from the heat of his glance, she doubted that she would have resisted him for an instant had they the opportunity of privacy. she had not anticipated just how much more strongly she would feel the urge to be in his arms now, nor that rejoining her lover would carry such impact as it did upon her sensibilities.