By Force of Instinct (32 page)

Abigail Reynolds

regretting it now.” His tone was clearly dismissive.

How earnestly did she then wish that her former opinions had been more reasonable, her expressions more moderate! It would have spared her from explanations and professions which it was exceedingly awkward to give; but they were now necessary, and she assured him with some confusion of her attachment to Mr. Darcy.

Her father looked at her cynically. “Do not think that I do not appreciate your attempts to reassure me in this matter by trying to suggest to me that you are not unhappy with this; however, if you think that I credit for one minute that he has changed his ways, you are sadly mistaken. I have lost one daughter through my own folly to one of the most worthless young men in england and now must lose another to a man she hates; this time it is at least not my fault, but I assure you that I do not wish to dwell on it any further, Lizzy. so away with you!” He looked away from her and picked up his book once more.

elizabeth was not prepared to surrender so easily. “Have you any other objection,” she said, “than your belief of my indifference?”

Mr. Bennet shook his head in disbelief. “I have too many objections to begin to name them, and that is but one of them.”

“I cannot, sir, address objections that I do not know, but I do, I do like him,” she replied, with tears in her eyes. “I love him. He is perfectly amiable, and the best man of my acquaintance. you do not know what he really is; then pray do not pain me by speaking of him in such terms.”

Mr. Bennet looked at her seriously. “This summer has made me quite aware of my failings as a father, Lizzy. It has not passed my notice that you would attempt to protect me from my own folly by pretending that this match was pleasing to you; and, if it comforts you to imagine it so, by all means continue to do so. But for my part, I cannot keep up the pretence.”

“It
is
pleasing to me, more than pleasing!” she cried.

He sighed deeply. “I wish that I could believe you, Lizzy. There is nothing I want more than to see you happily situated. I know that you will be neither happy nor respectable unless you truly esteem your husband, unless you look up to him as a superior, and I cannot see that in Mr. Darcy. your lively talents will place you in the greatest danger in an unequal marriage such as this. I had hoped never to have the grief of seeing
you
unable to esteem your partner in life; but, unfortunately, all I can hope is that you 194

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will find recompense in the other advantages Mr. Darcy has to offer.”

elizabeth, still more affected, said, “Indeed you are mistaken if you think I do not esteem him highly. Is there nothing I can say to convince you that he is not the man you believe?”

“nothing at all, my child. I have trained you too well not to come to me with difficulties, and now I pay the price of knowing that you are unlikely to turn to me when you are in a predicament. It has been my doing, and I ought to feel it.”

“you will not listen to me, then?” she asked in despair.

“no, my child; I will not,” he said with finality.

she was forced to accept this answer, and she left him disappointed and sorry.

elizabeth looked forward to her reunion with Darcy on his arrival in Hertfordshire with an almost painful degree of anticipation. she could never have imagined that she could miss him so deeply as to feel that a part of herself was absent. Though it embarrassed her, she could not keep from watching out the window for the first sight of him, nor from feeling a tremendous rush of relief when he finally rode into view.

It was a challenge to school herself to sit at her work while waiting for him to be announced, but it was nothing to fighting the extraordinary urge to throw herself into his arms when he appeared. It was nearly a physical ache to be near him; when he greeted her with a warm look which encompassed her entire body before returning to her eyes, she knew he was feeling something of the same. He greeted her mother, as was proper, and was received by her with a degree of civility which made her daughter ashamed, but his frequent glances in her direction told her he was not offended.

He sat down beside her, and immediately she felt the magnetism that had so often drawn her to him. Their eyes caught and held; she had forgotten the depth of feeling he could convey to her in a glance. The intensity was too much to maintain in the presence of her family, and she had to look down at her work to distract herself, but she could nonetheless feel his happiness at being with her again.

They spoke of inconsequential matters, more for the pleasure of hearing each other’s voice than for anything else, until after a very brief space of time, Mr. Bennet joined the family group. He greeted Darcy in a manner 195

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just short of incivility, then seated himself directly across from the new couple, and watched Darcy closely and coldly.

elizabeth, ashamed of her father’s ill-bred behaviour and hurt by his clear hostility to Darcy, tried to engage Mr. Bennet in conversation. When this ploy failed due to his lack of cooperation, she did her best to cover his poor manners by attempting to keep up a lively discourse with the others.

This was no mean challenge with as diverse a group as Mrs. Bennet, Mary, Kitty, Darcy and herself. As her energy began to flag and her annoyance to grow, she changed her tactics and suggested walking out, knowing how her father disliked pointless rambles. of the others, only Kitty was likely to enjoy a walk, but she seemed to have the tact to realize that perhaps elizabeth and Darcy might prefer a little time to themselves after their separation.

elizabeth went to fetch her spencer since the day had become quite cool.

When she met Darcy in the vestibule again, he was holding a package which he gave to her. she untied it to discover an elegant shawl embroidered in the finest silk. As she thanked him, he draped it around her shoulders and said with underlying meaning, “It is purely in my own self-interest; I had the suspicion that we might be taking a number of long walks in the next few weeks, and I would not wish you to be discouraged from doing so by taking a chill.”

she smiled up at him playfully, her vexation with her father set aside. she took his arm, deriving great enjoyment from touching him again, even so slightly. “you are most considerate, Mr. Darcy,” she said. “Well, whither shall we wander today—into town, or through the countryside?”

“I shall leave the decision entirely to you, Miss Bennet,” he said lightly. “However, I would express a preference for finding some secluded spot along the way.”

she felt a warmth rising within her at his words. With a look of mock innocence, she said, “you are fond of secluded places, then, sir?”

“elizabeth,” he said significantly, “would you prefer that I kiss you before we are even out of sight of Longbourn?”

“sir, I am all astonishment!” she said playfully.

They were just then passing the gates, and without further ado, he pulled her to one side so that the wall stood between them and the house, though they remained in plain view of anyone who might come along the road.

Placing an arm on either side of her as she stood against the wall, he pro-196

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ceeded to carry out his threat with a passion and a thoroughness that left elizabeth feeling quite weak, yet longing for more.

“Do you have any further questions, elizabeth?” he murmured. The temptation of the look of desire in her eyes was too much, and he lowered his head to taste her kisses again. He was aware of how reckless his behaviour was, but he had lost the ability to care during the many days when he could not so much as touch her.

“I take your point, sir!” she exclaimed when he finally released her, feeling bereft of his touch. With a sly look, she added, “I must admire your dedication to preventing me from feeling the chill!”

“Anything for you, my dearest,” he said dryly as they began to walk again.

“I hope you realize the self-restraint it took not to follow you here as soon as you had left London! I never realized three days could be so long.”

she glanced around them, hoping they had not been observed. seeing no one, she said with an arch smile, “It was a very long time indeed.”

Darcy gave her a sidelong glance, his lips twitching. “How far is it to this secluded place?” he said pointedly.

elizabeth laughed. “I shall try to take mercy upon you, my dear,” she said. After his earlier kisses, she found herself no less eager to be alone with him.

“I take it that these three very long days proved insufficient to reconcile your father to our marriage,” he said. The change of subject was not only to distract himself from the all too fascinating subject of elizabeth’s kisses—

Mr. Bennet’s recent display of hostility had disturbed him.

“no, I am afraid I did not succeed in that regard,” she replied with a small frown, her frustration with the situation evident in her tone. “to tell the truth, I could not even succeed in having him tell me what his objection is, apart from his insistence that I am unhappy with the idea of marrying you, which no reassurance of mine seems able to shake.”

“He has not withdrawn his consent, has he?” asked Darcy with a sudden concern.

“oh, no, nothing of the sort has been mentioned!”

“Good.” Darcy was silent for a few moments, then added, “Will you reassure
me
of one thing, my heart?”

she looked up at him affectionately. “Anything you wish, Fitzwilliam.”

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him when she looked at him like that. “Are you of age yet?” he asked.

she gave him a smile of amused understanding. “yes, I am; since July, as it happens. And yes, my dearest love, I will still marry you even if he withdraws his consent; but I think it highly unlikely.”

“I am glad to hear it.” Darcy could not explain why he still felt he needed reassurance about her regard for him. “I have written to Georgiana and informed her of our wedding plans.”

“Will she be coming here from Derby, then?”

He ventured a sidelong glance at her. “I left that to her; I thought the possibility of having her here unwillingly was worse than not having her presence at all.”

elizabeth looked at him in surprise. she had been of the opinion that Darcy made all the decisions for Georgiana, but she was pleased to discover that this did not seem to be the case. “That was wise, I think; she needs to have the freedom of making her own decisions, and would only resent having one forced upon her.”

A small pleased smile appeared on Darcy’s face. Before writing the letter, he had tried to consider what elizabeth would do, since she seemed to have, on the whole, better success with Georgiana than he did. He was glad to be able to discuss these matters with her; he had faced them on his own many times; but especially now, when his sister was being so uncooperative, it helped to have elizabeth’s reassurance and support.
If only I could marry
her now, it would be perfect,
he thought, allowing himself for the moment a fantasy of taking elizabeth back to netherfield with him, reacquainting himself with her lovely body, and demonstrating in a very direct manner just how much he had missed her.

He had long since reached the point of wanting her in his bed again quite badly, and found it a cause for endless frustration that he could discover no safe and discreet way for them to be together. netherfield was too risky, and Longbourn completely out of the question. The late october weather prohibited anything outdoors, and that he had even thought so far was evidence of his desperation.

“Is anything troubling you, Fitzwilliam?” she asked, concerned by his sudden silence and serious look.

“nothing that marriage will not cure,” he said with a look that left little doubt as to his thoughts.

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elizabeth blushed at his forwardness. “And to think I used to consider you so proper!” she teased.

“I cannot imagine why; I would think that my behaviour towards you has been anything but proper since the beginning!” he responded, noting that they were approaching a small copse of trees. “I might add that I see no incentive to change.”

elizabeth laughed and affectionately tightened her hand momentarily on his arm. she had missed him so much in the few days they had been apart; it was such a joy to her simply to be with him, to see the smile he showed others so sparingly, to be able to lean her head upon his shoulder as they walked.

As they reached the wood, Darcy looked down at her significantly. With a look of mischievous amusement, she took his hand and led him into the field alongside it until they reached a small opening in the trees. Darcy needed no prompting to enter it.

As soon as they were deep enough into the thicket as to be invisible from the road, he turned to her and took her hands in his. Holding her eyes with his, he raised first one hand and then the other to his lips. He murmured her name, and drew her slowly into his arms as if he were savouring each moment.

elizabeth, who had been anticipating an approach as passionate and demanding as he had made earlier, felt her knees grow weak at the look of tenderness in his eyes. she had longed for this moment, and now that it was here, she felt anew the power of their connection. Glorying in this brief time when they could set aside society’s rules in favour of openness, she wanted nothing more in the world than to be with him.

Finally, as he felt the exquisite pleasure of her body against his, he claimed her lips once more, first delicately, then, as he felt her response, with a gradually increasing ardour. He was not prepared to permit himself too much latitude; to allow himself a taste of her passion was a delight like no other, but he knew that he could all too easily become intoxicated with her, and their circumstances were not favourable. Her passionate response as she pressed herself against him was all that a man could have hoped for, and it proved his undoing. His hunger for her took control from his better sense as he lost himself in the sensation of her he had lacked so long.