CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
“She’s not answering my calls Eddie. And there’s no way I’m going over to her house—what if her parents know? Her brother? Her father would probably kill me.” Nicholas ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know what to do—I don’t want to lose her! She’s everything to me.”
“Nick, honestly, your first worry is whether or not your ass will be prosecuted. That’s what you should be thinking about. Second of all, I don’t know what you’re going to do about your reputation—everyone’s gonna know you’re a rapist unless you do some kind of damage control somehow. I suppose our family publicist will take care of it though. Third—how much more do you want to traumatize that girl? Leave her alone! Stop calling her, bugging her, trying to get back together with her. Why would she get back together with you? You raped her for christ’s sake, what kind of person does that?”
“Can you please stop saying that? And are you saying that no one should ever be forgiven for a past misdeed?”
“That’s not what I’m saying at all. It’s just that...well, that’s a pretty major misdeed. What do you think your sex life will be like in the future? She could be getting flashbacks left right and center. Just leave it alone Nick. It’s over.”
Eddie’s cell started ringing. He answered.
“Hello?...Yeah Lil, we’re still on, I was just chatting with my brother...No I’ll be there soon, promise.”
Eddie rolled his eyes as he disconnected.
“Gotta go bro. Duty calls. Hey, about that whole thing, all I can say is, it’s your life. I’m just calling it how I see it. But I might not be the best to speak about such matters.”
He grinned and left.
Nicholas watched his brother leave and shook his head. It was like watching the making of John and Evelyn Dhalton part two.
Sometime after Eddie left and he was lost in his thoughts, he heard a knock on his door.
“Nicholas dear, is it all right if I come in?”
Nicholas groaned.
“Nicholas, I want to tell you something.”
“What is it this time mother? I really don’t think I want to hear it.”
“Oh, come now. Toughen up. You’ll want to hear this one. It’s somewhat...scandalous.”
He heard her giggle.
Nicholas couldn’t help but be interested now.
He beckoned her in.
“Now, don’t tell your father,” she said, smiling as she settled at the foot of his bed. “When I was younger, there was this fellow. Oh and what a handsome fellow he was.” Her eyes sparkled and took on a faraway look. “He was absolutely wonderful, I couldn’t help falling in love with him. I’ll spare you the details dear, but we were everything to each other, so you can be sure I wanted to marry him. But there was just one problem: my parents did not approve. Cliché, yes, but it was true. It seems like such a small thing, but you and I both know differently. I thought I could fight against them, convince them how great he was, that he made me happy, but it was all to no avail. I eventually had to make a choice, so I did what I thought best: that which was less risky. And now I live with that decision every single day. Don’t get me wrong, your father and I are somewhat matched and we’ve done our duty, so it hasn’t been completely horrible; in fact, quite livable. Power, huge bank accounts and fake friends can ease the loneliness sometimes. And I can always travel and relive days of my youth...” Her eyes especially sparkled as she said this. “I see men that look like my David sometimes, and they help ease the loneliness too.” She giggled. “I’ve learned to pretend very well...”
Nicholas couldn’t help but chuckle with her.
“Mother, that’s quite enough,” he said, putting his hand up. “So what is it you want to tell me? What’s your point?”
“The point is dear,
real
feeling,
real
passion makes you more alive than anything else. Life’s a slow death without it.” She looked at him intently and was quiet for a few moments. “Incidentally,” she said in a chipper voice not matching her expression, “I found out that I have advanced ovarian cancer. Stage four. They figure I have some time, not much though. Although, I’ll do the surgeries, and see what they can do. What’s that expression? Why do you look so confused?”
“Are you serious mother? Or are you just messing with me for kicks?”
“Heavens, why would I do that? You really think so low of me Nicholas?”
“Mom, you can’t just drop a bomb like that and expect me to take you seriously.”
“Well, I assure you I am.”
“How much time do you have?” he asked after a few minutes.
“Maybe a year. Probably less. Up to four years if I happen to be very lucky.”
She smiled at him then—a human smile, and for the first time in a long time, he wanted to hug her.
***
Nicholas decided to shoot some hoops to clear his mind and release some of the emotions boiling in him.
As he was about to head back to the mansion, sweaty and spent, he saw Allison heading his way, crossing the emerald lawn. She had no tennis racket with her, so he wasn’t sure why she was heading toward the courts.
He picked up speed to meet her.
“Hey, what are you doing out...”
“I have something to tell you Nicholas,” she interrupted, stopping when she reached him. Her eyes looked clear, but sort of hard and determined. Her face was flushed.
“I heard about what happened
—
about the inheritance.”
Nicholas looked away, trying to suppress rising emotion.
He looked back at Allison and noticed she had a slight look of uncertainty now, almost fear. Yet, her mouth tightened every now and then.
She sighed.
“Nicholas, I overheard some of the servants talking and...”
Allison looked tortured now.
“I love you both. I probably shouldn’t say anything
—
it would only cause more trouble...”
“Allison, what are you talking about?”
A sudden wave of fear passed over his chest, as if some distant part of him knew what she was going to say, and was scared for the rest of him to find out.
“I just...I really can’t believe he did that.” Allison’s face scrunched up a little in anger, then slackened again in sadness. “Nicholas, Eddie told on you
—
he told dad that he should reconsider his will, your trust fund
—
everything. He told him...” She stopped, collecting herself. “He told him about your involvement with Sydney, and that you’ve been mentally unstable for years and shouldn’t be trusted. That you need to be checked out, assessed before getting access to funds like that. Oh, why would he do it Nick? You’re perfectly fine!” She let out a breath. “Aren’t you?”
“Of course I am!”
He was sorry it had come out as a shout, but anger had overtaken him. He calmed himself, and, lowering his voice, put his hands on her shoulder.
“Allison, thanks for telling me, for looking out for me. I don’t know what game Eddie’s playing at, but I’m definitely going to find out.”
He kissed her head, ignoring the “ew” sound as his sweaty shirt touched her.
***
When Nicholas finally tracked Eddie down, Eddie looked completely unsuspecting of his new knowledge. Nicholas had to resist the urge to punch him immediately.
Eddie turned toward him when he saw him coming.
“Hey man
—so
what have you decided about...”
“Cut the crap Eddie. What’s this about you telling John shit about me?”
“What are you talking about?”
He saw something akin to fear pass through Eddie’s eyes although he was attempting to keep a straight face.
“Don’t try to play innocent you asshole. If you had the balls to snatch my inheritance from me, have the balls to admit it.”
Eddie sighed and was suddenly back in control. All hint of fear was gone.
“Look, I’m sorry man, but I honestly don’t trust you with that kind of money.”
“What the hell do you mean?”
Eddie shook his head.
“Come on Nick
—
you’re not exactly stable bro. You might go and buy Sydney an island or something, something stupid like that. I don’t know Nick, you...you need to sort some stuff out. I’ve been wondering about you for a while; you’re not well. And look what’s transpired over the past few days, weeks, months. Hell, maybe even years! Nick, look what you let happen a few years ago
—
you obviously weren’t well then. I don’t know what it is, but you need to look into getting some help dude.”
Nicholas punched him in the face.
Eddie went down, his hand coming up to the side of his face Nicholas had hit.
He gave a short, mirthless laugh.
“You see? Something’s not right with you. I’m trying to help you.”
“No Eddie, I think you were trying to help
you
.”
Nicholas turned and walked away, feeling more alone than ever.
***
Over the course of the night as he slept, Nicholas’s brain finally opened up the gates.
Later that morning, he wondered if it was because he had gradually been leaked bits— pieces adding up, and pieces not adding up—that made the grip on his memory of that day loosen.
He remembered everything he had been told, and the things he had not been told. He remembered the conversations he had with Winston and Brandon regarding Final Project, his hesitance about going through with it. He remembered trying to figure out a way to get out of it. He remembered simply ignoring his designated task until it was so late in the game, so near the deadline, that Winston rushed things along for him. He didn’t know how deep he was in until Winston and Brandon showed up at the cabin door.
They had not let him in on what they were going to do—they pretended as if they just wanted to come over and hang out for a bit. Nicholas realized they must have known he was the weakest link among them, that he would chicken out. That if they had told him outright or even hinted at what they had planned to do, he would have found a way out of it—the cabin would suddenly become unavailable, or he would have found somewhere else to go instead of waiting for them.
Most importantly, he remembered that he did not rape Sydney Johnson.
He couldn’t mentally get himself up to it, and certainly not physically. He had also fully believed that Winston was crazy, and knew that if he suspected for a second that he did not carry out the task, the girl would suffer at his hands. Maybe both of them—Brandon had been a little out of it too, lately.
But how would he do it? How could he successfully pull it off?
Nicholas leaned over Sydney and looked at her face.
She was whimpering, undoubtedly terrified she was about to be deflowered.
Nicholas turned away and started picturing porn, blocking out everything around him. Once he was hard, he serviced himself, finishing off in a condom, procuring the proof he needed of him having sex to show Winston in case he didn’t believe him. He didn’t know how serious Winston was about checking to make sure it happened, and he was horrified Winston would figure out he hadn’t touched her.
Then it was time to compose the evidence for her.
He put his hand up her skirt, pulled down her underwear, then tossed it to the side. And it was there he stopped. The scene was set.
She was crying in earnest now.
He leaned over her again, and kissed her lips lightly, wanting to let her know she had nothing to fear.
She turned to the side, whimpering.
He thought he should have explained himself to her then, but didn’t.
He got up to peek at Brandon and Winston through the window, stalling a bit so more time could pass and make the whole thing more believable.
Then he decided he would go back to her, let her know his plan and that she was safe, then let the boys back in, and they would drop her off somewhere discreet, unharmed, and untouched, and it would all be over with.
***
Nicholas kept going over his last conversation with Sydney in his head.
He kept coming back to when he offered to go to jail and she hadn’t said anything, hadn’t protested. He didn’t expect her to forgive him, didn’t expect things to go back to the way they were before, but he certainly didn’t expect her to stay silent at his offer, to actually ponder sending him away for a couple of years.
He couldn’t hep dialing her number again, over and over until she finally picked up.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he said once he heard her fake tone of indifference.
“What are you talking about?”
“Why didn’t you tell me I didn’t go through with the whole thing? Here I was feeling guilty, thinking I’d actually...”
“You think because you didn’t penetrate me I had no reason to be traumatized? Do you have any idea how terrifying that whole ordeal was?”
“Yeah but...”
“Wait, how do you know what happened? Who told you? It was just you and me...”
“I remembered Sydney. And thank god I did! How could you be deceitful?”
“Nicholas, at no point did I lie about anything that happened. If you don’t know the meaning of sexual assault go look it up.”
Nicholas was taken aback.
“Sydney that was uncalled for!”
“I’m sorry. Look, I thought your plan was to go through with it
—when you left, then headed back, I thought you were coming to finish what you started. And I thought you should suffer a little for being a part
of that whole thing anyway
—
I mean, do you have any idea what it was like to have strange men capture you in a grip you can’t get out of? To be dragged away from the familiarity of your car to another with no idea of your destination? To be unsure if you have minutes left to live? To open your eyes and not be able to see anything but utter darkness? To have no idea what the hell is going to happen to you? And then to feel yourself being dragged to a second location, to hear another male voice added to the mix? I feared I would get raped from the get-go, and I thought about the possibility of getting gang-raped and possibly killed. About my poor parents finding out their only daughter has been taken away from them
—n
ot to mention wondering if my absence would actually make much of a difference...” He could hear she was crying now, “...and the way you hovered over me, feeling you kiss me...I didn’t know who you were! I didn’t know how far it would go—I didn’t know anything! Do you have any idea what it’s like to not know anything? Why the hell are you acting like it didn’t matter just because you didn’t go all the way?”