Clark, Rachel - Alicia's Awakening (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) (4 page)

I answer the phone in my professional voice, pleased to realize it only holds the slightest of quivers.

“Have you spoken to Lisa today?” Lachlan asks without even saying hello.

“No,” I say in a suddenly grumpy voice. I have no idea what happened between the two of them after Doug and I left. Suddenly I’m imagining Lisa and Lachlan having hot sweaty monkey sex. Shit. Considering what I got up to last night, I have no right to be jealous.

Aww fuck. I really have no right to be jealous.

He’s my best friend. The very least I should want is for him to be happy. Yes, I’ve held a candle for him all these years—and even when I think of Doug and the things we did last night I can’t help wishing Lachlan had been there as well—but maybe it’s time for me to shelve my own selfish desires.

Wait. Rewind.

As well?

Holy crap, I’ll think on that idea a little later. When did I get so kinky?

But that thought makes my stomach feel like a lead balloon.

Kinky or not, I am one very selfish friend. It’s definitely time to give up my own obsession and let the man be happy. My best friend asked for help to find a date. The very least I could have done was introduce him to someone he might actually like. Lachlan is a great guy, and he deserves to be happy.

“I’m sorry,” I blurt out, still having no idea what went on between the two of them after I left. “You might like Penny better, or maybe the new girl Alison.”

“It’s okay,” Lachlan says in a reassuring voice. “How did your date go?”

Mine? Do I really want to tell him?

“Doug’s a nice guy,” I say in what I hope is a neutral tone. I’m only just getting used to the fact that I could want someone besides Lachlan in my bed. The kooky fact I want them both is something I
do not
want to think about right now.

“Did you fuck him?”

“What?” I exclaim. I’ve heard Lachlan and his buddies talk like this for years, but he’s never been quite so direct with me.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, sounding shocked by his own question. “Look, I’m sorry. It’s none of my business.” I can almost see him running a hand down his face in agitation.

“Lach, what’s wrong?” I’m getting some seriously weird vibes from this conversation, and I’m not sure it’s all related to my lousy choice of a blind date for him.

“Nothing,” he says, “just tired.” He takes a deep breath and I already recognize his way of changing the subject when it’s something he doesn’t want to talk about. “I actually rang to let you know I’ve been called out of town. I’ll be away until the twelfth of next month.”

“That’s nearly five whole weeks,” I say, feeling more than a little depressed. I hate it when he goes away. I know it’s part of his job, but it always leaves me feeling off-balance.

“It’s okay, brat. I’ll be back before you know it,” he says in that annoying older-brother voice he used on me for years. Had I only imagined we’d somehow moved past that sort of relationship? “I’m sure Doug will keep you busy while I’m gone.”

“Doug?” I ask, almost not recognizing the name. Selfish bitch that I am, all I can think about is how Lachlan leaving affects me.

“He’s a good guy,” Lachlan says. “He’ll make you happy.”

“Maybe,” I say, not really agreeing or disagreeing. Doug does make me happy, but so does Lachlan. Images of what both men could do to me if we all got naked and sweaty together dance through my mind. Fuck, I am one seriously messed-up person.

“Look, I need to get going,” Lachlan says in a tone of voice I don’t recognize.

“You’ll call me?” I ask worriedly. It’s not just my own bizarre thoughts coloring the conversation. Something is off about this phone call.

“I’ll be busy most of the time.” Panic streaks through me. This feels like good-bye.

“But you always call,” I say. I wince at the childish, whiny voice that comes out of my mouth. But this time I really,
really
don’t want him to go. I drag in a deep breath as I try to hold the grief back.

“I will call,” he says in a totally different voice. “Maybe not every night like I usually do, but I promise to stay in touch.”

“O–Okay,” I say, still feeling off-balance, but at least relieved to know I’d sort of misread him. This isn’t good-bye…yet.

“He’ll look after you, Alicia.”

And then the phone goes dead and I suddenly don’t want to be alone in my office. Hell, I never need human interaction. I usually even time my coffee breaks to avoid the other people in the office, but I glance at the clock, notice it’s time for the unofficial Friday afternoon coffee break, and grab my cup.

I can’t even explain it to myself, but right now I don’t want to be alone.

* * * *

Doug stared at the phone in his hand as if it were a live snake.

“When did this happen?” he asked quietly. He knew enough about human nature to realize something had spooked his friend rather badly. The fact that they’d already discussed what had happened last night between himself and Alicia didn’t stop him from wondering if he was to blame for Lachlan’s sudden business trip.

“I’ve been putting it off for a while,” Lachlan said rather vaguely. “I should have done it a while ago, actually. And well, now that I know you’ll be looking out for Alicia I don’t need to worry about being away for so long.”

“Now tell me the real reason,” Doug said in a tone that usually had submissives jumping to attention.

As a Dom, Lachlan wasn’t quite as intimidated, but he was still experienced enough to respect Doug’s seniority.

Lachlan let loose a self-deprecating laugh and finally explained the reason for his actions.

“I didn’t even notice she was having panic attacks. Some pathetic friend I am.”

“She hides them well,” Doug assured him.

“Don’t blow smoke up my ass,” Lachlan said in a sullen version of his usual laid-back humor. “I missed it. Plain and simple. I wasn’t even sure she was submissive until you told me this morning.” He breathed out heavily. “What good am I to her if I can’t even see what’s obvious?”

“Lachlan, I’m not blowing smoke. She really does hide it well, but if you’re feeling like this, then maybe you should take the trip now. Give yourself a chance to get your head on straight.”

The man on the end of the line grunted, and Doug wasn’t certain if it was an affirmative answer or not. Silence dominated the conversation for a few moments before Lachlan finally said, “Maybe you should train her while I’m gone.”

Doug was already shaking his head—that was a seriously bad idea especially considering the fact that he hadn’t been able to get the woman out of his mind all day—but then Lachlan added, “She’ll need a best friend to talk to when things get too intense. I’ll call her every night.”

“Okay,” Doug said against his better judgment. This little conspiracy had disaster written all over it. “But when you get back, you tell her everything.”

“I will,” Lachlan said, “but maybe I was never meant to be anything more than her best friend.”

He hung up before Doug could think of a retort.

Chapter Five

I can’t believe how much I’m tingling all over. I’d never even heard of a BDSM club before Doug mentioned it, but now I can’t wait to see what’s inside. At the ordinary-looking reception counter, the woman gives him something plastic while giving him a friendly smile.

He turns to me and holds out his hand. I already know from some of our quick discussions on Dom-sub etiquette that it means he wants me to place my wrist in his grip. As soon as his fingers close around my arm, I want to sigh. How can such a simple contact make me feel so much?

The bright yellow hospital-style tag that he fastens around my wrist is a sign to everyone inside the club that I am a newbie, here only to observe and learn. If I agree to be trained, the next time I come here they’ll give me a green wristband and I’ll be wearing way less clothing—none at all if my Dom says so.

But today I get to observe and learn and maybe talk to other submissives without the concern that I’m breaking rules I don’t quite understand, yet. I do know not to speak unless spoken to and to keep my gaze lowered unless instructed to do otherwise. I’m also very aware that I am not to leave Doug’s side. It’s all a little intimidating, but I don’t feel anywhere near as nervous as I expected.

Most of that has to do with the man still holding my wrist and speaking quietly to the receptionist.

“Ready?” he finally asks. Of course that’s when the nerves hit me.

I nod woodenly and try to drag in a discreet breath. The flick against the tip of my finger shows that he noticed. Damn. I used to be so good at hiding the effects of a full-blown panic attack. Now I can barely get worked into a tizzy before the man notices.

“Pick a safe word,” he says sternly.

I shake my head. We already discussed this. Nothing is going to happen at the club. Not even if I beg him. This visit is to show me what being a submissive is all about. Why would I need a safe word?

“Pick a safe word,” he says in a slightly less intimidating voice, “to use if you’re feeling overwhelmed. It will let me know immediately that you want to leave.”

“I don’t want to leave,” I say reflexively. The flick against the end of my fingertip suggests that’s the wrong answer. I scramble to think of a special word. I already know it can be any word in the world, but shit, there are so many to choose from. Stupid, humungous, word-filled language.

“Choose a word that scares you,” he demands. I can see him lining up to flick my fingertip once more. Childishly, I consider closing my hand, but I suspect that will just make things a whole lot worse for me. Considering some of the punishments we’d discussed briefly on the way over here, I’m starting to rethink the whole thing. “Cabbage,” I blurt out.

He grins at me. “You’re scared of cabbage?”

I nod, knowing how silly it seems, but there is a story behind my choice.

“Later you are going to explain that to me,” he says as he leans over and presses a kiss to my lips. “But right now you are going to be a good sub and make your Dom proud.”

“Yes, Sir,” I say quickly, feeling ridiculously pleased by his happy grin.

* * * *

Doug escorted her into the scene area of the club. Over the years he’d grown used to the sights and sounds—even knew how overwhelming they could be for someone who’d never been inside a BDSM club—but with Alicia’s hand held firmly in his own it was like he was seeing it through new eyes.

The trouble was that he was already thinking of her as
his
sub.

His.

She hadn’t even agreed to the training she would require to actually be his sub, and there was the whole matter of Lachlan to consider as well, but he couldn’t shake the possessive feeling. Or how right it felt.

Hell, maybe he shouldn’t offer to train her. He should just insist that Lachlan do it when he got back and stay the hell out of it. But one look at the woman beside him made all of his doubts seem cowardly. He could train her like he’d trained every other sub, and then hand her to her Dom when the time came.

It was what he did best after all—no emotional attachment, no possessive feelings, only a sense of pride for the trainee sub as she found contentment in a world few outsiders would understand.

He could do this for Alicia…and Lachlan.

Alicia seemed intimidated at first, but soon she started to relax, moving closer against him when a scene grew in intensity. She trembled each time a sub screamed in orgasm, but it was obvious her reaction wasn’t from fright. She was excited, turned on, and very,
very
interested.