Conflicted (The Existing Series Book 2) (8 page)

I exited the sandwich shop before them so that I could get back to work on time. As I quickly ran across the street it dawned on me. Grace and I made it out on the other side happy in the dream. Maybe, just maybe, we could make it out happy in reality.

A
ll of the
boxes were packed. The copious amounts of items that we’d collected throughout the years had been sifted through and distributed to either the trash or donated if I didn’t see the need in keeping them. Part of me wanted to throw out everything that reminded me of Mackenzie. Then I thought about Grace and the fact that she needed those small reminders of her mother. Needed to see how much she loved her when I tried to explain it to her in the future and she didn’t believe me.

The day after I met with Magdalena, I came home to find that Mackenzie had come by to collect her belongings. That gesture alone made the realization of this situation more final. It tore me down inside to think that this is where our life led us. I wanted to ask why. Wanted to know what the purpose of the last ten years had been if it was all meant to lead here. To the heartbreak that apparently I alone felt.

Louie, my dad, and I had loaded the trailer and the beds of three pickup trucks. Everything was finally loaded and ready to go.

“You guys go on ahead. I’m going to do one final walk-through and turn in the keys. There’s no point in y’all waiting around here for nothing,” I suggested as I closed my tailgate and pulled on the straps to make sure everything was secure.

“Drive safe, son. We’ll go on ahead to the storage shed and get this stuff unloaded. I’ll have your brothers meet us so we can get it done quicker. Just head on there so you can unload yours as well. I’ve already talked to your mother and she wants us all to have a barbecue tonight, so no objections,” he said with a smile.

“No problem, Dad. I can’t wait to have some of Mom’s home-cooked food. Louie, you staying for dinner?” I asked as I rubbed my stomach with the thought of my mother’s barbecue chicken on my mind.

“That’s a dumb ass question. You should already know the answer to that,” he laughed as he climbed into his truck shaking his head.

I waved them on as they pulled out of the apartment complex and deeply sighed at the thought of having to say goodbye. At having to close a chapter in my life that I was sure would never close but grow.

Reluctantly, I turned and walked back into the empty apartment. The sound of the door shutting behind me echoed throughout the small space over and over until it disappeared.

I stopped in the middle of the open floor plan and took it all in. Let the memories of the past three years consume me. Each one poured in as another left, leaving me open.

Exposed.

Raw with emotion.

Looking over at the kitchen sink, I remembered the day she told me she was pregnant with Grace. The smile that appeared on her face as she turned from washing the dishes and just blurted it out. Once the shock wore off, that was easily one of the happiest days of our lives.

“Can you believe we’re having a baby?” she asked as I backed her against the sink and wrapped my arms around her.

“No, I honestly can’t. But you just made me the happiest man on the planet,” I confessed.

The thought of the little life growing inside of her made my heart swell with pride. Joy. Happiness that I never knew existed at the mere thought of another human life coming into this world that I created.

“I want a little girl. One who looks just like her mama but adores her daddy,” I whispered as I kissed the top of her hair.

I brought myself out of that memory and turned to face the living room. No sooner than the memory disappeared, another one surfaced.

“Look, Weston. Look,” Mackenzie whispered as she tried to contain her excitement and frantically pointed across the room.

I looked over in the direction she pointed to find Grace, pulling herself up on the love seat. Every fiber of my being told me to reach out and help her. Protect her from falling and hurting herself. But somehow I refrained. She was doing just fine on her own. Being the independent little nine-month-old I knew her to be.

Just like she’d done numerous times before, she walked sideways while holding onto the cushions. Only this time she was closer to the edge and about to run out of something to hold onto. I went to move, but a hand reached out and pulled me back, causing me to land on my ass.

“Just watch. We’re right here if she gets into trouble,” Mackenzie beamed. The awe shone out of her as she watched in fascination as our daughter showed just how determined she was to become fully mobile.

She had her left hand on the corner of the couch and the right waving about in the air. Then she let go. Only she didn’t fall. She stood still. Both arms held out so she could steady herself. I was more nervous than she was as I waited to see if she’d take the step or fall.

Only she picked up her foot and put it back down. Again. And again. She had taken five steps total before she fell backward on her bottom.

Neither Mackenzie nor myself could contain our excitement as we cheered her on and went over to express our excitement. Grace looked up at both of us and mimicked our clapping hands, a smile on her face from ear to ear at what she’d just accomplished.

“She’s growing up so fast,” Mackenzie stated as Grace held onto her fingers while she stood up and wobbled.

I pulled myself out of that memory and just knew I had to leave before more bombarded me. I didn’t know how much more I could take before my emotions got the better of me and I collapsed from the stress and intensity of saying goodbye.

Hurriedly, I walked from room to room and made sure there weren’t any boxes forgotten and the cabinets and closets were empty.

Five minutes later I was at the door. The walls threatened to close in on me with each passing second. It was true that I didn’t want to live here, but memories were made here. Cherished moments that contained happy times. And I was sad to see all that disappear due to an unfortunate outcome.

I looked back one last time and before I could ponder too much more, I opened the door. The cold air instantly broke me out of my depressing thoughts and brought me back to reality. Without looking back, I reached behind me and pulled the door closed, shutting that chapter of my life along with it.

I ran over to the administration desk and got there just in time before she closed for the day to turn in the keys and make the final payment for breaking the lease. Something that I didn’t hesitate in doing.

“Have a good day,” I said to the clerk before rushing out the door.

I climbed in my truck, shut the door, and started the engine so that it could warm up.

The painful ache in my chest still lingered from the memories that flashed through my mind, but I couldn’t focus on that.

Instead, I’d concentrate on the positive outcome. Grace and I were finally heading back to the one place I’d wanted to be all along. The only place I’d ever truly considered home. The mountains in Nelson County called to me since the day I left, and I couldn’t wait to return to the country and raise my daughter. So she could experience the happy times that I cherished the most.

Y
ou know
that moment when you feel like everything is finally falling into place? The one where your life finally seems like it’s on the track it was meant to be on all along? I’d finally began to feel that way when I moved back home. Yes, I currently lived with my parents’, but it would all work out the way it was supposed to when it was supposed to. It wouldn’t be forever, and they’d been a godsend with helping me with Grace. She’d taken the move a little hard at first only because she didn’t know what to do about the massive changes that had occurred in her life in such a short amount of time. I spent many nights up and down trying to comfort her when she woke up screaming for her mom. Others where she said she wanted to go home. I almost caved because it broke my heart for her to not understand that we weren’t going back. But I stayed strong. Somehow. Each time she woke up crying for her mom, I made the same promise. That I would never leave her. I would always be there when she needed me. She might not have known how much those words meant right now, but it helped me feel like I was doing something right. Each time she cried to go home, I made it sound like an adventure that we were living with her Maw-Maw and Pop-Pop. She seemed to understand for the moment until those times when she broke down and the adventure had to be altered to sound exciting all over again. It gave my imagination a run for its money that was for sure.

With all of the stress from the move and the hour commute each way for work, I was mentally exhausted. Physically drained. Only today happened to be the worst day of all. The day had finally come for the court to make our custody arrangement official. My feelings were all over the place about how this would go down. How she’d react to the finality of it all. What the judge would have to say to a mother giving up her child. Overwhelmed didn’t even begin to describe how I felt. I wanted what was best for Grace first and foremost. Only I didn’t think this was what was best for her. None of it made any sense still. I’d tried but failed several times to figure out what frame of mind Mackenzie had to be in for her to do this. No reason I pondered would ever be enough of a reason for her to up and walk away. So I stopped trying and focused on my life. On making sure Grace felt double the love. Only she still missed her mom. Still cried for her. And the hate grew more and more with each tear that fell from Grace’s lashes.

Channeling the hate had become a different story. The punching bag in my parents’ basement took the brunt of my anger, and I was surprised it had withstood my wrath. Every time I felt the anger boil to the surface I made a date with that bag when everyone had gone to bed. Some nights I didn’t know how I could still lift my arms with the amount of force that I used. Others weren’t so bad. Punching that bag was better than any alternative. The only way I had found that calmed me. If I had the time, I’d go downstairs right now and go a few rounds, but that wasn’t possible. Court was scheduled for ten this morning, and I needed to leave so I could make it back to Charlottesville in enough time since it was a little after eight already. Hopefully, Grace didn’t throw a tantrum when I had to leave.

I walked over to the mirror and checked my tie. Thankfully it was straight. I’d dressed in a pair black slacks, a white collared button-up, black dress shoes, and a black and blue tie. After today, I never wanted to wear this again. I wasn’t the slacks and dress shirt kind of guy. Give me a pair of cowboy boots, jeans, and a t-shirt and I’d be the happiest man on the planet. Reluctantly, I grabbed the jacket from the back of the chair and walked out of the room so I could get on the road.

Laughter filled the air as I rounded the corner into the kitchen, instantly causing me to smile. There was no better sound than hearing Grace happy. Laughing. So full of joy. That sound alone was all the motivation I needed to get through this despicable day.

“Good morning, pumpkin,” I said to Grace to make my presence known. She was standing on a chair at the counter, my mom close to her side. She turned to face me, flour all over the front of her shirt and face. But the smile that she had made me want to forget my obligations and get into whatever my mother and her had going on. Anything to get me out of this hell hole of a day.

“Make cookies, Daddy,” she squealed as she held her dough-filled hand out to me.

“Oh yeah. Can I have some when you’re done?” I asked as I kissed the tip of her nose.

She laughed and pulled away from me and said, “They mine.”

“You’re not going to share with me? You’ll make Daddy cry,” I said as I attempted to pull off a fake sniffle and poked my lip out in a pout.

I turned my back to her for dramatic effect and no sooner than I’d done that I heard her small sigh.

“I share, Daddy. No cry,” she said. No sooner than the words had escaped her mouth, I heard my mom start to laugh.

Grace went to jump at me, throwing caution to the wind, but my mom moved faster than I’d seen her move in a while and caught her.

“You can’t get Daddy dirty, pumpkin,” she said as she spun her around.

“Sorry,” she laughed.

“I got to go, Grace. You be good for Maw-Maw and save me some cookies,” I said as I ruffled her curls.

“I be good, Daddy. We share cookies later?”

“It’s a date, baby,” I promised. One I looked forward to keeping later.

“Thanks for watching her, Mom. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

She nodded as she went back to the showing Grace how to make the cookies. I took that as my cue to get out of dodge. I walked out of the house, my shoulders instantly tensing from the stressful situation I was about to face.

The drive had minimal traffic, and I was about thirty minutes early. Instead of messing around, I headed straight for the courthouse after I’d secured my phone in my glove compartment.

I walked into the courthouse and put my keys and belt into the bin for the metal detector. Once I was cleared, I walked inside and looked around for where I needed to go. I asked a guard and he directed me to the second floor. I opted for the stairs so that I didn’t have to be cooped up in a small space and I could calm my racing thoughts before I possibly came into contact with the one person I didn’t want to see.

I got to the top of the stairs all too quickly and walked through the double doors. There were chairs all set out and a monitor that had the cases that were set to be heard for the day. Our names were the next in line so hopefully we didn’t have to wait too long.

I looked around and saw Mackenzie and her parents’ off to the other side of the room. Mackenzie and her mother were having what looked to be a heated discussion. Her mom pointed her finger at Mackenzie and shook her head. Whatever they were talking about Mackenzie didn’t even try to defend herself as her head was down and she looked at the floor. I didn’t make my presence known, but part of me wanted to so I could possibly overhear what the argument was about. If I had to bet, it was regarding the reason we were all here.

“You’re going to regret this. Once it’s finalized, there’s no going back. Think about what you’re doing to everyone else. What you’re doing to Grace,” her mother’s voice grew louder the more she spoke. There was only one other couple here, but that didn’t seem to matter to her. She wasn’t happy about her giving up Grace. To be honest, nobody in this situation was, my parents’ included.

The tone in her mother’s words must have struck a nerve because Mackenzie snapped her head up and attempted to defend her decision.

“We’ve been over this, Mom. Time and time again for the last five months. I have no other choice. Drop it. For all of our sakes. This will happen. Whether you like it or not. End. Of. Story,” she snapped back, stomping her foot and throwing her arms up in the air to showcase her frustration. I wanted to feel sorry for her, but I didn’t. None of them had been there through the tantrums. Through the tears. Through the anxiety. That was all my family and me. Her parents’ and siblings hadn’t even called, and after witnessing this, I wondered if she was the reason they’d dropped all contact.

I wanted answers, but the bailiff took that moment to come out of the courtroom and call our case. Taking a deep breath, I turned and walked toward the doors. The weight of the world hung on my shoulders the closer I got to the room. My daughter was about to be officially without a mom and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.

She walked in behind me and we both sat on the appropriate sides of the room. I never in a million years thought we’d ever get to this point. Even if we weren’t together, I always felt we could’ve settled things without a judge dictating it all. But then again, I never thought she’d walk out of Grace’s life either. It was funny how I thought I knew everything about her when it was becoming more and more apparent that I never knew her at all.

We were instructed to rise as the judge entered the room and we both complied. I looked over at Mackenzie and took her in for just a moment. She looked pale. Distraught. Like she’d aged tremendously since I’d seen her last. Something was ailing her and I wanted to know what it was. What made her leave our little miracle? But I couldn’t ask that anymore. I tried. She denied me the explanation. Maybe one day she’d come out and tell me. Maybe I’d never know. But the only thing that was certain was that I would be both mother and father to Grace. Someone she’d never question would leave her.

The judge looked over the court documents that we’d both signed. As he turned from page to page, the door opened and I turned to see who entered. A young man with a briefcase entered and walked over to Mackenzie’s side of the courtroom.

“My apologies for my tardiness, Your Honor. I had another case that ran over on the third floor,” he said as he sat down at the table beside her.

“I’m looking over the petitions that your office filed one last time before I begin,” the judge stated without looking up.

I couldn’t take my eyes off of them as they whispered back and forth to each other. I’d love to know what they were discussing. Seeing as how said discussion pertained to the welfare of our child.

“Are you ready to proceed, Mr. Garringer?” the judge asked.

“Yes, Your Honor. We’re ready.”

“Your office petitioned and filed to have the rights of Ms. Campbell relinquished and for full sole custody to be awarded to the father, Mr. Corbin. Is that correct?” the judge asked.

“Yes, Your Honor. Ms. Campbell understands the severity of her actions and wishes to relinquish her parental rights. As I disclosed there are circumstances that warrant these proceedings,” her lawyer confirmed.

What circumstances would justify her giving up our child?

“I’ve read over all of the documents. However, I take relinquishing rights very seriously. Regardless of the circumstances, I need to hear the confirmation from Ms. Campbell as well as ask questions to Mr. Corbin before I make my ruling.”

That I understood. But I wished someone would tell me what the hell her reasoning behind this was. Apparently, I was the only one out of the damn loop. My fists curled in my lap, and I bit down on the inside of my lip from making a sudden outburst. I had to keep my cool. I couldn’t allow the judge to see my emotions. I’d save that for the damn punching bag later.

He cleared his throat and made some notes before he began his questioning. My ears began to ring and my heart began to pound at what could possibly be revealed.

“Ms. Campbell, do you understand that when you sign your rights away you have no legal standing to your child? That you can’t legally come back into her life or make any decisions regarding any portion of her life?” the judge asked as he crossed his hands together to wait for her response.

Mackenzie stood and I saw her tremble, but she caught herself on the table before anyone else in the room noticed. But it didn’t get past me.

“I do, Your Honor. I’ve thought relentlessly about my decision and it’s the only one that I can make. I’m not fit to be her mother, and I want to ensure that she’s taken care of. That legally Mr. Corbin has all the documentation that he needs regarding her welfare,” she answered.

Mr. Corbin. When did I resort to that? Even in a professional manner, she could’ve called me by my name. It was informal. Emotionless.

The judge nodded his head and jotted down more notes. My leg had a mind of its own and began bouncing to ward off the nervous energy that had started to consume my entire body. I was next to be questioned. I had no clue what he’d ask. How I’d respond. Everything was up in the air, and I didn’t know how to handle that. The uncertainty lingered in the air causing my throat to tighten in fear. What if he decided that neither of us deserved Grace? Holy shit. I’d never thought of that. I tried to calm my breathing, but I felt like I was hyperventilating at just the thought of having her taken from me.

“Mr. Corbin, I see here that you’ve signed the documents presented by Ms. Campbell’s counsel. But I just want to make sure that you understand the severity of what that entails. Do you understand that legally you will be the sole provider of Grace Corbin? Do you understand that you can’t go after Ms. Campbell for child support or any other means of financial help? Do you understand that you will be the sole person making decisions on behalf of the child and her welfare?” the judge asked as he looked at me. His expression not showing an ounce of emotion.

Money didn’t matter to me. I didn’t want nor need her money.

Being the sole decision maker scared me. Terrified me even. But that was because I didn’t want to disappoint my child or steer her in the wrong direction.

Without hesitation, I replied, “I understand all of the above, Your Honor.”

I didn’t want to go overboard with my response so I figured a yes or no would suffice.

“How old is the child, Grace Corbin?” the judge asked.

“She’s two, Your Honor,” I replied.

“And where does the child currently reside?”

“We’re currently living with my parents’ in Nelson County. I decided to move back home so Grace didn’t have a constant reminder that her mom wasn’t there. We’re leaning on my family for support until Grace gets settled into her new normal. I’m looking for a place of my own, but Grace has her own room at my parents’. Her own playroom to enjoy. The house is completely child proofed. She’s safe,” I explained. I felt the need to go overboard so he could see how much I put Grace first. How she was the top priority in my life.