I had completely forgotten William was flying out that morning. He had a three-day business trip, which was perfect timing. I needed the space. I couldn’t think with William and Alex both home, and especially William because he didn’t even realize I was still upset about the event. But one thing was certain—we were definitely talking when he returned home.
I sat up in bed, watching as he finished packing his final things. He leaned over and kissed my cheek. “I can’t wait until you can come with me, darling. Soon.” He kissed my cheek once more before his words really sunk in.
“What do you mean? Why would I come with you?”
“When we’re married, Mackenzie. You won’t be working, which means we can go together. Especially on these longer trips. It’ll be nice, don’t you think?”
He stepped back and grabbed his bags off the bed. “Wait…what do you mean when I won’t be working? I told you I wasn’t quitting my job after we got married.”
“You don’t need to work, darling. I’ve told you that.”
I cleared my throat, thinking perhaps some kind of German-Spanish-Japanese language was pouring out of my mouth that he didn’t understand correctly. “William, I’m
not
quitting my job. Not now. Not when we get married. Not when we have children. Not
ever
.” Although the thought of having children with William sent a nervous shiver down my spine. “We talked about this after we got engaged. Don’t you remember?”
“Yes, of course. And don’t you remember I said we’d talk about that when the time came?” He checked his watch as if this conversation was a waste of his precious time. “Let’s talk about this when I return, okay? I have to catch my flight.”
There was nothing to talk about because no matter what he said, I was putting my foot down. Even though my job was stressful, demanding, and I still had hoops to jump through to get where I wanted to be, I loved it. I craved the fast-paced, high-energy world I’ve worked my ass off to get into. That wasn’t going to change just because my marital status changed.
I lay back in bed once William left. The more I thought about it, the more my blood boiled. We had this conversation at least half a dozen times before. Each time, he walked away, saying we’d ‘discuss’ it later and, of course, always on his terms.
Was it always like this? Have I been that damn blind this whole time?
I finally got up and hopped in the shower. Thoughts of him and Alex racing through my mind. Could I marry William and be happy? Would I always be happy? Would I adjust to the lifestyle that I’d be marrying into?
I used to think so.
Now, I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t ecstatic about the lack of privacy, the media always digging their noses in our business, the high-pressure lifestyle that William didn’t even blink an eyelash at anymore. He worked more than he was home and
if
we ever had children, would he even be around to raise them?
So many questions. So much confusion. My mind was reeling with everything to the point I couldn’t even remember if I put shampoo in my hair. I needed to push all my thoughts back and focus so I could get dressed and ready for work. I have three days to myself and I needed to think everything through…I knew I needed to make a choice before I made the wrong decision.
“CHELSEA?” I CALLED
from my desk. I was frantically shuffling through the scattered papers on my desk. She stuck her head in my office and raised her brows at me. “I can’t find the Sage Price interview transcripts! Have you seen them?”
“I already typed them up and sent them to editorial.”
“You did?” I stopped searching. “When?”
She narrowed her brows and continued, “This morning…after you asked me to.”
I was officially going crazy. “Oh, shit. That’s right.” I exhaled in relief.
“You okay?” She stepped in and looked me over. “You’ve been a little off.”
“I know…” I shook my head, needing to clear my mind so I could actually focus. “Yes, I’ll be fine. Thanks.” I smiled up at her as she gave me a sympathetic smile. She concluded with rambling off some more assignments she’s working on and reminded me of my afternoon appointment. I thanked her and cleaned up my desk.
When I finally got around to checking my phone, I saw text messages from Staci and Brittainy. They were both freaking out about flowers and something with the catering. Brittainy was getting married in ten days and since her maid of honor was from out of town, Staci was stepping into help whenever she could. Which actually meant, she was flipping out just as much and then texting me for help on the side.
Drinks at Trinity. 6 p.m.,
I texted both of them. I couldn’t deal with them over messages, and I could use a few drinks before getting the nerve to face Alex again.
I wasn’t exactly sure what I was going to do yet. Telling William wouldn’t be easy, and there’s not really a great time to tell your fiancé you’ve been questioning your entire relationship as of recent. William was a good guy and he meant well, but what I knew back when I met him and what I knew now were completely different.
I managed to get out of work on time despite how I kept messing things up. Thankfully, Chelsea picked up my slack and even sat with me during my afternoon meeting and took notes.
“I promise I’ll have my shit together tomorrow.” I took a seat behind my desk and covered my face with both hands. I needed to figure something out before my boss finds out and fires me.
“Do you want to talk? I know we aren’t close on that level, but if you ever need an ear…” she started and I looked up at the hopeful face in front of me. She was sweet, only a couple years younger than I was. “I’m here if you need it,” she finished, and I nodded a thank you back. I wasn’t ready to talk about this to anyone besides Staci and even then, I wasn’t even really making sense.
Hell, nothing was making sense to me anymore.
“TO GIRL’S NIGHT
out!” Staci shouted over the music.
“To one of my last nights out as a single woman!” Brittainy added, clinking our glasses together. I smiled as we all took our shots, squirming in our seats as the alcohol burned down our throats.
“I can’t believe you’re getting married soon!” I said, pouting my lower lip out. Brittainy was a great friend and she deserved all the happiness coming her way, but I was going to miss our routine girl nights out. After their honeymoon, they were moving out of the city and into a more ‘family friendly neighborhood,’ which meant our nights out would be limited.
“I know!” she smiled wide. “I feel like nothing is ready.”
Staci grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “It’ll be perfect, Britt! Everything is going to be fine. The flowers were re-ordered…”
“And I’ll call Henri first thing in the morning. I’m sure he can fill the spot.”
“Yes, we’ll figure this out!” Staci promised. Brittainy slowly exhaled in relief. One of her caterers had a family emergency and flew out of state. He wasn’t sure when he would be returning, so they were going to be short staffed. But I knew Henri would help me out in a heartbeat. I’ve hired him for several of my other events in the past year.
“I don’t know what I’d do without you ladies!” Brittainy was almost in tears, the stress evident on her face as everything was becoming overwhelming.
I tried to picture myself in her shoes a year from now when William and I were supposed to be exchanging our vows. The thought used to excite me and now I was feeling terrified—terrified I was making a horrible decision and feeling I’d regret it the second we walked down the aisle. And that thought alone made me sick.
“So, Mac, how’s the wedding planning going for you?” Brittainy asked, interrupting my thoughts. I hadn’t told her anything about Alex or William. I wasn’t sure what there was to say considering my own head was a train wreck.
“It’s going smoothly so far,” I said, pulling the straw from my vodka cranberry into my mouth. Staci had ordered another round of drinks and I was more than willing to accept. “I meet with the wedding coordinator about once a month.”
“Ah, you’re so lucky you have a planner! Jason wouldn’t let me, so I’ve had to deal with his bossy, demanding mother for the past nine months.” She scowled, making me burst out in laughter. It wasn’t necessarily a funny situation, but her expression, when she talked about her future mother-in-law, was never a pleasant one.
“Honestly,” I began. “I would’ve been content with something small and intimate. The whole big, white wedding was William’s idea.”
“After planning a whole big ordeal, I can’t say I blame you! I’m never getting married again! This marriage will have to work or I’m eloping next time,” she said with a giggle. She was sucking down the drinks faster than I was.
We laughed and gossiped the rest of the night. It was great catching up with them and clearing my head. Alex was still on my mind, but the alcohol flowing through my blood was making me not care. And right now, I didn’t want to care about anything.
AS I STUMBLED
in just after midnight, I was seriously regretting that last round of shots. Staci had insisted, and I gave myself a mental note to kick her ass next time I see her.
The apartment was dark except for a hallway light. I tiptoed as quietly as I could so I wouldn’t wake Alex, but as soon as I rounded the corner toward the living room, I bumped straight into the side table and knocked the lamp over.
“Shit!” I whispered to myself. I grabbed the lamp and set it back on the table, but then the table fell again and I couldn’t see straight so I said fuck it.
I tossed the lamp on the empty couch and continued my way toward the bedroom. I flicked the light on and kicked my shoes off. I needed to get in bed and sleep it off. Not to mention I had to be up in six hours for work.
“What the fuck?” I heard Alex growl from behind me.
Oh, shit.
“Sorry,” I said, cringing as I tried to hold myself up. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“I wasn’t asleep.” He sounded pissed but didn’t continue.
“Oh…okay. Well, I’m fine.” I unbuttoned my skirt and shimmied it down, taking a step and tossing it off. I walked toward the bathroom, needing to brush the taste of alcohol out of my mouth. “I just need to get to bed. For sleep. I need sleep,” I rambled, pulling at my top and yanking it over my head. I threw it on the floor and walked to the sink, grabbing my toothbrush in the process.
“Are you fucking wasted?” He followed me in and stupidly, I glanced and looked at him. He leaned up against the doorframe, crossing his arms and scowling at me.
“I may have had a bit too much.” I shrugged, attempting to put the toothpaste on my brush, but the damn tube was not cooperating. “It was girl’s night out,” I explained.
“How the hell did you even get home?” he questioned in a harsh tone, stepping toward me. He grabbed the tube and my brush, putting the paste on for me. He rinsed it under the water before handing it back to me.
“I took a cab,” I said just before putting the brush in my mouth. I looked at him through the mirror, him glaring at me, obviously not happy with my decision to drink tonight. Hell, I was not happy with it either right now. I was definitely going to pay for it later, but I needed to take the edge off. I needed to feel numb.
“You’re an idiot,” he spat out, still burning his eyes into mine. “Something could’ve happened to you.”
I rinsed the brush and spit before placing it back on the counter. I grabbed a towel and wiped my mouth, all while his eyes followed me. I finally looked at myself in the mirror and realized I had stripped down to just my panties and bra.
Shit.
I watched him again and realized he hadn’t taken his eyes off mine, meaning he was trying really hard not to look down. The Alex I knew would’ve used any excuse to embarrass me by looking. But his mouth remained in a firm line and his face was expressionless.
“Okay, fine,” I finally agreed, walking past him and back into my room. “I shouldn’t have drank that much, I know. But I’m home safe and everything is fine. Can you stop scolding me now? Geez.”
He followed me out and grabbed my elbow before I could reach the bed, spinning me around and pressing me up against his chest. “No, it’s not all right, Mac. I was worried sick. William might not care that you’re out until midnight getting pissed, but I do. I fucking care, Mac.”
His face turned soft just before going back to his normal-Alex-pissed-off face. I didn’t know how to respond. I wasn’t thinking straight, that was obvious, but I couldn’t talk to Alex. Not right now.
“Okay. I’m sorry, Alex. It was irresponsible, especially since you were probably expecting me home much earlier. I’m truly sorry.”
I didn’t make any attempts to back away as he caged me in his arms. They were warm and hard, and I loved the feeling of them. His lips finally curled into a knowing grin as his eyes scanned down my bare body. “You always strip down when you’re drunk, or am I just lucky?” He winked.
I shrugged, playing along. “Right time, right place.”
A laugh escaped deep from within his throat as he threw his head back in amusement. “Jesus, you’re feisty when you drink. Come on.” He guided me toward the bed and pulled the covers back. “Get in.” I gladly did, letting him pull the covers over me and tuck me in.