Deep Water (4 page)

The
Walsh family came for dinner on Saturday night. My parents had made up by then,
and they had a friendly façade going on that I felt could crack at any moment.
This would be the first dinner that we would have together since their fight.
My mother loved entertaining. Our dining room would be transformed with fresh
flowers, a white tablecloth and whatever centerpiece her magazines said was in
fashion.

She was a marvelous cook when she wanted
to be. Her meat was always roasted to perfection; her salads were colorful and
flavored with homemade dressings. She was the perfect homemaker, complete with
her hair and makeup professionally done.

I think my mother liked to have Mrs.
Walsh over because it made her feel superior. Mrs. Walsh had a dumpy figure,
thickened by having Ewan and then exacerbated by age. Her hair was cut short in
no particular style, and her nail polish was often chipped. However, Mrs. Walsh
had married a more successful man, and that must have irked my Mom to no end.

Mom towered over her in her heels as she
greeted them, kissing their cheeks in welcome. Dad and I followed suit as we
waited behind her like her entourage. Ewan had come as well; at least that
would make the night more bearable.

My mother sat at the head of the table
like a queen and made polite conversation with Mrs. Walsh while Dad spoke to Mr.
Walsh about business. Ewan and I spoke about people we knew and parties that
were coming up.

“Are you going to Lena’s party?” he
asked in a low voice. “I’m going after this if you want a ride.” I hadn’t
really been out since that last disastrous encounter with Joseph. I didn’t have
a chance to answer Ewan because suddenly voices were raised. We hadn’t been
paying attention to the adults’ conversation, my mother’s charming voice had
dominated the conversation, but I had long ago learned to tune out her voice.

But then it turned into a screech, she
was on her feet as she pounded her fists down on the table, that made the china
rattle. Her glare was directed at my father, and her lips were drawn back to
expose her teeth. His face was red, and he slowly got to his feet as well.

“You’re making a scene,” he hissed at
her.

“I don’t care!” she shrieked. “You think
that I’m just going to sit here quietly while you humiliate me? You think I’m
just going to be that obedient little doll you married to look pretty on your
arm. Do you know who he’s fucking?”

Her eyes scanned us all now. “Anna Ward,
that ugly bitch of a lawyer.” She let out a laugh. “I tell you what, she must
be
excellent
in bed to make up for her looks. Or do you have the lights
turned off,
Dan?
” she sneered.

“That’s enough, Mandy.” Dad’s teeth were
gritted, and he looked like he was just holding on to his temper.

I cleared my throat. “Mom, maybe you
should go lie down until you feel better. We have guests…” I prepared myself
for her reaction, but I figured that I was already mortified by her behavior,
it couldn’t get any worse.

Her eyes zeroed in on me as she shook
her head, “Oh, no. Don’t you take his side. Don’t you dare. You’re
my
daughter. Not his. You just remember that.”

I saw the three heads of the Walsh
family spin to watch me. This was obviously news to them.

“Don’t put this on her! Go upstairs,
now!” The anger and intensity in my father’s voice made me jump. It also got my
mother’s attention. She smashed a plate to the ground before trampling through
the broken shards.

“Fuck you!” she threw at us over her
shoulder as she marched up the stairs.

Now, there was silence. Our guests
didn’t know where to look. Dad sunk slowly into his chair, his hands in fists.

“Doug, Evelyn.” He let out a breath. “I
don’t know what to say. All I can do is apologize.”

Mrs. Walsh reached over and patted his
hand. “No need, Dan.”

Mr. Walsh cleared his throat. “Perhaps
we should go.”

Before they left, I overheard Mrs. Walsh
take Dad aside and say she’d been told about an excellent psychiatrist who was
new to the area. I didn’t hear what Dad said because Ewan was embracing me.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Me? Sure.” I said with a smile. His
eyes searched me like he was looking for more of a reaction. This obviously
wasn’t a regular occurrence in his household. “I’m just embarrassed,” I said
finally.

He gave me a reassuring squeeze on my
arm. “Will you come to the party later?”

“Maybe. I’ll just see how things go here
first…”

After they had left, I started to clear
the table. This was the first time my mother had ever done this in front of
other people; usually she cared too much about her image to behave this way in
public. Dad stood in the doorway watching me.

“About what she said…you are my kid, you
know that, right? I’ve raised you since you were born. Nothing she says will
ever change that.”

I stacked plates, suddenly feeling like
crying. “I know. It just sucks every time she says it.” I let out a breath.
“And now other people know…”

He came over and hugged me, stroking my
hair. I hugged him back and sniffed away my tears.

“Listen. Leave all this for the morning.
I’m going to go for a drive and get some air. Okay?”

“Okay.” He gave me a quick squeeze
before releasing me. “Love you.”

“You too.”

I cleaned up anyway after he was gone. I
had just thrown what remained of the broken plate in the trash when my mother
came down. She went straight to her vodka stash. Her lipstick was smeared, and
her eye makeup smudged around eyes swollen from crying. She poured herself a
drink and then leaned against the counter, watching me. I didn’t acknowledge
her until she spoke.

“You like him more than me.”

I didn’t look at her as I loaded the
last plate into the dishwasher. “I don’t.”

“If he’d known I was pregnant when he
met me, he would have run a mile. You just remember that. I made him fall in
love with me.
I
made sure you had a family.”

“Whatever, Mom. It’s getting late. Maybe
you should go to bed.”

She stepped closer to me.

“He’s going to leave us for that Anna
bitch and forget all about us. You might like to keep that in mind.”

I slammed the door of the dishwasher
shut. “You’re drunk, Mom. You should go to bed.”

I finally met her eyes; she was staring
at me. Her face was emotionless. “You are so ungrateful, you know that? If you
only knew the life that I saved you from. You live like a fucking little
princess here, and that’s all because of me.”

Anger sparked in me. “Actually, that’s
because of Dad and the money he brings in. Not
you.
You’re just a drunk
sloth that leeches off of him and–”

Crack
! Her hand slapped me with such
speed that I couldn’t have been sure that it actually happened if not for the
sting on my cheek. I clutched my face, staring at her in shock.

Her mouth was open, and she looked like
she couldn’t believe what she’d done. “I–I’m sorry.” She looked like she was
about to cry again.

I dropped my hand from my cheek and
forced a smile. “It’s fine. It hardly hurts,” I lied. “Please go to bed, Mom.
You’ll feel better in the morning.”

Slowly, the look of horror disappeared,
and she smiled as well, happy to play along with the lie. “All right. Goodnight
sweetheart. I love you.”

“You too, Mom.”

 I waited until I heard her bedroom door
shut before I grabbed my phone and headed out. My face still hurt and I
probably should have put ice on it, but I just wanted to get out of there. Lena
only lived a few streets over, and I could hear the party going on long before
I saw it. People were gathered both inside as well as out on the patio, and I
decided to stay outside to avoid the light in case my cheek was still red. I
found Eve and my friends and got a beer from them. But they went over to speak
to a group of boys that Ewan was part of, and I couldn’t stand to see him. My
embarrassment from the evening hadn’t yet passed.

So instead I headed to the pool area. It
was cordoned off because Lena didn’t want anyone drowning in there, but I
climbed easily over the fence without spilling a single drop of my beer.

I sat on the edge of the pool and dipped
my feet in the water. It was still warm from the day. I pressed the beer
against my aching face, wishing it was colder. I heard a thump behind me.
Joseph had also climbed the fence.

I turned my head away, back to the
water. He had a six pack of beer that he placed on the side of the pool before
sitting beside me. He grabbed one out and opened it as he kicked off his shoes
and put his feet in the water as well.

“What happened to your face?”

My eyes darted to him quickly. “Nothing.
Why.” How could he know? It was too dark to see out here. The outside lights
only offered a dim illumination.

“You’re holding the beer to your face.”

I moved the beer away. “Habit.” I lifted
my beer to my lips and started to drink it.

He casually put his hand on my thigh. I
shifted my leg. “Don’t touch me.” He didn’t move his hand.

“You’re still mad? I thought you would
have cooled off by now.”

I lifted my beer to my lips and took a
sip before saying sullenly, “You tried to have sex with me.”

“Of course I did. You’re a pretty girl.”
He started to rub his hand up and down my leg. It felt nice in spite of
everything.

“Can you go away now? Please?”

“You don’t want that. You like me,
remember?”

I gave a slight snort and finished my
beer. He immediately opened another and passed it to me. I took it, touching
his fingers as I did so.

He leaned in close and whispered, “Want
to go skinny dipping? No touching. I promise.”

“You’re touching me right now.” I looked
at his hand on my thigh. “Besides, I don’t want to add to your image of me as
a, what was it? A cock tease?”

He leaned away from me, a small grin on
his face. “Okay. I might have got a little carried away. It was a shitty day
made worse by you rejecting me. I’m sorry.”

“You slept with Katrin.”

He removed his hand from my leg and
gripped his beer bottle with both hands. “Yes, I did.”

That was it. He didn’t say anything else
as we sat beside each other. I felt more awkward as each second passed. Then
Lena lifted her head up over the fence.

“Hey, you guys aren’t allowed back
here!”

Joseph boosted me over the fence, before
passing over his beer to me then climbing over.

“Hey, there you are.” Ewan came over to
us just as Joseph jumped down beside me. “I was wondering if you’d turn up.” He
embraced me in a drunken hug. “Are you okay?” His voice was full of concern,
and maybe he meant to whisper it, but it came out loud. Several people on the
patio beside us turned to look.

“I’m fine.” I struggled out of his
embrace, stepping back onto the patio. But I must have stepped into the light
because a frown came over his face and he reached up to grip my chin as he
examined me.

“Ouch, Ewan. Let go.”

But he didn’t. “Did
she
do this
to you? She’s a nutcase!” More people were looking now, and I wanted the ground
to open up and swallow me. “You should report her for this–”

“Ewan! Stop it,” I hissed. “People are
looking.”

He let go. “Sorry,” he said in a quieter
voice. “I’m sorry.”

I pulled away. “It’s fine. I’m going to
go,” I mumbled as I walked away, drinking my beer as I did so and heading for
the road, away from prying eyes.

“Jessica!” Joseph jogged up beside me.
“I’ll walk you home.”

I picked up my pace. “There’s no need.
This is a good neighborhood.”

His pace matched mine. “But those are
the worst ones.”

I twisted my head to look at him,
frowning. “What do you mean?”

“Because they’re filled with the kind of
people who put on facades. They’re more dangerous because you have no idea
what’s lurking underneath. For example, take that house there.” He pointed up to
a large white McMansion. “The guy that owns that is a sadist. He visits
brothels and pays prostitutes so he can whip them. Imagine if he saw a girl
like you walking past, all alone. He may not be able to resist. You’d be bound
in his basement before you knew it.”

I scoffed. “You’re being stupid.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Am I?”

“Yes.” I walked away, but he followed.

“Don’t worry. I’ll protect you, though.”

“Oh, really. How do you know this whip-wielding
sadist doesn’t like good looking boys like you. Maybe
you’ll
be his next
victim,” I teased. “Anyway, maybe it’s
you
I need protecting from.”

He passed me a beer as I drained the
last of mine.