Destructive Silence (The Destructive Series) (6 page)

“My mom is the oldest of three; mom’s sister, who is eleven years younger, was out at the time. Mom’s brother, who actually lived with my parents before I was born
, was fourteen years younger than mom was. Grandma had gotten really sick, and with grandpa working so much, they couldn’t care for him. He stayed with my parents until grandma got better.

Before we arrived that afternoon, grandma had run to the store to pick up what she needed to make supper. Grandpa’s small black and white TV was in the family room, and I remember watching some show or other. My uncle was home. He came out of his room, excited about something my grandpa had just gotten him; he was dying to show it to me. My sister was outside helping mom and grandpa. I was alone. He persuaded me to come see what it was, and when I walked into his room, he shut the door behind me and locked it. I asked him why he had to lock it. He told me he wanted to show only one person at a time and my sister could be next. I didn’t think anything about it. He pulled out his new G. I. Joe toy. He was excited to get this particular one. He told me I could hold it if I let him tickle me. I didn’t like being tickled but I didn’t care. So I let him.” I stop to take another breath. I feel lightheaded and I’m not sure I can continue. Caine rubs my hand
, helping me to concentrate on getting through what I need to tell him. “When he began tickling me, he straddled my body and handed me the toy. He... uh, began moving his fingers around while he was describing all the cool things about it. I wasn’t too impressed by his new toy, but I was happy that he was. Grandma and grandpa didn’t have a lot of money, so getting a new toy was a huge deal. My uncle then took it away from me and said the figure wanted to feel what it was like to tickle me. I thought he was crazy, but I trusted him because he was my uncle. He was family.” The tears are rapidly running down my cheeks, and I’m having a hard time breathing.

“My uncle did something that he shouldn’t have; he touched me places he shouldn’t have and did things
to me that an eight-year-old has no business having done to them. He hurt me.” Caine pulls me into him. I’m sobbing uncontrollably in a fucking parking lot. “My uncle took away my childhood that afternoon. I was too scared to tell my mom. He made me promise not to tell, saying I would get in a lot of trouble. He told me my mom wouldn’t want me anymore if she found out. I remember once I got back to my house, I cried into my pillow for what seemed like forever. Each time mom needed to go to grandpa’s house after that, I tried to come up with an excuse so that I didn’t have to go. Most of the time it worked, but when mom forced me to go with her, I prayed the entire ride that my uncle wouldn’t be there. I prayed so hard that I sometimes made myself sick. I can’t remember how many times my uncle touched and made me do awful things; I’ve blocked a lot of details out of my head. It’s been hard getting past. It screwed me up so much that I had to repeat the third grade because I had missed so many days of school from being ‘sick’. My mom took me to the doctor who referred us to a counselor. The therapist gave her the thumbs up that I was fine. He was a quack if I’ve ever seen one.”

“But you said you were a virgin. Does that mean, he
... he didn’t...” Caine can’t even finish his thought.

“No, he never penetrated me. He had me do a number of other horrible things. Sometimes I wonder if he had just demanded sex, maybe it would have been easier. I’m sure it wouldn’t, I just wonder sometimes.” I pause. “I don’t really have boyfriends because I find myself getting caught up in other things to occupy my time. I guess it scares me to have a boyfriend. He might expect me to sleep with him and if I wasn’t ready, I didn’t think I could deal with it. I didn’t go to the club last night expecting to do what I did. I’ve never thought of ever having a one-night stand. It just isn’t me. Something came over me. When I saw you, I was immediately attracted to you. You made me forget the world. I had this overwhelming feeling wash over me while we were dancing and I couldn’t get close enough to you. I don’t know how to explain it. I thought
that maybe you could make me forget. You did actually help me forget for a while. But afterward, the memories came back. It hurt even worse because I gave something precious of mine away trying to forget something that had already been taken away in my childhood. I’m sorry I used you Caine.” I finish feeling exhausted and nauseous. I hope my lunch doesn’t pay me another visit.

We sit quietly for a few minutes watching the cars drive by
us. I think he is digesting what I just said. He hasn’t let go of my hand and I wonder if he hates me. Right now, I hate myself for what I did. Caine stands and lowers to kneel in front, surprising me. “I am so sorry for what happened to you when you were younger. I can’t fix that. I wish I could; but I don’t feel used. If you thought you were using me to run from something, then I’m glad you did because it brought you to me. I really don’t want us to be a one-night stand Lacey. We connected and I like you. You are beautiful. I would love more than anything to see where this might go if you give us a chance. I’ve never felt an attachment with someone like I did with you last night. We moved as if we were one; not as one person, but as if we were one soul on the dance floor. And then in the hotel room, we connected on a deeper level. You can’t tell me you didn’t feel it, too. Is that why you got scared and ran away? You can’t run from me, Lacey. I will track your ass down. You have to talk to me. Please give me a chance to make you happy, baby,” Caine says.
Oh my, well in that case…
I’m overcome with emotions from his declaration of understanding, affection, and persistence.

Caine kisses my hand. “I can’t promise anything,” I tell him.

“I’ll take whatever you can give me.” He shrugs. “If you’d like to start over and take it slow, I understand.”

I look into his eyes. “Thank you. I think I can handle slowing things down a little.” I smile. “But how slow is slow? I don’t know if I can stand to be around you without kissing...” Before I could say more
, his lips were on mine. It was gentle and passionate, using only our lips. He leans his forehead against mine and we lock eyes. I smile again and so does he. “Thank you,” I tell him.

“What are you thanking me for?” he asks.

“For not hating me because of what I did,” I say.

“Lacey, I couldn’t hate you for wanting to escape a part of your childhood that was painful. If I helped in any way, I’ll be happy. Just please don’t run again. Okay?”

“Okay,” I answer.

“Come here.” He pulls me into a tight hug. It’s crazy to think we’ve known each other less than twenty-four hours and we have this effect on each other. I hope this feeling never ends.

Falling

Caine and I have been texting and talking every day since Sunday. He’s been amazing the past week, even forgiving me for running out. I’m happy he tracked me down to make me talk and face my problems. I didn’t think talking would make me feel better, but it did a little. I haven’t seen him since that afternoon in the mall because he’s been working late, but its Friday night and we have a date.

Becca had the bright idea of Caine and
me doubling with her and Lucas tonight since it’s really our first date. Becca knows I’m nervous about being alone with him since this is all new to me. I don’t think he would do anything to make me uncomfortable or hurt me; I’m just being cautious because I don’t know if I trust myself around him. “Lacey, hurry up they’re going to be here soon.”

“You know Becca, it would have been perfectly okay if we met the guys at the restaurant. Caine doesn’t need to know where I live. What if I decide I don’t want to see him again? Is he going to stalk me on my doorstep? Oh my God Becca, he’s going to kill me in my sleep if I refuse to go on another date,” I tell her as I take a moment to pet my cute dog, Cinnamon.

Rolling her eyes, Becca spits back, “Seriously? You think he’s going to try to kill you if you won’t go out with him again?” She chuckles and throws a sock at me, causing me to follow suit and join in with her laughter. “That’s a good one!”

“Okay, so maybe I exaggerated a little.” I show her my thumb and fingers pinched slightly apart and she gives me a look of disbelief. “Fine, maybe I’m worried for no reason. I’m just scared of what could happen, that’s all. Remember I don’t do this dating and boyfriend stuff.” Cinnamon pushes his ear sideways for me to rub it some more, enjoying the love.

“I know bestie. Don’t worry. I’ll be there tonight, and I won’t let anything happen to you. I hope you believe that there is no reason for the worricane.”

“Yeah, I know you’ll keep me on the right track
so nothing happens.” I smile and walk towards her for a hug. “You need to stop bothering me so that I can finish getting ready.” Taking the bottle of hairspray as my weapon, I act as though I’m going to spray her. We both laugh.

The doorbell rings about ten minutes later and Cinnamon runs to greet whoever is on the other side. Mom answer
s the door, beating Becca and I to it with a devious smile on her face as if she just won the lottery. “Good evening gentlemen.” I hear my mom greet the guys. She couldn’t wait to meet them since finding out a guy caught my eye.

“Mom, is that them?”

“I believe so sweetie, unless you might be expecting another two gentlemen by the names of Caine and Lucas.” I can see her smiling as she leads them into the family room. He doesn’t see me yet and I watch Caine as he moves stealthily across the room.

I silently approach him while he
seems lost in ogling over my father’s collection of guitars. I’m not sure if he heard me walk in or if he can feel the magnetic pull between us. It makes the hairs raise up off my skin just having him in the same room as me. He turns slowly with one eyebrow raised and smiles.
Oh no!
He’s looking at me with those fucking bedroom eyes. Dammit! I hope he isn’t expecting anything tonight. I didn’t prepare myself for a repeat of last Saturday night.

He turns to my mom. “May I?” Caine asks, pointing to one of my dad’s acoustic guitars.

“Sure,” Mom replies unsure of what is going to happen next. I don’t blame her. Caine gently reaches for the guitar of his choice. I had no idea Caine could play the guitar. Then again, why would I? I walked out on him without taking the opportunity to get to know him at all. And now, he is in my house, standing next to my mom with one of my dad’s guitars strapped around him.

He begins to pick the strings as if he knows what he’s doing. I turn around to look at Lucas who’s wearing a huge smile. He notices I’m watching him as his smile grows, while comfortably standing with this arm around my best friend.
Hmm,
I wonder if there is more going on and Becca failed to mention it. I will have to ask her tonight when we get back to her house.

Caine begins humming and everything else ceases to exist. He’s playing a familiar song and it takes me a moment before I can place it.
OH. MY. GOD.
He’s playing ‘In Your Eyes’ on the freaking guitar and singing along. The raspy sound coming from his lips draws me in. The sound is often mistaken as the result of alcohol and lack of sleep. His closed eyes are drawing me closer to his soul. I can see him internalize the words as he feels the music. The beauty of the man in front of me has me completely mesmerized. I think I might drop my panties like a crazed groupie.
Fuck!
I’m not supposed to feel this much for him; it’s too soon.

It sounds like he is playing the Jeff Gaines version of the song and dammit
, that voice is sexy. I can’t take my eyes off him. Caine opens his eyes as he sings about being lost and
fuck me
. He’s singing to me, no doubt. I clearly hurt him by walking out on him last weekend. I didn’t mean to hurt him. He seems like a great guy, but I just couldn’t get past the thoughts swarming in my head. I hope he will be able to forgive me. I never in a million years meant for the monumental events of last weekend to happen. Although part of me is so happy it did, I’m still trying to work through some of my issues so we can have a chance.

He’s beautiful, with his long dark lashes gently lying on the cheeks of his face, a face full of deep emotions. He is completely swept up in the song. It’s incredible to watch him strumming the chords and it’s stirring something in my body, bringing it to life. His words pang my chest. Damn, he is so freaking good! He opens his eyes to look directly into mine while he begins to sing the chorus.

Caine is speaking to me through the song. He doesn’t like to see me hurting; when he found me missing at the hotel, his heart was empty; he tracked me down, found me and my light fulfilled him – making him complete.
Damn
, he knows the way right to a girl’s heart!

He closes his eyes to finish the song, plucking slower as the song ends and then he surprises us moving fluidly into another song. This song isn’t quite as energetic, I can tell as he softly plucks the chords. Damn, he has some fascinating fingers.
Oh God, what am I thinking?

I shout, “I know this one.” Caine smiles proudly that I know the classic song, ‘Bridge Over Troubled Waters’ by Simon & Garfunkel, a song I’ve heard my dad play many times.
Caine is blowing me away by even knowing this song and I wonder why he chose it. Does he relate to it? When I hear him sing the line, “If you need a friend, I’m sailing right behind,” I can feel the raw emotions in his voice, and I see it in his body language. I wonder if he’s singing this to me because of the painful childhood memories I shared with him last week. He’s amazing and talented beyond anything I could have ever imagined. What the hell was I thinking walking away from him? I blink back tears while my mom, Becca and Lucas are sitting on the sofa watching him, swaying and smiling at the performance. At any moment, they are going to break out lighters to wave in the air. There is more to this and I think he’s trying to tell me something. He opens his eyes and his deep penetrating gaze settles on me as he sings.

I am completely incapable of pulling my eyes from him.
The entire room focuses on him and my peripheral vision has completely darkened. Caine is in the spotlight of my emotions and it’s so beautiful; I don’t know how I got so lucky.

He finishes the song telling me he will ease my mind. We all clap. Mom, Becca and Lucas give him a standing ovation. I wipe the tears falling and laugh as he puts the guitar aside, stands
up, and reaches to me for a hug. His embrace is so warming, which causes a few extra tears to fall. “That was amazing Caine.” I try to put a stop on the waterworks for fear of messing up my make-up; raccoon eyes are not what I was going for tonight.

“Oh my
God, Caine that was fapulous!” Becca screeches.

He chuckles and whisper
s, “thank you.” His breath hits right in the freaking spot that sends shivers down my spine. I melt against him, taking my first long, deep breath since he started plucking the chords on the guitar. He reinforces my feeling of safety in his arms as he just told me ‘he will lie himself down for me’. I’ve never had anyone make me feel so complete and protected. “Are you ready? I have a date with a beautiful woman and I don’t want to waste a single moment.” He kisses my cheek.

I blush. “Do you have everything Becca?” I ask her
.

“Yep, let’s get on with this date-a-thon
.”

“Bye mom.” I kiss her on the cheek. “Remember, I’m staying at Becca’s tonight.”

“Okay, sweetie. Please be safe,” she tells me as I give Cinnamon a little love tap on his head.

“I will. Love you.”

Caine reaches for my hand, holding the front door open for me. He kisses my hand before helping me into the passenger seat. Becca and Lucas settle in the back while Caine makes his way around, sliding behind the steering wheel and starting the car. ‘Me Love’ fills my ears as it flows from the speakers. I love this song and Sean Kingston’s Caribbean sound is a potent aphrodisiac, but after the performance that I just witnessed with Caine, that potency might be debatable now. I am still in awe over his ability to sing and play the guitar so effortlessly. Caine lowers the volume and reaches over to hold my hand. I turn and smile at him. “So where are you guys taking us?”

“It’s a surprise.” His eyes beam brightly and anticipation fills my body.

We drive into Baltimore and I wonder if we are going to a club, but then he pulls into a parking garage reserved for patrons of the Inner Harbor. I still have no idea where he and Lucas are taking us. Caine says, “Wait here.” He strolls around the front of the car trying to lock eyes with me. He opens my door offering me his hand. I take it as he pulls me into his arms, and gently kisses me on my lips. His swooning completely melts my hormones. After I grab my purse out of the car, he holds my hand, leading the way to our destination. We stop at a crosswalk where Caine turns to me, and without speaking a word, he takes my mouth to his again. I could never get tired of his kisses. He disregards our surroundings and doesn’t apologize for our public display of affection. He wants me and that’s all I need to know. Screw everyone else. Becca and Lucas are in their own little world and don’t pay any attention to us – thank heavens!

Caine and Lucas lead us to Phillips Seafood, a popular restaurant in Marylan
d, known for their signature crab cakes. I order a sampler dish that includes crab cakes, blue crabs, and Alaskan crab legs. The others order their entrees, and we settle into comfortable conversation.

Lucas begins to tell us about his next deployment. “I’ll be going to Afghanis
tan first and then they might move me to Iraq if needed before my orders are up.”
Wow!
It’s hard to believe where these guys travel. It can be so dangerous. I notice Becca appears nervous but she is trying to conceal it.

“What about you Caine, what is your
job? Are you possibly going to get deployed?” I ask.

“I’m in communications. I will be deployed some time in the future, but at the moment, nothing is scheduled.” Goodness, how do families do it? I can’t imagine having a family and dealing with the travel
ing for extended periods of time. How do children handle such tough situations? Do they leave a place setting for the missing spouse? Do they continue their day–to-day schedule as if the person is there? I never thought about the difficult times that military families have until sitting here, thinking about Caine leaving. I will make sure I thank servicemen and women each time I see them for the sacrifices they and their families make each day.

“Lacey?” Caine nudges me.

“Oh, sorry, I was daydreaming.”

“Am I that boring?” he asks, smiling.

“No, you’re not boring at all, silly. I was just thinking about the sacrifices military families make. I think it’s great what you do, but to have a family and leave them frequently; I’m sure is difficult.”

“Yeah, a couple of my buddies have families, and it definitely takes its toll on everyone.” He smiles. “Enough of that, let’s enjoy tonight.”

“Sounds good,” I respond just as the waiter delivers our entrees. “Mmm, everything smells delicious.” Yumminess covers my plate, from the mouthwatering butter for the crab legs, to the parsley sprigs sprinkled lightly over mashed potatoes. The crab cake looks fluffy and divine and two Maryland blue crabs stare up at me. I look up at Caine, “Thank you for dinner.”