Destructive Silence (The Destructive Series) (4 page)

"So beautiful," he purrs, moving hi
s lips from my stomach to my breasts. Teasing, pulling, and finally nibbling, he causes a growl to erupt from my throat. "Let's see if you are ready for me," he says with determination in his eyes. He lowers himself, kissing along the way to my mound, finding that 'oh' spot. I begin wiggling under his touch. He places his hands on each hip, steadying my body’s reaction, to regain control. The room starts to blur as I pant from the irresistible certainty of reaching my second orgasm of the night. As I find my release, my body stiffens and he continues licking and sucking to draw out my climax. I quickly begin to regain consciousness and pull my legs closed; the sensation is too much. I cannot take anymore.
Oh dear.
He begins to work his way up, smirking at me, and stopping at my breasts to enjoy the feel of them in his hands. I pull my legs around him, attempting to get his pants off. I now want to see him. He chuckles, "I've got this." He stands and I immediately regret the loss of his body heat. He drops his pants.
Oh.
Boxers follow.
Oh my.
His dark eyes never once leave mine as he plants himself back where he was in order to kiss me. Tasting me on his lips is completely unexpected, because experience is something I seriously lack. If only Caine knew how inexperienced I am and why. I pull my mouth from his to shrug the bothersome thoughts away. I will not allow this moment to be ruined. This moment is mine. I hear the sound of a crinkling wrapper and realize he is putting on a condom.
Oh, thank heavens.
I think I was about to ask him if he had protection.
Wasn’t I?
I believe my brain has abandoned all rational thought. Even though I'm on the pill, who knows what unwanted gift he could give me. I am grateful for his intact conscience; it's bad enough I'm allowing myself to do this.

Caine lifts himself to settle at my entrance. He leans down, "You are so beautiful." He thrusts his tongue in my mouth as soon as he plunges into my heat. I gasp, caught off guard by a slight sting and the obtrusive fullness of his cock. I'm praying he cannot tell I'm a virgin. Sure, I can be a tease and move my body as if I'm very experienced, but truthfully, I don’t have a clue. It's how I stay in control.

Our breath quickens as Caine gently rocks in and out, reaching behind and grabbing my rear to increase the force. With his weight on his elbow, he takes his other hand behind my neck, crushing his lips to mine. We pull apart just slightly, both still out of breath. He accelerates his movements. My emotions begin to get the better of me and I find myself praying this will be over soon. It feels great but I think I’m going to have a panic attack. The enormity of the situation is hitting me deeper with every one of his thrusts. If everything my friends brag about in school is true, he is climaxing soon. He grunts loudly, “Lacey.” He utters, “Uh, so fucking beautiful, Lacey.” He increases the tempo more and then stills his body, spilling into the condom while taking a deep powerful breath. After a couple more pushes, he looks me in the eye with astonishment and pride. He leans in for another kiss. This kiss is back to being calm and tender. We continue for a few more minutes. "You were amazing. I could never get enough of you," he assures me, stealing another kiss.
Never enough... What does he mean?
I thought this was a one-night stand. This isn't supposed to go any further. I don't do the whole boyfriend thing. I've only ever known guys to think with their dicks and that is usually the only thing they want with girls. They have a selfish need to fulfill their desires, regardless of what a girl deserves and needs. I suddenly have a hard time breathing.

Sensing something is off, Caine asks, "You okay?" I rub his back to encourage him everything is all right, "I just need to use the restroom." He rolls over and discards the condom, allowing me to get up. Without him noticing, I quickly grab my phone on my way to the bathroom. I shut the door, close my eyes, and take a deep breath. I can feel the tears threatening to spill as I wonder if I’ve lost the control I put in place years ago. What the hell was I thinking? I throw my head in my hands, reaching deep within me to figure a way out of this. I know my emotions are taking over and I’m not thinking straight. But I also know I need to make myself presentable once I leave this room, so I block out the terror I feel inside. Caine doesn’t need to see me crying over this because he doesn’t deserve me using him to get over my past. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why didn’t I think about this an hour or two ago like a normal person would have?

Oh dear God, I'm sore. What is the fucking hype with sex? Why do people talk about this being good if it freaking hurts like this? I glance down at my phone and text Becca.

Lacey:  Sunday 2:04am:
  R u still awake?

I sit on the toilet to try and pee, worried it will hurt. And,
oh my God
, that burns. Shit, I gently dab myself dry because my bottom is on fire. I’m unable to properly wipe. I hear my phone vibrate on the counter.

Becca:  Sunday 2:05am:
  Yeah, why?

Good, she is still awake. I pray she can come get me. Fuck, what the hell am I going to tell her? I can’t think about that right now. I’ll wing it like I always do.

Lacey:  Sunday 2:09am: 
Do u mind picking me up now? I'm at the motel on Raynor Drive by the airport. The one on the left going toward the club. I'm fine, just ready 2 get out of here. I'll b waiting outside in 30 mins. I owe you. Thx luv.

Okay, Lacey deep breaths, get yourself together. I splash water on my face and wash my hands. My phone buzzes again. It's Becca.

Becca:  Sunday 2:10am: 
On my way!

I leave the bathroom to find Caine under the blankets. He pulls the covers back for me to join him. “Hey, baby. Are you okay?” he asks.

“Yeah, I’m just a little sore.” Dammit, did I just give myself away? You can be sore without being a virgin, right? He wraps his arm around my waist pulling me into his warm body. It feels so nice and comforting. I feel like a horrible person for what I’ve done to him and how he’ll feel when he wakes up. There is no other option but to leave and pray he’ll find someone who treats him right.

He kisses my cheek and hums with contentment. I rest my arm on top of his, tracing his defined muscles with my fingers. He lays his head on the pillow and exhales. Hopefully, he will be asleep in no time. Sure enough, I hear his breath slow and his body jerks as his muscles relax. I wait for a couple more minutes to ensure he won't wake up when I slip out of the bed. I thought this was going to be easy. I can tell Caine could be a great lover, but I'm not right for him. I'm not sure I'm right for anyone really. I gently lift his arm, roll out of the bed, and gather my
clothes from the floor. Tiptoeing to the bathroom, I get dressed in record time. I grab my license, phone, coat, and shoes, and quietly exit the hotel room. There is no need for a note explaining my escape. He'll be fine. I don't bother putting on my coat or boots; I just need to get the hell out of here. The cold pavement is a nice distraction from the emotions running through my head right now. I turn the corner in line with the front office just as Becca pulls up. I run to the car, not bothering to look back to see if Caine is there.

The Truth

"Do you want to tell me what all that was about?" Becca asks as I settle in the seat and latch my seatbelt. The enormity of what just happened is still sinking in.

"It’s nothing; he fell asleep, and I was ready to leave.” I pause. “How did it go with Lucas?" I glance out the window, watching the lights of the hotel fade into the distance. I take a deep breath, feeling a little relief for getting away without him knowing. I look over at Becca, still waiting for her to respond. She is looking at me, taking a moment to size me up and down, paying extra attention to my bare feet. "What?" I ask her defensively.

Drawing her focus back to the road, she shrugs. "Nothing." I exhale an exaggerated breath and roll my eyes at her unsolicited cold shoulder
. "Thank you for coming out to get me. I wasn't planning to leave before the morning. I just started to freak out and needed to leave. I hope you weren't in bed," I say apologetically.

"Nah, I was still keyed up from talking with Mr.
Smexy." She says.

"Oh, really?
" I giggle. "Smexy?" I ask staring out the window at the beautiful night sky. There isn't a cloud in sight. I bet we could see more stars if the light from the city didn’t pollute the sky. "What did you guys talk about?"

Tipping her head to the side, Becca replies, "I don't know. We talked about a lot of stuff. I told him about school, and
about how I'm going to College Park in the fall. He just re-enlisted in the Navy, and is preparing for a deployment. Oh, did Caine tell you he is in the Navy? Apparently they’re best buds and are stationed at Fort Meade in the same barracks."
Oh my God, NO!

My eyes grow wide. "No, he didn't say anything about being in the Navy.
" I start playing with the hem of my dress. "We didn't do a whole lot of talking."

"Oh, I
seeeeeeee." She says exaggerating the word.

I watch her out of the corner of my eye, praying she won't press me for any more details. I already feel horrible
. I would even go as far as to compare myself to the crap on the underside of your shoe for walking out on Caine. I don't know if I can stand talking about it. "So, are you going to see Lucas again?" I ask her in an attempt to change the subject.

"Well, Lucas is only going to be here for another month. We talked about maybe going to breakfast next Sunday after church."
Ugh, church.
I need to get myself into confession, stat.

"That's cool you guys hit it off." Shifting in my seat, I hope she's too distracted with driving to see my discomfort. If Lucas and Caine are best buds and Lucas knows how to get in touch with Becca, I may have just screwed myself over with Caine. Jeez, God take me now. I knew they arrived together at the club, but I didn’t know they were best buddies. How stupid am
I?
Motherfucker
! So much for a freaking one-night stand! It did nothing to help me rid the demons from my past. What the hell do I do now? There is no way I can see him. I'll just tell Becca I don't want any contact from him again. She'll respect my wishes but not without more questions.
Bitch
. That's what I get for dragging my flipping best friend out with me tonight. I don’t ever want to have to explain my reasons for leaving. I'm so done for!

Becca pulls the car up to her large, historic home. I love being here. It is so big that her parents will never notice her absence or that we
are only just arriving. To avoid her parents catching us, we take the rear staircase up to her room. "I'm going to get a bath before turning in. Do you have something I can sleep in?" I whisper. Even though this house is large, it’s old and sounds echo throughout. She hands me a t-shirt and pajama pants to change into without saying a word. She knows I need this time to be alone with my thoughts.

I feel so much better after washing up and scrubbing every inch and pore of my body. The beautiful claw foot tub is just as lovely to look at, as it is to bathe in. After getting dressed, I head back to Becca’s room finding her nose deep in a book, leaning against the headboard of her bed. She shuts the book as soon as I walk in. I give her a sad smile because I know she is dying to talk. I walk over to the spare bed and tuck myself into the soft sheets. The heavy comforter hugs me and I pray sleep will soon swallow me up.

"Lacey?"
Dammit,
I haven’t escaped her questions. "I understand you don’t want to talk about what happened tonight. But I need to ask. Did he make you do something you didn’t want to do?" Becca asks me with remorse in her voice.

"
What? No, love. He didn’t force me to do anything. He was... I don’t know, nice?" I reply feeling a little confused. It’s true; he was sweet, caring, and attentive. Caine made me feel cherished, and although I don’t know any different, I can’t help but think that’s not common with a one-night stand. I thought it was supposed to be a quick fulfillment of one’s needs without any emotions.

"
You know you can tell me anything, and I won’t judge you; but, does any of this stem... um... from your childhood?" Becca asks apologetically.

I start to cry from the overwhelming emotions that become too much for me to bear. Becca jumps out of bed, slides in next to me, and brushes my hair out of my face.
"Lacey, I’m sorry. You don’t know how worried I was about you. I was happy to have the distraction of Lucas, or I think I would have gone out of my mind." She takes a deep breath. "What did he do? Are you sure he didn’t make you to do anything you didn’t want to?" she questions.

“No, no it wasn’t anything like that. I...” I close my eyes and force myself to get my thoughts together before continuing. “I honestly thought going through with it would help me forget everything. How freaking stupid is that?” I say disgusted with myself.

“You are not stupid, love. Don’t you ever say that again do you hear me? I can’t tell you that I know how it feels to be in your situation because I don’t. It’s absolutely understandable to think a screwphemism will take some of the pain away.” She frowns.

“
Screwphemism?” I giggle unexpectedly, knowing she is trying to lighten the conversation. Where the hell she comes up with these words is beyond me. “I don’t know if it’s understandable, Becca. I’ve thrown another precious piece of me away. I am so messed up.” I bury my head in my pillow, ashamed of myself. I cannot believe I just gave up my v-card to a complete stranger. I’ve gone against all of the morals instilled in me since birth. What the hell was I thinking? All I’ve ever wanted was to forget those painful memories. Why can’t I be normal? Why can’t I act like a normal person and not do stupid stuff like this? “What the hell was I thinking Becca?” I look up at her and then we stare into space for a number of minutes before I ask, “So, Lucas was nice?”

“Oh yes, Mr.
Smexy was really nice. I don’t know if we’ll be anything more than friends, but he’s funny, sexy, and smart. He travels a lot and won’t be around all the time, which is fine by me. This is our senior year and I want to make the most of it without being tied down.” She says.

“So
... are you going to see Caine again?” The shock hits me and I feel like I’m going to need an AED (Automated External Defibrillator) to start my heart again.
Oh my God
, I didn’t tell her I walked out on him without saying anything.
Fuck!

“
Er... um, God Becca, I didn’t tell you.” Already regretting what I’m about to say, I continue. “I kind of didn’t tell Caine I was leaving.”

Her body immediately tenses. “You what?” she screams.

“Shh, you’re going to wake up the house.” I put my hand over her mouth to shut her up. Becca has eight siblings: three brothers and five sisters, four of which still live at home. However, each room holds an extra bed so that her siblings can visit anytime they would like.

She quickly sits up in bed. “Lacey
, that’s crazy shit! You know he is going to have Lucas call me, or worse, Caine will somehow get my number from Lucas and call me himself! Dammit Lacey, what the fuck were you thinking? Look at the shituation you just fucking created.” She reprimands me shaking her head.

I turn towards her
. “I know, I know. I’m sorry. I got scared. I was upset over doing something so stupid. I didn’t know what to say to him when he woke up in the morning. I became anxious and I had all of these scenarios playing out in my head, none of which included putting you in the middle of this. I thought it was best to just leave without dealing with the awkwardness of the morning after.” I pray she’ll understand when I sit up to meet her gaze.

“Ugh! I can see your point, but are you fucking kidding me? Now I’ve got to run interference to protect my bestie.” She stops. “Unless
... you want to see him again, that is.” She pinches my arm and smiles.

“You can go back to your bed now if you are going to start physically assaulting me.” I giggle. Becca starts laughing too. We both turn onto our backs to look up at the plaster ceiling. There is a soft, ambient glow peeking in through the windows from the porch light and its casting shadows. You can barely make out the few water stains from a leak discovered last year; resulting in a completely new slate roof that I’m sure cost a pretty penny to replace.

“I don’t know if I could ever face Caine again. First of all, I slept with him the night I met him – so you know he already has a poor impression of me – and second, I left without so much as a note; which, did I mention he will already have a poor impression of me?” I utter sadly.

Becca quickly jolts up as if a light bulb went off in her head. With a gleam in her eye, it's obvious she thinks she has come up with a brilliant idea. “I know what will help! How about we get some sleep and go for some retail therapy after church?” She winks with a hint of excitement before lying back down.

“I think that’s a great idea, love. Thank you again for coming and picking me up. I don’t know what I would do without you.” I tell her, smiling.

“Awe, I love you, too, bestie.” She replies. Soon sleep takes me away from my problems with Becca by my side.

I am relieved to walk into church this morning; I need to wash away my sins. Unfortunately, there isn’t an opportunity to spill my guts in the confessional and pray for divine forgiveness before service. However, just being in God’s house is soothing and I’ve always felt content surrounded by these walls. I say a number of Hail Mary’s, Our Father’s, and a few of my own prayers, hoping God will forgive my appalling behavior last night. Sitting in the pew next to Becca, I look around to see if anyone is looking back at me. I’m worried the congregation is examining me as if I’m Sarah Osbourne, soon to face accusations of witchcraft. Thankfully, in today’s society, claiming the devil could take on the form of a person won’t be cause for people to shun me. I definitely met the devil in the flesh as a child, and he stole something from me. Becca nudges me awake, returning my mind from its adventure in ‘Lacey Land.’ She would kick my ass if she knew what was going on in my head. I smile and realize no one is staring, ready to shackle and leave me to die for the sins I committed. I breathe a sigh of relief.

After church, Becca and I drive to the mall. Becca is addicted to shopping
. I love finding unusual pieces but I’m not as crazy as Becca about the whole thing. I find two dresses I fall in love with on the spot. Once I try them on, I find myself in heaven. A matching pair of shoes practically falls into my lap and sends me over the edge into giddiness. Becca is over the moon with her finds too, but then again, she looks good in anything. We manage to do some damage to our wallets. “Are your feet hurting yet?” I ask her, feeling the effects of my fashionable, but by no means functional, boots from last night.