Destructive Silence (The Destructive Series) (18 page)

“Lacey, do you know what a wed-ding is? It’s when two ding-a-lings get married. That’s what you guys are. I don’t know how you can trust Caine. His word means nothing where I’m concerned. How can you just forgive him so easily?”

“I’m marrying Caine and that’s final. I don’t want to talk about anything else, Becca, unless it has to do with the dress I’m wearing. And no, I’m not getting a black dress,” I tell her with a heavy stare.

“Okay, okay, okay. Don’t hurt me girl! I just have one more thing to say
; love is nature’s way of bamboozling us into breeding.” She covers her mouth with her hands, trying to hide her laugh.

“Oh my God, Becca! Where the hell do you come up with this shit?” I shake my head. “Forget it, let’s go find a dress.”

A week later, I am standing in front of the mirror in my bedroom. I’m married. I don’t look any different, but for heaven’s sake, I’m married and scared shitless. I hope I didn’t make the biggest mistake of my life. Becca went as our witness, practically kicking and screaming like a freaking four-year-old. I wore a simple white dress, praying God would forgive me for wearing white. The dress is casual enough that I will be able to wear it again after I have the baby.

Caine has been incessant on finding an apartment since we got back last week. He finally found one yesterday and I went with him to check it out. It’s cute and we can move in on August
first. The apartment is close to the base and only ten minutes from my parents. I’m relieved they won’t be far away with the baby coming. Apparently, there are hoops you have to go through with the military to get a housing allowance. I have no idea what any of it means. I’ll leave that to Caine to handle.

As I look over myself,
I notice that my stomach hasn’t gotten bigger, but my breasts are growing and tender as all get out. Last night, Caine went out with the guys to celebrate finding an apartment and came back to my parents trashed. He tried to have sex with me, but I refused because he was being too rough and was hurting me, my breasts mostly. He was mean to me when I stopped his advances, but he finally passed out while trying. I don’t know why he went out celebrating with the guys since it’s Caine and me moving into the apartment. Oh well, maybe he just needs to get it out of his system.

The past month has flown by as I pack
, getting ready to move into our apartment. Mom and Lane threw us a bridal shower and I received so many things I didn’t realize we needed. I haven’t seen much of Caine. He goes out with the guys whenever he isn’t working and usually calls me trashed. He’s been drinking a lot since we returned from Florida. I hope he isn’t planning to continue this behavior once we move in together.

Caine shared the news with his mom and stepdad about our nuptials and his mother is still determined to believe I trapped him into this marriage. Fucking mother-in-law from hell! Grandma Pain was so happy for us and that just made my heart swell. Not only because of her approval, but the fact she was happy and her daughter wasn’t. She made sure to tell us how much she brags about me in front of Julie. I can’t help but laugh at Grandma Pain’s pure determination to make her daughter’s life hell, because she’s mean to me. Caine rolls his eyes.

Our relationship is going okay. I’ve been spending a lot of time with Becca, Lane, or at one of the stores working. Becca has needed to come to the boys’ rescue a number of times, when they were too wasted to drive home. Caine and I haven’t spent as much time together as we used to, but he’s also busy at work. Apparently, there have been some changes in his department and he has to work longer hours since an inspection is scheduled in the near future. But, when we are together and he hasn’t been drinking, it’s absolutely wonderful. I cannot believe I ever thought of leaving him. He has been working overtime on our relationship when he’s around, just as he said he would.

B
oxes clutter my room as I pack. Cinnamon is helping me by devouring his chew toy in the middle of my mess. Tomorrow, Caine and I will be moving in together. He seems determined to take care of me. I’m nervous about leaving the comfort of my parents’ home and what lies ahead in the future for the baby and me. This is all happening so fast. I had my first check up last week, and the baby and I are doing great. The doctor did an internal sonogram. That scared the bejesus out of me.
You want to put that where?
I was shocked when they told me the baby is due on January
ninth. That’s five months from now. I didn’t realize I could be that far along. I receive a prescription for prenatal vitamins, and a list of do’s and don’ts during pregnancy. I also purchase
What to Expect When You’re Expecting
and began reading it like it’s the Bible. I want to ensure that I’m doing everything correct, like quit smoking. I pray there are no harmful effects from the occasional cigarette I had before I found out.

My phone rings and I see its Caine. “Hello?”

“Hey baby. How are you doing?” His deep voice is happy and I wonder if he is planning to come over to help tonight.

“I’m okay, just tired from packing. How are you?”

“Good. I just called to tell you I’m going out with the guys tonight, in case you call and I don’t answer.” He shuts that thought down.

“Oh, okay,” I say a little sad, realizing how much I miss going clubbing. I can’t be
sad; I gave up that life to embrace the treasure growing inside of me.

“We’re going to the Cellar in College Park,” he tells me, then let’s me know
that he’ll call me in the morning before he hangs up. I know he likes to party and he is really trying this whole committed relationship thing, but it just hurts how inconsiderate he can be of my feelings. I wonder if he thinks about that.

I sit on the floor against my dresser
, looking over the pile of boxes and stuff I have left to pack, unsure whether or not Caine has packed up his room. Cinnamon walks over to lie against my side, as if he knows I need a little extra comfort. I scratch behind his ears and tell him how good he is and that I love him. I guess I’ll find out tomorrow if Caine is packed. I wonder if Becca will be at the Cellar tonight. I send her a quick text and get back to packing for a little while longer before I finally head to bed, exhausted from the brown boxes. It’s funny how the smallest things leave me feeling tired now.

I wake up to mom singing.
Oh for heaven’s sake.
She’s excited to help me move into my first home away from home. She leaves me notes everywhere when she remembers something else I’ll need when moving out on my own. Or better, she’ll already make the purchase, wrap it up, and place it on my bed, waiting for me to be surprised. I don’t know what I would do without her. I grab my phone to check for messages. Caine hasn’t called me yet. There are four texts from Becca and a voicemail. Hmm, I wonder what got up her ass to send me so many messages. I throw back the covers and rush to the bathroom. Mornings are not my friend lately. I wash up and listen to the voicemail first. It’s loud as snot, and I cannot understand her from the music playing in the background. I bet she saw Caine. That would have been cool. Her text messages just asked me to call her ASAP. I look over at the clock; there is no way in hell that girl is awake yet if she went out last night. I’ll call her later.

Mom and I drive over to the apartment with a few boxes that would fit in my car. Caine will have to bring one of his buddy’s trucks by the house to pick up the rest of my things. We pull up and find Caine busy unloading. He spots my mom and his face falls.
What the hell?

“Hey Caine,” I say, spotting his friends helping. “Hey there guys. Thanks for helping us today.”

“Hey baby. What the hell is your mom doing here?” he asks, watching mom and then pulling me in for a hug. “And. What. The. Fuck. is that thing doing here, Lacey?” he asks, pulling away to search my face for answers.

“Um
... er... Is there a problem with her helping me set up the kitchen?” I sheepishly avoid the real question.

“Yeah, I don’t want her telling me what to do in my own home. And you know we
can’t have a damn dog in this place. Why the hell did you say he could come?” he utters quietly, watching mom walk up the sidewalk.

“Hi Caine. How is moving coming along?” Mom asks, genuinely interested.

“Good.” He turns swiftly, walking back into the house and leaving me in the wake of his outrage. I don’t understand what the hell that was about. I turn to my mom and give her an apologetic smile and Cinnamon a love pat on his head.
Screw that asshole!
I want her here. Moms are supposed to be part of this process. I know I will want to do it for my children one day.
Children
... let’s not get ahead of ourselves Lacey, one child at a time.

Caine and I
buy dinner and drinks for the guys as a thank you for helping with the move. I like Caine's friends and I appreciate everything they are doing to help us. They saved me from a terrible backache. Caine decides to wait until tomorrow to pick up the rest of my things. The guys have been drinking throughout the day. They’re pretty wasted by late afternoon, so driving is not an option. I am exhausted by dinnertime anyway. Mom left moments before the guys sat down to eat because Caine didn’t order anything for her. His behavior today floors me because it’s almost as if he’s turning into a different person. He was mean and made rude comments to my mom all afternoon. Caine gave me the cold shoulder for the first hour after we arrived because I let mom bring Cinnamon. I didn’t think it was a big deal. He’s a poodle and doesn’t really shed. Our lease says no dogs but he isn’t living here. I know mom was nervous leaving Cinnamon home alone because dad was working in Baltimore until closing.

I’m upstairs putting a few clothes away when Caine appears. “What the hell Lacey? You know we
can’t have any pets. Your whole family dotes on that dog too much; he’s just a fucking dog, not a child.”
Seriously?

“Caine, I’m sorry. No one was going to be home and I was worried...”

“Save it. I don’t give a shit what you thought about that dog. He isn’t our dog, so he doesn’t come over ever again. Do you hear me? Never!” I sat in silence wondering if I’ve just entered the twilight zone. He has never spoken to me this way. What the hell happened? I know he is stressing, but this behavior would have been a deal breaker for me before. Now that I’ve married him and moved in, I feel there is no other option but pray that he wakes up normal tomorrow.

He turns to walk out
, and then stops himself. “Oh, my parents are coming up tomorrow and staying with us for the night. They are on their way to New York and want to see me.”

“Caine, we just moved in. We aren’t ready for company.” The apartment is a complete and utter mess and he wants me to put up with his mom? And they want to see him? What about me?
Holy shit!

“Don’t worry; they’re going to help us unpack,” he says sarcastically
, taking the steps downstairs.
OMG!
I quickly get myself together and ready for bed. Maybe we are tired and lashing out at each other because of it.
Dammit,
I was so busy today that I forgot to call Becca. I fall asleep before he makes it up to bed. Our first night in our home together and he doesn’t come to bed with me.

Playing House

When I first introduced Caine to my mom, he was completely honest about his mother being an alcoholic. He didn’t hide it. Caine didn’t have the best childhood. Julie is on her third marriage. The first marriage was a result of her being pregnant with Caine. His father was abusive
, both physically and verbally. His mom left his father soon after his sister, Sam, was born, but not until after Caine witnessed and endured the abusive relationship himself. Caine told me that his father had little to no contact with him growing up. Julie then went onto marriage number two and that marriage didn’t last very long. She picked another gem that was physically abusive to her. She began drinking more and more as a way to cope. After leaving that marriage, she was so inebriated half the time that her children practically raised themselves. Caine told me about his mom trying to kill herself one time. She was so intoxicated that when she pulled the trigger on the handgun, it missed her and stopped just shy of Caine’s head, landing in his headboard.

A few years later, Julie was reborn and married a religious man named Richard. They had a child together, Edward. Caine’s stepfather reminds me of a holy roller. Like one found in a tent
somewhere selling people bullshit about God healing them by the touch of a hand. I can see him screaming some Bible thumping verbiages and slapping you down. You’d lose your balance, fall back on your rear with a shocked face and be saved by the Holy Spirit.
Uh, I don’t think so!
Don’t get me wrong. I am Catholic and I make most of my religious obligations, but I cannot subject my baby to these Tammy Faye and Jim Bakker wanna-be’s.
God help me!

Richard has been nothing but nice to me and I shouldn’t be thinking of him this way. It’s hard not to wonder what possessed a man like him to marry such a witch. Has Julie ever worried about being accused of witchcraft and burned at the stake?

I don’t have, nor do I want, a good relationship with Julie. I ground my teeth so much last night anticipating their arrival that I gave myself a headache. Caine yells up that they’re here. I take a deep breath and walk away from the unpacking I was trying to accomplish to greet my nightmare.

“Hi sweetie! How are we doing?” Richard asks, glancing down at my little bump. I’m wearing a soft blue sundress, and it easily disguises my growing stomach.

I smile, rubbing my hand over my baby bump. “Good. How was the drive? It looks like you made good time,” I tell him as he hugs me.

“Yeah, it was long and tiring, but it’s over, thank goodness.” Pulling away from him and looking over, I see Julie walking up with Caine’s arm around her shoulder.

“Hi Julie,” I say as politely as possible. The bitch only nods while eyeballing my baby bump, and I want to roll my eyes.

“Humph,” she sounds and stops in front of me
, looking between my eyes and my belly. “Are you sure that’s Caine’s?” Her eyebrows raised, she questions me once again, and my legs almost give out on me. Honestly, I’m getting tired of it.

“Mom!” Caine shouts, looking between his mom and me.
What the hell?

“Don’t worry Caine
; you and I know the truth. This the baby is yours; and we are the only ones it truly matters to.” Caine gives me a dirty look, turning to gather drinks for them.
What did I miss here?

I cower on the sofa
, not wanting to get into it with Caine in front of his mom and stepdad. I’ll save it for tomorrow when they leave. We sit around catching up on the past month and a half and about the baby. Julie is extremely uncomfortable whenever we speak about the due date and such. I don’t know what her problem is with Caine accepting responsibility for his child. I didn’t fuck myself and he promised he would take care of us. He begged me for another chance. And where the hell did that guy go? He had better get his ass back here soon or he’s going to find himself in this house all alone.

We
take Julie and Richard out to dinner. I am happy with the distraction of the restaurant. I am conscious about following the conversations, but I don’t feel the need to speak much. We go home afterwards and play a game of cards. I retreat to bed, exhausted from the weekend. His parents leave first thing in the morning and relief finally comes over me.
Of all that is holy, thank you for sending his mom on her way out the door.
She couldn’t leave fast enough in my mind.

Becca texted me again this afternoon, saying we need to talk. I call her once I get to work. She answers on the second ring. “Lacey?!”

“Ah, yeah, are you okay?” I wonder what the panic is all about.

“Bitch, I’ve been trying to reach you since the other night. Did you get my message?” I laugh, remembering how I could only make out the song playing and a few muffled voices.

“I couldn’t hear a damn thing over the music,” I say amused.

“Oh shit! I’m sorry for the loudness war. I went to The Cellar after I got your text
, figuring I would hook up with Lucas. I found the guys and…” she stops.

“Okay, you found the guys. That’s cool, unless something happened between you and Lucas.” I begin to worry I’ve neglected my friend.

“No, no Lacey, please listen to everything I tell you before you go assuming shit.” She groans. “I found the guys and began dancing with them. Lucas and Caine sandwiched me for a while until Lucas needed to use the boys’ room. It was fine until Lucas left.”

“Ah-huh,” I prompt her to continue.

“When Lucas left to go to the bathroom, Caine grabbed my hips bringing me closer to him. I tried to pull away. I swear I did, but before I knew it, the bastard’s lips were on mine and he was trying to make it kissalicious. It was a fucking brash move for the pig.”

“What? Are you serious?” I yell, forgetting I’m at work. “Unfuckingbelie
vable!” I mutter quietly, with shock settling into my chest.

“I’m sorry, love. I don’t want to upset you, but you need to know. He was acting weird all night before this stunt. Afterwards, I pushed him away and walked out. Lacey, I couldn’t stand to be the
re another minute.”

“Does Lucas know?” I ask, watching customers shuffle in and out of the store, all seemingly happy and enjoying themselves.

“No, I didn’t tell him. They were both drinking and I’m sure that was the root cause of the dumbass behavior. I had to tell you. I just couldn’t keep something like that from you. I’m worried he isn’t staying true to his promise, bestie,” she cries and I can hear the sniffle in her voice. “If you want me to tell Lucas, I will. He was confused about why I left without saying goodbye, and I told him I wasn’t feeling well.”

“No, I understand. I’ll
... I don’t know Becca. What the hell? Why did I take the prick back?” I ask confused.

“I don’t know, love. I’m sorry. Will you call me if you talk to him? I’ll even come over if you need me,” she says and I assure her I’ll be fine. I’m not mad at Becca. There is no way in hell she would deliberately do something like this.
What the fuck?
Would Caine have gone further if it were someone else? Why would he make a move on my best friend knowing how tight we are?

I’m deep in my thoughts when I feel my body catching up from doing too much with the move and work. My back is hurting and I begin having cramps. I glance at the clock as I see my sister walk into the store to relieve me. I completely lost track of time. I talk with her a little bit about the apartment. Caine is already home when I arrive and he greets me at the door.
How the hell do I broach the subject about Becca?
“Hey baby.” He kisses me tenderly and attempts to deepen it when I flinch from a sharp pain in my side that takes my breath away.

“What the hell is wrong?” he asks pulling us to the sofa
, wrapping me in a blanket and propping my feet up.

“It’s nothing honey, just some cramping.”

“Dammit Lacey, you’re working too much and you need to speak to your parents about reducing your hours, or I will,” he says angrily.

“Caine, I’m behind the counter most of the day. It’s not a hard job, plus mom is getting ready to have surgery on her neck and needs my help. I’ve already promised them I would step up and take on more hours until she has recovered.”

“That’s bullshit Lacey. You’re pregnant and you can’t be on your feet all day. You are always sticking up for your family and doing what they want you to do. When are you going to stop putting them first?”

“Caine, I’m not putting them first. I’m also not on my feet all day and
lots of women out there work harder than I do while they are pregnant. I can sit behind the counter whenever I need to. Please stop worrying about me working. The cramps are probably from all the lifting I was doing during the move and not from work. Relax honey,” I say trying to tame his temper.

“Whatever,” he says dismissing his anger. “Listen, Lucas and the guys are going out tonight and invited me. Are you okay if I go?” Shock is probably written all over my face. He’s really going to leave while I’m cramping?
Holy shit!
I was not expecting this.

Exhausted from the week, I wasn’t in the mood to argue so I told him it was fine. He left about an hour later.
Okay, fine, go have your fun.
When did I start walking on eggshells around him? Why do I, when I’ve worked so hard to get my dignity back after what happened with my uncle? I wake up around three in the morning when Caine finally makes it home. He pulls me towards him to snuggle and says, “I’m sorry I yelled at you earlier. You pushed my buttons and made me so angry.” My breath hitches from his morphed words, and it takes me a good half hour to find solace in his arms as I drift back into slumber.

I wake up to the most annoying sound in the world – my alarm clock. I hit it several times before I finally get out of bed. By this time, Caine is practically pushing me out so I’ll turn the alarm off and he can go back to sleep for another hour.
What a prick!

I feel a lot better today. So
far, I’m not having any cramping. I think I just needed rest to recoup from a long week. Time is flying by today. After lunch, Caine calls. “Hey baby,” he says when I answer.

“Hi yourself, are you at work?” I think about whether I should talk with him about what he did the other night, but I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to ask him about the Becca thing now. He’s been getting so angry lately.

“Yeah I’m here. I just got off the phone with Lucas. He’s invited me to a party tonight.”
What the hell?
Is he going to be going out every night? Is he going to kiss someone like he tried with Becca? Is Caine cheating again?

“Um
... I was kind of hoping we could have a night in together. We haven’t been able to spend much time together and I miss you,” I tell him guiltily.

“Oh baby, we can do that any night now that we live together.” Rendering me speechless to argue, we hang up. I have resolved myself to spending another night alone while he goes out partying.

I’m on my way home from work and an accident blocking most of the highway lanes keeps me from getting home at the usual time. We’ve been in the apartment for about a month now and things haven’t gotten better. It’s nothing like I originally thought it would be moving in together. Caine is always drinking and gets mad at me over the simplest things. I’ve settled into the fact that I will do whatever it takes to keep the peace for the baby. Finally walking through the door just before seven, I face a very pissed off Caine. “Sorry I’m late. There was an acci–”