Destructive Silence (The Destructive Series) (22 page)

“We aren’t going through this again, are we? I refuse to go into a store with you acting like this. Stop your
Goddamn crying!” he yells, glaring at me. “I hate it when you cry because you look so foul. Dammit Lacey, this is entirely your fault. That’s it; I’m dropping you off at the apartment. I can’t stand to be around you anymore than I have to.” He pushes his sleeves up and jerks the car around, returning the way we came. “I took care of the bills this morning. I’ve decided to pay the rent and utilities, but will no longer be giving you any money for anything else.” Oh God, I’m going to be sick. “I also expect you to give me the money you make working at the store the day your parents pay you.” Thank heavens I hid the money mom gave me today.

I
can’t stop the tears from falling. I feel so lonely in this marriage and in this fake life. I made myself promise not to go to my family anymore. God help it if Becca hears about something else Caine has done. I should probably call her. No, I can’t. I cannot involve one more person for Caine to belittle and criticize.

True to his
word, he pulls up to our place and allows me to get out before he speeds away. Covering my mouth, I run for the door, embarrassed if any of our neighbors see me. I need to get away from him to find peace and quiet to think about what the hell I’m going to do. I fill a bag with ice and go to the bathroom to wash up. I cannot have anyone know about this. I clean up my lip. It doesn’t look as bad as I thought it would. Hopefully, the ice and ointment will help it heal by the day after tomorrow when I have to show my face at work.

The only place I feel safe is upstairs in bed. I cry into my pillow as I think about the madman I married. I cry for the guilt I feel and for my baby. I cry for getting myself trapped into this situation and not having the strength to walk away. I cry for the way Caine has humiliated me, ruining all of the self-esteem I’ve worked so hard to get. I cry for wishing this was the marriage and life Caine portrayed in that coffee shop. I would give anything to be back in the moment and say
‘no, kiss my ass’. I cry until I fall into a restless sleep.

Two days later and my lip is almost healed. I’ll think of an excuse if someone asks. I’ll make it out to be my fault. Yesterday, Caine told me how much he can’t stand Lane. How his family would never interfere like mine. I pretended to listen and nodded at the appropriate times. I feel as if I am reliving the movie ‘Groundhog Day’. I would like to relive anything but the despicable things Caine says about
my family and me. I try to dismiss as much as possible now to keep the peace. He refuses to give me his schedule so I can make our counseling appointment. He rejected my idea to call and find out if we can see a counselor at Walter Reed, saying they would force him to divorce me because I’m so messed up. I found a civilian therapist in our price range. All that is needed is for him to give me the hours he’s working the next couple of weeks and I can make our first appointment.

I’m here at work and happy there are lots of people shopping today. I’ve straightened the store,
dusted, and washed the glass, something I did the other day as well. Cleaning helps me feel better and busies my mind from thoughts about my troubled marriage.

My phone buzzes and it’s Becca. “Hey love, what are you doing?”

“Not much, just working here until six this evening. What are you doing?” I ask.

“I was wondering if you wanted to get together tonight.”

“Oh, let’s have a girl’s night drinking lemonade and watching ‘My Fair Lady’,” I snicker.

“Oh my God Lacey, you think you’re fabularious
! Don’t you dare do that to me?! I have a better idea; let’s watch our favorite movie ‘Sing’,” I gasp.

“YES! What time do you want me to pick you up? We can swing by mom’s and pick up the movie on our way back.” I am so excited to spend time with Becca tonight. We haven’t seen much of each other. Between her college classes and me working, there is ve
ry little time left.

“I’ll be ready when you get here bestie just get your fine ass moving this way after work.” She has already cheered me up and made me forget my hideous situation.

Caine is home when we arrive.
Ugh.
I hope he doesn’t start anything or Becca will go ‘Urban’ on him. We walk into the kitchen and Caine is sitting at the table eating supper. I walk by without any acknowledgement of his presence, preparing drinks and popcorn before the movie. I turn around ready to ask Becca what she wants to drink when I catch the look on her face. Her eyebrows are worried and she looks confused.
Dammit!
And wouldn’t you know Caine takes that moment to look up and witness the exchange between Becca and me.
Fuck me!

“Hi Becca,” Caine say dryly. “Lacey, can I talk to you upstairs?” he asks, making me nervous.

“Um, yeah.” I follow Caine upstairs. He leads us to the bedroom, closing the door behind us and locking it. Haunting memories come to the forefront of my mind and panic begins to build.

“What the hell is Becca doing here?”
Uh, what?
“You never told me she was coming over!”

“Er
... I’m sor...” Caine’s hand strikes me, taking me off my feet. Fuck that hurts. What the hell is he thinking doing this with her downstairs?

“Don’t you dare say you are sorry to me bitch. You are the biggest dumbass out there. Do you know what Becca did the night before we moved in together? She made a fucking pass at me. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings,” he spits.
He doesn’t want to hurt my feelings?
“Lacey, stop your Goddamn crying. Why do you always have to fucking cry? Get up.” He pushes me up, causing me to lose my balance and I fall to my knees. “Get the fuck up Lacey.” This time he doesn’t wait for me to comply, instead the end of his foot lands on my rear.

“Caine, stop it. She’s downstairs and will call the cops on you,” I shout.

“She won’t call the police darling if she knows what’s good for her. If she does, I will make sure I tell Lucas what she did to me at the club and we’ll see who wins. And remember you don’t want me to lose my job.” He laughs.

Did he just laugh at me? Wow, maybe I can leave. He doesn’t have any remorse or regret for the way he treats me. I think that’s exactly what I needed to confirm this won’t work and I refuse to be here another day.

I move to a sitting position. “I’ve known about that night you made a pass on Becca all along. I know without a doubt that you’re the one who was instigating the act with her. She wouldn’t lie to me like you have been lying throughout this marriage. You’ve probably been putting your dick in places all around town on the nights you stay out late or don’t even bother to come home.”
Holy cow, I’m on a roll.
Where there hell am I getting the strength to do this? “I cannot wait for you to deploy so I can be free from you.” I try to say more, but he puts his hand over my mouth and his arm around my neck. My eyes grow wide. He lacks emotion, empathy, or life in his eyes.

“You know, all I have to do is turn your head this way and you’ll be dead.” My body becomes rigid, my breath is bursting for air, my eyes are blinking back the
terror, and my hands attempt to move his limbs away. I am scared out of my mind as my head becomes light and darkness takes over.

Ugh
, my head is pounding. I open my eyes to find the ceiling. I’m in bed; turning my head, I see Becca lying next to me watching television. “Hey girl!” she yells and my eyes almost leave my head from the pain. “What the fuck were you thinking scaring me like that bitch?! I think I lost five good years of my dramatized lifestyle!” she says, trying to make me smile and then turns serious. “I don’t know what the hell that fucking douche bag did to you. You are not going to lie to me anymore. Do you hear me?”
Fuck!
“I’ve already gone ‘buck on his ass.’ There is no way the marks on your face are from falling like he said. Your ass is leaving. Lane is on her way to help get you out of here. Don’t you dare try to stop me love!!” Damn, Becca’s turned all Schwarzenegger on me. I try to interject. “Don’t you dare argue. I was earjacking the entire time you two were up here. I had a bad feeling and needed to eavesdrop to make sure you were okay.”
OMG!
She knows.
Does Lane know? They are going to hate me!
Double fuck!!
I nod in defeat.

I can hear him. Caine is still here. What the hell is he still doing here? Not even ten minutes later Lucas arrives. “We’re going out,” he yells up the stairs. I hope he gets out of here before Lane shows up. Please God, please don’t let Lane know yet. Maybe I can get Becca to promise me she won’t tell.

“Come on bestie, let’s get some stuff for you so we can get to your parents, and watch our movie.” She smiles.
God, I love her!

I am almost finished packing an overnight bag when Lane knocks and walks in. “Lacey?” She stops in her tracks when she sees my face. “What on earth is going on and what happened to your face?” She walks towards me, rubbing her hand down my cheek where Caine slapped me.

My chest tightens, and clinching my clammy palms into fists, I shrug off the pain in her voice.

“I fell.”

“Bullshit Lacey! You aren’t going to hide from us anymore!”
Uh oh
, Becca’s mad. “Lane, Caine’s been hurting Lacey, saying God awful things and he’s been pushing her around. I only found out because he did it tonight while I was here. He slapped Lacey and that’s why she fell. You should have heard the things he was saying to her.” She turns to me. “Lacey, I’m sorry if I’m breaking some sort of bestie rules here, but I can’t continue to sit back and watch Caine just destroy you. You’ve come so far trying to heal from your past.” She pauses, trying to hold back her emotions. “I refuse to let that douche bag ruin your hard work. Fuck him!”
Shit!
Here come the tears I’ve been dodging.

Lane’s face falls when she sees my face again and her hand immediately covers her mouth from the shock. She doesn’t need me to acknowledge Becca’s spectacle
; she already knows it’s the truth. I can see the gears turning.
Fuck!
“Lane, please...,” I choke, but find myself speechless.

“Lacey, how long has he been doing this to you?” With her chin quivering and wet eyes, I find it difficult to look her in the eye as if I’m guilty of a crime. I can’t answer her. I fear she will beat herself up for not recognizing it sooner. Lane steps forward with painful sorrow. “You’ve got to leave
; you can’t stay here. I won’t let you.” She shakes her head in disbelief and I scold myself for ever inviting Becca over this evening. No, I need to stop hiding. If I stay, will it get worse? Is Caine capable of killing me? I don’t want to find out; I need to leave before he hurts me more or worse, harms the baby. Picking up what willpower I have left to protect the life growing inside of me, I nod to Lane and Becca. That was all they needed to move into action as if the apartment is on fire. We packed the cars with as much stuff as we could fit. I grabbed the important and essential items first. Once I leave here tonight, I promised myself I wouldn’t be returning.

“Lacey, is that everything?” Becca’s voice pushes away my thoughts about staying to make my marriage work. It would only be under false pretenses and what type of life would that be?

I look around the family room, wondering what Caine is going to do when he reads the letter that I left telling him I was leaving and that if he comes near me, I will enlighten his superiors as to what he has done to me. Lane ensures I have proof. She takes a dozen or so pictures of my face, back, and arms. Bruises are already forming, or maybe some are old wounds. Either way, I know now that I don’t belong here. I take a deep breath and close the door. I am running away again, but not from the fear of my past. I’m running because I fear the present and future if I stay.

The Birth

Three months later...

“God dammit Becca
... get the fucking dooocccctoooor!!!! OH. MY. GOD! I can’t do this. I can’t. It’s not going to fit. There is no fucking way something so big can come out of there. No fucking way Becca!” I scream at her while she gently rubs my hair, holds my hand, and shushes me.
Bitch!

“That lady said you’re only supposed to feel pressure, love.”

“Becca, if pressure is what I’m fucking feeling, then a tornado is considered a God damn fan! I NEED more druuuugs!”

“Remember what your coach said, you need to breathe.”

“I am breathing, can’t you hear me?” I shout at Becca. “Where is my fucking fairy Godmother?”

“Let’s work on some of those calming techniques we practiced. Okay, I’ve got one. It’s a Carol Burnett joke, “Giving birth is like taking your bottom lip and forcing it over your head.”

“Where is my mom? I need you to leave right now, Becca. Your jokes suck,” I spit out to her.

“Too bad you don’t like the jokes we picked out. Did you forget
that you okayed these, love? Anyway, you picked me to be your labor support, so you’re stuck with me. I’m legally bound to harass you while you lay there with shit coming out of every hole.” Becca laughs. “Do you have a better joke? Oh wait, what do you call a pregnancy that begins while using birth control? A misconception.” She fucking laughs again.

I roll my eyes. Thank heavens that wave of pain is over. “Holy shit Becca, how much longer?”

“I don’t know, love.”

“Do you think they can give me something and we can try this again tomorrow? I’m freaking tired, hot,
sweaty, and thirsty as hell.” My body feels like the shit is getting kicked out of it.

“Here are some ice chips.” She hands me the cup.

I slap the cup out of her hand as another wave of torture is building. “Aaaaah Fuck!”

“Breathe Lacey. Remember
hee, hee, hee, haa, haa, haa... The coach said that you need to breathe through the contractions. Holy shit, I think I’m getting lightheaded from breathing. Damn girl, you might need to move over so I can lie down too. Ouch! ” she squeals.

“Kiss my ass, Becca. I’ll tell you where you can...”

“Geez, you sound like an elephant dying. You need to work on your sounds. It’s more like BIF, BAM, POW!” She sings the Popeye song about ‘me eats me spinach’, showing me her mega-watt smile while pumping a bicep.

“Becca, I’m going to kick your ass when I get half this shit off me.”

“Knock, knock. How are we doing Mrs. Rogers?” The doctor who likes to look at pussies a little too much just walked in. “Not well, I want her gone,” I say pointing at Becca, who smiles sheepishly, ejecting a laugh out of the Pussy Doc.
Bitch!
“But first, I want, NO, I need drugs now. This is more pain than they told me I was going to feel. I think they mixed up and gave me Tylenol.”

“Well, let’s see. You
received an epidural about six hours ago. Hmm, I will be right back.” The doctor walks out.

“Six hours? I’ve been doing this for six fucking hours, Becca? Oh no, no, no, they are not doing anything else to me. Grab my clothes, we’re out of here.” I try to sit up as another wave of pain pushes through. “Fuck, I feel like a geyser is going to shoo
... ooot... out of meeeeeeeeee. Where is the fucking pussy doctor?” I scream as a number of Smurfs run into the room.

“Mrs. Roger
s, you need to breathe, honey,” Smurfette tells me.

“Lacey, honey I’m here,” Mom says from a distance.

“Mom? Mom, where are you?” I start crying why? Because, I have no freaking clue why other than my innards are turning inside out.

“I’m right here honey. You’re doing great. Becca, can you get me a cold wash cloth, please?”

“I’m on it.” Becca turns into my private bathroom to fetch what my mom wants.

“Honey, you need to breathe okay? It will help, I promise.” I try to breathe, but whatever is going on around my baby bump is taking my breath away and then, oh that’s better.

“Mom? Oh my God mom, I’m so sorry,” I cry to her.

“No worries, you’re doing wonderfully. It wasn’t called labor for just any reason.” She puts the cool washcloth along the back of my neck and that feels fucking fantastic.

“Have you checked out the toilet paper they have here? Good God, that will leave you with dingle-berries for sure,” Becca says more to herself because I for one am not listening to her anymore.

“Mrs. Rogers, you are only seven centimeters
dilated. You have a little bit more time before we will need you to start pushing. I’ve called the anesthesiologist and he will be here soon to give you more medicine for the pain,” the pussy doctor says.

“Well, I think you’re doing a fine job love
, if you ask me,” Becca says, fixing her hair.

“No, no one asked you,” I snap at her.

“Check out this. Here’s a quiz to see if you might be pregnant. Funny, they put a magazine with this shit on the maternity floor.” She looks up and sees my mom’s raised eyebrows. “Sorry mom.” Becca knows mom doesn’t like to hear her talk like that either. “Well, let’s take a look and see if this quiz thinks you’re pregnant. Question one: Is it time to buy a new bra because your current one is too small? Hmm, I think your jugs have increased in size, so I’m going to answer, yes. Question two: Aunt Flo should have arrived but hasn’t. I don’t think you’ve had your period for nine months so I’m going to answer, yes again. Question three: It’s late in the afternoon and all you can think about is letting your head fall wherever it is and take a snooze. I’m going to...”

“Beeecaaaaaa stop! I’m going to fucking erupt here!”

“Remember hee, hee...”

“Shut your fucking pie hooooole,” I shout and then the pain hits me. “Where is the pussy
...?”

“Knock, knock. Mrs. Rogers?” the fucking handsome guy who should not be looking at me like this asks.

“Not for long,” I spout. I won’t be Mrs. Rogers’ for long.

“Excuse me?” Mr. Dreamy Drug Doc asks.

“Oh, nothing. She doesn’t think this contraction has much longer.” My mom gushes over the fine specimen of a man, while fixing her daughter’s misplaced southern belle manners.

“Well it appears the medicine drip ran out and that is what is causing your discomfort. I’ve hooked you up and it won’t be long before your pain eases.” Yes Mr. Drug Doc, this is NOT discomfort!

“Okay, I answered yes to taking a snooze in the afternoon. We are three-zero. I’m beginning to think you might be pregnant.” Becca smiles. “Question four: You’ve noticed your nipples are a tad more sensitive. Let’s see...”

“Get your fucking hands off my nipples! Sorry, mom.”

“I would say yes to the sensitive nipples.” Raising her eyebrow, she moves to the next question.

“Mom, can you make her leave?” I beg.

“No honey, she’s here under contractual obligations.” Becca sticks her tongue out at me.
Bitch!
“I think Becca is just the distraction you need, Lacey.”

“No, what I need is my baby bump to come out or go back to sleep so I can go home. Did Becca get to you? She did, didn’t she?!”

“Mrs. Rogers?”

“Yeah? Holy shiiiiitttt get that fucking Dreamy Drug Doc back in here. I’m not supposed to feel soooooo much paaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiin. This is not fucking pressure
; it’s a freaking earthquake.”

“Um, Lacey?” All three of our heads snap up. Forget the fucking doctor. My medicine is standing right in front of me. I’m going to enjoy ripping him free of his nut sack and so much more. Where the hell is my voodoo doll?

“What the fuuuuck are... you... uuuugh... doing here, Caine?” I try to catch my breath so I can chew his ass out for doing this to me. “How did you know I was here?” Becca and mom are quiet, perhaps stunned into silence. Can that really happen to Becca?

“The hospital called me looking for your mom. They said you were in labor and needed to find her for you.”

“She’s here; you can see that, so you can leave. Fuckkk argh...”

“Lacey, please let me try to help.”

“Caine, I don’t want your help. Get the fuck out!” I scream as loud as I can, beginning to feel the need to start pushing. Alarms are going off all around me. “Mom, Becca, oh my God, what’s happening?”

“It’s okay, sweetie. Let me get the doctor. Caine can you hold her hand please?”

“No mom!” Pain shoots down my back and I’m panting. “Uuugh!”

Caine takes my hand
. “Breathe through it.” I squeeze it as hard as I can without any apologies.

“OH.
MY. GOD! I’m going to die. Something’s not right.”

“It’s okay Lacey,” Caine tries to comfort me.

“What the fuck do you know about squeezing something the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of a grape?”

“Good one, Lacey. I love Shirley MacLaine’s character Ouiser from Steele Magnolias. She’s a firecracker, one I look up to and aspire to be.”

Relief washes over me and I feel like I can breathe again. “Becca, you’ve surpassed her in your firecracker-ish-ness.”

“Well, let’s finish finding out if you’re pregnant. Question five: Your poop schedule has gone extinct.”

I give Becca a look that makes her realize I’m not answering that question. “I see, yes to that answer since you don’t want to dish the details. Okay, last one. It’s Saturday night and you’re going out with the girls. Do you slip on your tight little dress or do you choose to wear something a little more comfortable?” She looks up at me. “I’ll answer yes to that one after witnessing some of the crap I’ve seen you in lately. Let’s tally your score. You’ve answered six of the six questions with a yes. According to this quiz’s answer guide, you might be pregnant and should see a doctor. Although, it also states it’s only a possibility and you should take a test just to be sure.”

“Really, Becca? Oh, uh, I feel something, something isn’t right.” I’m dripping in sweat and the room is starting to spin.

“What is it?” Caine chimes in as the Smurf village returns to my room. Someone please get Gargamel out of here. Smurfs, please keep Gargamel from stealing my essence again. He is not wanted anywhere near me. Help, find a cheap tramp and that should occupy his time for a while.

Pussy doctor is looking at the machines and fishing
with something that does not belong up my hoo ha. “Lacey, your baby’s vitals are not what they should be when you have a contraction. We are going to need to prep you for an emergency C-section.”

“What? Is my baby bump okay? No, this cannot be happening. Please let him be okay, pleeeeeaase! Fuuuckkk...” I can’t breathe. Pussy doctor says something about the placenta and I start hyperventilating. I don’t know what’s going on. Shadows of people are floating around me, but I don’t know who’s who. My baby. Please
God, please save my baby.

“Lacey?” I hear a muffled noise. “Lacey?” Who the hell keeps saying my name? I already know my fucking name. “Lacey!” There it goes again, shouting at me. Why is someone shouting at me? I’m the one going through this shit, and then I don’t hear anyone.

For the past three months, I had licked my wounds from Caine’s destructive behavior. My shattered heart began mending the moment I stepped out of the apartment that night. Every day I felt stronger as if the
old
Lacey were making a comeback. Caine had not contacted me, which helped a lot; granted, most of that time he deployed at sea without a way to contact me.