Destructive Silence (The Destructive Series) (21 page)

“You sure that’s efficiency and not you’re OCD?” she asks.

“Shut up,” I tell her, throwing a small piece of burnt bacon at her.

“Hmm... nom, nom, nom. That’s good bacon you’re missing out on.” She teases, imitating the noise of eating and enjoying every crumb.

I hand her a plate of eggs, and set the pile of bacon between us. I heat up my grits and sit next to her. “So what do you want to do today?” I ask. “Do you have any plans?

“Nope, I’m a free bird today, love.”

“Do you want to go shopping and maybe look at baby stuff?” I ask.

“Hell yes! My niece or nephew deserves the best, and that means Auntie Becca needs to pick stuff out for him or her.” She smiles.

“You are crazy
; you know that, right?” I giggle. We shower and get out of the apartment in record time. I don’t know if Becca realizes how much of a hurry I am in to get out of there, but I don’t want to face Caine. I am in a good mood and don’t want him to spoil it.

We
start driving the short distance to the baby superstore when Becca yells, “My God Lacey! Go around her.” She points to the car in front of us. “Freaking driving while gray is going to kill us lady.” The poor old woman in front of us is going about ten or more miles under the speed limit. With cars zooming past me, I don’t have the opportunity to pull around. We arrive at the store without any bodily harm, making Becca a little bit easier to handle. “What a fucking spot tease,” she says.

I look over at her. “What do you mean a-what-spot?”

Becca laughs. “It’s a parking space that looks open to only find a small car has occupied the space. I can’t believe you didn’t know that.” She shakes her head in disgust at my lack of ‘Urban Knowledge’.

“Becca
, there are times when no one knows what the hell you are saying, so I don’t think it’s just me.”

“Whatever, let’s get in there. I’m dying to pick out the cutest bedding and outfits.”

“Becca, are you having the baby?” I ask her amused.

“Actually, yeah I am. That’s my baby you are carrying.”

I roll my eyes. She is getting a little too attached to my little baby bump. I smile happily, knowing how much this baby is going to be loved, with or without a father in its life.

“Are you happy you are waiting until the birth to find out if you’re having a girl or boy?”

“Yeah, I’m kind of excited to wait.” I say thinking it’s something I’m holding onto that Caine can’t control.

I pull up to the apartment after dropping Becca off. We were in heaven going through the aisles making a list of the items we think I’ll need to get. I even splurged and bought my baby bump its first outfit. It’s the cutest thing ever. A simple little green sleeper with ‘I love Mommy’ embroidered on the upper left chest. Yes, my baby will love me and I love him or her. I will protect my baby from any future physical altercations with Caine. I’m done playing nice. I needed this time apparently to get back to my fiery self who wouldn’t tolerate shit like Caine.

His car is parked next to mine. Caine’s home but I’m not worried. I grab the bag that holds baby bump’s first purchase and walk into the apartment.

“Hi,” I say when I walk in finding him watching television.

He looks up from the TV to nod at me. I fix a glass of water and begin to leave the kitchen when Caine is standing right in my path.
Uh oh!
All smiles are gone.

“So, where have you been? Looks like you spent money. I’d like to know where you got the money, Lacey?” he snaps.

“I used my lunch money for a couple of days.”

“Is it smart to deprive my child of food so that you can buy needless things?” he says nastily.

“Caine, stop! I’m tired of the crap you are putting me through.” This was my moment. “You know what’s interesting, Caine? You forgot to give me lunch money last week. I was almost out the door when I realized it. You had already begun to take your shower and I didn’t want to bother you. I pulled five dollars out of your wallet and a piece of paper fell out. I picked it up and two girls’ names and phone numbers were on it, in your handwriting.”

I should probably also tell him that I called the numbers too.
Shit is going to hit the fan.
The girls did not want to talk to me. They called me a few choice words. I told them I didn’t know why their phone number was in Caine’s wallet but he is married and has a child on the way. They got all bitchy and told me to fuck off.

“Do you know how wrong it is to be snooping around?”

“I wasn’t spying on you or fishing for information. I don’t care if you believe me or not, because I’m done with all of this.” I wave my hands around the apartment. “You asked me to marry you and then you treat me like some piece of trash now that we are living together. You constantly go out without caring that I’m alone, or even telling me where you are and when you’ll be home. You berate me constantly. I internalize your criticism until my self-esteem sinks lower and lower. You turn on your charm, which causes me to doubt my instincts to run away. I have no freaking idea why you married me or if you even want to stay together. But I can tell you I don’t. I want out!” I finally end shouting.

Ow
!
My face stings. “Don’t you ever talk to me that way again, Lacey! I will slap you again. You will be obedient. I am your husband and I am entitled to do whatever the hell it is I want to do because I pay the bills. Don’t forget it, Lacey. I’m the one with the real job.”
Oh no he didn’t.
“And you will never leave me.” I look at him in horror. Why would he honestly think I would stay? “If you ever do, I will find you and kill you myself.” I gasp at his harsh words. He pushes around me to grab a beer out of the refrigerator and walks out.
Oh my God, did he just say he would kill me

Déjà Vu

I avoided Caine like the plague last night after he told me he would kill me if I left him. I have no idea if he is serious or not, but I’m not going to find out. I need to keep the peace. As long as I’m carrying my little baby bump, I will keep myself safe. Once the baby’s born, all bets are off, and I will leave his ass so fast he won’t know what hit him. Maybe I should start writing a journal and documenting what he’s doing. It probably wouldn’t hold up in court though. I have to keep baby bump safe; that’s my priority.

I don’t know where the rage comes from within Caine. Is it because he was abused as a kid? Is it because he watched his mother being treated the way he treats me? If so, I wonder if he thinks that makes it acceptable. It’s almost as if he doesn’t know how to communicate with words so he resorts to force and destructi
on. His harsh words don’t sting as much as they used to. When I get out of this marriage, I hope I still recognize the person in the mirror.

This morning when I w
ake up, I think my heart is going to stop when I feel Caine in bed. Thank God, he is still asleep. I get out of bed as quickly as possible, making sure I don’t disturb him. I don’t want to deal with him. I go downstairs to get my morning juice and watch a little bit of the Home and Garden Channel before getting ready for work. I’m due to be at work for another two hours.

I
am engrossed in an episode of ‘Curb Appeal’ when Caine strolls down the stairs. The show is just about over when he asks, “Hand me the remote, would you?”

“Can I finish this first?” I ask.

“No, I pay the bills and will watch what I want when I want,” he blows.

“Fine, I’m going to work anyway.” I’m working a solid ten-hour day in Baltimore today, which is now a bonus because it will keep me out of the apartment and without the temptation of running to Becca or Lane if something happens. Before leaving, I pause in front of Caine. “Can you clean up the kitchen from this morning’s breakfast, and start a load of laundry?” I d
on’t think I am asking too much. He is more than capable. It’s only a few dishes anyway.

“Sure, no problem.” I nod and leave without kissing him goodbye. Our daily endearments were gone weeks ago.

By the way my stomach is growling, I know it is lunchtime and I realize that I freaking forgot to pack a lunch.
Dammit!
I pull out my purse, scrounging for change and come up empty. Caine controls all of the money and makes me return the change after shopping. I wouldn’t put it past him to tally up the receipt and count the change to make sure I don’t keep any of the money or purchase something for myself. I can’t ask my parents to borrow a few dollars, or they will start asking questions. I decide it’s best to make a quick trip home. After walking in the front door, I freeze.
OMG!
I debate whether I should go in or not. The apartment is a mess and the sliding glass doors are open. I cannot believe it.
Were we robbed?
What if we were robbed! Or worse, Caine was here with someone and rushed out when he heard the door unlock.
Dammit, why?
Thinking the second thought is more plausible, I check all of the rooms. Finally, looking into the kitchen last, I see the dishes are still in the sink. He didn’t clean up like he said he would.
I can’t believe it!
I lock up and leave, not having the stomach to eat anymore. I check my phone to see if there are any messages from him, thinking that maybe he got called into work. I debate whether I should text him and decide I don’t really care anymore.

Lacey
:  Monday 12:19pm: 
Caine just wanted to know why the back door was open and the house was a mess.

Caine
:  Monday 1:43pm: 
What are you talking about
?

Lacey
:  Monday 1:45pm: 
I went home for lunch and thought we were robbed. Why the hell would you leave the back door open?

Caine
:  Monday 1:56pm: 
I was letting in air, I thought I closed it.

Lacey
:  Monday 1:58pm: 
No, I did.

Caine
:  Monday 2:01pm: 
Why did you waste gas to come home for lunch?

Lacey
:  Monday 2:03: 
I forgot to pack my lunch. Did you put laundry on?

Caine
:  Monday 2:11pm: 
No, went to work. You shouldn’t have wasted your money at the store.

Lacey
:  Monday 2:12pm: 
Caine, seriously? Are you not going to help out at all?

Caine
:  Monday 2:15pm: 
Whatever. Going out tonight.

I don’t even bother replying. Hopefully he won’t be home when
I get back. I guess I’ll be spending the afternoon doing laundry tomorrow.

The rest of the day I d
on’t hear from Caine, resolving it’s for the best. I need to make a conscious effort to avoid as much stress when I’m around him as possible.

I
am practically asleep before I even walk into the apartment. I think I need to start taking naps in order to make it through the day. It’s crazy how tired I’ve been getting. First things first, I’m starving from not eating lunch. I scour the refrigerator and settle for a quick salad before going to bed.

I wake up and feel a little more rested. Caine didn’t come home last night and I ma
ke the decision to stop waiting up for him. I’m only working until twelve this afternoon and I’m happy with the distraction of the people around me. Mom stops by to pay me. “Hi honey, how are you feeling?” she asks giving me a hug.

“Good, mom. I slept like a rock last night.”

“Did Caine come home?” she asks and I immediately look away, not bothering to answer. I didn’t want to flat-out lie to her, but I also didn’t want to tell her the truth, which is sure to upset her.

So, instead I do the best thing I know, I change the subject. “How did everything go with your pre-op appointment this morning? Is everything still scheduled for next week?”

“Yes, it’s all scheduled as planned. I decided to ask our neighbor, Alice, to help for the next two months.”
Oh God, not the nosy bitch!
“I don’t want to leave it all in your and Lane’s hands. Lane needs to concentrate on school and you need to take care of my grandbaby.”

“Mom, I told you I could handle it and Lane will help out when she can. We’ve already worked up a schedule that works between dad and us. There is no need to involve Alice.” The damn Evil Mail Lady aka ‘EML’.

“Well, now you’ll have some extra help in case something comes up.” Mom raises her eyebrows at me. What does that mean? Premature labor? I’m not due for another three months and the first pregnancy is usually late. Everything went well at my last prenatal appointment a couple of weeks ago. I hope she isn’t referring to anything about Caine. She doesn’t know what’s going on, does she? I decide to worry about that later.

“I wanted to stop by and pay you for this week and last.”

“Thanks mom.” I hug her. “I love you.”

“I love you too. I need to wrap up
a few thing at the other store, so I’ll talk to you later, okay? Be careful, sweetheart.”

“I will.” Watching mom walk out, I decide to hold onto this money and not let Caine know about it.

Four loads of laundry already accomplished and I manage to clean the kitchen and the bathroom too. My head starts to feel light and I decide that I must need to eat something. Caine walks in just as I am taking my dinner out of the microwave. I mentally remind myself not to tell Caine about mom paying me. I need to make sure I have money for food and gas.
Oh no!
I forgot to hide the money. I don’t trust him not to look through my purse, so I need to hide it. Dammit, I had all afternoon. When Caine goes upstairs to change, I stick it under a sofa cushion praying I will have a chance to grab it later. Hopefully he doesn’t get the sudden urge to go through the sofa cushions. My heart is beating so fast that I am certain he can see it as he busies himself around me in the kitchen. I need to start saving a little bit here and there to plan for the unexpected, and ultimately, for when I leave.

Caine takes his dinner into the family room. I join him, sitting on the opposite side, bored out of my mind
, keeping watch of my money. He doesn’t talk to me. When he’s home, I feel like a freaking prisoner in my head. I try not to bore holes in the sofa where I stashed my pay. About an hour later, Caine walks over to where I’m sitting and snuggles into my side. He turns to me and says, “Lacey, I love you.” This is Caine’s way of saying ‘I’m sorry because I want to have sex’.
Oh, for the love of God, please no, not now
! I barely have enough strength to worry about the money I’m hiding from him. Holding back the bile in my throat, I remind myself Caine isn’t truly sorry. He’s just in the mood for a quick fuck and I’m available. I feel like a disgusting piece of trash to let myself put up with this. Thankfully, he doesn’t make a move.

“I was told today that I’m deploying around the first of November.”

“Okay, do you know what day you’re leaving?”

“November 2
nd
and I’ll be gone for a little over two months,” he says softly against my cheek. Wow, two months free from Caine!

“That’s close to the baby bump’s due date.”

“Yeah, I’m hoping I’ll be back before you go into labor.”
Who the hell is this?
He’s hot one day and cold the next. I never know which Caine I’m going to get. I wonder if he needs to see a doctor about his split personalities. “I’ve wanted to ask you something for a while.” I look at him, not sure if I should. And then the next thing he says shocks me. “Do you think a third person’s perspective will help us?”
What the hell?

I blink. “You mean counseling?”

He nods. “Yes.” I sit up straighter and wonder if we are fixable. Will counseling do anything or will it be a front?

I hesitate, brooding over the thoughts in my mind. “I’ve wanted to see if someone could help us. I just didn’t know how to ask you.” My heart betrays me and it pisses me off.
Why couldn’t I stay mad at him?
Why did he have to give me that little bit of the ‘previous Caine’ I fell in love with? We relax together for the first time in months without another argument.. It is pleasant and I think maybe, just maybe, this can work.
Damn heart!

“Do you want to go with me to pick out a dining room table? The store doesn’t close for another two hours,” he asks
, a few hours later.

“If you want me to go, I will,” I say, because I know he’s the one with the real job who is going to pay for it. Should I go? Is this that trying thing? Is he faking to only throw me off guard later? I cannot stand this emotional rollercoaster.

He shrugs, “You can go if you want.” I sit and think about continuing this conversation but I stall, nervous of how Caine will react to anything I say. I have to keep it from becoming physical if I make him mad. I decide leaving him alone to finish watching his show is best. Finally, he goes upstairs for something and truthfully, I don’t care what it is because I am more focused on saving the little amount of money behind the cushion. I quickly move it to one of the movies that Caine will never be caught dead watching. He hates chick flicks.

Caine holds my door for me like he used to while I settle into his car. We don’t even get out of the driveway when Caine starts. “I don’t think I’m taking you to the Navy Ball next month. My Officers and coworkers will be attending and I cannot afford for you to make another scene like you did at the gala.”
Excuse me?
I become outraged.

“Caine, do you remember why I left the event?
That bitch that lip locked you in front of everyone with me right beside you confronted me in the bathroom. If anyone is concerned, it should be me. I don’t know who the hell you are anymore. You’ve changed so much in the past couple of months. I don’t know why you treat me like garbage. You just asked to go to counseling. You wanted to be married to me. You wanted to help the baby and me. I never once asked for this. Do you want us to work because if you continue thi-” The back of Caine’s hand comes flying to my mouth, busting my lip. I look at him in horror with tears building in my eyes. I can taste a small tang of something metallic. Fucking bastard made my lip bleed.