Destructive Silence (The Destructive Series) (19 page)

Caine interjects after swallowing his swig of beer
. “I was hoping to spend some time with my wife before I went out tonight,” he asserts with anger all over his voice. “And where the fuck is your phone?”

“Er,” I pull it out of my purse and see twelve missed calls from
...
shit!
“I must have it on silent from work. I never heard it. There was an accident, I’m sorry. Anyway, you could stay home tonight for us to spend...” He puts his hand up stopping me.

“I already talked to you about this Lacey. I’m going out with the guys and I’ve been sitting here waiting over an hour
for you to get home.” I give him a sad smile. He walks over and I hope he is going to pull me into a hug. A hug I desperately crave right now. “What the hell are you smiling about?” He slaps me across the face.
Oh no, no, no. Please no!

I immediately begin to
cry, as I’m unsure of anything anymore. We stare at each other until my eyes burn from the stare, and then I try to explain why I was so late. “Caine...” I try to say more, but he attempts to shut me up by putting his hand over my face. I can hardly breathe since my nose is stuffy from crying. I start to squirm, needing more air, when Caine pushes me over and slaps my rear. Hard!
What the hell?

“If you are going to act like a child, I’m going to treat you like a child.” He continues to spank me
as if I had been a defiant tot.

Once I was able to push away from him, I said, “Do not ever lay another hand on me!” I need to go upstairs and get away from him. I lock myself in our bedroom and collapse on the bed. There is no sense in arguing because he is going to
pin me as the bad guy no matter what. I can’t have his friends showing up with me looking like this. Although, it probably doesn’t matter because there is no way I’m leaving this room until after he’s gone. Feeling exhausted from everything, I get ready for bed. I feel like I’m losing the fight I once held. Caine somehow has created this Lacey who can barely stick up for herself or is scared to. When did I allow this to happen?
Oh God, he’s his mother!

Lucas and the guys show up about forty-five minutes later to pick him up. They didn’t bother keeping their voices down. I could hear how giddy Caine was about going out tonight and it m
ade me uncomfortable. He probably continued drinking after I came upstairs.

Becca calls about ten minutes after the guys leave. I answer with her voice immediately pushing through the receiver.

“What up bitch?” she asks.

“Nothing, just getting ready for bed,” I tell her, too tired to say much more.

“Why are you sniffling? Did you confront Caine about the other night at The Cellar?”

“No, it’s fine. I’ve been yawning and it’s making my nose run.”

“Lacey, I call bullshit. What the hell happened to make you cry?” she asks worriedly.

I tell her about our argument over me getting home from work late. I didn’t dare tell her about Caine slapping or spanking me. She would pull a ‘Lorena Bobbitt’ for sure. Plus, she doesn’t need to worry about that
. Her focus should be on her classwork and her relationship with Lucas. Not her fucked up friend who managed to get knocked up, married, and who now wants to leave.

“Well, I hear the guys are going out again,” she’s says sarcastically.

“Yeah, they left a few minutes ago. Listen, Becca, I’m really tired and just want to go to sleep. Can I call you tomorrow?” I ask.

“Sure bestie. I love you,” she tells me, before hanging up.

I try to push away my insecurities about Caine’s behavior. I wish I could have a do-over because I certainly wouldn’t have married him. I wonder what the hell has gotten into him. He has completely changed since moving in together. I didn’t ask for us to live together. Why is he acting as if I’ve trapped him? I wonder if he’s been talking with his mother and she’s feeding him baloney about our relationship; I wouldn’t put it past her. Eventually, sleep overtakes me as I contemplate my relationship with Caine. I wake up around two to a noise. Thinking it’s Caine, I start to drift off to sleep, before I shoot out of bed, nervous I didn’t unlock the bedroom door. If he finds it locked, he might take last night’s incident up a notch. Why did he hit me? I don’t understand because we were only having a heated conversation, well, a one-sided conversation, and then he slaps and spanks me? Another noise startles me and I go downstairs to see if Caine is okay. Surprise, surprise. No Caine. It is our neighbors coming in from wherever they might have been this evening. I head back to bed and try to go back to sleep. I begin to worry as the clock reads three... three-thirty... four-thirty. I pray something didn’t happen to him. We don’t have our home phone hooked up yet, so I immediately grab my cell phone. There aren’t any messages. I send him a quick text asking where he is. I contemplate going out and looking for him but worry that I will fall asleep driving. A little after five this morning, Caine walks through the door.
Seriously what excuse could he have?

“Caine?” I ask groggily.

“It’s me; go back to sleep baby,” he says, pulling me into his arms. “Lucas wouldn’t leave; that’s why I’m home so late.” With a deep sigh he continues. “I’m sorry for earlier. I had a bad day at work. I love you. Can we try to have a better evening tonight?” He kisses my cheek and pulls me in tighter against his body.
I’m sorry. Did I miss something?

“You should’ve just left him with Becca
. He would have been fine, since he is dating her after all, and the party was at her house.” I feel his body tense behind me. I know Caine isn’t telling me the truth. I worry he was with someone. He stayed at the party because someone must have sparked his interest. Someone who wasn’t pregnant, who didn’t tie him down, and who is all the things I’m not. For heaven’s sake, why hasn’t he tried to have sex with me the past couple of weeks? I thought it was the stress and now I wonder if there is someone else.

After worrying about Caine half the night, I didn’t fall back asleep for a while. My alarm clock sounded.
For the love of God!
I need to be at work in two hours and I’m scheduled to close the store. It’s going to be a long day.

I f
ight my heavy eyelids for most of the day. Caine comes by the store to talk to dad about some stuff. I wonder if he is sniffing around to see if I told anyone about him slapping and spanking me. About an hour later, he pulls me into a hug and asks what I am doing tonight.
Hmm... Why does he want to know or why does he care? And then it dawns on me!
I ask, “Caine where are you going?”
Now it’s all too clear.

“I had so much fun last night that I want to go out again.”
Wow!
Another disappointment to chalk up on the ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ board! I guess he hasn’t gotten his fun out of his system.

“Lacey, have my friends called?” Caine asks
, walking back into the store after spending about an hour perusing the mall.

“If they call
, I will tell you. Where is your cell phone anyway?” I respond irritated.

“It’s
in the car, dead. I forgot to charge it this morning and left the vehicle charger in Lucas’ car.”
Nice!
“So, do you have plans with Becca?” he asks again. Does he want to see Becca, or does he remember what he tried to do and is worried about her talking to me?

“No Caine. I’m tired and just want to get some sleep. I think we need to have a talk whenever you can find time out of your busy schedule.”

“Oh okay.” He knows I’m upset and holding onto a grudge from last night.

“What time are you leaving?” I ask, wondering if I’m going to get any sleep
, or if I am going to be up all night worrying until he comes home.

“Um, I’m not really going anywhere. I just wanted to see how you’d react to me going out again.” He smirks.
Whoa... talk about cruel.
Why would someone deliberately upset someone to see how she would react? This not only affects me, but our baby too.

Caine knows how much I love going out dancing. He knows it bothers me that I had to give it up. For me, the reprieve is worth it while I have the little blimp cooking inside of me. Most of my friends are partying and living the high life while I’ve removed myself from that scene. Getting pregnant right out of high school is
hard and most definitely frowned upon. I can’t stand the pity of my friends or the looks their parents give me. I know I messed up and we’re now a statistic. My social circle is gone, except for Becca. Her parents, like mine, didn’t like the idea of me pregnant at such a young age, but they didn’t ostracize me. Becca’s parents embrace it and are supportive of my decision to keep the little guy. I wonder what I could have done differently. Abortion was strictly out of the question. Did I really need to marry this man? What the hell happened to the Caine who was begging me to give him another chance? Could I have raised the baby by myself? I wish I could just run away with the baby without Caine ever knowing about him or her, but then what’s done is done. There is no going back and I can’t run away now. Where would I go? He would probably call the police on me for leaving with
his
baby. He would do it just to hurt me at this point. I can only make things better for the little one inside of me and for myself from this moment on.

I walk through the door and feel a sigh of relief
; the shower and bed are calling my name. Caine follows behind me. “I’m going to get a quick shower,” I tell him.

“Come here, I want to show you something first.” I follow him into the kitchen where a huge bouquet of flowers sits on the counter with a note sticking out of the top. “Go ahead and read it.”

“Oh my, they’re beautiful.” I smile, taking in the dozen different colored roses and flowers. I pull out the note, careful not to mess up the arrangement and it reads ‘Lacey, I’m so sorry for the way I behaved last night. I don’t want to fight with you anymore. I love you more than anything. Love always, Caine.’ My eyes water from the sentiment and I tell him, “I love you too,” without taking my eyes off the bouquet.

“Hey, shh
... come here. Please don’t cry. I want to make you happy.” He kisses my forehead and pulls me into a hug. I nod into his shoulder. He rubs my back and we stand for what feels like hours with my little bump between us. Pushing his hands into my hair and pulling my head back, his lips find mine. He gently kisses me, taking his time. Moments later his lips move, searching for more access, starving for a taste, as he flicks his tongue out to request entrance along the seam. He groans.
Oh God!
The kiss deepens with our tongues swirling and I relax against him. He sucks on my bottom lip, igniting flames in the pit of my stomach. His hands begin to explore, sweeping me up into a generous state of happiness. Happy tears fall from my eyes as my heart begins to heal from the massive heartache that was last night. He is apologizing and is showing regret. I know he is sorry and needs me to forgive him. I raise my hands to his back to remove any shadow of distance between us. Caine pushes me against the wall, realizing my little bump is getting in the way. He grabs my hand. “Come with me.” He ushers me upstairs to our room.

I restrain any thoughts of talking now for fear of ruining the moment. We will talk after this. He brings his mouth back to mine, continuing where he left off downstairs. His fingers trace my back, trailing down my sides, capturing the hem of my shirt and slowly pulling it up and over my head. Our kiss
breaks for only a second, and again when his shirt follows mine on the floor. His hands cover and squeeze my breasts that are so sensitive that it almost hurts. I gasp from the onslaught of sensations. I can sense Caine is holding onto as much control as he can from releasing before me. The sounds I’m making have always had a tantalizing effect on him. His hand roams further to the waistband of my pants and he sweeps them, along with my panties, down my legs. The abrasive touch of his hands has me squirming beneath them as I step out of the material. He moves us to the edge of the bed and pushes me back.
Oh dear.
After removing his jeans, he pulls my legs apart and settles himself between them. I stiffen at the unexpected intrusion. “Relax Lacey. I’ve got you,” he coos in my ear, lightly licking his way around the curve before plunging in his tongue, emitting a shiver out of me. “I love you baby.” He begins to move. “Does that feel good?” he asks as he rolls and rocks his hips into me.

I nod. “I love you too. Pleeeaaase Caine,” I breathlessly beg. “Please.”

“What do you want baby?” he questions, knowing far too well what I want.

“You. I
... waaant... yooou.” I barely shout before I begin to lose control. “Oh my God! Caine!”

“That’s it. Let go. I want to feel you explode around me baby.” His tempo quickens. I know he’s close. I grab Caine’s rear and push my hips up to meet his with every thrust until he spills into me. A rasped breath leaves his mouth as he reaches his ultimate satisfaction. “Hmmm. Awe, fuck Lacey. Fuck that feels good.” He kisses me sweetly, while milking himself of every last drop.

Revelations

With every day that goes by, Caine’s behavior continues to be troublesome. I notice he is drinking more at home. When I question him, he tells me it’s to save money at the club and I need to stop worrying. I try to block out the disappointment and regret before it consumes me. Sometimes it’s too much to bare and I break down. Caine is distancing himself and doesn't acknowledge my presence half the time. I try not to cry. I found out that crying only aggravates him. He says things that aren’t nice to me and I take it, trying to be the wife I said I would.

I spen
d today scrubbing the house; cleaning brings me peace. Who knew I would grow fond of cleaning on a Friday night? Mom calls to ask me a question about work when I accidently knock over Caine’s coffee mug. I hold my breath, hoping he won’t explode at my clumsiness. Caine gives me a look that could kill before he grabs his beer and walks into the family room. I blow out a sigh.

He stops to turn around and look at me, “Enough Lacey, knock it off!” Before he turns the corner, he gives me the middle finger.

“Was that Caine?” Mom asks with concern coming through the receiver at what she just heard.

“Oh, he was talking to the television.” I try to hide my irritation and quickly end the phone call before Caine’s temper gets worse and someone hears how he really talks to me.

I finish cleaning up the kitchen and walk into the family room to rest for a few minutes. Caine starts, “We have a lot of shit wrong in our marriage. I’m tired of your family always coming first and I don’t like how much time you spend with them. You need to tell your parents that you will not be working more than twenty hours a week and you will only work during the day when I’m at work.”
Excuse me?
I am outraged by his bitterness and the tears won’t stop. “Will you stop crying? It makes you ugly.” I try with everything I have to stop crying; between my hormones and the verbal attacks, I’m having a hard time composing myself.

“Caine, they need my help with mom having surgery next week. My family
does so much for us.”

He strides over to me to yell in my face, “Shut up!” His hand meets my face once again, leaving a sting in its wake. I unintentionally gasp at the strike and he continues, “I said shut up
!” An unsettled feeling washes over me and I find myself on the floor after another slap. “Get up! I want you out of my fucking sight!” He pushes me with his foot. “Get up bitch. I can’t stand to look at you or hear you cry. What the fuck is wrong with you? I want you gone.”

I try to stand as a sharp pain hits my backside. It’s his foot.
Oh God, please help.
“Cai...”

“I said I want you to get the fuck up and out of my sight.” He strolls over to the end table next to the sofa and picks up his beer. “What the hell? You can’t even follow the easiest
instructions. Are you stupid?” he yells, sauntering back to where I am and finishing his beer as his foot slams into my back again.
Fuck, pain. The baby. Oh my God, the baby!

I can hardly breathe.
Thinking only of the baby, it takes all of my courage to get up and leave. I try to stand, but I fall. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Caine walk into the kitchen to grab another beer, and then he rushes past me up the stairs. Breathing a sigh of relief with his absence, shock creeps in over what just happened. I manage to pull myself up onto the sofa. I sit for a moment thinking about what I did wrong. I don’t understand what this is with us. He wanted me to marry him. I didn’t ask him to. Who does he think he is to toy with my feelings this way? I don’t know how much more I can take. Does he really love me; or does he love the idea of me, and this fantasy life of being a family? He loved the romance, the attention, and the promise of love. Once we were legally tied together and I moved in, things changed. Now, I’m afraid I’ve tolerated too much.

My hand immediately runs over my baby bump growing bigger every day and I caress my stomach. This baby doesn’t deserve all of the yelling,
arguing, and physical manipulation. It cannot be good for its development. Caine reappears dressed up. He stops in front of me noticing I’m having internal thoughts of the baby. “I’m going out to the club,” he reports, walking into the kitchen.

It wasn’t that long ago he enjoyed going to the clubs with me. He loved to watch me dance. I had a great body, and wore cute little sexy numbers. Caine would watch me in the crowd. Many
times, I would feel him sneak up behind me so that he could stake his claim. While he loved watching me dance, he didn’t like how close some guys came to dancing with me. I don’t know why he got all cave man on me; I always shooed the guys away. I confused his possessiveness as being some sort of affection, but sadly, I was only a prize to him. And now, where is that guy?

Caine interrupts my thoughts, looking for something in the sofa cushions. I’m worried he has found someone else to make him feel the way I once did. Worried to be around him, I slowly make my way upstairs with my back and head
throbbing. Closing the curtains in our bedroom, I notice Lane pull up outside. I descend the stairs as fast as the pain allows, quickly open the front door, and close it just as fast so that Caine doesn’t know that Lane’s here. I don’t know where I’m finding my strength right now.

“Lane, please leave. Caine isn’t in a good mood and is getting ready to leave. Can I call you as soon as he leaves?” I ask breathlessly, begging her to please listen because my family can’t find out.

“Lacey, look at you; you’ve been crying! Your face is flushed. What the hell? Mom called me and asked if I could stop by. She didn’t have a good feeling when she hung up with you earlier. Clearly, she was right to worry. What is going on?”

“Please Lane. I can’t have you here
. I’ll call you as soon as he leaves and explain everything. I’ve just been crying that’s all. My hormones with the pregnancy make me more emotional than usual, and Caine is having a hard time dealing with my moods.” I lie. Can I really tell her Caine raised a hand to me? I still love him and wish he would go back to the guy I fell in love with. Is this the way his mom’s previous husbands treated her? What the hell do I do now?

Lane refuses to leave.
“I promise I won’t say anything, if you promise to tell me everything.”

I nod
in defeat, and we walk into the apartment.

As soon as Lane steps inside,
she blurts out, “Caine, what are you doing to my sister?”

He looks at her with disgust
. “I didn’t do shit to her; she gets upset over nothing.”

“Caine, don’t play that bullshit with me. I know you’ve been acting differently ever since you two moved into this apartment.” Now I look at her in shock.
She noticed?
“You spend too many nights out partying away from your wife. How do you think she feels?”

“She made the choice to marry me and have the baby; so what if she can’t go out like we used to? Why do I have to stop as well?” he says
, making the fury in Lane’s face grow.

Lane
has always been stronger. She doesn’t take crap from anyone and can spot bullshit a mile away. Apparently, she is looking bullshit right in the face tonight. The arguing continues with so many things said back and forth that I feel as though I can’t keep my head on straight. I’m exhausted. Here my sister is, trying to come over and knock some sense into Caine, and all she winds up doing is making things worse behind closed doors. Lane at least has the courage and the strength, which I don’t have anymore, to stand up to him. I feel powerless and just stand here with my feet glued to the floor, watching my world fall apart.

Lane turns to me, “Lacey, since he’s going out again, why don’t you come over and stay at mom and dad
’s house where there will be people who want to be in your company?” I can hear the spitefulness in her voice.

I glance at Caine, unable to read the emotions on his face. Turning to Lane for support I
say, “Sure.” We go upstairs to prepare an overnight bag.

“Lacey, this is crazy. Is he like this all the time?” I give her an apologetic smile and shrug. I’m afraid to say anything while he is just below us brewing.

We are walking out the door as Caine yells, “Get out of my damn house, and give me your fucking keys!”

“Caine, this is just as much my house as it is yours.” Going out to the car, I see Lucas is here
, witnessing the tail end of our fight.
Oh no!

“Lane, can you put my bags in the car? I need to speak to Caine for a second,” I spit out before she could protest.

I open the door, finding him almost in the very spot I left him. “Caine, I’m sorry.”

He shakes his head and says, “I cannot go on like this. I cannot stand you and your family. You’re getting fat. You’re so fucking ugly when you
cry that I want to slap you to make you stop. I cannot stand to be in the same room with you anymore. Sometimes I just want to smother you and get it over with.” A loud growl comes out of him as he throws his hands up in the air. Dumbfounded, I pick up my shattered heart and walk out of the apartment without turning back.

Lucas is resting on the back of my car
, talking to Lane. I look at him pleadingly for help. “What is going on with Caine? Does he realize what he’s doing to me? He begged me to take him back and marry him. Why does he not want this now? Lucas, he’s been so nasty to me since we moved here.”

“I’ll talk to him. Becca and I have been discussing what’s going on, hoping we can figure out a solution. Why don’t you call her when you get to your parents?” Lucas says engulfing me in a hug. Maybe,
if
I love him enough for both of us, this could work.
It will just take time.

I follow Lane to the house because I have to work a full day tomorrow and I’ll go straight from our parents. We are just about out of my neighborhood, when Lane calls. I put it through my Bluetooth device. “Lane?”

“I just want you to know what Lucas was saying while you were dealing with Caine.”

“Okay.”

“He thinks it’s ridiculous how often you two fight. He said he doesn’t think Caine should have gotten married because he wants to stay single.”

“Oh, so he must resent me for taking away his freedom.”

“Well, Lucas also mentioned it’s stupid how you yell at Caine about becoming an alcoholic. He thinks it’s okay for him to go out and drink. Does he know about his mom?”

I sigh. “I don’t know.”

“Lucas said he doesn’t drink that much, but I’m not sure if I believe he isn’t drinking more than he should.”

“I don’t know if I can take Lucas’ word for it, because Caine’s been drinking more and more at home. And Lucas was highly intoxicated most of the week, too.”

“I wonder what Lucas considers drinking too much.”

“Lane, I don’t know.” There is a lot at stake for me to take his word given
the history of Caine’s mom. I just don’t understand how we went from Caine begging me to give him another chance, asking me to marry him, and finding us an apartment to raise our little family, into this nightmare in a matter of months.

“We’ll talk more when we get back to mom and dad
’s house.”

“Okay, bye,” I tell her before hitting ‘End the Call’.

Caine gets upset when I worry about how much he drinks. He goes out five nights a week. He drinks so much that he isn’t able to drive. Alcoholism runs in his family. Why shouldn’t I be worried?
Mental note: Protect my baby from alcohol.

Caine beats my confidence down on a daily basis to where I feel helpless. I don’t know when I began to feel I can’t do this ‘have a baby thing’ without Caine
; regardless I don’t know how to do this without Caine anymore. Could I talk to someone about how he treats me? The verbal bashing has turned physical. What if his Commanding Officer finds out? The consequences are too high. He could lose his job; he’s told me this over and over. How would I support the baby? I don’t make enough money for us and I cannot put this burden on my family; they’ve done so much for us already. I think it might be too late to get out.

I park next to Lane in the driveway. I didn’t even realize we arrived at the house. I guess I was on autopilot. I don’t remember anything after I hung up with Lane and she told me about her conversation with Lucas. Getting out of the car, I take a deep breath of the chilly evening air and suddenly feel a dull cramp in my abdomen. Lane turns around, “Lacey, are you coming in?”