Destructive Silence (The Destructive Series) (15 page)

Damn, what the hell? I feel like I’m having an out of body experience. Why are my walls tumbling down? “I guess I’ll go to Florida since I forgot to cancel my plane ticket, but on one condition."

"Anything for you Lacey," he states.

"We are not going to have any physical contact. No kissing, no sleeping together, nothing. There will be no affection, public or private, until I've made up my mind," I strain.

"Okay, I wouldn't have it any other way. Thank you for this Lacey," he beams.

"Caine, I'm doing this more for our child than anything else," I remind him while beginning to stand, making sure I don’t knock over my chair or pass out.

"Okay. How about I pick you up on my way to the airport Friday?"

"Umm, I'll let you know. I may have my mom or Lane drop me off," I say.

"Okay, fair enough.” He takes a step forward acting
as though he is going to hug me. I step back, reminding him I do not want any physical contact whatsoever. He nods his head.

"I'll be in touch," I say on my way out. I need air. Holy Mary Mother of God, did he just tell me he wants to marry me?
Fuck!
I didn’t anticipate this. This is whacked out! Now that Caine knows, I need to figure a way to tell my parents.

Getting in the car, I can feel the tears threatening to spill as I throw my head back. I open my eyes to find him watching me from our spot in the coffee shop.
Oh no!
He cannot see me fall apart. I need to get out of here. I pull out and head home where the comfort of my room will allow my emotions to escape. The drive home was a blur. I was in deep thought. Just seeing him again brings back the physical attraction and temptation to be with him. I wish he wasn’t so hot.
Damn him!
If I go to Florida, I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep my hands off him. I love him and might give into the tendency to settle my hunger with his touch.

Soon,
I reach the house, and I am thankful no one is home. I slip into my room and fall to the floor, releasing the painful cries I’ve been holding back. Why did he do this to me? Wasn’t I a good girlfriend? Why did he have to cheat on me? This wasn’t supposed to be happening. I am so in love with him; will I be able to stay away? I rock myself back and forth trying to find some comfort in the mess I’ve made. My mind is racing and I can’t think from all of the emotions running through me. I am a blubbering mess. Caine is remorseful for his actions. He even wants to make an honest woman out of me. If he is sincere, is it worth a try? His intentions are good, but are they enough? I crawl to my bed and scream into my pillow. Please God, please help me make the right decision. I bring my knees up and hug them. I can’t stop crying and think I’m going to be sick. My chest is tight and my breathing feels restricted.

A couple of hours later I wake up with swollen eyelids, a massive
headache, and the urge to pee. I walk to the bathroom holding my head to help with the headache, when I hear someone in the kitchen.
Fuck!
Someone is home. I look myself over in the mirror.
Double fuck!
Applying a cold washcloth will hopefully calm the giant marshmallow reflecting back at me. I haven’t figured out how I’m going to tell my parents. I need to suck it up. The dye is cast and nothing I can do will change my destiny. I’m having this baby. I don’t want my baby to grow up without a father. I will go to Florida and consider Caine’s proposal. I can pretend to be happy so that I won’t torture myself. That’s it. Forget the sadness, hurt and pain. I will do the only morally acceptable thing at this point and marry the cheater.

After four days of battling my internal agony, being on edge and antisocial, I think my parents are ready to kick me out or have me committed. I have no idea how or what to say to them. They still don’t know because I haven’t figured out how to tell them that their youngest daughter and her unborn baby are a national statistic. As Becca helps me pack my bags to go to Florida tomorrow, Lane walks into my room.

“Lacey, what the hell is going on?” she asks, cornering me. “Why are you back with Caine after what he did to you? You need to leave him!” she shouts.

I wish I could tell you Lane.
“Nothing’s going on. Becca’s helping me pack. I love Caine; that’s why we are back together.” I lie. “Anyway, I can't break up with him; I have to stay with him.”
Uh, oh!
I can feel the heated flush on my cheeks, elevated pulse, and pounding in my ears.
Me and my big mouth!

Lane’s face falls. She and I share a horrific look that sparks the haunted memory from my childhood. I made an unspoken promise years ago that I would never put myself in a position where a man could control me. I can see it in her eye. She thinks I'm allowing Caine to control me and maybe there is some truth to that. I'd never tell her.

“Lane, you don't understand,” I plead with tears prickling the backs of my eyes. She couldn't understand. She has an awesome boyfriend. They are high school sweethearts and will most likely spend the rest of their lives together. She has her fairytale. She couldn't possibly understand my problems. Things happen in the right order for her. She will finish college, get married, and will only begin her family when she is ready. I've always been jealous of it. She was the good daughter. I was the wild child. This is what happens to wild, irresponsible people. They don't have a fairytale life.

“Lacey, this is wrong,” She says storming out of my room, almost in tears and nostril flaring.

Becca gives me the sympathetic smile. “You have to come clean. Your family will help you figure it out,” she professes.

"No way, Becca! You better not tell them either. Please don’t be the whistleblower. You promised me!” I yell softly. I wasn't going there because I needed to figure this out for myself. I had planned
to cancel my trip with said douche bag and break up with him. I had planned to meet Mr. Blue Eyes at the club last week.
Shit, I stood Devon up.
He was such a gentleman too. Why is this happening? I don't understand how life can be so simple one minute and then boom. One word, "positive," not even a word - a symbol - can and has changed everything.

“Okay, I promised I wouldn’t say anything but you need to weigh your options. I don’t think marrying is the end all, be all solution Lacey. How about we look at the pros and cons?”

“What other options are there Becca?”

Becca starts rummaging around my desk and says, “Ah ha!” when she pulls out a notepad. “Okay, let’s write down the reasons you should and shouldn’t go through with your crazy ass decision to marry the fucker.”

“Nice Becca. I’m going to need a sound deafening stomach wrap when you’re around me or the baby is going to come out swearing.”

She rolls her eyes and dismisses me. “Whatever! Anyway, back to important stuff. What are the pros for marrying ‘dickhead’?”

“Well, he can provide medical care at no cost. He can be around the baby all of the time. And, I do love him Becca,” I say sheepishly.

“For God’s sake, you’re crazy! How about I list the cons? He’s a cheater – once a cheater, always a cheater, he lied about cheating, and did I say he cheated?” she says matter-of-factly. I glance over at the notepad she was using to make the list. There are two columns labeled
‘pros’ and ‘cons’. The pro list has two things listed and the con side is almost full.

“Let me see that. Why did you only list two pros?” I grumble grabbing the list. “Becca, really? You wrote cheater, always a cheater,
meathead, slut, manwhore, dick, loser, cheat, asshole, player, jerk, selfish, jackass, backstabber, low-life, fucker, bullshitter, poser, lunatic, stupid, fake, idiot and douche bag. Wow Becca, you actually stopped at...” I count the things she came up with. “You came up with 23 cons. I’m disappointed you stopped there,” I say sarcastically, tossing the notebook back at her.

“Oh, don’t you worry, love. I wasn’t stopping at twenty-three; you snatched the paper away before I could add anymore. I was just getting started, bestie. But, most importantly, I don’t want you to marry just him because you are pregnant. I love you and will do whatever I can to help. I know your family will do anything too if you will just let them in. This is too big to keep bottled up. Your family is thinking you’ve lost your mind,” she says unhappily.

“I know Becca. Trust me; I am going out of my mind. I haven’t had coffee in four days or a cigarette in five. Withdrawal and hormones do not go well together. Even though I only smoke occasionally, it does wonders to calm my nerves when I stress. Please don’t worry. I’ll talk to my family once I get back from Florida. Once Caine and I have this all figured out. Now get your ass over here. I need a hug from my bestie,” I demand.

“As long as you will promise me to really think about this whole marriage thing. I don’t think you need to go through with it, love.”

“I promise. Let me finish packing and maybe we can watch a movie. How does ‘My Fair Lady’ sound?” I ask.

“Uh, no! I think we need to find a modern day musical, love. Please do not torture me with oldies,” she tosses back.

“Fine, you pick it out. I’ll be ready in a few minutes.”

The next day my mom finds me, wearing a determined look on her face.
Oh God no!
I can't talk. If I talk, I might slip and tell her. I’m not ready for that.

“Lacey, are you using drugs?!” If smoke could be coming out of her ears now, it would.

Did I hear her right?
Oh my God!
“What... drugs? No mom, I’m not taking drugs!” I yell. I wish I was on drugs because then they could send me away to rehab and it would be over. But then I would have a lifetime of other worries that go along with addictions.

“I’m serious Lacey. What drugs are you taking? I want to know right now and you will not leave this house until you tell me what you’re using!” she demands as I’m placing my suitcase next to the door. I cannot breathe with my mom asking me all of these questions. She won’t let this go and I've had enough of hiding.

Turning around quickly, I yell, "I'm not on drugs mom... I’m... I'm fucking pregnant!"

She gasps.

“Sorry mom!”

“Oh, thank God!” she praises. What? She’s relieved?
You've got to be kidding me.
She is relieved that I’m pregnant and not on drugs. Can my life get any worse, strange, complicated? I stand there in disbelief. “Come here, honey,” she says, wrapping her arms around me in a hug. “I love you, baby girl. Everything will be okay; we'll figure this out. Come have a seat. I’ll make you some tea.”

I follow mom into the kitchen and watch her keep busy preparing our mugs. “Mom, Caine knows,” I tell her apologetically.

“He does? What did he say?” she hesitantly asked, not wanting the answer to be harsh.

“I think after the initial shock wore off
, he was fine with it. Well, I don’t know about fine, but he promised to take care of the baby and me. I don’t know what the asshole was... Sorry mom! I don’t know what he was thinking telling me that he wants to take care of me and the baby.”

“What do you mean take care of you and the baby? How is he going to do that? You aren’t even mar...” She stops pulling out the second tea bag to look at me.

“He said he wants to fucking marry me! Ugh, sorry mom! I don’t know what has gotten into me. He wants to marry me so that the baby and I will have healthcare. He also said he wants to prove himself to me and promises to never cheat on me again.” I shrug.

“Do you believe him?”

“Believe what? The marriage? Yeah I think the crazy bastar... Sorry mom! I think he would do that. He’s been begging me to accept his apology and not to end our relationship. Do I believe he won’t cheat on me again? I don’t know. I believe he is sincere and regrets what he did. But I don’t think I’ll ever know if he will or won’t be tempted again,” I say, taking the mug she offered me.

“Wow Lacey. It appears you’ve thought a lot about this.” Surprise is written all over her face.

“Yeah, well I’ve been agonizing over this whole thing, trying to figure out what I’m going to do. That’s probably why you thought I was on drugs.”

“It wasn’t just me who thought you were.” She raises her eyebrows.

“Great. That’s just what I need.”

“No worries swee
... honey.” She smiles. “How about I take you to the airport this evening?” she asks.