Destructive Silence (The Destructive Series) (25 page)

Destructive Silence

Black, everything is black. There is no noise, nothing. Complete and utter silence. Silence I might have been able to prevent if I had chosen to tell Caine about my plans tonight. Silen
ce, I might have been able to do something about if I didn’t keep the physical and emotional abuse with Caine silent. If I hadn’t been silent, I might have been able to change more lives damaged by my uncle’s blatant disregard for the effects of his actions.

All I ever wanted to do was forget my past
, the stolen innocence of my childhood. I was a victim of a despicable crime by a family member. I never asked to be a target. I was in a safe environment, my grandparents' house. How does someone enjoy taking something so precious away? How is a person like that created? Silence is my haven. If I don't speak of what happened, it could be erased, or so I thought. A victim is encouraged to talk about the abuse. Dealing with the unpleasant realities of what happened is not something I can handle. No, I prefer to disconnect myself from that time and never revisit those moments again. My silence was destructive because I don't know how many others fell victim to my uncle. My coping mechanism shattered more hopes, innocence and dreams, because I was silent. Children are often thought of as resilient and I'm sure that is true, however, I didn't bounce back; I stuck my head in a hole where it's dark, where it's black.

Dealing with another
life-altering event as a teenager is a hardship I would never have traded. It may not be the ideal time to have a child, but sweet Evan is the best thing that ever happened to me. I cherish him so much. I will make sure my baby doesn’t become a statistic. He will graduate high school; he will not windup in jail because I will do everything I can to make sure he is successful. That is what a parent does regardless of their age. Parents love, cherish, and set rules and guidelines to help steer their children in the right direction. My Evan will do something worthwhile with his life.
My Evan.
What just happened? Will I be able to see him again, be able to tell him how much I love him, be able to do all the things I told him I would do? I can’t see anything but black, a black canvas absent of all color.

And then there is the cycle of violence. Why did I stay silent? It’s not okay for anyone to cause verbal,
emotional, or physical distress to another. I was kept quiet. There was a breakdown of communication, anger, and rage, promises that it will never happen again, gifts and make-up sex. Those things kept me silent and afraid to cause more tension, for things to escalate. My final wake-up call allowed me the opportunity to enjoy the final three months of my pregnancy and deliver the handsomest little guy on the face of this earth.

The only thing I’m good at besides silence is running. I run away when I’m scared. I run away when I’m nervous. I run away when I’m sad. Running is another coping mechanism. However, tonight I ran from my destructive past, which l
ed to more silence.

What is going to happen to Evan? What is happening to me? Everything is blank and I don’t know if I’m alive or dead. I cannot feel anything. Confusion is all I know. I would give anything to feel something, pain even.

I need to get to my baby boy.
My Evan.

The journey to write Destructive Silence began when I moved from Maryland to Colorado. I was consumed with working and volunteering every moment of my life and I felt like I was losing part of me. Once the family and I were settled into our new home, Destructive Silence started to come to life.

I understand this book may not be for everyone, but is a tragic reality for so many. Most of the time we try to escape our lives by reading books with Happily Ever After; this is not that kind of book. I hope that by writing this, someone might take that giant leap of faith. If you know anyone who is suffering from
child abuse, domestic violence and/or alcoholism please try to encourage them to get help and support them when they might take a step backwards. You may never comprehend the how, why and what if’s unless you’ve walked in their shoes.

I have so many people to thank for helping me get from typing my first word to the very moment my fingers hit publish - which might be one of the scariest things I've ever done!

First, I have to thank my beautiful late mother who made me to be the person I am today. Even though your life on earth was unexpectedly cut short, I am so blessed to call you my mom. You were such a strong and amazing woman. This is story is for you and is being published on your birthday. Happy Birthday MOM! I will always love you!!

I'd like to thank my husband, the love of my life. Your support and eagerness (ahem) to take over "Mom's duties" while she hides in her office to enter the world of
‘Lacey Land’, and your encouragement and understanding during my meltdowns (thanks to Caine) packaged together has made me fall deeper in love with you. Nicholas, thank you for your support and stepping up to the plate to help the family while Mom was absent in her hole writing. Baby Leah, aka my beverage fetcher, you have been an inspiration to help me finish what I started. Your genuine interest, "Mommy, are you going to write today? Mommy, are you going to write upstairs or downstairs? Mommy, what time is Daddy coming home? I'm bored. Mommy, I'm going to write a story too!" I have thoroughly enjoyed sharing each and every moment throughout this process with my family.

My sister, Leah, you have been such an amazing support, pushing me out of my comfort zone. I am eternally grateful to have you as my sister, my friend, but also as my confidant. I love you so much!

To "The Ladies Who Look Under My Skirt" or as some would call them, my beta readers. Your help, enthusiasm, and suggestions have made this book what it is. I cannot thank you enough for the laughs, the comments (both good and bad) and encouragement. I could write a book to thank each and every one of you.

Teri
Beth Page, Alicia Clark, Elle Wilson, Julie B. Deaton, Amy Malek Concepcion, Mindy Smith Stickels, Lea Marika, Leary Bradley, Richelle Robinson, Leah Offutt and Patty Ray you are my Queens of grammar, content (or lack thereof), angst, juicy details, up all nighters and countless hours of entertainment! Thank you for asking questions, your rants, wisdom, and creative ideas. Your willingness to go over the same sentence repeatedly until it was just right, your honest opinions, "I think you left out a word," and your SHOUTY caps were entertaining and helped get the story to where it is now. I know how much you loved my verb tenses, "oh dear" and repetitive words. Teri, I will try not to have such an emotional ending... eh, maybe. Alicia, I'm trying to write the second book faster. Elle, mentally prepare yourself. Amy, I will try to have nicer chapter titles. Julie, I will do my best to make sure you will need a fan. Mindy, you might get your wish about a certain character. Lea, you might be hearing from the Smurfs and Dreamy Drug Doc again. Leary, I will try to get you hooked into the next story within the first chapter. Richelle, I'm sorry but I just might need to stun you into silence again. Leah, I will try not to make you cry, but I can’t guarantee it. Patty, your friendship means the world to me.

Ladies, is it time for the "Off With His Head" party? Is that plural? Perhaps we should go to confession first or is that after?

Thank you Debi Barnes for crashing our party. Everyone wants to have you as her personal organizer. JB McGee and HB Heinzer thank you for your guidance and support when I truly wanted to give up. Danielle Plane, Kimi Flores, and Heather Gunter, thank you for all of your support.

To the amazing blogging Queen
Nicole Andrews Moore (Stories and Swag) thank you for hosting my blog tour and release party. You know how to get the party started. Thank you for the hours you spent working above and beyond. I am eternally grateful to you for all you have done.

Last but certainly not least, my friend, twin (separated at birth and off by a year or two), my
fabulous editor Katie Mac. When I began writing, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. You helped navigate me through the scary world writing a novel. I feel so blessed and honored by your support, encouragement, and love. Your dedication to indie writers is mind-boggling. Thank you for cracking the whip and shooing me off Facebook to go back to work. I promise to send you the tofu-turkey in time for Thanksgiving. I love you to the moon and back!!

Everybody will experience a tragic moment at one point in
his or her lives.

That moment doesn’t have to define you!

This story was not easy to write but so many women and men face domestic violence every day. It is hard for those who have not walked in the shoes of the victim to understand how difficult it is to gather the courage to finally leave. I applaud everyone who has taken that step and I pray that someone who is reading this and going through a similar situation will take a leap of faith. YOU are not alone and YOU do not deserve to be treated with anything but the utmost respect!

Teen pregnancy is life altering for the teen herself, but most of the time, she is also shunned from society. Why? Mistakes happen and when a child is having a child, they need ALL the support they can receive.

Alcoholism and codependency were thought to go hand in hand until recently. This addiction affects every race, religion, and social class. It is serious and can lead to immoral activity such as child abuse, domestic violence, assault and more. Persons afflicted with the disease usually isolate themselves from their loved ones as well as world around. A lot of people turn to alcohol to cope with grief and stress. When a spouse or parent drinks to cope, they are unknowingly putting a wedge between alcohol and the ones they love. This person becomes dependant on something innate to feed their need for comfort. People with codependency often form one-sided relationships and is can be a learned behavior often from a dysfunctional family. A dysfunctional family member can be deemed as chemically dependent, by either alcohol or drugs, victim of a physical or sexual assault or untreated mental health. Most people who fall into these categories come from families who did not deal with the issue in a healthy way. These individuals usually adapt by disengaging themselves from healthy relationships.

CHILD ABUSE

Because it is NOT okay to hurt a child
- they may hurt MORE than you realize!


        
CHILDHELP

Prevention and Treatment of Child Abuse

Their mission is to meet the physical, emotional, educational, and spiritual needs of abused, neglected, and at-risk children. We focus our efforts on advocacy, prevention, treatment, and community outreach.

National Child Abuse Hotline: 1800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). Calls are taken 24/7.

TEEN PREGNANCY

You have options. You have support. You are NOT alone!


        
Centers for Disease Control offers resources for parents and teens from prevention to parenthood. CDC advocates a national campaign to prevent teen and unwanted pregnancies. You can find more information on the link below.

http://www.cdc.gov/teenpregnancy/parents.htm


        
The U.S. Department of Health & Human Services can help you find a family planning clinic. Use the link below.

http://www.hhs.gov/opa/

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

It is NOT okay-There are NO excuses!


        
U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) and TTY 1-800-787-3224.
http://www.thehotline.org/get-educated/what-is-domestic-violence/


        
http://www.domesticviolence.org/

Many abusers are so
controlling their victims are not allowed to use the phone or internet. If you are in need to use the internet to report abuse and cannot get to a safe computer, both of the links above have quick access to the information you need. But remember, there is always a trail.

BE
safe, but most of all, BE smart!

ALCOHOL AND DRUG ADDICTION

You do NOT have to use it to cope!

The main symptom that defines an alcoholic is if the person continues to drink once it’s caused problems with work, relationships, drinking and driving occurring on a continued basis. If you have concerns, there are a number of resources out there that can help.


        
Alcoholics Anonymous - www.alcoholics-anonymous.org


        
Al-Anon/Alateen - www.al-anon.org


        
National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism - http://www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohol-health


        
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration - www.samhsa.gov

CODEPENDENCY

You do NOT need someone else to make you happy!


        
Mental Health America

Co-dependency is an emotional and behavioral
condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.

1
-800-273-TALK

http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/go/codependency