Doubt (The Connected Series Book 1) (12 page)

“Sophie, I’m
not
lying to you, I just need time to
explain
.” 

“You’ve had time Doug, so much time and you decided to keep things from me.”  

I pull my wrist free and walk in the direction of my car. How can he expect me to listen? He cannot pick and choose what to tell me and expect me to be okay with it. I’m drenched, it really is raining, my dress is clinging to me and my feet are squelching in my pumps.
Why didn
’
t I bring an umbrella?
Because the sun was out when I left, that’s why. Because I didn’t think the weather would turn so quickly. I wrap my arms around myself to try and keep myself together and the cold out. It doesn’t work and I’m soon shivering. 

The car sure didn’t seem that far away when I parked. I walk a little more and I can hear footsteps, someone is running in my direction.
If that is Doug
...  I feel a coat being placed on my shoulder, inhaling, I instantly know it is him; I would know his scent anywhere. The warmth from his jacket is both welcome and unwelcome in equal measures. I try to shrug it off.

“Go away Doug, I don’t want to talk to you right now!” 

“I don’t care! I want to talk to you and I don’t want you getting a cold, its freezing and you’re soaking.”

He keeps his hand on my shoulders so I can’t shrug his jacket off. I chance a peek at him and regret it straight away. He is breathtaking. His hair is soaked and clinging to his forehead, his t shirt wet and looks almost painted on and his jeans are beginning to stick to his legs, I can see every line, every muscle and my body, the traitor that it is, starts to heat.
No!
You cannot find him attractive right now. he is
lying
to you. Is that how someone who loves you treats you? But look at him; he could have just stepped off a runway. He is
perfect
. No he isn’t perfect, no one is perfect.

I keep walking, head down, focusing on my destination. My dry, warm car. Finally I see it and unlock it, running the last few feet. I throw open the door and go to get in but Doug is there and blocking my way in.

“Listen to me Sophie, we have to talk.” 

“We don’t have to do anything. I need to get in my car and go home and get dry. Can you please move.” Suddenly the car door is closed and I am being backed into it.

“I wanted to tell you, really I did, I just don’t know how to explain this to you. It isn’t as black and white as you think it is.” He is looking into my eyes, blue to brown, and I can see so much emotion reflected back at me.

“Nothing gives you the right to lie to me, nothing.” I turn my head, trying to look at anything but him.

“You’re right, I shouldn’t have lied.” He runs his nose along my jaw, inhaling and kissing as he goes sending goose bumps over my skin.

“Doug, I really need to go.
Please
.” But I can hear the wavering my voice as I say it. My body reacts on its own, the way it always has when I am near Doug.

“I need you to listen, please, Sophie.” I look up at him and his eyes are hooded.
Hot
. 

He reaches up and cups my face, leaning in slowly to give me a chance to stop him; he brushes his lips against mine. The pull is there the minute his lips touch mine, I can’t help it, and it is almost like my hands have a mind of their own. Before I am even aware of what I am doing I am fisting my hands in his soaking hair, his hands come up to fist in my hair too and we are kissing, passionately kissing in the empty car park, being rained on, freezing, but unable to stop. It is getting dark and late and I’m soaked through.

“I can see everything Sophie…” he husks moving his hand down slowly, over my breast and my now erect nipples, “You are so fucking sexy, do you know that?” His mouth is on my throat. 

“It doesn’t change anything, Doug” I don’t even sound convincing.

“I know. We need to talk. But right now, I need to do this. I need to be inside you.”

Lowering himself to his knees in front of me, he reaches for the hem of my dress and pulls it up. His hands grip the side of my knickers and he pulls them to one side and his mouth is on me. The combination of the cold and wet and the heat from his mouth do wonderful things. Within seconds my hands are fisting in his hair and I am moving my hips against his mouth.

“Don’t stop, please! Don’t. Stop.” I pant.

What the hell am I doing?
I am mad at him. I am furious with myself for being so weak and allowing this to happen. Yet,
oh.
.. his tongue pushes inside me as his thumb finds my clit and I explode, tumbling down. He gets to his feet and undoes his jeans as he gets up, then fast and hard pushes into me.

“Ugggh!” his face is contorted with what looks like a mixture of pleasure and pain and he is thrusting harder and harder each time.

“Doug, we are outside, we have to stop.” It is getting darker, but by no means dark. No one else is in the car park, but that doesn’t mean someone won’t come into the car park.

“I can’t stop Sophie, you feel too fucking good!” He shifts position raising me off my feel slightly and the change in position lights the fire deep within.

“Keep going!” I breathe. His pace quickens and I am once again climbing towards a release. 

“Tell me we are okay.” He grunts, thrusting up into me again.

“No. Nothing has changed, Doug. This doesn’t change anything.” 

“Tell... Me... We... Are... Okay.” Each word is punctuated with a hard, deep thrust. 

“Doug.
No!”
I scrape my nails down his back, desperately chasing my release and maddeningly frustrated with him.

“Tell me!” he gazes at me with hooded eyes.

“No!”

He groans in frustration, reaching between us to find my sweet little bundle of nerves and rubs. I bite down on his shoulder and I come. The growl that rips from this throat sets me off again and with one last thrust he comes, deep, deep within me. Staggering slightly, he places my feet on the floor, pressing a sweet kiss to my forehead and buttons himself back up. Unsure eyes meet mine.

“It doesn’t change anything, Doug.” I whisper.

Opening the car door I climb in and start the car driving off leaving him standing, wet and broken, in the car park.

Chapter Eleven

Sophie, please answer your phone. I need to talk to you. Don’t shut me out.

Please. I want to make this right. I can explain everything.

Are we still going together tonight?

I will pick you up at 6.

I love you. I always will. There is no one else. x

There has been message after message since I left him. Phone-call after phone-call. Voice mail after voicemail. I
cannot
bring myself to answer any of them. If I do, I know I will say something I will most likely regret. Or maybe I won’t, I don’t know. My whole body aches, not from my adventure in the rain, not from being sick. But from the pain of knowing, the last eighteen months I have been lied to.

Christ
, since the very first time I laid eyes on him he has been lying. He must have been. There is no way that little girl in the photo — that beautiful, happy little girl — isn’t Doug’s daughter. And she is at least four years old, maybe older. So how long was he going to try and keep this from me? He must be the best liar in the world, there was not one little hint that he has a girlfriend and a daughter somewhere. Was it just a girlfriend? Was it his wife? Oh god, was my relationship with Doug an affair with a married man? I feel sick.

I’m startled by my buzzer going, without even having to get up and look at the screen, I know it is Doug. Why can’t he just leave me for a while? I get up, huffing as I do and go to answer the door.
I will not let him in. I will not let him in. I will not let him in
. I repeat this over and over to myself in the hopes my stupid brain and body will co-operate and do what I want them to for once. I pick up the phone and speak into it while looking at the tiny screen where I can see the man who is fast becoming my life. 

“Doug, you need to leave okay, I just can’t talk to you right now.” I put the phone down and wait.

After a few seconds someone walks in the door and speaks to Doug, they’ve seen him here before and so don’t hesitate to let him in.
No!
There is an entry system for a reason arsehole! A minute later, I hear thudding footsteps outside my front door and the sound of heavy breathing, he must have taken the stairs, he would have been too impatient to wait for the lift.  A minute later, the first knock comes. I slide down the wall and sit on the floor, prepared to wait this thing out, wait as long as I need to.
I will not let him in. I will not let him in. I will not let him in.

“Sophie, please open the door, I don’t want to have this conversation like this.”

“Doug, there isn’t going to
be
a conversation, why don’t you just leave now and save us both time. We both have to be ready and at this event in two hours.” I sigh looking at my watch; there is no way I can get out of this event.
Damn it.
 

“I’m not going anywhere; I will wait here until you listen to me.” 

“I can’t listen to you right now, I need to get ready. Can we please leave it?” I go to get up when I hear a light thud against my door. 

“I love you more than anything, Sophie, it killed me having to keep this from you, but I
needed
to get it straight in my head first, I
needed
to know how I felt about it before I got you involved. It wasn’t meant to happen like this.” the last words are a whisper.

Another small thud. I sit rooted to the spot, g
et what straight in his head? How he felt about what?
 

Soph?” I hear him sigh. “Are you really not going to open the door?” He sounds worried and his voice is full of emotion. 

“I can’t.” I stifle a sob with my hand. “I need time Doug, please.”

There is silence for a few minutes. I get up and walk a little closer to the front door, pressing my ear against it, hoping to be able to tell whether he has left or if he is still out there.

“I will pick you up at six, okay?” he croaks, barely above a whisper. 

“No. I will get a cab.” I will not get in a car with him, not after this afternoon. 

“Can’t we go together, we can talk in the car, I can explain what is going on. Total honesty Sophie, I promise.” he sounds hopeful that his plea will change my mind.

“It’s a bit late for that now Doug... I will see you there.”

I turn and walk into my bedroom shutting the door and making my way into the en-suite. Turning the shower on to warm up I look at myself in the mirror. Tears silently fall from my eyes, I look pale, sad. I started the day so happy and full of excitement for tonight. Now all I have is sadness and an emptiness in my chest where my heart is. I half expect to be able to see the hole when I look down. I know I should give Doug a chance to explain, but right now, I’m too upset, too mad, too disappointed. I take off my clothes, leave them on the floor and step into the shower.

Just as I close the door I hear my phone go off. Another message from Doug no doubt. I turn my face up, welcoming the warmth on my face. I methodically wash my hair and body, all the while thinking of his last words…

I needed to get it straight in my head first, I needed to know how
I felt about it before I got you involved. Total honesty Sophie, I promise
. What is it that he had to get his head around? And why couldn't he have just told me?

Chapter Twelve

I finish my shower and turn off the water, the steam in the bathroom making it difficult to see. I grab a giant, fluffy white bath towel and a smaller one to wrap around my head. I wipe my hand repeatedly over the fogged up mirror trying to see my reflection. Considering I have spent the last twenty minutes crying, the damage isn't too bad, and certainly nothing I can't fix.

My biggest problem is talking myself into going tonight. ‘
Sophie Rose Bennett you love getting dressed up and going out’
and charity events are right at the top of my list. I love the glamour of ball gowns, I love spending the evening raising money for a charity close to my heart, and I love dancing the night away in Doug’s arms.
See where the problem is?
I don’t want to be in Doug’s arms tonight, I don’t want to be anywhere near him.

I look at my reflection in the mirror and give myself a pep talk. ‘
Stop it now, You are an adult. You can go tonight, smile and act like nothing is wrong, because that is what adults do. Get your arse into that bedroom and make yourself look irresistible, make yourself look so damn good that as soon as Doug sees you, he will realise what he is losing.’
Pep talk given and a pretty good one if I do say so myself, I march my butt into my bedroom to search for my makeup. 

I need some music to cheer me up, to get me in the mood for the night ahead. And a drink, yes, I need a drink. Walking past the front door I see a scrap of paper poking out from under the door. Bending to pick it up, I walk with it in my hand to the kitchen, placing it on the kitchen counter. Pouring myself a glass of wine I take a sip, feeling the cool liquid slide down my throat. After my third sip, I pick up the piece of paper and read.