Doubt (The Connected Series Book 1) (33 page)

I must be asleep when they need to leave to go to the airport because they leave without saying goodbye. I think I can remember being semi woken by a little pair of lips kissing my cheek, but I could have dreamed it. I find a picture on my bedside table from Abigail. In the picture, she is in the middle of Doug and I. We are all holding hands and we are smiling. Above out heads is the word
Family
written in Doug’s handwriting. It feels my heart with love and my eyes with tears. I miss her so much already.

I make my way downstairs, still holding the picture, and fix myself a cup of tea. Sitting on the sofa, I switch on the TV and wait for Doug. When I hear the key in the lock, I switch off the TV and walk to the door. As soon as the door opens and I see his face, I start crying. He looks so upset.

“They’ve gone.” he whispers. I walk forward, wrapping him in my arms. His body is shaking,

“Oh, Doug.” I am looking into his eyes; tears are rolling down his cheeks,

"You are
both
my life, I can't live without either of you. My heart is torn in pieces right now, I don’t know how to be here for you, I can’t be there for her. I don’t know how to help you through this. I know you are hurting, but I am too. I want my daughter and we’ve lost our baby. I don’t know how..." his voice breaks.

"I am...”

"Ssssh, you don't have to say anything, just tell me,
tell me
, we are okay. We can work through this. That after everything, you still love me." I rest my head on his chest, listening to his frantically beating heart.

“I love you so much. I always will." I whisper. I feel some of the tension leave Doug's body at my words. He grips me tighter to him and draws in a shaky breath.

“How can you be around Abigail after all this? How can you be so strong?”

“
Strong?
I feel anything but strong Doug. But being with Abigail helps. At first… I struggled with it, I feel immense guilt being able to be with her without crying over our baby. But she comforts me; she eases the pain a little. She is amazing.”

“What can I do, Sophie? What do you need?”

“I need our baby back, Doug. I need to feel whole again.” My hands instinctively drop to my stomach where our little baby should still be growing, healthy, happy.

“I wish I could change what happened... but it will get easier, it has to.” he sobs into my hair.

“It hurts so much, Doug. So. Very Much.” I sob, heartbreaking sobs. I am broken and empty and I don’t know how to stop this feeling.

“How can you love someone so completely when you’ve only known about them for a few days? When we’ve never even met them?” I cry gripping him, needing him to support me.

“It was our baby, Sophie. We will always,
always
love them.”

We stay, holding on to each other for long after the tears stop. We seek comfort from one another. I step back, looking up at Doug, his eyes are red, his cheeks are wet and his face is full of sadness.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come to the airport with you... to say goodbye.” he cups my face and shakes his head.

“It doesn’t matter. They understood.”

“But Abigail, what must she have thought, Doug? I didn’t even say goodbye” I close my eyes,

“I told her you weren’t feeling well and needed to rest. She came in to see you before she left.”

“So I didn’t dream it... I felt her little kiss.” I smile.

“She loves you, Sophie. He crouches a little so he is looking me in the eyes.

"She loves you. She told me. She cried as we said goodbye at the airport, she told me Sophie, she said her heart was breaking, that she already missed you and that she wanted to stay. She told me she loved you so much already... She asked…" Doug stops talking, be closes his eyes and breathes in and out a couple of times.

"She asked, if we can live together, like a mummy and daddy, that her mummy sent you to her so she could have a mummy on earth and in heaven to look after her.” Tears pool in both our eyes, spilling over and down on to the floor.

"Oh, Doug." I sob, gripping him, holding on to him, letting him support me. "I didn't tell her I loved her before she left, I didn’t..."My sobs take over and I can't speak.

"Sophie, sssssh." Doug's big hands rub up and down my back and he sways me gently back and forth trying to soothe me.

"I told her you loved her too, that one day we would all live together. She wanted me to give you this."

He reaches into his jeans pocket and brings out a heart shaped stone, on it in her tiny scrawl are our initials in a heart.

"She said for you to look after this until we are together again. So you don't forget her.”

I look at the stone in Doug's palm. More tears fall and I feel an ache in my heart so great it brings me to the floor. Doug follows me down, holding me in his lap.

"I love you both so much. More than I ever dreamed I could, Doug. But I am hurting so much right now." I take the stone and bring it to my lips.

“It was a lot to take in having Abigail here, and that was without...” he doesn’t finish his sentence. We both know what he was going to say.

“I wasn't prepared for what I would feel having her here then her leaving. It has made me realise how much I need you both in my life.”

"I love you, Doug. And I loved our baby, and I am so sorry I couldn’t protect them."

Doug sinks to his knees in front of me, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his head on my tummy.

“Never say that, Sophie. It was an awful thing that happened, but never,
ever
think it was your fault.”

He kisses my stomach and my legs give way, sinking to the floor with him, I cry. More than I have ever cried in my life.

"I love you, Sophie. Always.”

When all the tears are dry and exhaustion hits us both, Doug doesn't speak; he just rises and carries me up the stairs and to bed. After undressing each other, we slip under the covers and spoon. We are safe, warm and together. We’d face whatever life had in store for us together.

The End

About KA Hobbs

KA Hobbs lives with her husband in Essex. When she isn’t lost in a book or creating one, she loves to cook, swim and shop. Her happiest times are always when she is surrounded by family and friends. She is a little obsessed with the Tudors and would love to go back to that period in time.

One day, while watching TV, a scene came to her, completely out of the blue. She could see the scene unfolding, could picture the characters so clearly. She couldn't get to her laptop quick enough and spent hours writing not only that scene, but lots of others too.
She will happily admit to being grumpy when she doesn’t get to write, she loves her characters and spending time listening to what they have to say. KA Hobbs is currently working on other books in
The Connected Series.
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