Doubt (The Connected Series Book 1) (27 page)

"Yes. Can we eat?” I sit forward letting him get out and wrap a towel around his waist, he passes me my towelling robe and I step out and into its fluffiness.

"What do you fancy to eat?" He kisses my head, inhaling the scent of my hair.

"Anything." I am finding it so hard to say more than one word right now.

"Sophie, are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm just tired."

He kisses me softly, nods and walks into the kitchen. I stand, rooted to the spot, listening to Doug move around in the kitchen getting dinner ready.
Just ask him Sophie. At least then you know one way or another.

As I enter the kitchen, Doug is looking at something on his phone. I take a seat at the breakfast bar and rest my chin on my hand. He looks up and smiles.

"You should always be here, it isn't home without you here, Sophie.” my chin falls off my hand and I look at him.

"What does that mean?” He walks over to me, spinning the stall so I am facing him and stepping in between my legs.

"It means..." He says nuzzling his nose with mine, "That I would like you to move in with me."

After so much crying earlier, I didn't think I had any tears left to cry, but clearly I do, as more fill my eyes and spill over. I look up and into Doug's beautiful blue eyes, full of love and whisper my reply.

"I would love that so much, I can't go back to my flat Doug. It is so…" Doug finishes my sentence for me.

“Empty."

"Yes." I smile, "Without you in it, it is empty.” I smile and hold him to me, needing to feel him.

"Shall I get some dinner?" He asks.

"Yes, I am so hungry!" I smile.

I sit and watch as Doug heats up one of Alison's lasagnes. The smell of tomatoes and oregano soon fill the kitchen. We sit, sipping a glass of red wine and discussing what to do with my flat.

"You could rent it out?” Doug suggests, “It is in a great location and it is a great flat, I know plenty of people who could help with that.”

"I hadn't thought of that, I was just going to sell it. But I guess it would help with bills etc here wouldn't it” Doug coughs and almost chokes on the wine he just swallowed.

“Bills?
Here
?”

"Yes."I smile as I pat his back.

"Sophie, I don't expect you to pay for
anything
here. I don't
want
you to.” he says, taking my hand. I shake my head.

"I can't do that Doug, I
want
to pay something towards this..." I lift my hand gesturing around us.

"Sophie. I make more than enough money to pay the bills. I bought this apartment,
outright
, there are very little outgoings. I’d like you to keep your money, enjoy it. I want to look after you. I want to provide for you.
Please
. Will you let me do that?”

The look on his face is one I can't put a finger on. A males need to provide for the woman he love? So traditional.

"If you need to. Okay, but at least let me buy food or...
Something
." I smile

"You can buy me all the chocolate fingers and Fruit Pastilles you want,” he leans in and kisses me, “and if you wanted to buy more underwear for yourself, that's okay too.” he grins.

“Okay.” I laugh throwing head back. As we tuck into dinner, Abigail pops into my head.

"Doug, what about Abigail?" He frowns not understanding my question.

"What about Abigail?”

"What will you tell her?" He puts his fork down and turns to look at me.

"Sophie, I will tell her, you're moving in with me." He shrugs his shoulders as if, it's nothing.

"Will she... I mean, she doesn't get to live with you, won't that upset her?" He thinks about it for a minute then answers

"Sophie, one day soon I hope she
will
live with me. Right now, she lives there and I live here. She understands that, I will explain it all to her. She will be okay, I know she will."

Doug's certainty chases away the doubts I have, maybe this can work. After we finish dinner, Doug announces he is going to phone Abigail.

"Do you want to speak to her?" He asks sitting down on the sofa.

“Only if she wants to speak to me.” I shrug, “Don’t make her Doug, she doesn’t know me.” He leans over to me, brushing a stray piece of hair from my face.

“All this self doubt, she wants to know you, Sophie.” I smile, unsure. “Stop questioning what I tell you, it’s the truth.” I nod and he sits back down. I hear the sound of ringing and then someone picks up.

“Hello Doug.” It’s a male voice this time.

“Hello, Ian. How are you?”

“I’m good. How was your break?”

“It was great, thank you. Just what I needed. But I missed being able to talk to Abigail, is she there?” Doug looks at me.

“She sure is, she has been waiting for your call since she got home. Abs! Your daddy is on the phone.” Ian calls. I hear footsteps and squeals of delight then I hear her singsong voice.

“Oh Daddy, I’ve missed you.” she says making my heart constrict. I can’t cope with one night away from Doug, how does she cope with all this time away from him?

“I missed you so much Abigail, what have you been doing, tell me
everything
.” he smiles, looking at his daughter.

“Well, I have been to the park, swimming and my friend Josie came over to play. She told me that her Grandad is from Scotland. She says it is near you. Is it?” she asks.

“Well, not really. But nearer than you are.” Doug tries to explain.

“Where is Sophie?” Doug looks over to me,
I told you
. He mouths at me. I stick out my tongue.

“She is right here; do you want to say hi?” Doug asks, shifting over so I can take the phone.

“Yes. Yes, please.” she replies. I take the phone and hold it up to my face.

“Hello Abigail.” I smile taking in her little face, “I love your hair.” she beams.

“Thank you Sophie, my Nana is the
best
at bunches!” I grin at her, “Do you wear bunches?” She asks, looking at me with hopeful eyes.

“Sometimes, not very much though.”

“I think you would look beautiful with bunches, Sophie.” she coos at me.

“Well, thank you very much, Abigail. Have you been practising your dancing?”

“Yes. Sophie... Will you be with my Daddy when I come to see him?” I look at Doug who nods.

“Yes I will. Unless you want to have your daddy all to yourself.” I smile.

“I can’t wait to meet you, Sophie. I am counting the days. Only seven left!” she jumps up and down on the spot, excitement seeming too much to contain.

“I can’t wait to meet you either.” Doug leans over my shoulder and looks at Abigail too.

“We are going to have such a great time, Abigail.” he says to her making her smile.

“I can’t wait. I think I might pop!” she giggles making both of us laugh at the beautiful sound.

“Don’t do that, how will you come to see me if you pop!” Doug laughs.

“I won’t daddy!”

Doug and I sit for another half an hour listening to her tell us all about her favourite doll, she even takes the phone up to her room to show us
Annabel
. She gives me a little tour of her room as I haven’t seen it. I feel so included, I think
I
might pop! When Jane comes to tell Abigail dinner is ready, we experience a full on strop.

“But I’m still talking to my Daddy and Sophie, Nana.” she grumbles.

“Well, I’m sorry about that, Abigail, but dinner is ready. I’m sure your Daddy and Sophie can phone you again later.” Jane’s voice is calm but firm.

“Abigail, go and have your dinner sweetheart. We can speak later. I love you very much, don’t forget it.” Doug tells her.

I look at the screen and notice tears pooling in Abigail’s eyes. My eyes water too.

“But Daddy.” she says, emotion flooding her voice. “I don’t
want
dinner....” tears begin to fall now, her little chest heaving, “I want... I want...” Jane’s face comes into view as she wraps her arms around Abigail.

“Sssssh.”

The phone is put down, we can’t see but we can hear what is going on. That somehow seems to make it worse. Abigail’s tears seem to get worse; I look at Doug, who has tears in his eyes. I move over and wrap my arms around him. It goes silent.

“Jane...?” Doug says to the blank screen. There is movement and Jane’s face appears on the screen. She looks tired.

“She has fallen asleep. She is exhausted, Doug. She isn’t sleeping well, she has missed you terribly. I think you not being around to talk to her… she knew you were coming back, but I just think she was scared you were going to leave her too. I’m not sure how much longer we can keep you two separated. It is breaking her heart and I can’t keep watching it. She has had enough sadness in her life already.” she wipes a tear from her eye and breathes in a shaky breath. “Can we come sooner? I know it was all planned for a weeks time, but I don’t know what state she will be in then.” Jane’s face is full of worry and concern as she looks down, at a sleeping Abigail, I imagine. Doug wipes his eyes too and clears his throat.

“Of course. I just want to her to be happy. I miss her terribly too. I’ll arrange flights, when can you leave?” he grips me tighter and sighs.

“We’re free to go anytime, sooner rather than later though Doug, I think.” he nods his head.

“I’ll see what the earliest flight I can book you all on is and phone you back. Thank you Jane, for everything.” she smiles a water smile at us.

“There is no need to thank me, she is my world Doug, and I know she is yours.”

“She is. I’ll speak to you soon.”

They disconnect the call and we just sit there, I’m not aware there are tears running down my face until Doug wipes them away.

“I need to look at flights, will you come with me? I really
don
’
t
want to be alone right now.” I grasp his face in my hands and nod.

“I don’t either.”

It doesn’t take long for Doug to find a flight; there is space on one leaving New York tomorrow. I wince when I see the cost.

“
Ouch!
How can they charge that price?” Doug doesn’t even blink.

“Because they know someone, somewhere will buy it. And tonight, that person is me.” He books them in then phones Jane back to tell her the details.

“I’ll be there to pick you all up. Kiss her goodnight for me will you, and tell her there are only a few hours left till we can be together.”

“I will. Thank you Doug. We’ll see you very soon.”

We’re both exhausted after all the traveling and little Abigail’s tears. We make our way up to bed and slip under the covers. Doug pulls me into his chest and wraps his arms around me.

“Sophie?” he whispers, not sure if I am asleep.

“Yes?” I whisper back.

“My little girl is so sad. My heart feels like it is breaking. I want to hold her and I can’t.” his body is trembling and I know there are tears. I look up at him, taking his face in my hands.

“I know, I wish there was something I could do to help, to make this easier on all of you.” I wipe his tears and kiss his lips, “I wish I could do something.” I whisper against his lips.

“Will you come with me tomorrow? To pick them up?” he clings to me, like I am everything he needs.

“If you think that is a good idea, then yes.” What time will they get in?”

“About five in the evening. Will you have finished work by then?”

“I don’t have shoots tomorrow; I just have a couple of meetings. I can be finished in time to come with you.” a little of the tension leaves his body.

“Thank you. I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t here.”

“You won’t ever have to find out.”

Chapter Twenty-six

I feel nervous. I’m standing in arrivals waiting for Abigail, Jane and Ian and my stomach is doing flips.

“Relax will you.” Doug squeezes my hand and looks at me, “It will be fine.”

I try to calm myself, really I do, but I just
can
’
t
. I changed outfit five
times
before I
finally
decided on my best pair of jeans and my favourite pale pink jumper. My hands are sweaty and I am starting to feel a little sick. Actually... not a
little
sick, a
lot
sick.
Oh god.
I look around frantically searching for the toilets, when I see them; I drop Doug’s hand and run. I hear him call after me, but I don’t have time to stop. Bursting through the door, I throw myself into a cubicle and throw up.
Ugh
. I
hate
being sick. After my stomach is empty, I still have to deal with the dry heaves.

When I think it is safe to get up, I wipe my mouth again and flush. Getting to my feet, I feel a little lightheaded. I sit down on the toilet seat and press my hand to my forehead. I’m sweaty and yucky.
Great
, just the impression I want to make. I leave the cubicle and face myself in the mirror. I look pale and a little sweaty, but okay. I use some paper towel to wipe my face and rinse my mouth.

I step out of the toilets and look for Doug. He is still standing where I left him, his eyes alternating between the arrivals door where people are coming through and the toilet I disappeared in to. When he spots me, he waves me over.

“Are you okay?” he looks worried.

“I got a little sick. Nerves I think.” he kisses my temple and sighs.

“Do you still feel sick?” he asks.

“No. Just a little shaky. I’ll be fine.” I assure him. He leans in and goes to kiss me; I move my head shaking it furiously.

“No! Sick breath!”

“Okay.” He laughs.

Just as we turn to look at arrivals again we hear a high pitched.

“
Daddy!
”

Doug’s eyes search the group of people and find his daughter, he looks to me and beams, before running towards her. He kneels down. Scooping her up in his arms and showering her with kisses. She holds on tight and giggles.

“I can’t believe you’re here.” he breathes into her neck, holding her to him.

“I’m here daddy, see?” she laughs. He laughs too and hugs her again. Her eyes look over and find mine.