End Game (17 page)

I have been in the process of getting my rock
girl on, as Rayanne calls it, for the last 2 hours. I am losing my
mind. Ray gave my stylist instructions that I can’t see myself
until the finish product, and since she is paying, they are
listening. I really thought she would break by now. I am whining my
ass off. I am so on edge right now.

“Hannah, can you please stop whining. You are
almost done and you look amazing. Just hold out for twenty more
minutes. Please, stop whining. I can’t take it anymore. I get that
you’re nervous, but please try to relax.”

“Why can’t you at least tell me what you
picked out for me to wear?”

“Because…what fun would that be.”

So, here I am, twenty minutes later, standing
in the dressing room staring at the smallest piece of fabric I have
ever seen. On top of it, this particular dressing room has no
mirrors, so I still cant see what I look like. How in the world can
Rayanne expect me to wear this in front of people? What the fuck am
I going to do?

“Ray, you cant expect me to wear this. There
is nothing to it.”

“Hannah, can you just try it on.”

“Fine, but if I don’t like it then I am
putting something else on.”

“I promise you Hannah, you will look amazing.
Do you really think I would put you I something that would make you
look like shit? I mean, I would if I didn’t like you, but I love
you.”

“I know you have my back Ray, but I just
don’t know about this.”

“Just put it on already!”

“Fine, but first, can you explain to me why
there are no mirrors in this dressing room?”

“Stop talking and put it on.”

I decide to just shut up, because I know that
I am not getting out of here with out at least trying it on. I
take, what I think is a short-ass black skirt, off the hanger and
thankfully realize that it’s a pair of shorts. Thank God. Next,
comes the hard part…the top. It is a completely backless, red lace
top. I am sure that Ray picked it to show off my tattoo, but I am
still a little nervous about the scars that you can still see. Time
to get over that and just try. That is my new motto. Just try.

After I have the entire outfit on, I am
surprised by how relaxed I feel in it, but then again, I haven’t
seen how I look in it yet.

“Okay Ray, I have it on. Can I please see a
mirror?”

“Not yet girly. I haven’t given you the best
part yet. The shoes.”

“And what, may I ask, do the shoes look
like?”

“Hold on. I am going to put them over the top
of the door for you to grab them. I don’t want to see you until the
whole outfit is done.”

“Great.”

“Please have faith in me Hannah. I would
never let you look stupid.”

“I know Ray, and I am sorry that I am giving
you such a hard time about this.”

“Hannah knock it off. You never have to say
sorry to me.”

The next thing I know, the box of shoes is
coming over the top of the door, and I am shocked to see that they
aren’t stripper heels at all. They were simply black converse.

“Are you sure these are the right shoes Ray?
They don’t really go with the outfit.”

“Oh my dear friend, they do. I know that you
wouldn’t be okay with giant heels. You would probably fall on your
ass singing.”

“Thanks Ray. You do have a point.”

“Do you have them on yet?”

“Yep.”

“Then, what the hell are you waiting for? Get
your ass out here.”

I slowly open the door, because I am not sure
what to expect from Rayanne when she sees me.

“OH MY GOD! Hannah, you look fucking hot! If
I was into girls, and we weren’t related, I would totally hit on
you.”

“Thanks…I think.”

“Okay, here comes the best part my hot
friend. Time for you to see it.”

Rayanne takes my arm and turns me around to
face the mirror. What I see looking back at me cannot possibly be
me. Who the hell is this girl? My hair is doesn’t look all that
different, but my makeup and my outfit…I can’t believe this is me.
I am trying so hard to not cry because I just spent hours getting
my makeup on.

“Is this really me?”

“Hannah, you look amazing, and I know you are
worried about your back, but I can tell you, honestly, you can’t
even tell there are any scars.”

“Thank you Ray, for everything, and for
knowing me so well that you knew I needed that.”

“I will always have your back Hannah. I
promise that I will do anything to make sure that nothing else bad
touches you.”

“Don’t make me cry. The hours in that makeup
chair will mean nothing.”

“Okay, then subject change. What do you think
about the outfit?”

I look at myself and am amazed at how I look
in this outfit. The short aren’t as short as I feared. Luckily my
ass cheeks only hang out if I bend over, and even though I can’t
wear a bra with this top, my boobs look good, if I do say so
myself.

“I love it Ray. You did an amazing job. Thank
you again. I really needed this…to feel almost like a different
person before I went up on stage.”

“Well, let’s get out of here so you can go
sing your ass off and rock Zane’s world.”

I started laughing…mostly out of nervousness.
The thought of being able to rock Zane’s world is terrifying.

“Okay, let’s go before I chicken out.”

As we were walking out the door, Rayanne
stopped me for a second.

“You still haven’t told me what song you are
singing tonight.”

“You sure you want to know now, or be
surprised at the party?”

“Do you even know me, Hannah? Of course I
want to know now!”

“’Beautiful with You’, by Halestorm.”

“Hannah that is the perfect song for you to
sing tonight. Do you think that Zane will know you are talking
about him?”

“God, I hope so. I hope he would know that, a
song talking about how someone makes you feel beautiful and strong,
would be about no one else but him.”

“He’ll get it, and if he doesn’t he is am
even bigger idiot than I thought.”

“Let’s get out of here, and get something to
eat, before we head over to the frat.”

“Lead the way.”

Chapter
Twenty-Five

After Rayanne and I finished eating, or more like
Rayanne eating and me watching, because I am pretty sure if I put
food in my mouth I would throw it up on stage, we headed to Zane’s
frat.

As we walk towards Zane’s, I can honestly say
I can’t feel my legs. I am pretty sure if I tried to sing right now
nothing would come out. That is why I have decided liquid courage
is very much needed. I just need to make sure to not over do it. I
can’t tell Zane how I feel if I’m drunk. He would never believe
me.

“As soon as we make this turn Hannah, we are
there. How are you handling this?”

“Not so hot Ray. I need a shot of something
when we get there. Nothing too strong, just enough to take the edge
off.”

“I got you girl. I will make sure it is
fruity and goes down easy. I wouldn’t want you puking on
stage.”

“Please, don’t say that Ray. That is all I
keep picturing in my head.”

“Knock it off Hannah. You are going to be
amazing. Zane will lose his shit and all will be right in the
world.”

“I wish for one second I could have your
confidence.”

“Can I tell you a secret Hannah? It’s all I
front. I force myself to have this confidence. I mean, what is the
point of thinking the other way. Want what you want, and fake it
until you make it happen. Also worrying causes premature wrinkles,
so avoid it all costs.”

“Fake it until I make it,” I say aloud, but
not really meaning to. It is more out of frustration. Why haven’t I
thought of that before?

“Yeah, because you know what no one, but you,
controls if you’re happy? Not me, or Zane, or your mom. You.”

I know she is right. I am the source of my
happiness or misery. I don’t want to always be negative about my
life. I just want to picture myself on stage rocking it, so that is
what I am going to do…be awesome. I know I can fuck it all up, but
what is the point of focusing on that. I have just as much of a
chance of being amazing, so I will go with that one.

“I know Ray, and thank you again for being
here for me.”

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else Hannah. Trust
me, I wouldn’t want to miss what I am pretty sure is going to
happen tonight.”

“What does that mean?”

“You will know soon enough Hannah baby. Just
don’t think about it. If all goes as I see it, then it will be
nothing but good things.”

I just nod at her, because of course a
thousand things start running through my head. What the hell does
she mean by all of this? What does she think will happen tonight?
Does she think something with Zane will happen? I then just tell
myself to stop acting stupid. I know exactly what she is talking
about, and I am kidding myself by asking these questions.

“Get out of that pretty little head Hannah,
because we are here. Time to get you some shots and loosen you up a
bit.”

“Shit,” I whisper, and I don’t think Rayanne
hears me. I feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest. I
just keep saying over and over that I can do this, I will be
awesome, and that I won’t fuck. Be great Hannah. Be awesome. Be
proud.

“Let’s go get me that drink Ray.”

Rayanne grabs my hand, pulls me through the
door, and we go straight to the bar. It takes a minute to take the
whole place in. It is packed, like the last time I was here, but
seems so much bigger. I guess, knowing that I am going to be on
stage, in front of these people, can do that to you.

Rayanne hands me a glass that seems way too
big to be a shot of anything. I look at her, and she must see the
look in my eyes, because she just smiles and chugs it down. I guess
that is my signal, so I chug.

I start coughing and gagging, because it is
honestly the grossest thing I have ever had in my life.

“Good girl Hannah. It wasn’t so bad was
it?”

“It is disgusting Ray. How can you like
that?”

“You develop a tolerance after awhile. Suck
it up and enjoy your night.”

“Fine, but under no circumstance are you
aloud to get me another drink. That was my limit girl.”

“I hear you girl. I promise, no more drinks
for you. I don’t want you drunk for this night. I want you to feel
it all.”

“Thank you Ray. I love you. You are my
family.”

Rayanne hugs me and laughs into my hair.

“Already getting sentimental on me? You are a
light weight.”

“Shut up Ray. I am not feeling the affects of
anything. Just am really glad you are here…but now I am second
guessing that.” I look at her and smile, so that she knows I am
only messing with her.

“Let’s go find Zane so we can get this show
on the road.”

“Do we have to?”

Rayanne grabs my arm and pulls me further
into the party. I guess we have to go.

Chapter
Twenty-Six

As soon as we turn the corner, I see Zane talking to
a bunch of his friends. I want to turn and walk back the way we
came. I don’t want to interrupt him while he hangs out with his
friends. I stop walking; so that Rayanne gets the point that I
don’t want to go any further. She stops and turns to me. All I do
is shake my head. She gives me a nod telling me she
understands.

I am so thankful Ray didn’t force me to keep
going. We start walking back the other way, when I hear Zane
calling my name. My heart stops beating. He was coming after me. He
left his friends for me. I am not sure why that makes me so happy,
but it does.

“Hannah.”

I turn around, and try to calm my nerves
before I make any kind of eye contact with him. After a few
seconds, I feel like I have it together. I stop staring at the
floor, look up, and he is right in front of me. I instantly have a
smile on my face, because I see him, and he looks so happy to see
me.

“Wow, Hannah! You look fucking amazing.”

I can feel my cheeks start to turn red, and I
am wishing for them to stop.

“Thanks Zane. You look good too.”

Of course he does, in just a t-shirt and
jeans. I mean, the way his t-shirt pulls against his body is
amazing.

I stand there staring at him, because I have
no idea what to say, and the look in his eyes takes my breath away.
He is looking at me like I am the only girl in the world. What if
he does want me? What if I forgot about my fear of him not wanting
me if I gained weight again? What if I just told him how I felt, or
just kissed him? What is the worst that could happen? I mean, I
know he could laugh in my face and I would never see him again, but
I know that won’t happen. Deep down, I know it would probably be
the best thing I ever did, but that hope is buried so deep beneath
my fear and anxiety that I don’t know if I can ever unbury it.

“So, Hannah Banana Split, you ready to rock
this shit out? Before you answer, I have to ask you if you would
also sing me.”

“You mean, like a duet?”

“Yes, like a duet,” Zane tells me through a
smile on his face.

“Okay, but we haven’t practiced
anything.”

“I don’t think we have to practice this one,
‘Reason Why’, by Ron Pope. Last I remembered you had that song
memorized.”

I stand there, shocked he remembers I love
that song. If only he knew that I used to want to sing that song to
him, and about him.

“You really wanna sing that with
me…tonight?”

“Yes Hannah! I would love nothing more than
to sing that with you.”

“Then let’s do it! Rock out with your cock
out!” I nervously scream. What the hell did I just say? Really
Hannah. My face heats up, burning red in embarrassment. I guess
that shot is already getting to me, because I don’t know what the
hell that was. I feel like an idiot, but Zane seems to have liked
it.