End Game (10 page)

“What are you going to do about this Hannah?
Are you going to report him to campus police?”

“Ray and I were leaving to go just before you
got here. I have to be honest though, I am a little afraid that he
could end up getting me into trouble. I mean, he didn’t really get
a chance to do anything to me, and I sure as hell beat the crap out
of him.”

“Well Hannah, even if he can’t get in trouble
with the police, I am going to start to make sure that he is at
least kicked out of the frat.”

“You can do that Zane?”

“Hell yeah I can. Trust me, I have more pull
than he does”

I sat down on the couch and put my face in my
hands. I have no idea what to do. I want to make sure he can’t do
that to anyone else, but I don’t want to get into trouble.

“I really don’t want to go to the police, but
I don’t want him to do it to anyone else.”

“Can I be honest Hannah? Even if you went to
the police, most likely he won’t get into trouble. However, if I
get him kicked out of the frat, people will wonder why, and word
could get out about what happened. I know Jason, and his rep being
ruined is the worst thing that can happen to him…in his eyes at
least.”

I leaned in, hugging Zane, and started
crying. I’m not sure if I was crying because of what happened, or
if it was really feeling the love from both Zane and Rayanne. I
never felt I was really worth feeling love like this. I have
second-guessed how Zane, and even Rayanne, really felt about me my
entire life. Being away from my mother, even for just a month, has
finally started breaking down the hard walls. I have always thrown
up around people who treated others with kindness and love. I never
felt worthy, but maybe it wasn’t me that wasn’t worthy. Maybe it
was my mother who wasn’t. She isn’t worthy of my need to have her
love.

“Shhh. Hannah Banana Split, it will be okay.
I promise I wont let anything like this happen to you again.”

Zane was rubbing his hand through my hair and
kept telling me it would be okay. I just laid there, my head
against his chest, and before I knew it I was asleep.

Chapter Fifteen

I realized that I fell asleep once I felt Zane
carrying me to my bed. I freaking love the way it feels having him
pick me up and carry me around like this. Spending most of my life
being a bigger girl, this was a fantasy of mine. Actually, I
believe this right here is an actual fantasy of mine, Zane carrying
me to my bed, but knew this would never end like it does in my
dreams.

Zane laid me down on the bed. I wasn’t sure
if I should let him know I was awake, or see what he would do since
he thought I was asleep. The choice was then kind of taken away
from me when Zane called me out for being awake.

“Hannah Banana Split, I know that you are
awake. Did you want to talk about what happened?”

“I think I am all talked out for the day, but
I want to say thank you for today.”

“Thank me for what? I would do anything for
you Hannah.”

I leaned into him and gave him the biggest
hug imaginable. “You didn’t have to do anything for me today, but
you chose to. That is what I am thankful for. You chose to get into
a fight with him to protect me. I should be upset about that you
know. You could have gotten really hurt Zane.”

“What, you think Jason could hurt me? I am
insulted.”

We both started laughing, and before I knew
it, he was trying to tickle me. He knows how much I hate tickling.
He did it all the time to me when I was younger, and I am pretty
sure it was just to see me pee my pants. It is sad to admit, but it
happened on more than one occasion. There is something different
about this time though. I don’t think he is doing it to see me pee
my pants.

After a few minutes of me laughing and
screaming, Zane finally stops, but when he does it is because I
have some how find my way on top of him. I have never in my life
been in this position, and obviously not with Zane. Although I have
no experience with this, I am almost 100% sure that, at this
moment, Zane is turned on. I mean, I think I can tell. I did that
to him. No way!

“I am really proud of you Hannah. Not just
for today, but for everything. You lost all that weight and got
away from your mom. You have so much to be proud of. I love seeing
you laugh now. I can tell it isn’t forced. You seem like the weight
that was tying you down finally got loose, and I don’t mean the
weight on your body.”

Zane is staring into my eyes, telling me all
of this. I can feel the tears building in my eyes. If he says one
more thing like this, the damn is going to burst.

“Thank you Zane. That means a lot coming from
you. I have to tell you something.” I pause for a moment and tell
him, “I do trust you Zane. You proved that to me today. You will
always be there for me. I don’t expect you to tell me the reason
that you left, or did what you did this second, but I trust you. I
know that you will tell me when you are ready.”

Zane grabs me and rolls over with me, so that
he is now on top of me. Again, never been in this position, but oh
so glad I am right now.

“You have no idea how fucking happy that
makes me Hannah. Thank you for giving me another chance to be your
friend.”

Friend? Ouch.

We kind of just lay there for a few minutes,
staring at one another. I don’t know why him saying being just
friends kind of makes my heart stop, and I know that I can’t expect
more, but I wish I could.

Zane starts rubbing my cheek and stares hard
into my eyes. He almost looks mad.

“Did I ever tell you that I always thought
that you were the prettiest girl I ever saw Hannah?”

“What?”

I think I just felt my heart stop. I
literally think it stopped for a whole minute. What the hell is he
talking about right now? I wonder if I should take him to the
hospital. Maybe he hit is head harder in the fight than I
thought.

Is this it? What the fuck is he doing? I
start to think something is going to happen…but then….

“Oh my God! I am so sorry! I will let you
guys get back to…whatever was going on,” Rayanne screams, very
embarrassed.

Zane immediately rolls off me and jumps off
the bed.

“Nothing is going on Ray. I’m just tickling
Hannah Banana Split, because I like to see her pee her pants.”

Well, I guess I have my answer. He was only
doing it in a joking, brotherly way. Once again, I didn’t feel what
I thought I did, but then what the hell was the shit about being
the prettiest girl? I am royally confused in this moment.

Zane walks towards me, leans in, and kisses
my cheek. He then whispers in my ear, “That is not the real reason
I was tickling you Hannah. See you later.”

Then he says goodbye to Rayanne and leaves
the apartment.

“What the fuck was that Hannah?”

“I have no fucking idea Rayanne. I thought I
was going to find out, but then you walked in!” I fall back into
bed and groaned into my pillows.

“Did he try to kiss you or anything?”

“No, but he told me he always thought I was
the prettiest girl. What the fuck is that? I am pretty sure he hit
his head to hard in the fight.”

Rayanne and I look at each other and just
start laughing hysterically. I have no idea what just happened
between Zane and I. I mean, I could be reading way more into this
than it really is. I can’t obsess about this anymore. If he wanted
me he would tell me. As much as I want him to want me, I am too
afraid to ask. If he couldn’t love me big, then he can’t love me
skinny…right? I would live in constant fear of him leaving me if I
put weight back on.

“Seriously Hannah are you okay? I want you to
talk to me and not keep anything inside.”

I lean forward and hug Rayanne. I love that
she knows I may close up and keep everything inside. That is what I
always do. I won’t do that this time.

“I really am okay Rayanne. I don’t know. It’s
weird isn’t it? Shouldn’t I be more upset or scared? I am kind of
worried that I am hiding my feelings and not facing them. I don’t
want to be like that.”

“Girl, I can tell you right now, the fact you
just said that to me shows me that you aren’t like that. The old
Hannah would have never shared this much with me. I have to say
that I am so proud of you, not just for tonight, but for
everything.”

“Thank you for being here for me
Rayanne.”

“You never have to say thank you for that
Hannah. I am and always will be here for you. Okay, back to Zane.
What the fuck did I walk into?”

I start laughing, because I am pretty sure I
am even more confused than Rayanne at this point.

Chapter Sixteen

I wake up the next day, not really sure if I feel
like adventuring to classes today. I mean, for one, I am still
honestly a little shaky about what happened with Jason, and second
I don’t want to run into Zane. Okay, a part of me wants to run into
him, but don’t want to make a fool of myself. I am so confused
about what he said last night and what it means. I am going to will
myself to not get my hopes up, and to just pretend what he said and
did last night was because of him being punched in the face. Yes
that is what I am going to do, and Jason can kiss my ass. I am not
going to let that asshole determine how I live my life.

I decide right then and there that I have
spent most of my life being afraid of my mother and the world.
Actually, not most of my life, but my entire life, I have lived in
fear of her and being hurt. I am taking that back.

I feel like a run would do me good this
morning, so I put on my running shorts and an t-shirt, pull my hair
into a messy bun and head out of the apartment. Rayanne must be
still be sleeping because the apartment doesn’t look like a tornado
went through it. I can always tell when Rayanne has left for the
day. I mean, I love the girl, but she is a slob.

I am going down the stairs of the apartment
building and I hear my name being called. I turn and see Collin
running towards me. He comes up to me and hugs me, which I find
super odd. No guy, besides Zane, has ever really hugged me before.
I know he is Rayanne’s man, and I am dorky in love with Zane, but a
girl can look.

“Hannah! I am so glad I caught you before you
started running, because I hate running and I would have never
caught you. First, Zane told me about last night. I want to promise
you that the douche bag has been taken care of. He already has his
shit packed and ready to go. To be honest with you, this isn’t the
first time something like this has happened, and we decided if
anything else like this happened again he would be gone. All the
guys are a little ashamed of ourselves for not doing it
earlier.”

“You guys have nothing to be ashamed of,” I
tell Collin.

“That is sweet of you to say, but maybe if we
had done something earlier he wouldn’t have had as many
chances.”

“What do you mean?” I ask him.

“Well Jason uses the frat as a way to pick up
chicks, and now that he has been kicked out, people will ask
questions why and hopefully not as many girls will go out with
him.”

“You can’t be held responsible for that
Collin. Jason has something seriously wrong with him. And frat or
not, he will continue to do what he does. I just wish that I wasn’t
so chicken to report him. I am just terrified that I would get into
trouble, because he didn’t get very far and I am the one that hit
him.”

“Hannah you did what you thought was right,
and you can’t be held responsible for how messed up the system
is.”

“Thanks for saying that Collin. I am just
terrified of how guilty I will feel if and when he does succeed at
it. I don’t want another girl going through that, or worse, because
I didn’t say anything.”

“Hannah I promise that I will do all that I
can to put the word out there about why he got kicked out of the
frat. I mean it usually takes a lot longer to get kicked out, but
Jason was on his last chance.”

“So you gonna run with me or what?”

“How about…what,” Collin said
sarcastically.

I start to laugh, because Collin is in such
good shape that I can’t believe I can actually do something he
can’t.

“I am really sorry about what happened last
night Hannah, but I did want to say nice work kicking him in the
balls. He is still walking funny this morning.”

We both start laughing our asses off.

“Well, thank you Collin. You should remember
that for future reference if you do anything to hurt Rayanne
again.”

“I promise I have no intention of hurting
Rayanne again. I mean, I never meant to hurt her in the first
place. Please tell me you believe me.”

“I really do believe you, Collin. I actually
have an idea about how to get you together in situations. I kind of
have a checklist of stuff I want to do, and Rayanne will be there
with me for most of them. So, I was thinking how about you and Zane
just happen to be were we are.”

“Sounds good, but what kind of places are we
talking about here?”

“I’m glad you asked. On Friday night I am
going to get my first tattoo, and Rayanne will be there holding my
hand. I think I need Zane to hold the other one. So, why don’t you
just happen to be hanging with Zane Friday night.”

“I can do that. I may have to get some ink
too that night. Do you think Rayanne will add any to her
collection?”

“I am hoping so, then you can be there to
hold her hand. Because for as much ink as she has, she is still a
big baby.”

Collin started laughing and smiled. “I
remember that. She got a flu shot once and was the biggest baby in
the world. I think I asked her how she has tattoos if she is that
afraid of needles. I loved her answer. She told me that she may be
scared, but she always shows her strength by doing it. That was how
she wanted to live her life, fearless. I told her I loved her that
day. I was scared to admit it before then, because of everything
going on with my ex. But, that day, I wanted to be fearless like
Rayanne.”