End Game (19 page)

“You were only sixteen, and I couldn’t just
ask you to come without getting into trouble, so I went to your
mom. I told her I was in love with you and wanted you to come away
with me. To say it didn’t go well is an under statement. She told
me that if I took you anywhere, she would have me arrested because
you were a minor. She said that as soon as you were back with her,
she would make your life even more miserable. I couldn’t let that
happen Hannah. I knew what she would do to you. I couldn’t give up
my scholarship, and I knew if we ran she would be able to find us.”
Zane paused for a moment. I could tell he didn’t want to continue,
but he took a deep breath and did.

“We made a deal.”

“What do you mean, you made a deal?”

“She told me…if I broke your heart, so that
you wouldn’t come looking for me, then she would leave you alone.
No more verbal or physical abuse. That is the reason why you found
me with Nikki at prom. I swear to you Hannah, you didn’t really see
anything. She wasn’t doing anything. I love you so much, Hannah.
When I saw you at that party with Ray, I couldn’t believe that it
was you. You are the most important person in my life. You are my
best friend, my soul mate. You are…my end game.”

“You love me? Like real love…not friend love.
You were in love with me when I was heavy? You could picture being
with me sexually when I was big?” I am balling my eyes out at this
point. Zane loves me.

“Yes, Hannah baby, I love you. Real love, and
I used to have to force myself to stop picturing you sexually.
Those nights, when I would come to your house and lay in bed with
you, were torture. I would lie there, holding you, and just wish I
could kiss and touch you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me months ago?”

“I wanted to get to know this Hannah. It has
been two years. I needed you to know that you could trust me and
love me.”

Zane scoots closer to me and says, “Let me
show you something.”

“Okay.”

Zane sits up and sticks out his arm. At
first, I am not sure what I am looking at, and then I see it. My
name tattooed on his wrist. That is the tattoo he got. My name.

“Zane, why did you do that?”

“Because you are it Hannah. I will love no
one how I love you.”

I jump onto him and am straddling him now. I
can barely think. Zane loves me and I love him. The stuff with my
mother isn’t that surprising, so it doesn’t bother me as much as it
would have. I will never be enough for her, and I am okay with
that, because I am enough for me and for the people who love
me.

“You love me Zane,” I say as a statement, not
a question.

“I know Hannah, and you love me.”

“Well, what do we do now?”

“Well…I am hoping that this makes you my
girlfriend and me your boyfriend.”

“You want me to be your girlfriend?”

Zane chuckles and says, “I want it all
Hannah. We start with girlfriend, then move to fiancé, and someday
wife.”

“Really. That is what you see for us?” I
start kissing him all over his face and neck.

Zane flips me over so he is on top of me and
sweetly says, “I told you Hannah. You are my end game. There is no
one but you. I love you so much.”

“I love you Zane.”

We start kissing again, but this time it
feels different. It feels like we are one person, connected in a
way I don’t think I have ever been to anyone in my whole life. I
know now I want to give Zane something that no one else will ever
have. ME. I know he will be my one and only.

We stop kissing for a minute, and just lay
there, breathing heavy and looking at one another.

“Zane, we have to stop at the bank.”

“What, why? Right now?”

“I need to cash something in, and you are the
only one who can help me.”

“I am so confused right now Hannah. What bank
do you need to go to?”

“I need to cash in my V-card.”

“Your what? What the…oh.”

We both start laughing our asses off, and
before I know it, Zane is picking me up and carrying me to his
bed.

“Are you sure about this Hannah? We can
wait.”

“I love you Zane.”

“I love you Hannah.”

“Then yes, I am ready. I want this. I want
you.”

Zane kisses me and we never look back.

Epilogue

“I don’t want to do this. Zane, I change my mind. I
can’t do this.”

“You can’t change your mind now honey. Your
only option is to push.”

“I don’t think I can do it. This is really
hard.”

“I know it’s hard baby, but just think, when
this is all done, our daughter will be here.”

With those words, I start the most painful
experience of my life, giving birth to our daughter. We haven’t
picked out a name, because we want to meet her first.

It takes a total of two hours of pushing to
finally meet our baby girl. It was so worth it. She is the most
beautiful baby in the world.

“So, what should we name our baby?” asks
Zane.

“I think that her name should be Hope Rayanne
Edwards. What do you think?” I suggest to Zane.

“I think it’s perfect. I think she is
perfect, just like her mommy.”

“I think she is perfect, too. Thank you for
her and for this life that we have. I am so proud to be your wife
and your best friend.”

“Oh baby, I am the one who should be thanking
you.”

“Maybe, we just know that we are thankful,
and be happy.”

“I couldn’t agree more. Are you up to seeing
people?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, then I guess it’s time for Hope to
meet her Auntie Ray and Uncle Collin.”

Zane goes to the door and lets Rayanne and
Collin in. I am so happy to see Rayanne. She is going to be in my
spot in just a few short months, and I know she is waiting for me
to tell her how it is.

I am still amazed at how cute they are
together. It took a lot for Rayanne to finally give in to Collin. I
think, seeing Zane and I finally together, pushed her to admit how
she felt. It was only about two months after Zane and I finally
admitted to being in love when Rayanne broke down and told Collin
how much she loved him.

When I think back on the last five years, I
am amazed at the path my life took. It is everything I have ever
wanted and so much more. Now, I am not saying that it has all been
easy. Just like anything in life, there have been struggles with
Zane and I. It took me months, maybe even years, to fully accept
that Zane wanted me. My insecurities have been a huge obstacle in
our relationship. Zane has tried so hard to make me believe in
him.

It wasn’t until Zane sat me down, and told me
that my not believing in him, felt like I didn’t love him. The idea
of him thinking I didn’t love him was devastating to me. I love
this man so much, and I needed him to know that. Of course my
insecurties didn’t disappear overnight, but I work on a daily basis
to believe in myself, and in Zane.

We also had to deal with my mother. I never
went back home to her, but I did try to see her that first summer
in college. To say it didn’t go well is an understatement. She said
hurtful, mean things about Zane and myself. She, of course, tried
to get me to believe that Zane was just with me because he felt
sorry for me. She told Zane that I would suck the joy out of life,
because that is what I did to her life.

That was the last time I tried to see my
mother. After college, Zane and I moved back to our hometown, to be
closer to his family, and Ray and Collin. Luckily, Zane and I were
both able to get teaching jobs here. I decided that teaching was
what I wanted to do with my life. I am so grateful, everyday I walk
into my kindergarten class, and see all those smiling faces. Don’t
get me wrong, some days I want to rip my hair out, but the good
outweighs the bad. Moving back here means I have seen my mother a
few times. We both seem to go out of our way to ignore one another.
It has taken me a long time to accept she doesn’t, and has never,
loved me. I always thought it was me, and the truth is, it is her.
I can’t make her better, or happier, but I can make sure that I am
happy.

The day that Zane and I got married, three
years ago, I walked down the aisle to him alone. I could have asked
my uncle, or even Collin, but I truly felt like I was the one that
got me here, and I was the one choosing to be with Zane. No one was
giving me away, because I never truly belonged to anyone, but
Zane.

Holding my daughter in my arms makes me know
I can never be her. I was terrified when I found out I was
pregnant. My greatest fear in life is being my mother, or passing
down a mental illness to my child. Now, while holding my daughter,
I know, no matter what, I have unconditional love for her. I have
physically known this little girl for about three hours now, and I
know I would give my life for her and her father.

“I love you so much, Hannah Banana
Split.”

“I love you so much, Zane. Thank you for this
life.”

“Thank you for this life, Hannah. I wouldn’t
have this moment if it wasn’t for you.”

“Well, technically, I wouldn’t have this
moment without you either. You did start the whole process.”

Zane starts laughing hysterically. “I am
pretty sure that it was a team effort.”

“You are right, on that she was a team
effort, and I think you should take one for the team, right know.
This little girl just shit herself. Here you go, daddy,” I say, as
I hand him Hope.

The End