“Frying pan?” she
asks me.
“Down below you on
the right.”
She bends over and
this time I’m not strong enough to tear my eyes away. Her jeans slip down and I
get a peek at her pink underwear. Every nerve in my body reacts. When she
stands back up, I glance down to the counter and don’t dare to look up again
until I know she’s facing me. She leans over and rips off a paper towel and,
laying four pieces of bread down, she starts to spread the butter across the
top. She carefully lays two pieces of bread in the pan and then puts the cheese
on top. The second the butter starts to melt and the smell hits my nose, my
stomach lurches. I swallow a few times and, when I feel like I’m in the clear,
I walk over to the sink and pour myself some water.
“Sorry, I’m a
terrible host. Would you like something to drink?” I ask her.
“No, I’m okay.
Thanks, though.”
“Why are you doing
this?” I ask her when I’m sitting back down. “Why are you being so nice to me?”
She glances from
the frying pan to my eyes and then back to the pan. “I know what it’s like to
go through a hard time and I know what it’s like to have a good friend be there
for you, too.” She shrugs as she flips over the sandwiches. “I guess I’m trying
to be a good friend.” She glances back up at me and smiles softly. Through my
drunken stupor, I try to analyze her smile to see if it’s a real one or a fake
one. When I finally decide that it’s real, my body warms and relaxes.
Then I remember
what Jenna told me and I’m reminded that I’m an asshole. I’m an asshole for not
telling her the truth about what happened that night. Even though Jenna says
that she doesn’t want me to say anything, I don’t think it’s right for me to
keep it from her. My stomach turns again, but this time it’s not from the smell
of the butter or the cheese melting. It’s from the guilt that’s swirling around
inside me; wondering if she did know the truth, would she still be here right
now?
“Here you go. Maybe
these will make you feel better,” she says, causing my thoughts to dissolve.
She sets down a plate with two grilled cheeses in front of me. “I’m not much of
a cook, but grilled cheese and French toast are my two specialties.”
“So you’re good at
cooking things that involve slices of bread and a frying pan?”
She thinks about
what I just said and then she chuckles. “Yeah, I guess I am.”
I smile back at her
and then glance down at the food she just made me. “I feel bad that I’m the
only one eating, do you want to share? I’m not sure I can eat both of them
anyway.” I push the plate so it sits between us.
“No, I’m not
hungry.” She pushes it back. “Besides, you’re the one that needs to eat.”
I nod my head and
grin at her. “Thank you for this.”
“You’re welcome.”
She smiles.
Chapter Ten
We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are
those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed
person.
~ W. Somerset Maugham
HOLLY
“C’mon, please? Pretty, pretty, pretty,
please?” Jenna peppers Josh’s neck with kisses in between each of her requests.
We’re sitting in a
booth at Cosmo’s Pizza and it’s clear that Jenna has no problems expressing a
little PDA, especially if it’s to get something she really wants. As I press my
lips together and try not to laugh, I reach my eyes to the left and see Carter
staring at them with a disgusted look on his face, which makes it even harder
for me to contain my laughter. The four of us have pretty much been inseparable
the last few weeks, especially on weekends. Carter and I have become close
friends. We talk on the phone each night before bed and I find myself missing
him when we are apart.
“Jenna, it’s just a
stupid Halloween party. Why do you want to go so bad anyway?” Josh asks, but
the way his head is falling back and his eyes close with each kiss, it looks
like he’s already lost the battle.
Pulling back, she
gives him the biggest puppy dog eyes and says, “Because it sounds like a lot of
fun. We’re senior’s in college and it may be the last excuse we have to dress
up and look like complete idiots.”
Ever since we went
skydiving, Jenna has been hell bent on doing everything and anything... living
life on the edge as she calls it. I’m not sure that dressing up and going to a
Halloween party constitutes living on the edge, but she’ll use the excuse
whenever she can.
“Seeing me in a
costume doesn’t pique your interest?” She bites her lip as she trails her
finger down his chest.
Oh, she’s good.
Carter coughs a
couple times, I guess to remind them that we’re sitting directly across the
table.
“What are you smirking
at?” Josh aims a pointed glare over at Carter.
Carter just shakes
his head. “You, man. It’s pretty pathetic.”
“I don’t know why
you think it’s so funny, ‘cause if I’m going to this thing, you sure as hell
are, too.”
“So, you’ll go?”
Jenna’s face brightens.
Josh curses under
his breath and closes his eyes. When he opens them again, he looks directly at
Carter and smiles wide. “Only if this asshole right here agrees to go, too.”
Carter laughs,
shaking his head. “No way, man. You’re on your own with this one.”
Jenna’s already
narrowed her puppy face onto her next victim. Carter. Josh smiles, crosses his
arms, and leans back into the booth, totally pleased with himself.
“Sorry, Jenna, it’s
not going to happen,” Carter says. Even though his voice is firm, it’s easy to
see he’s uncomfortable with the way she’s looking at him. He fidgets in his
seat and refuses to meet her gaze. I’ve been in his position before and I know
how hard it can be to refuse her. What happens next totally catches me off
guard.
“He’ll go, if you
go,” Jenna says, turning her gaze to me.
“That’s right,
Holly. All you have to do is ask Carter and he’ll go with you,” Josh agrees,
smiling again.
I hear a loud thud
and see Josh wince and reach under the table. “Fuck, dude; that hurt.” Josh
glares at Carter.
“Um, I don’t think
I’m up for it.” I want to die of embarrassment and I’m feeling more
uncomfortable by the second. Jenna juts out her lower lip and I try not to look
at her. “It’s really not my thing,” I tell them, playing with the straw in my
glass. After a few seconds, I make the mistake of looking up and meeting her
sad, puppy dog eyes.
“Please?” Jenna
tilts her head and clasps her hands together, looking pitiful.
“Jenna, it’s just
not my thing. I—”
“Come on, you owe
me,” she interrupts. “I jumped out of an airplane for you.”
Please,
she
stresses the word silently to me.
Dammit
, she looks so sad, it’s pathetic and I can’t stand
her begging anymore. “Fine, I’ll go,” I surrender.
She smiles and
claps her hands with quick, short movements. “The four of us are going to have
so much fun. Just wait, I promise that you will
all
be thanking me for
this later.”
“Hold up. I didn’t
agree to anything,” Carter says.
“Shut up, dude.”
Josh glowers at him. “You know you aren’t gonna let Holly go to a party all by
herself. You’re always looking for ways to spend time with her.”
What is happening
here? I’m so uncomfortable that I’m tempted to just get up and walk away from
the table—no, run from the table. I’m kind of curious to know what Carter’s
face looks like right now, but I’m too nervous to look over at him. I’m sure
he’s shooting a death glare in Josh’s direction anyway.
“Okay, so it’s
settled,” Jenna says. “Holly and I will start looking at costumes tomorrow.
Since the party’s only a few days away, we will probably have slim pickings,
but at least we’ll get some good deals.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.”
Josh raises his hands in an innocent gesture, shaking his head. “I never agreed
to wear a costume.”
“Um, it’s a costume
party,” Jenna says, looking in his direction. “You can’t just show up looking
like…
you
.”
“Hey, what’s wrong
with me?” Josh asks, offended.
“Nothing.” Jenna
smiles sweetly. “But you can’t go to a Halloween party and not wear a costume,
it’s just not allowed.”
“Says who?” Josh
asks.
“Says me,” Jenna
challenges, but then her face softens. “Plus, I think it would be incredibly
sexy to see you in a costume.”
Josh sighs loudly
in defeat and Jenna scoots out of the booth. “You and me. Costume shopping.
Tomorrow,” Jenna instructs, pointing at me.
I nod and scoot out
of the booth.
“What just
happened?” Carter asks, coming up beside me as we walk towards the exit.
I shrug. “What can
I say? The girl’s good.”
❧
“Okay, so what do
you think? There’s Bonnie and Clyde, which I think can be really hot, or
there’s Frankenstein and his wife. Which one do you think Josh will like
better?”
I stifle a laugh
and shake my head. “I can’t believe you’re actually making him dress up,
Jenna.”
She sighs and
shakes her head, looking annoyed. “What is it with you people? It’s Halloween
and it’s a party. This is our senior year and we’re supposed to be having fun
while we still can; you know, before we graduate and the real world catches up
to us and we all go our separate ways.” Her voice cracks on the last few words.
Looking over, I actually see sadness in her eyes.
“Hey, what’s going
on with you?” I ask her.
She shakes her head
and continues to sort through the costumes on the rack in front of her.
“Nothing, let’s just drop it.”
“No.” I grab her
shoulder and turn her towards me. “Tell me what’s wrong. You’ve been acting
mopey the last few days.”
She exhales loudly
and drapes the costumes she’s holding over her arm and plays with a tag. “I
don’t know. It’s just, this is our senior year and I should be excited. I
should be looking forward to graduation, right? I should be looking forward to
no more early classes, no more tests, no more studying, right?” She looks up at
me, like I have the correct answer. “But I’m not looking forward to giving all
of that up. I’m dreading it. I like my life. I like school. I like living with
you and having our apartment. I like having fun and being young and stupid. I
don’t want this year to end. I don’t want to grow up.” She looks at me with a
confused expression and I swear I can see tears building in her eyes. “Is that
weird?”
“No.” I smile at
her. “It’s not weird at all.” I glance down at the costumes she’s holding. I
had no idea that all of these thoughts were running through her head and, now
that she says them all out loud, I can’t help feeling a heaviness in my heart
as well. “Go with the Bonnie and Clyde… I like that one the best.”
She smiles.
“Really? Do you think Josh will like it?” she holds them out in front of her to
get a better view.
“Uh… I’m not sure
about that one, but just bat your eyelashes a few times and he’ll be fine.” I
laugh. “But I’m sure Carter will tease him relentlessly tonight.”
“Not if you ask
Carter to wear a costume, too,” she counters.
Unease fills me. I
take a few steps down the aisle and move to the rack at the end. “Why do you
and Josh assume that I have this control over him? We’re just friends, Jenna.”
She shakes her head
and rolls her eyes. “Whatever you say.”
“You look
ridiculous, man.” I laugh at Josh as we get in the car.
“I swear to God,
dude. Shut up. This is painful enough without you giving me shit, okay?”
Jenna came over to
our place earlier to drop off Josh’s costume and now we’re driving over to
their apartment to pick them up for the party. I don’t even ask him what he’s
supposed to be, but he looks like a dumbass in that tapered suit and hat. He’s
trying to hide it, but I can see a small, plastic gun sticking out of his coat
pocket. I can give him shit for this all night long and have a blast doing it,
but I know he’s miserable, so I decide to keep my mouth shut—for now.
“You’re lucky your
girlfriend didn’t ask you to wear a costume. You just don’t understand how
persuasive Jenna can be,” Josh says, pulling his seatbelt over him. “How did I
get stuck with the bossy chick?”
My heart tightens
at the word girlfriend. Holly and I have become close over the last few
weeks—really close—but it’s strictly just as friends. We still talk every night
on the phone; however, Josh doesn’t know that or, at least, I try really hard
to hide it, mainly because I know he’ll read too much into it.
“We’re just
friends,” I tell him, swallowing back the disappointment that my voice holds.
“Yeah, you know,
the relationship you two have is really weird. It’s like friends with
no
benefits. Why don’t you just kiss her and get it over with already? The two of
you are great together.”