I grab the bag of
groceries, hurry up the flagstone path and knock on the door. I see a blurry
image through the frosty glass and a smile stretches across my lips. There’s
some fumbling with the lock, the door pulls open, and I see a girl standing
there. My smile falls and my heart crashes. Even worse, it isn’t just a girl...
it’s a really, really hot girl.
My head spins and
the flashbacks of seeing the name Kelly flash across Carter’s cell phone come
rushing back. So maybe he does have a girlfriend; a girlfriend that he never
told me about. Why wouldn’t he tell me? Why is this bothering me? It shouldn’t
matter if this hot chick standing in front of me is his girlfriend; Carter and
I are just friends, right? But if we are just friends, then why the hell does
it hurt so bad? Why does it feel like my chest is being squeezed by a vice
grip?
“Can I help you?”
the girl asks me, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Uh, is Carter
here?” I notice my voice sounds strangled. As I look her over, I can’t help
noticing that her hair is wet, like she just got out of the shower, and she’s
dressed in a long shirt, probably his, and a pair of boxer shorts, again,
probably his. Jealousy hits me square in the chest and a horrible feeling fills
my stomach, making me feel like I’m going to be sick.
“He’s in the
shower, but you can come in and wait for him.” She opens the door wider,
gesturing me inside. “I’m Kelly, by the way.”
And there it is…
the final confirmation I needed—I don’t belong here. Just then I hear his deep
voice coming from somewhere inside the house. “Hey, Kelly, what do you want for
breakfast? I’m not in the mood to cook. You wanna just go get something?”
Hearing his voice
sends another pain, starting with my heart, and then traveling to every nerve
in my body.
“Um, I’ve gotta
go,” I mutter, turning away from the door and heading back down the sidewalk
towards my car.
Why did I just
react like that? I have no right to act like a jealous, crazy girlfriend.
Carter and I are just friends. I open the passenger side door and throw the bag
of groceries inside, not caring as the bag tips over, spilling the groceries
out on the floorboard. As I jog back over to my side of the car, I hear the front
door open.
“Holly!” Carter
calls for me, but I keep my head down and continue to make my way to the other
side of the car. Why couldn’t he just have taken a few more seconds to get out
of the shower and get dressed, or halfway dressed? I make the stupid mistake of
glancing over and see that he’s only wearing a pair of jeans and no shirt,
leaving his amazingly bare chest fully exposed.
Shit. Don’t
look, stay focused
. I fight to catch
my breath, but can’t help feeling the pressure that is clamping down on it.
“Hey, Holly!” he
calls again and I can see that he’s jogging towards me.
“Sorry, I should’ve
called before coming over,” I say when he’s a few feet from me. “Actually, I
tried to call, but you didn’t answer and now I see why. Sorry, I didn’t mean to
interrupt.” I keep my head down, trying to find my stupid keys in my stupid,
disgusting purse and doing whatever I can not to look at him.
“C’mon, you don’t
have to call before coming over, you know that. I would like to know where
you’re going, though.”
“Home.” My voice is
flat. After finding my keys, I unlock my door and try not to look at the chest
that is luring me in like a moth to a flame. I hate that he didn’t tell me
about his girlfriend. I hate that he invokes these feelings in me. I hate that
he looks amazingly hot standing there beside me. Most of all, I hate that—even
though I’m really pissed right now—I still want him; I’m still fighting the
urge to reach over and kiss him.
“O-kay.” He
enunciates the word slowly and carefully. “I’m confused. You just got here.
Were you even going to say hi?”
I was going to
make you breakfast before I saw some beautiful girl answer your door in your
t-shirt and boxers and I couldn’t help feeling stupidly jealous
, I think to myself
.
“I just realized that
coming here was a mistake…” My voice trails off and I look up at him.
Big
mistake.
He’s looking at me
intently. “So you drove the five miles from your apartment, thinking it was the
right decision, parked your car, walked up to the door, knocked on the door,
and then decided it was a mistake to come here?”
Okay, now he’s just
having fun with this. Why does he want to extend my misery? “Um, I have to go.
I shouldn’t have come over; I didn’t know you had company.” I curse to myself,
knowing I sound like a pathetic, whiny girl. As I pull open my door, he steps
in front of me and blocks my way.
“Wait,” he says.
“Are you mad at me?”
“Carter, I just
made a mistake in coming here, okay? I just want to go home.”
He takes a step
further, wedging himself in between me and the car. “You’re mad about Kelly,
aren’t you?”
My heart clenches
at her name.
Yes
. I swallow hard, hoping to keep my voice steady. “No,
we’re just friends. Why would I be mad about another girl?”
“So, if I told you
that Kelly and I were…” His voice fades. “That wouldn’t bother you? You
wouldn’t care?” he asks, holding my stare.
My chest is rising
and falling as I try to process the question he just asked me.
Yes, it would
hurt me. It would hurt like hell
. Dammit, I hate admitting that to myself.
“No, I wouldn’t
care,” I answer, swallowing the lump that is rising in my throat.
“Good to know.”
We’re only inches apart and he stares at me for a few more seconds. His
expression is hard to read, but I know there’s something going on inside his
head. I can’t help feeling like he knows I’m lying. He rubs his hand over the
stubble on his chin and there’s an internal pull inside me that wants to reach
up to do the same.
He takes a few
steps away from me and it’s hard for me to take my eyes off him, especially
when I see a large smile spread across his face. Why is he smiling?
“I’m glad to know
that you would be okay with me seeing another girl, but, uh, Kelly’s just my
sister, so you don’t have to worry about her… not that you were or anything.”
Sister?!
“You’re a jerk!” Shock and relief rip through me and I
playfully punch him in the arm. He stumbles back a little, over-exaggerating my
strength.
“Why am I a jerk?”
He chuckles, gripping his arm where I just punched him.
“You made it sound
like you two were together,” I answer.
“Hey.” His smile
grows wider. “I never said that. That would be gross.”
“But you implied
it,” I argue.
He shrugs, still
wearing the same, easy smile. “What does it matter anyway? Thought you said you
wouldn’t care?” His smile tames and his eyes focus on mine, unwavering.
For the life of me,
I can’t think of anything to say in return. We stand there staring at one
another with my chest rising and falling, getting quicker by the second. Things
are changing between us, I can feel it. A line is being drawn and, soon, we are
going to have to decide if we want to cross it. If I’ve ever doubted my
feelings before now, there is no hiding from them anymore. I have feelings for
Carter Hansen and they go far beyond friendship. The scariest thing is that I
know he’s hiding or running from something and, from my own experience, I know
how easily a person like that can be broken. What scares me most of all is
knowing that he could break me right back.
Chapter Fourteen
The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the
very one that heals it.
~ Nicholas Sparks
CARTER
The feelings I’ve been fighting, denying
and running from for the past couple of months are staring right at me,
challenging me to deny them now as I look into her eyes.
I shove my hands in
my jeans, glancing towards the ground, towards the sky, anywhere except at her
eyes. “Why don’t you come in? Kelly and I were just talking about getting some
breakfast.”
It takes her a
moment to answer me. “Um, I don’t think I can face her again. She must think I’m
a freak,” she says nervously.
With that
statement, I glance up and see a tiny smile cross her lips.
I can’t help
smiling back. “Perfect, the two of you will get along just fine, then. She’s a
bit of a freak, too.”
She tries not to
let the smile spread across her face, but she fails… miserably. “Okay,” she
agrees. “I actually brought some breakfast over. Well, I mean, I have to cook
it first.”
“You were going to
cook me breakfast?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah, as a thank
you for helping me out with the whole car situation.”
I nod. “Ah, yes.
You mean since I had to leave class early, change your tire in the middle of a
snow storm, drive your car to the auto shop, and then drive your butt all the
way home. Yep, gotta say, that was pretty brutal. Payback would
be
greatly appreciated.”
She laughs out loud
and I soak it in. There aren’t too many things I love more than to hear her
laugh.
“Let me just grab
the groceries,” she says. I glance inside her car and see the grocery bag in
her front seat, noticing they’re spilled out on the floorboard. She follows my
gaze and hurries around the car to put them all back in. I follow her around to
the other side and watch her intently. My eyes have a mind of their own as they
begin to scan her up and down, especially when she bends over inside the car. I
can’t help looking at how her jeans are perfectly molded to her lower half.
“Crap, I hope the
eggs didn’t break.” She curses under her breath as she fills the grocery bag
back up. I try to stifle a laugh. She leans in even farther and her jeans dip
down lower. I can’t stop staring until she turns around to face me again.
“Come on, I’m
starving,” I say, taking the bag from her. The entire walk back up to the house
I can’t help thinking it’s not breakfast that I’m hungry for.
Kelly’s in the
kitchen when we walk in and I notice the way Holly’s cheeks flush the moment
their eyes meet.
“You’re Holly, I
presume,” Kelly says, standing up from the table and extending her hand out.
“Yeah, and you must
be Kelly.” She smiles politely, but it’s clear she’s embarrassed as hell. I try
to hide my smile, but it’s hard because her rosy cheeks look so darn cute.
“Sorry about that earlier. I was just confused,” she mumbles.
Kelly waves it off.
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Hey, Holly brought
some groceries so we’ll just cook breakfast here,” I say, hoping to break up
the awkwardness that Holly’s clearly feeling. I set the groceries down on the
counter and begin to unpack them.
“Actually, I can’t
stay after all. I’ve got to get back to Mom.” Kelly stands up and slings her
purse over her shoulder. “It was really nice to meet you, Holly; I’ve heard a
lot about you.”
I close my eyes in
frustration, realizing that my sister just gave me away.
Shit
. “Kelly,
you don’t have to leave,” I say, only half glaring at her.
“Yeah, please
stay,” Holly echoes my thoughts.
“Thanks, but I just
remembered that I promised Mom I would… bring her some food home. She’s
probably pretty hungry.” She struggles with what to say and it’s painfully
obvious in what she’s trying to do, or it is to me, at least.
“So, I’ll see you
tomorrow?” Kelly glances over to me.
“Yeah, I’ll be
there,” I answer and exhale loudly.
“It was nice to
meet you, Holly. Enjoy your breakfast.” She smiles at her.
“Did she leave
because of me?” Holly asks when she’s gone.
I shrug. “No, don’t
worry, it wasn’t because of you.”
She nods. “The two
of you seem to have a good relationship. That’s pretty cool for a brother and
sister.”
“Yeah, even though
she’s eight years older than me, we’re pretty close. We have been ever since…”
My voice fades and I try to think about something else to talk about, not
wanting to dive into the depressing details of my life. “Hey, I thought you
said that you came over here to make me breakfast, and it seems like I’m the
one doing all the work.”
“Oh, God, you’re
right.” She frowns and makes her way over to me. “Sorry.”
She’s standing
right beside me and she smells so amazing... like flowers and rain.
“What is all this
stuff for anyway?” I ask, trying to shift my focus.
“Crunchy French
toast.” She smiles over at me, gathering up the ingredients.
“Ah, your other
specialty besides the grilled cheese.” I nod and my stomach turns a little,
remembering how I felt that afternoon. The two of us have come a long way since
that day. Our friendship has grown and Holly has become a very important person
in my life.