Final Score: Part One (Game On #5) (6 page)

Chapter Six – I Don’t Want Apologies

“Please tell me you’re not kidding.” Freya took hold of my arm and shook it as she jumped up and down on the spot. “You’re really coming back on the team?”

Grinning, I nodded, and Freya pulled me into a hug, squeezing me so hard I thought she might crack my ribs.

“This is so amazing!”

Behind us I heard Miguel laughing, and Freya let go of me as he stepped in to hug me too. “Congratulations, Leah,” he said. “It’ll be great to have you back.”

“Thank you.”

It had been three days since I’d spoken to Richard about what I’d like to do regarding going back to work, and he’d approved of my decision instantly. I’d been slow to let people know what was happening since me going back was such a long way away but I couldn’t hold off telling Freya any longer. I’d gone to her apartment – my former apartment – to break the news on Thursday evening, and her and Miguel’s enthusiasm had helped to distract me from the confusion at the awful mood Radleigh had been in for the last few days.

I wasn’t sure it had anything to do with my decision to go back to work because he’d started acting weird before I’d mentioned that. It was like he was trying to act normal but his body was constantly tense and he’d been snappy with me over the silliest things. He always apologised right away, but whenever I asked what was going on, he found a way to fob me off.  He was in a particularly foul mood when he’d got home from work that day and I’d left him with Jessica in the hope that whatever was bugging him would pass by the time I got home.

The three of us took seats in the best part of Freya’s living room – the comfy corner piled high with cushions and bean bag chairs. I was almost certain that three grown adults should have preferred proper chairs, but none of were what you’d call stereotypical adults so it worked for us.

“So what prompted the change of heart about going back to work?” Freya asked, pushing her long blonde hair back over her shoulder. 

“Mostly the fact that I was asked.” I laughed. “But honestly, I’ve missed working I just didn’t realise until the idea got into my head. I know it’s pretty much a year away but by the time the wedding’s over, and we reach the end of the soccer season, there won’t be too long to wait. I’m going to have things to do to keep me busy right until I go back so it seemed like the best thing to do.”

“How are you going to cope with leaving Jessica behind?”

My heart pulsed uncomfortably in my chest. Every time I thought about it, the guilt set in, making me question what the hell I thought I was doing. “I’m not sure. I think I’ll hate it but I can’t be with her all the time. At some point she’s going to start school and that might be easier to handle if I get used to being apart from her a little now.” An image of my little girl going to school made my heart squeeze again.
One step at time. She’s not even a year old yet.
Freya and Miguel smiled knowingly at me and I laughed. “You guys, I know it sounds lame but I can’t explain how it feels to be without her. It’s the weirdest thing. Like I’ve left a piece of myself behind. I never thought it would feel like this.”

“I get it,” Freya said. “Well, as much as I can without having children of my own. But I hate leaving my nieces and nephews when I visit them so it must be a million times harder when it’s your own child.”

I nodded. “It’s horrible. But at the same time, I feel like in the long term, it might be better for all of us if I’m not stuck at home so much.” I shrugged. “I guess I’m still trying to figure out a balance. When people tell you being a parent is hard, they aren’t just talking about the sleepless nights.”

“You’ll get there. Just don’t stress over it too much.”

Miguel nodded. “Freya’s right. The more time you spend thinking you’re doing the wrong thing, the more time you’re wasting when you should just be enjoying the time you have now. Things will work out however they’re supposed to.”

“That was deep.” I laughed. “But I know you’re right. It’s just… Radleigh’s not crazy about the idea of me going back to work. If he had his way, I’d be pregnant again by the end of the year.”

“Really?” Freya asked. “I know you guys plan on having more than one, but so soon?”

“Yup. I’m not ready yet. I’d like at least another year before I go through it all again. I got pregnant so fast the first time. As soon as I found out we were having Jessica, everything became about that. About me being pregnant. Just for a while, I’d like us to settle into what we have now before adding anyone else into the mix.”

“Everything between you two has always gone so quickly. Slowing down the pace couldn’t hurt. Is Radleigh okay with that?”

I sighed without meaning to. “Yeah, he is. I had to do some persuading but it’s me who has to go through the pregnancy. I’m the one who has to deal with all the crap that comes with it, and when I explained that to him he was more understanding. But it’s definitely not his preference.” Shaking my head, I added, “He’s been in a strange mood the last few days. I don’t know what’s going on with him at the moment.” Freya and Miguel exchanged a look, and I said, “What?”

Miguel shook his head. “It’s nothing major, but we’ve noticed he’s been a little off at training this week.”

“Off in what way?” My heart began to drum in my chest. I knew Bryce had noticed his swift switch of mood on Monday, but if other people were noticing it too, something was very wrong. Radleigh was a master at hiding his true feelings.

“Just a little out of sorts,” Freya said. “He’s been okay but not totally the way he usually is. Not sure how to describe it.”

She really didn’t need to. I was more than familiar with it. What I didn’t know was what had caused it.

“Has anything happened at work that might have made a difference?” I asked.

Miguel shook his head. “Nothing at all. Have you talked to him about it?”

“Of course. He says everything’s okay but it’s obviously not.” I pushed my hands through my hair, letting out another sigh. “I really don’t need anything going wrong now. Not with the wedding so close.”

Freya rested a hand on my arm. “Don’t stress about it, Leah. Hopefully he’ll snap out of whatever it is soon and you can forget about this little blip.”

**

“Where have you been?”

I stopped abruptly having just closed the front door, to be greeted by Radleigh stepping out of the living room and into the hallway, a look of mild anger in his eyes. His stance was rigid, his large frame tense and his mouth set in a thin line.

“You know where I’ve been.” I tossed my keys on the table beside the door and placed my bag down beside it. “What’s wrong?”

“I thought you were only going to be a couple of hours.”

I glanced down at my watch. “I
was
only a couple of hours.”

“Three. Three hours.” His expression was so cold a shiver rippled down my spine.

What the hell?

I took a few steps towards him. “Relax. It’s only ten o’clock. Is everything okay?”

“No. You’re late.”

“Are you kidding?” When he didn’t answer, just continued to stare at me, I shook my head and started to walk past him. Whatever the hell mood he was in, I wasn’t going to stand around arguing about what time I got home.

As I reached him he grabbed my arm and roughly turned me to face him, his fingers digging into my wrist. It wasn’t the fact that he was hurting me that made tears spring to my eyes, it was the shock. Sure, his behaviour had been a little unusual the last few days, but not to this degree.

Peeling his fingers from around my wrist and shoving his hand away, I glared at him. “I don’t know what your problem is, but I suggest you calm down before you try talking to me again.”

On shaky legs, I brushed past him up the stairs, blinking away the moisture behind my eyes. We’d had some fights in our time, but he’d never gotten upset or angry with me for being a little later home than usual, and he’d certainly never grabbed me so hard. This was a gigantic leap from being a bit grouchy, and I needed it to stop immediately. I’d been in an abusive relationship before; I wouldn’t stand for it again. Deep down, I knew that wasn’t who he was, but if he didn’t sort his crap out soon we were going to have a huge problem on our hands.

I took a quick look in on Jessica, and finding her sleeping soundly, I placed a soft kiss on her head before going to my own room and sitting on the end of the bed.

I thought about the things Freya and Miguel had said about Radleigh’s behaviour, and the onset of panic began.

What if he’s having an affair?

No. He would never. But with the way he’d just acted about me being late, maybe he was projecting his own guilt onto me. I rested my head in my hands, trying unsucessfully to push those thoughts away. God, was there something in his attitude lately that had suggested he was cheating? I really couldn’t recall anything other than this sudden grumpiness. And if he was cheating, why now? Why so close to the wedding? Why when he wanted us to make our family bigger? Unless… maybe he was getting cold feet and trying to pull everything back together with the idea that a baby would help.

We’re happy though, aren’t we?

As far as I knew, we were. Right up until a few days ago.

“I’m sorry.”

I looked up to see Radleigh standing in the doorway, his body still abnormally stiff, but his expression softer.

“What’s going on, Radleigh?”

He shook his head. “Nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me.” I stood up with a sigh. “I know you too well now and telling me nothing’s wrong doesn’t work anymore.”

He lowered his eyes, shaking his head again. “It’s not important. I’m sorry for being a dick.”

I walked over to him and took his hands in mine. “Look at me.” He raised his head. “You need to start talking to me. Something has been wrong all week. Whatever it is, can you just tell me so I can try to help?”

Radleigh dropped my hands and walked past me, towards our bathroom. “There’s nothing to tell, Leah.”

I spun around to face him, my own temper beginning to bubble and clashing with the nagging doubts in my brain. “So… what? You just finished work on Monday and decided to be in a shitty mood?”

“I said I’m sorry, okay? Can’t we just forget it?”

“I’ve been trying to but every day it’s the same thing. You’ve been coming home and acting weird, and it’s getting worse.” I rolled up my sleeve. Even though I hadn’t checked, I knew he’d marked me, and sure enough his fingers had left an imprint around my wrist. Stepping closer to him and thrusting my arm towards him, I said, “What the hell was this all about? You’ve never done anything like this before, so don’t tell me to forget it.”

His eyes fell on my marked skin then he looked back up at me. “I’m sorry,” he said again. His blue eyes glimmered with sadness and I blew out a slow breath.

“I don’t want apologies, baby. I want you to explain.”

“I can’t.” He let go of my hand and turned away from me.

His reluctance to look at me only fuelled my worries. What could be bothering him so much that he wouldn’t look at me other than him cheating on me?

“Radleigh.”

I watched as his shoulders moved up and down, the tension building in them again. I wanted to go to him, to try and ease him out of whatever was causing his erratic behaviour, but equally I wanted to strangle him for being so difficult. My fight or flight instincts kicked in but the two battled with each other until I let out a growl of frustration.

And he still didn’t turn around.

“Are you seeing someone else?”

I asked the question in the hope of shocking a response out of him. I mean, if I was wrong, the suggestion would surely prompt a reaction, right? Slowly he turned to face me again and I took a step back as his eyes fully met mine.

“Really, Leah? You really think I’d do that?”

“I don’t know what to think. You won’t talk to me, you hardly even look at me and you’re flipping out over the smallest of things. If that’s not it, then what is it?”

“Dammit, Leah, just drop it!” he yelled as he stormed past me towards the door, and this time I was the one who grabbed for him. My fingers circled around his wrist and he glared at me. “Let go.”

“You need to stop this. If you’re not going to tell me what the problem is, then you need to stop acting like a fucking asshole. I don’t know what mood you’re going to be in from one minute to the next. You want to know why I was longer than I said I would be tonight? Because I wanted to be away from the weird silences for a while. And I’m not the only one who’s noticed it.”

Radleigh tugged his wrist from my grip, his eyes still fixed on mine. “Right. So you went out to talk about me with Freya and Miguel. Anyone else? Did you stop by Bryce’s place on the way back? Or how about Jesse? Maybe you went to see my parents, or maybe just my mom since you seem to run everything by her first these days.”

The venom in his voice would have made me step back but his words spat out that way only made my anger rise. Maybe this did have something to do with me going back to work, but that wasn’t all of it. Not by a long way.

“I’ve been trying to talk to you!” I snapped. “Don’t stand there and act like I’ve taken other routes on this. I’ve asked and asked, but you keep shooting me down! So yeah, I talked to Freya and Miguel about it.”