Final Score: Part One (Game On #5) (9 page)

I couldn’t tell him it was okay, because it wasn’t, but I nodded, offering him a small smile, then waited for him to continue.

“Jen kind of came at me out of nowhere on Tuesday,” he said, letting go of me and leaning back again. “I really don’t know how nobody else spotted her. She’s anything but subtle.”

Ha. That much was clear from her low cut tops and her overly made up face.

“I’ve never been so surprised to see anyone, Leah. As far as I knew, she was in New York, but there she was, right in front of me.” Radleigh stiffened again, like the mere thought of her made him angry. “She’s just the same as she always was. Trying to play innocent when everything she does has a reason. I saw right through her act. She tried to tell me how hard her life had been, and how she’d only cheated on Gary because she felt like he’d stopped appreciating her. The same shit she tried to pull on me when she left. I told her I don’t care about her divorce, or her, and warned her to keep away from me.” He looked up at me. “From us. Because she was quick to tell me she knew you and I are getting married, and that we have a baby.”

“Everyone who knows who you are knows that.” I gave him another soft smile, but it was forced because I knew something was coming that was going to hit me right in the gut. Hadn’t that been what his warning was about? The vow of honesty?

“That was when she told me. About Jayden.” He sighed, shaking his head. “I told you pretty much everything she said about him. The stuff about wanting to make things work out with Gary. But now things are over with him, she thought I should know the truth. She’s already told Jayden.”

“Wow.” A barrage of thoughts rushed into my head at once, the most prominent being that she’d better be telling the truth or that kid would be more screwed up than ever. A rush of panic quickly followed, because the last thing I wanted was for us to have ties with Jen forever. And also, at five years old, how much of this would he fully understand? He’d just had the whole of his normal life taken from him because his mother couldn’t keep her knickers on, and now the confusion of a new father? If Gary’s lawyers were smart, they’d do everything they could to get those kids away from her.

“She wants me to see him, Leah. She wants me to meet him. She thinks we should… she wants me to meet him at the weekend.”

“But… you don’t think he’s yours.”

“I don’t. I don’t know what she’s trying to pull, but he can’t be mine. He can’t.”

Well, technically, he could.

“What if he is?” I asked, quietly. “Have you thought about that?”

“Of course I have. I haven’t stopped thinking about it.” He looked up at me again. “This is the part I think you’ll hate. If he is mine, Leah, I want him in my life. In our lives.”

I let his words sink in for a moment or two then stood up, pacing around the room as I tried to gather my thoughts. Was he trying to say he thought I wouldn’t want Jayden? That he thought I’d try to stop him seeing his own son? Or that I wouldn’t want Jessica around his “other” kid, one that wasn’t mine, but came from a time before I even knew who he was?

“I understand that,” I told him. “In fact, I’d be pretty unimpressed if you didn’t want to see him. I just… it’s her, Radleigh. I don’t want her in our lives, and that’s going to be impossible for a hell of a long time if Jayden is yours.”

Radleigh shook his head. “Just because she’s his mother, doesn’t mean I have to spend time with her.”

“No? What about decisions that have to be made for him? What school he goes to, and parent/teacher evenings? School plays? Any other activities he gets involved with. You’ll want to be there, and she’ll be there too.”

“So would you.” Radleigh stood up too, and slid his hands around my waist, tethering me to him so I stopped wandering around the living room. “Leah, if he is mine, I can’t handle this without you. I don’t want to have to spend time with Jen. But if I do, I don’t want to do that without you.”

“Why?” I asked, pushing him away. “Because you can’t trust yourself around her?”

I knew the question was bitchy and unfair as soon as it left my lips, but it
was
a genuine concern. I’d seen her, for Christ’s sake. She was perfection. I didn’t know who the hell her personal trainer was, but it wasn’t obvious that she’d had two kids. She was so well put together, when most days I could barely pull on my jeans. I wasn’t a slob by any means, but since having Jessica, I was more about dressing to be comfortable than dressing to impress. I didn’t care to spend an hour putting on make-up because I wanted to be with my girl. I didn’t want to put on my best clothes during the days I was at home because I’d only end up with baby food/vomit/general crap all over me. And my hair? Messy buns or pony tails all the way. In short, no matter how much I played at being part of the LA elite, when it came down to it, I was still an English village girl at heart. The glamour was fun, but I’d always opt for comfort.

Radleigh reached for me and pulled me back to him. “Don’t do that. Don’t make this about her.”

“It
is
about her.” I pushed him away again and put some distance between us until I’d finished what I wanted to say. “You loved her, Radleigh. And now she’s back here bringing you what you’ve always wanted. A son. You can’t tell me there isn’t a small part of you that never wondered if he was yours, or thought about what things might be like if you were still together.”

“I used to wonder if he was mine,” Radleigh said. “When she first left. When I found out she was pregnant. But like I said, I thought that if she believed he was mine, she would have played on that to make my life difficult. She’d have fleeced me for every cent she could get. But she never looked back. Never tried to reach me. And I didn’t want to know because I didn’t want her in my life. Just like I don’t want her in my life now.” He raised his hand as if to reach out for me again, but then dropped it to his side again. “Everything I want, I have with you.”

“That’s not true. You told me just the other day. You want a baby boy.” I gave a bitter laugh at the stupidity if it all. It was as if he’d rubbed a magic lamp and made a wish, and then, bam, the son he wanted dropped out of the sky and right into his lap.

“I want you. You and Jessica. And if we end up with a house full of girls, so what?” When I raised a sceptical eyebrow, he continued. “I would love to have a son, but it’s not the most important thing. Us. Our family. That’s what matters.”

I threw my head back with a sigh. He was saying all the right things. Everything I needed to hear. And I believed him. But I couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that it wasn’t going to be as easy as he made it sound. If Jayden wasn’t Radleigh’s, Jen was still intending to move back to L.A. And sure, it’s a big place, but I wasn’t sure it was big enough for all of us. And if Jayden
was
Radleigh’s? Life would never be the same.

Chapter Eight – You Need Me More Than He Does

The initial aftermath of Jen’s little revelation wasn’t as dramatic as expected. In fact, Radleigh and I settled in to normal-ish life again. Neither of us saw Jen, and the only contact we had with her was when Radleigh called her to agree to a paternity test.

But we didn’t talk about it either. It was as if our lives were suspended, and until the results came in, we didn’t want to deal with it. The atmosphere at home wasn’t as it should have been. Although I’d forgiven Radleigh for not telling me sooner, I still couldn’t relax. Neither of us could, and that feeling of uneasiness was reflected in Jessica’s mood. I was sure she was picking up on the vibe and she wasn’t her usual, chirpy self. She fought against her usual sleep patterns, screaming and kicking because she didn’t want to be away from me. I’d had to sleep in her nursery with her the night after Radleigh took her to Deanna’s because she wouldn’t settle.

Radleigh continued to get up and go to work, and I continued to do the mum thing. I didn’t even spend much time with my friends. Of course, by this time, the truth of Jen’s reappearance, her reason for it, had been made public. Not front page news public, but people on the team knew, and it almost felt as though the tension of all this was being felt by everyone. It wasn’t just Freya and Bryce and the few other people who had known Jen back in the day who were edgy. Everyone who’d been witness to my turbulent relationship with Radleigh seemed to be anxious – that was how close we were as friends, and as a team – and with all those eyes on us, I felt it better to keep away.

The day the results dropped into the mailbox, the tension in the house escalated, not least because we’d finally had to let Jen inside. As much as I hated it, it was her child’s father that was being potentially revealed, so we’d invited her over for the big moment.

She sat on our sofa, eyeing our living room critically. As her gaze rested on the two large watercolour paintings of the Cornish seaside that hung on the white walls, her lip turned in to a sneer. Perhaps only world famous artists adorned her walls, but those touches of my home in England meant more to me than any million-dollar canvas ever would. Jen continued to glance around with mild disdain, and as she did, I kept my own critical eye on her. She’d chosen a slightly more demure look this time. Her face was still flawless, but instead of vampy red lips, she’d gone for a very subtle pink, and instead of a low cut t-shirt, she’d gone for a white button up shirt which was almost done all the way to the top. Perhaps she wanted to give the impression of a responsible mother, but the one thing she couldn’t change was the glimmer of evil in her eyes. I would have sworn she had three sixes branded onto her forehead under her sweeping fringe.

Radleigh wandered into the room, nervously tapping the envelope that could change our lives against his hand. Both Jen and I turned him as he stood in the doorway, his large shoulders tense again. He fixed his gaze on me and I read his thoughts easily. Everything in that look told me he was as scared as me, but that he loved me, and that we would get through this. I tried to give him a reassuring smile but the sight of the envelope he held made my body quiver and my smile probably looked more like a grimace.

The silence in the room was heavy around us as we waited for him to tear the envelope open. To tell us what we needed to know. I suddenly realised how guests on the Jeremy Kyle show felt when they waited for the truth to be revealed. My heart began to hammer again, and I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself.

“Would you open it already?” Jen said, not a hint of nervousness in her voice or in her features. That only unsettled me further, though. Her complete belief that she was right, that Radleigh was Jayden’s father, made my stomach churn.

“She’s right,” I said, swallowing hard. “Please. Just do it.”

Radleigh gave a short nod, then taking a deep breath, he tore open the envelope and unfolded the piece of paper inside. I couldn’t take my eyes off him as he read the words in front of him.

He didn’t need to say anything. His face paled and he stumbled slightly, steadying himself on the doorframe as his eyes frantically scanned the page again, as if looking for a mistake.

My heart plummeted into my stomach and Jen let out a triumphant laugh. “I told you, Radleigh. I told you. Congratulations. You have a son.”

Radleigh’s shaking hands placed the results on the arm of the chair and he stared at me. “I really thought she was lying.”

My eyes slowly closed as the last remains of everything I knew shattered in front of me. This was it. It was true. Jen Winters was well and truly in our lives. Forever.

“Now we know,” Jen went on, as if our world hadn’t just been flipped on its head, “we should talk about when you can meet Jayden. He’s so excited to meet his daddy. I think we should do it sooner rather than later. You’ve already missed out on so much, and-”

Completely ignoring her, Radleigh walked towards me then sank to his knees in front of me. “This is going to be okay, Leah. I promise.”

His hands covered mine and I nodded, even though both of us were still shaking. “I know,” I whispered, even though deep in my heart, I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure of anything.

“Radleigh,” Jen said, breaking our moment with her annoying voice. “Don’t you think so?”

Without looking in her direction, he said, “Can you please just give us a second?”

There was a pause then she stood up. “Of course. But, like I said yesterday, we really shouldn’t waste any time. You said yourself, you don’t want to miss out on any more time with him.”

It was as if the world stopped turning for a moment. The atmosphere that was already thick became oppressive until I almost couldn’t breathe.
Like I said yesterday…

“You talked yesterday?” I asked quietly.

“We met up yesterday,” Jen said, sounding shocked I didn’t know. Looking at her, the small smirk quirking her lip told me she’d made that comment knowing exactly how I’d feel about it. “We had coffee.”

Radleigh got to his feet and spun around to face her. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Why can’t you do anything without causing trouble?”

“Darling, you shouldn’t be lying to Leah. You’re four months from getting married. It’s not healthy to keep secrets, you know?”

I didn’t look up, but I didn’t need to. The room grew cold with the force of his anger and he snarled, “Get. Out.”

There was another pause before I heard her shuffle around for her bag, then her footsteps padded across the carpet. I didn’t raise my head until I heard the front door close.

“Before I lose my temper over this,” I began, “do you want to explain what she just said?”

He turned to me again, his jaw still clenched, but he wasn’t mad at me. He was mad at Jen for blurting out their little secret, and as he took a few deep breaths, the anger slowly eased.

“Leah… it’s not how it sounds. I didn’t…. I mean… I-”

“You met her,” I finished for him.

“No. I mean… I did, but it wasn’t like I planned it.
She
planned it. She just… she said she wanted to talk about Jayden and what would happen if… if I am his father.”

I shook my head. “I don’t care that you saw her. I care that you didn’t tell her you could discuss those things if and when they became necessary. But mostly I care that you didn’t tell me. Just like you didn’t tell me she was here. And that she claimed you fathered her child.”

The reminder that it was no longer just a claim made my stomach lurch and I paused at the ache in my heart.

“I was with her for less than fifteen minutes,” he said. “I didn’t think it mattered.”

Except the expression on his face, the guilt, the fact he wouldn’t look me in the eye told me otherwise.

“What part of us telling each other everything have you forgotten?” I asked, quietly. “Y
ou
said you wouldn’t keep anything from me again, and yet, here we are. You knew how I would feel about it.” I stood up. “You know how I feel about this whole thing, and by not telling me, you’re giving her the power to tear us apart.” I walked towards him and reached up to place my hands on his shoulders. “Why? Why didn’t you tell me?”

He looked up at me slowly. “Because I didn’t want to deal with this. Because I didn’t want you to get upset over something that wasn’t important.”

My hands dropped to my sides and I shook my head as I turned away from him. “You don’t get it, do you? You still don’t understand.” I paused. “Or maybe you do. Maybe you understand but you’re lying to yourself.”

That part deep inside me that feared Jen, feared what she could do to our relationship, ripped its way out of my body, making every fibre of me hurt. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to be okay with all this and take it in my stride but I couldn’t silence the fear that somewhere, buried beneath his protests about how much he hated her, he still felt something. Something that might only strengthen now they shared a son.

But you share a daughter. You’re getting married.

Yet true as that was, it didn’t settle the doubts.

“This is why, Leah.” I turned to look at him as he continued. “You think I still care about her. I can see it every time you look at me. Every time you’ve looked at me since she’s been back. I thought if I told you I saw her, it would only make you believe it more.”

“You lying is what makes me believe it, Radleigh. If you came to me and said you’d seen her, she wouldn’t have been able to throw it into the conversation. You know what she’s like. You know how much she loves trouble. Yet you still gave her the opportunity to create more.”

Silence hung in the air between us, both of us staring, waiting for the other to speak. Eventually, without taking my eyes away from his, I said, “I need some space. I think
we
need some space. I… I’m gonna check in to a hotel for a couple of days.”

Radleigh’s brow furrowed. “What? Why?” He took a few steps towards me. “Leah, come on. I don’t want this.” He shook his head, running his hands through his hair. “I don’t want any of this.”

“You think I do? You think I want to deal with all the changes that are going to happen? We’re talking about adding an extra person to our family, trying to figure out how we do that, and trying to figure out how we keep Jen from ripping us apart.”

“You think leaving is going to help us? How is that going to help us figure anything out?”

“I’m not leaving, baby,” I said, more softly. “I just need a couple of days.”

“
I
need
you
.” Radleigh took my hand. “I just found out I have another kid. You’re just gonna leave me here to process that?”

“I’m still here for you. But, Radleigh, I can’t just shrug off the fact that you’ve kept things from me. I can’t pretend I’m okay with that. I love you but… I can’t be near you right now.”

I pulled my hand away from his and turned to leave the room.

“No,” he said, and I stopped. “If you want some space, I’ll go stay with Mom and Dad. Everything you need for Jessica is here. It makes more sense for me to go. But I will be back. In a few days, I’ll be back. And then we’re gonna work this out.”

**

Radleigh packed a bag and left the house within an hour. His departure was… uneventful. We did kiss goodbye, and we both said ‘I love you’ but there was nothing dramatic. No fight. And I was relieved. Did I really want to be apart from him? Not at all. But I did need the space. We both did. He might have thought lying to me was harmless but the truth was… how could it be? His reasons made sense to him, and to a degree, I understood, but when it came down to it, regardless of how he thought I’d have reacted, he still should have told me. He should have taken the risk of me flipping out over giving her the chance to spring it on me.

As I sat at the kitchen table with a glass of red wine, I sighed to myself. The house seemed empty without Radleigh. Jessica was asleep, and just me alone… I felt a little lost. Lost and deflated. Maybe this was a snapshot. A preview of what my life might become. Deep down, I knew he would be back. That was the only thing that kept me from letting the tears fall, but the realisation that Jen clearly still had some kind of hold over him… that was a truth I couldn’t ignore.

The doorbell rang, and with another sigh, I decided to ignore it. It couldn’t be Jen this time – not unless she’d been standing outside for an hour. Deranged as she was, I didn’t think even she was that crazy. Nope. Had to be one of my friends, and I wasn’t in the mood for sharing what had happened just yet. I wanted to wallow with my glass of wine. Maybe two.

My phone buzzed beside me and I picked it up, rolling my eyes when I saw the message.

Leah, let me in.

Bryce. Well, that told me he hadn’t just dropped by to see Radleigh. If he had and there was no answer, he’d have left. Radleigh must have told him.

Another buzz.

Leah!

I pressed my hands against the table top to heave myself up and walked to the door to open it. Bryce stood there, his phone in his hand, looking like he’d been about to text me again. He shoved it in his back jeans pocket and stared at me.

“What?” I asked. My voice wasn’t harsh or angry. More empty and quiet.

Without a word, Bryce stepped inside and wrapped his arms around me, pushing the door shut with a backwards kick. My head nestled against his chest as I circled my arms around his waist and sagged against him. A hug from Bryce was second only to being in Radleigh’s arms, and I let him hold me tight.