Fully Automatic (Bullet) (37 page)

Instead, she sat up.  He could barely hear her voice. 
“Don’t I know that.”  Her eyes drifted down to his lips, and he felt his blood start to rush and swirl.  The rest of the room stilled at that moment.  He couldn’t hear the music playing anymore, couldn’t hear the cacophony of voices, didn’t sense anyone or anything but Val at that moment.  And it was as though he was watching a movie and not his own life in the moment.  She set her glass of water down and leaned forward, touching her lips to his.

He didn’t—couldn’t—stop her.

She grabbed his shirt in her fists and pulled him close to her, and it was as though he’d lost all control.  All the years of every pent-up emotion he’d felt for Val came through that kiss, and there was no stopping it.  He pulled her close and kissed her as though the world was ending and it was the last thing he’d ever do.  He couldn’t stop his tongue from entering her mouth, but he fought against the rest of his body because another few seconds and he was going to have a massive hard on.  He had to stop, had to quit this.  It was wrong.  He and Val would never work and he knew it.  He couldn’t let it continue, because it was going to hurt even worse if he did.  So, even though he didn’t let her go, he broke his lips from hers and opened his eyes.  “We can’t do this, Val.”

She took a breath
.  “Do what?”

“This.  Us.  We can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Ethan, for starters…and he’s right over there.”

“Are you kidding?  Ethan?  The guy who fucked around on me more than once?  We haven’t been together in a long time, Brad.  That ship sailed a long time ago.”

He’d have to dig deep.  She was resisting his arguments and that was making it even harder for him to think rationally. 
“And then there’s Jet…”

“Jet?  Seriously?  Brad, he and I broke up…almost a year ago.”

“Bullshit.  You guys hooked up again last…November or December, wasn’t it?”

She sighed.  She barely kept her voice from sounding like she was dealing with a child
.  “We made out.  That was it.  And we decided friends only.”

Why was she doing this?  Did she not know how this could wreck him? 
“And the band, Val.  That’s why we stayed away in the first place.”

“That was
your
idea, and if mine and Ethan’s fucked-up relationship hasn’t ruined the band…”  He saw a shadow pass over her eyes, and she grabbed her glass of water.  She took a drink and said, “Know what?  You don’t want to, just grow a fucking pair and say so.”  Holy shit.  She was pissed.  Where the fuck had that come from?  She stood.  “Jesus.”

Oh, God, she had no idea how he felt about her.  He wanted to.  Hell, yeah, he wanted to. 
“Val, that’s not it—”

“Good night, Brad.” 
She walked straight out of the suite without looking back.

This was one of those crossroads moments.  He could let her go to bed mad at him, let her sleep it off, and the next day, he could buy her a cup of coffee and they could have a rational discussion like they always had, and he could tell her why—really why—he didn’t want to.

Or he could go talk to her right now…and let the chips fall where they may.

Chapter Forty-four

BRAD’S LEGS WERE moving before his brain had fully engaged.  He wanted to believe.  Maybe this time it was meant to be, right?  Third time’s a charm or some shit like that?

No, whether or not anything happened, he felt compelled for some stupid ass reason to explain himself to her.  She was pissed off at him, like she’d thought he was rejecting her, and that wasn’t the case.  He needed to make that clear.

No.  He didn’t
need
to.  He wanted to.

He went to her room and knocked.  It was quiet.  He didn’t hear any motion and wondered if she’d even gone to her room.  In her anger, she might have stormed out of the building.
  But he wasn’t leaving—not till he was sure.

Val opened the door finally, and she didn’t look happy.  Worse, though—she was just wearing the t-shirt she’d been wearing earlier
and nothing else.  No pants, no shoes.  Maybe this had been a bad idea.  But he was already committed, and he wasn’t leaving until he’d said his piece.  “Can I come in?”

She nodded, inviting him in and then closing the door once he was inside.  They were standing in the center of the room.  He took a deep breath, found the words, and then just spat them out. 
“I
know
you’re not with those guys now, but that doesn’t mean your heart’s not.  And I promised your dad.”

After staring him down, she started laughing.
  “That was over two years ago, Brad.”

She was killing him. 
“I don’t know what’s so funny.”

She was too close to him as she cocked her head and lowered her voice. 
“Seriously?  Brad, he was worried about my virtue and of some guy forcing me to do something I didn’t want to do.”  She looked at his lips and then into his eyes again, and he could feel his resolve crumbling.  “Do I look unwilling to you?”  She got even closer, so near to him he could feel her body heat, and he clamped his teeth together.  “I might not remember what he said word for word, but three words stuck in my mind—
without her consent
.  Know why I remember that?”  He shook his head, trapped, mesmerized, lost.  “Because up until that point in my life, I’d been told how premarital sex was a sin, and I should save my virginity for marriage, although my mom decided to spring on me right before college that if I loved a boy, it would be enough.  For my dad to throw in that he’d kill anyone who touched me without my consent…well, that kinda blew everything else out of the water.”  Her eyes pierced his when she said, “So give me one
good
reason why we shouldn’t do this.”

That was it.  He was done.  She would be his downfall, and he didn’t give a fuck anymore.  He wanted to do this, had to do this. 
His voice was a whisper when he said, “I can’t.”

She wrapped her hand around his neck
, and he bent over to kiss her.  He felt so much with that one kiss—it was an onslaught of emotion and hormones rushing through his body.  He could feel his heart beating faster as her nails dug into his neck.  If they were gonna do this, they were gonna do it, and he felt like he had already signed his own death warrant and was being dragged into the depths of perdition.  And he didn’t care anymore.  This was Val, and now she was his, even if it was only for a little while.  She could be the death of him.  He was willing to accept it.

He was afraid he was being too rough with her, but he couldn’t stop himself.  Now that he’d decided to
just go with it, he could hardly contain himself.  His kisses were hard and demanding, but she didn’t seem to mind.  In fact, she was pulling his t-shirt up before he could register it.  His brain wasn’t keeping up with his body or his heart.

He grabbed his shirt to help her get it over his head, and then he felt her hands on his chest
, and he knew he had no control.  The train was on the tracks, and there was no stopping it till it reached its destination.  He took the bottom of her shirt in his hands and she pulled it the rest of the way off, throwing it to the floor.  His brain was turned off now, and he was operating on instinct.  He bent at the knees and lifted her up, wrapping her legs around him and walking toward the bed.

Because he knew he had no control, he had no idea how long he’d last, and he didn’t want to take the chance of being a shitty lover the first time he and Val were together.  They had so many reasons to not be together, to not do it, that he didn’t want to give her another reason to toss him out on his ass.  He was going to do something he knew he was good at.  So as he lay her down, her knees draped over the bed, he kissed her on the lips but then moved to her neck, then to her collarbone and her breast, reaching behind her to undo the clasp that held the bra together.  She sighed and arched her back
, assuring him that he was on the right track.

Her hand was in his hair
, and she’d twisted some of the strands around her fingers.  He loved the way it felt—kind of possessive, kind of demanding.  He pulled the bra off her shoulders and just tried to appreciate the moment.  He’d seen her breasts before, yeah, but that was a time when she was distressed and needed his help, and he hadn’t gawked, much as he’d wanted to.  Now, though, he could look upon her beauty and appreciate it, and he was going to.  Yeah, he’d imagined what she’d looked like under those bras and corsets she’d worn onstage, but he was seeing the real deal now.  He bent over and took a nipple in his mouth, tonguing around the circle as it hardened against his touch.  She let out a loud sigh as her fingers tightened against his hair.

He kissed down the mound of her breast and then drew a line down her belly with his tongue as he grabbed both sides of her lacy black panties and pulled them down her legs.  He slid off the bed then and glided his hands under her ass
, pulling her down to the edge of the bed.  Her legs were on either side of his head and she was right there.  He was actually looking at naked Valerie, and he could hardly believe it.  He parted her folds with his fingers and then ran his tongue up the middle.  She was already making noises, and he wasn’t surprised, because she was wet.  She was wet…
for him
.  It hit him like a ton of bricks, that maybe the feelings weren’t one-sided.  Maybe for some stupid reason she’d avoided him too.  Maybe this had been inevitable.

And that made it beautiful.  He felt another wave of emotion rush through him and realized he just needed to concentrate on her.  The emotions were too much—too raw, too fresh, too un-fucking-believable, and he kept expecting himself to wake up from a stupid dream.

If it was real, though, he wanted to make it a night to remember for her.  He stroked her with his tongue again and then turned his head a little so he could suck on her clit.  He could hear her sucking in a deep breath of air through her teeth, so he kept it up.  One hand was on her thigh, massaging it, while his other hand held her apart and let his mouth do the rest.

He could feel her legs start to shake, as though she were cold, but then she cried aloud.  He decided then to switch tactic
s, increase the pressure, so he stroked her with his tongue again, and he could tell from her cries that he was on the right track.  He moved his hand to her belly underneath her breast, almost as though to hold her steady.  She kept going and so he did too, and she called his name, not once, not twice, but more times than he could remember, and so he didn’t stop until he was sure she was finished.

She relaxed then, almost a puddle of jelly compared to how tight her muscles had been just moments earlier.
  Because he and Val had never been together, he didn’t know what she was like in contrast to other women.  Oh, he knew as a person, but not in bed, so he didn’t know if he should give her a few moments to rest or if she would be ready right away.  The only way to find out would be to move forward, get in closer, and see what she had to say.  He thought if she was ready to go, she would want him to take his time.

He climbed on the bed, straddling her on all fours, ready to kiss her and move forward.  She said, “I want to feel you inside me, Brad.” 
That was music to his ears, all he’d ever wanted to hear from her.  He reached for his wallet and pulled it out of his back pocket.  He threw it on the bed and started feeling inside for a condom while Val’s fingers playing on his chest distracted the shit out of him.

Not good.

It felt empty.

And he thought back as he kissed Val.  When was the last time he’d used one?  When was the last time he’d needed one?  Was it possible he was unprepared?
 
Fuck.
 

He stopped kissing her.  “Just a sec.”  He sat up enough that he could pry the wallet apart and looked inside, feeling behind the bills.  “You fucking kidding me?”

Val propped herself up on her elbows.  “What?”

He was hoping against hope, but he had to ask.  “I don’t suppose you have any condoms, do you?”

She frowned.  “No.”  She paused and then said, “I could—”

He knew what she was thinking—either he could pull out or she could give him a blowjob.  Yeah, either would be fine, but he wanted it to be as perfect as possible.  No, though.  He’d already fucked that up.  Still, maybe he could salvage the evening. 
He shook his head and unclenched his jaw to talk.  “No.  I can go buy some.  I wonder if there are any here in the public restrooms in the hotel.”  He could ask one of his bandmates—he knew one of them would have one—but then they’d know.  No fucking way.

“I bet the gift shop would have some.”

“They’re long since closed, Val.  Gotta be.”

“Well, uh…a convenience store, maybe?  There’s gotta be one nearby.  I saw a Walmart too.  They’d have one for sure.”

“Yeah.  Okay.  You don’t mind waiting?”

She smiled. 
“I’m coming with you.”

Oh, God, how could he not love this woman?
  “You will?”

“Yeah…only fair, right?” 
She kissed him and then asked, “You sure you can drive?”

He nodded
and looked at her a few seconds longer.  God, she was beautiful, and even more so now that she felt satisfied and alive.  He sat up and Val got off the bed, throwing her clothes back on.  He found his t-shirt and pulled it over his head and then waited for her to finish.  His mind wandered back over the last fifteen minutes, and so much had changed.  And it hadn’t escaped his notice that she’d said his name not once but multiple times while he brought her to the zenith of pleasure.  In all the times he’d accidentally overheard her with Ethan, he hadn’t heard her say his name once.  That made his heart swell.  So, yeah…he could wait a little while longer.

Val slipped some shoes on while Brad tried adjusting himself.  Goddamn, his balls hurt and his cock wasn’t letting up.  Jesus Christ.  Val noticed his discomfort and asked,
“You gonna be okay?”

He
laughed.  He was amazed.  She probably wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed and snuggle and here she was coming along for the ride.  “Thanks for being a good sport, Val.”

She snatched her room card off the dresser and shoved it in her back pocket.  She grabbed his hand as she walked toward the door. 
“
I’m
the good sport?  Do you not know what you just did to me?”

God,
she knew how to make him feel like a man.  Yeah, he could wait even longer when she said shit like that.  He turned her around so that her back was against the door and pressed into her.  He hoped she could see the desire in his eyes when he said, “I’m gonna do it again.”

Yeah…he wanted to make her feel so incredible that the idea of any other man tumbled out of her brain for good.