Fully Automatic (Bullet) (39 page)

She stepped out of the shower and closed the curtain.  He braced himself against the wall of the shower and let the water rain down on his head.  He wanted to wash it all away—all the doubt, the fears, the lack of faith he felt.  He wanted to believe in Val, believe in them, but he couldn’t shake that feeling.

More than that, he was aching.  He knew he should be filled with love, and he was, but it should have been a feeling of wonder and happiness.  Instead, it was a feeling of dread and worry, complete disbelief.  He took a deep breath and found his resolve.  No matter what tomorrow brought, he was going to be for Valerie what she needed tonight.  He could do that.  He just had to let go.  And so he did his best—he let it all wash down the drain and let the overwhelming love he felt for her take over.

It was the best he could do.

Chapter Forty-six

BRAD WALKED OUT
of the bathroom and found Val already in bed, a pillow tucked under her head, her eyes closed.  He walked over to her and got under the covers beside her.  He felt a little better after the shower, but he could feel the lingering doubts hovering in the dark corners of his mind.  Still, as he’d promised himself, he was going to try to get out of the funk he was in and enjoy their time together.

He looked at her.  God, she was beautiful.  Her long brown hair, damp
from the shower, lay on the pillow behind her.  Her skin was flawless, a peach color, and it was even more beautiful without the makeup she usually wore.  The sexy tribal armband on her upper arm accentuated the definition she’d worked into her arms.  His eyes raked over her again, loving the eyebrow piercing that drew more attention to her already striking eyes.  He was rubbing her arm absentmindedly, and she opened her eyes.  She smiled up at him.  “You okay?”

He lied. 
“Yeah.”

Goddammit.  But she knew.  Of course, she knew.  This was Valerie, a woman that he did think was his soul mate, even when she seemed bound and determined to deny it.  She knew and she wasn’t going to let it go. 
“Is something wrong?”

He
forced a smile.  “No.”  He could be honest and tell her at least part of the emotions running through him.  He looked in her eyes and made himself say some of what he’d been gnawing on.  “You…are so…special, Val.”  She blinked and said nothing, sensing he was working through the emotion.  “I just…never expected this, I guess.” There was more to it, but he didn’t want her feeling guilty about something she hadn’t even done.

She stroked his cheek
.  “Do you regret it?”

God, he didn’t want her to think that.  He could never regret anything he’d ever done with her.
  “Oh.  No.  Fuck, no.  I just…didn’t expect it.”  She tilted her head, and he knew then that she understood.  She knew how deep this all went for him and so she didn’t have another word to say.

All he could do then was kiss her.

He loved this woman, loved her more than life itself, and he now felt whole for the first time in his life.  She knew; she felt it too, and as he continued kissing her, she got closer to him, winding her fingers through his hair.

She was full of desire—he could feel it.  Was he ready to make love to her again? 
Yes, he was, but he didn’t want to rush this time.  He wanted to savor her, taste her as though she were his last meal.  She was demanding, though, moving at a hurried pace, and he was bound and determined to take his time.

He could feel her swallow as he kissed her neck.  He could feel what she was feeling.  It was deep and soulful, and there were no words for it.  It wasn’t just love.  It was more than that.  It was deeper than anything he’d ever known, and he knew then that it wasn’t just him. 
She felt it too.  By the time they joined again, he felt as though they were on a cloud, ethereal, and being inside her was where he belonged.  It felt so right, so pure, so perfect.

Her orgasm wasn’t as intense as it had been earlier, but she cried his name, consumed him, buried him inside her.

And as she fell asleep in his arms, he was finally able to say what he’d needed to say all night.  “I love you, Val.”  He kissed her forehead and whispered, “And I always will.”

* * *

He awoke to a loud banging, and it felt like he’d just drifted off to sleep.  Then he heard through the door, “Val?  Val!  Are you in there?”

Yeah…it really had happened.

He took a deep breath, trying to get his bearings.  He heard Val say, “Yeah.  What do you want?”

“Can I come in?”  It was Nick.

Val sighed and looked at Brad.  She raised her voice.  “Can’t it wait till morning?”

“No.  Please hurry up.”

Something was going on.  Still…he wanted to respect Val’s wishes, so he whispered, “You want me to lay low?”

“Think he’d freak out with you in here?”

Brad smiled.  “We’re talking about Nick. Yeah.  He’ll freak.  Or not.”  He ran his fingers through his hair.  “I dunno.”  He didn’t believe so after giving it more thought.  Nick was pretty laid back—usually—but whatever was going on had the guy rattled, and it made Brad tense and he projected those feelings onto their drummer.

“Then just be quiet.”  She wanted him
silent.  He could do that.  “Just a sec.”  She kissed him and then started dressing.  He rested his head on the pillow.

But as she started walking to the door, he decided he should prepare as well.  Something was seriously wrong.  He could
sense it.  He went into the bathroom and found his jeans, pulling them on.  He was able to hear Val open the door and say, “Yeah.  What’s so frigging important it can’t wait till morning?”

“It’s Ethan.”

Oh, fuck.  Yeah.  Brad headed toward the door as Val said, “What?  What, Nick?  What the fuck?”

“I’m sorry to bug you, Val.  I tried to find Brad.  But—”

Their worst fear.  Brad said, “Spit it out, man.  What the fuck happened?”

“He won’t wake up, man.  He’s like—”

“Where is he, Nick?”

“He’s in the suite.  He’s passed out.”

Brad pushed past the two of them, heading down the hall, Nick right behind him.  He entered the suite.  There were people surrounding one of the couches, and that’s where Brad’s gaze focused.  Zane was beside Ethan.  Fucking A.  He knew before he even got all the way to his brother.  It was just a matter of time, right?  It was bound to happen, the overdose that had been lingering on the horizon.  Leave it to Ethan to do it on the most important night of Brad’s life, though.

The back of his mind told him maybe Ethan knew what was going on and had done it on purpose.

As soon as he thought it, he grew angry with himself.  Of course, Ethan didn’t do it on purpose—not the overdosing part anyway.  This was what Ethan did, and it wasn’t the first time.  And it would keep happening until he gave the shit up for good.

Or died.  But he couldn’t think that way.

Brad had to make his way through the people standing around gawking to get to the couch where Zane and Ethan were, and he sensed that Nick and Val were right behind him.  Ethan’s head was reclined on the back of the couch.  Brad asked Zane, “How do you know he’s not just sleeping?”

“He’s not. 
You
try waking him up.”

Val cut in front of him and sat next to Ethan.  “Ethan.  Ethan?  Wake up.”  Ethan didn’t say a word.  He didn’t blink or stir, and Brad saw panic wash over Val’s face.  She grabbed Ethan’s shoulders and started moving him, but his head just swayed with the motion.  He wasn’t there.  “Ethan.  Wake up.”  Brad could tell from her voice that Val was starting to lose it.  “Damn it, Ethan.  Wake up.  Wake up…”  Zane grabbed her hands.  Brad was grateful for that, because he had some decisions to make and didn’t need her being hysterical.

“How long has he been like this?”

Nick said, “I don’t know.  We just tried to get him up a while ago.”

“What’d he take?”

“Hell if I know, man.  With Ethan, it could be anything.”

Zane looked up.  “Or everything.”  Yeah, Brad knew that.

Someone in the circle of people standing around added, “I’m pretty sure he did some smack.”  Again, with Ethan, that was pretty much a given.

Brad took a deep breath and muttered, “Fuckin’ heroin.”  He wanted to add,
the evilest shit on the planet
, but that wouldn’t have been productive.  Instead, he nodded and asked, “What else?”

Zane let go of Val’s wrists and looked up at Brad.  “He was drinking.  We all were.  But there might have been more.  I don’t know.  He was with a couple of guys and a girl a while ago, and they’re gone.”

“Do you know their names?”

“You’re kidding, right?”

Val finally spoke.  “Shouldn’t we be calling the ambulance?”

Brad looked at
her.  He’d already been considering the same thing, but he had other ideas.  “Do you think they’d get here in time?”

“We have to do
something
.”

He nodded.  “Zane, help me load him in the van.  Nick, you still have that GPS app on your phone?”

“Yeah.”

“Then you’re comin’ with.”

Zane said, “I’m comin’ too.”

He leaned over and grabbed his friend.  Seeing Ethan’s face up close and feeling the dead weight of his body filled Brad’s gut with dread.  Jesus.  This was bad.  Ethan had never been like
this before.  It made all the other times he’d scared them look like a day at the beach.  He didn’t say a word, but when Zane got on the other side of Ethan to help move him, Brad could see it on his face too.  This was fucking serious…and
real
.  Brad clenched his jaw.  He had to push those thoughts out.  Now wasn’t the time.  He had to keep his shit together or they’d all lose it.  He sucked in a deep breath.  “Nick, get my keys too, would ya?  They’re on the dresser in our room.”

By the time the elevator doors opened, Nick and Val had joined them.  He saw that Val had his jeans and shoes with her and he felt gratitude—not just for her thoughtfulness, but how they all banded together for their friend.  Over the past couple of years, they’d had moments, but it was now—when it mattered most—that everyone was completely on the same page.  And, really, it wasn’t for the band.  In a roundabout way it was, but it was instead for their brother.  They were family now
, and they were doing what they had to to take care of Ethan.  There was nothing selfish about it.

They laid Ethan down on the middle seat
, and Brad felt a fresh new wave of fear overcome him.  His friend felt cool to the touch and clammy, but his body on the seat looked dead.  He swallowed it down and took the t-shirt and shoes from Val without a word and put them on.  Nick handed him the keys and said, “I’ve got the address for the nearest hospital.”

Val climbed up in the van and sat on the floor next to Ethan.  That was good, because he needed Nick in her usual seat. 
“Nick, I need you riding shotgun as my navigator.”  Zane got in the very back.  Brad caught the guy’s eyes again and then saw Nick’s as they got in the front.  They were all as scared as he was.  They knew like he did that this was something special.

He turned off the radio when he started the van.  He could hear Val behind him saying something to Ethan.  It felt then like he had put himself on autopilot.  Nick gave him directions and he followed them
without question.  He sped when he felt like it wasn’t dangerous to do so.  The only good thing about it being early morning was that the traffic was minimal.  He didn’t have a clock in the van, but he knew it was sometime after four.

Once they got to the hospital, things moved quickly.  The staff there took Ethan’s health seriously and whisked him away on a gurney, leaving the four of them to answer questions.  They were all the same questions Brad had asked his bandmates when they’d pulled him out of Valerie’s arms, but the nurse with the clipboard asked more.  And none of them were able to answer many of them.

After some time, they were shooed off to the ER waiting room, and the nurse promised to give them information as soon as possible.  After they settled in, she asked Brad back up to the desk.  “I noticed that we failed to get insurance information for you.”

Shit.  If Ethan had insurance, Brad didn’t know about it.  “I don’t know if he has any insurance.”  She frowned.  “Do you need some kind of copay or something?”

“Well, I can’t really assess it without knowing what insurance he has.”

Brad pulled his hand through his hair.  It was damp from the shower, but the ungodly heat on the drive to the hospital had dried out all of it except the part closest to his head.  He drew in a deep breath and shrugged.  “I don’t know.  I wish I could tell you, but I don’t know.  Can’t you get that information
from him when he wakes up?”

He had almost said
if
—
if he wakes up.
  She said, “Will you be guarantor of payment?”

Brad didn’t know why, but it felt like a threat—like they wouldn’t help Ethan unless they knew money was coming.  What the hell else was he supposed to do?  He shook his head but said, “Sure.”  He decided, though, that if they didn’t save his brother, they wouldn’t get shit from him.

And he felt himself grow numb as she started telling him costs of procedures.

Inside, he was raging.  They were putting costs on his friend’s life.  If Brad had had oodles of money, he and the nurse wouldn’t even be having that conversation.  So when he joined his friends in the waiting room, he wasn’t just worried; he was angry.

Sometime later, another nurse came out and asked for Brad.  When he stood, she told him that Ethan was in stable condition and said they would be moving him to a room.  She wasn’t going to tell him what room until he got pissed and demanded it.  “I’m paying the goddamn bill, and we might not be blood brothers, but make no mistake.  We
are
brothers.  You tell me the room number or let me speak with your supervisor.”  She looked nervous for a few minutes but finally caved and told him.  They wouldn’t be allowed in there for a while, so Brad shuffled them all off to the cafeteria and they all drank coffee.