5
GLORIOUS
I
leaned over to Samantha as we stood in the middle of our line sisters, anxiously knowing that whatever we decided was going to affect everyone. “Before you head out of here, you really need to make sure you're okay with risking all of us not being Betas. Maybe we should just take a second and really think about the repercussions of all this,” I said to Sam.
She looked over at Cheryl with eyes that longed for compromise. The girls who stood behind me sat on the floor. This bold move spoke volumes. Until we truly discussed this, all of us were not going.
Sam and Cheryl whispered stuff to each other. The girls outside started having doubtful faces. Sensing she was losing the argument, Cheryl called everyone back into the apartment.
“Can you at least tell us how this all came about?” I asked Cheryl, trying to keep my cool with the chick I felt was a head case.
“Come on, Cass. We all have friends who go to different schools. My home girl I went to high school with is on the line up there, and if we want any respect we're supposed to go up there and see them along with two other lines. We're already late.”
I began my rounds of serious, thought-provoking questions. “Doesn't that seem odd to you? We're not even officially on line, yet we got to come there right now or they're going to deem us paper? That just seems strange to me. Don't you think we should talk to one of our own Big Sisters to find out if that's what we should really do? You mentioned some of Alpha chapter may be there, Cherylâdo you know if they will be there for sure? Honestly, they could hate the fact that we went without being told to.”
“But if you talk to one of them, they're not going to let us go. Going through other Beta chapters keeps them from being directly involved. Plus, you know Dr. Garnes has them on a tight leash. So what if they don't go or don't know? We still want Betas everywhere to give us props. Come on, you guys. We pay now and get much respect later.” Cheryl looked around, waiting for everyone to feel her argument. “Everybody doing this is legitimate. Our Big Sisters went through a lot. We've all heard the stories. They get much admiration not only because they're Alpha chapter but ... I can't even say it. You know why they get mad respect.”
I attempted to reason. “Yeah, I know why, because somebody lost their life during their pledge process. And we should be standing in line, getting in our cars, jumping up and down, ready to follow that crazy path? Man, that is just foolishness to me. I'm not doing it. You all can go ahead and call me whatever you wantâpaper, napkin, towel ...”
Many started laughing. I was serious though. Cheryl made the meanest face. The majority of us didn't care about her tantrum.
I wanted to be part of a sisterhood, not a zoo. I could think for myself, and I could rationalize right from wrong. A part of being on a line was to develop unity, to find one voice, to put a whole bunch of different opinions under a microscope and come out with a plan. But even if we all didn't agree, we still supported the majority. And although that was the sister theory, where was I going to draw the line? When would I stand up for what was right? Would I go along even if that meant someone else dying?
Thinking about trying to please everyone, I stood and said, “Look, I'm not trying to be popular here, and I'm not trying to cause problems. I just want to stand for what I think is right for all of us. I got a pretty good relationship with the leader of our line. I'm going to call Alyx and see what she thinks about this whole thing. If she thinks we should do it, I'll go. That's the best I can tell you.”
“So you're going to jeopardize us to get your own piece of mind? What if she says no and then you won't go and our line is divided?” Cheryl said, not budging from her point of view.
“Well, if she's the leader of the line you're signing up to be on, and she says no, you shouldn't want to go, and our line will be one,” I retorted.
Sam pulled Cheryl over to the side when she got up in my face and I didn't back down by standing straight up in hers. I was doing all I could to compromise, and they had to do the same. As much as I wanted to stick to my former outburst and not go, I was open to doing what Alyx said.
I overheard Sam say, “That's reasonable, Cheryl. Come on. Cass is more than trying.”
Isha was behind my back and egging me on, saying, “That's right, you told her right.”
Cheryl came over to me and said, “Make the call.” Everybody sat down when I called Alyx.
“Put me on loudspeaker or something. I need to talk to everybody, and I can't come over there and see y'all because that is against our rules,” Alyx said as I followed her instructions and hit the button. “Hey, y'all, this is Alyx.” Everybody said hey. “Just so we have an understanding, there are going to be some of my sorors who may try to get you guys to do this and that, participating in all kinds of stuff, and as long as you guys are going through Alpha chapter, know for sure you will be legit. But we need you to trust us and do it our way, so if you're not down with that whole plan, maybe you need to rethink whether you should pledge before we have the meeting completing this pledge process tomorrow. So no going down to another school, got it?” She hung up the phone.
We all just sat there, each and every person deciding for themselves if and why they wanted to be a part of Alpha chapter. Though everyone wasn't pleased, we all collectively agreed, even Cheryl, that we weren't going to go get hazed. We were one.
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We'd officially been on line for two weeks now. We'd been inducted as Pis, we were bonding as a group, and we'd been through three different ceremonies. Each was getting us a step closer to hopefully becoming full members of the best sorority around. We actually had two lines. One in which we lined up in alphabetical orderâbecause lining up by height was considered a form of hazingâand one in which we ignored the rule and lined up by height anyway (when we weren't in the presence of Alumni chapter members, Dr. Garnes, or anyone from the campus). I wasn't the tallest person, so I was number three of forty.
“You know what tonight's ceremony is about?” Isha, who happened to be number four, asked me. “I'm so excited!”
We'd gone through Gem one, a seminar on leadership, learning that every member of Beta Gamma Pi stands for excellence and is a pioneer. Gem two was about sisterhood; the basic principle we got from that special night was that we were joining a sorority. We each had our own family, but we were now joining a new family of incredibly strong sisters. The Gem targeted how you should care about others as you cared about yourself and that you should never intentionally break that rule. Gem three was about education; Betas were smart because we always knew there was more we could learn. Now we were headed to Gem ceremony number four. Yeah, I knew what it was on: Christianity. Because I was a new believer, I was a little less enthusiastic. The President of the chapter, Malloy, and Alyx came into the large dressing room of the school's historic theater, which was where the ceremony was being held, and addressed us.
Malloy, with a stern face, spoke first. “Listen up, y'all. I'm just going to be honest. My mother's the National President, so I get to preview a lot of information that the Grand Chapter gives about all the chapters. Also, because my mother doesn't want me to let her down and be the one to blame if this chapter happens to get taken for good, I'm just going to keep it real and let everyone know I'm not going to allow anybody to jeopardize Alpha chapter.”
Isha elbowed me and whispered, “What's going on now? What did we miss?”
“We've been informed,” Alyx said, equally perturbed, “that a few of you guys have been participating with the underground line at another collegiate chapter.”
My heart started racing because Sam and I were cool. But now that I thought about it, I hadn't seen her around the house lately, and I hadn't been drilling her about what she was doing, because we only had a limited amount of time to study and get work done before it was time to participate in pledge activities. Certainly, she hadn't gone and gotten herself involved in something that jeopardized her dream of being in the best sorority in the world.
Malloy continued, “I see y'all looking all around. If you guys want to come forward and spill if you've been participating, that's fine. But just so you know, I do have pictures.”
Though I didn't want to see anybody go, I had to be honest, it was a great moment when Sam said, “See, I told you all not to go down there.”
Some girls in the middle of the line just stood there like they didn't know who she was talking to. I knew Cheryl was one of them.
However, Cherly shocked me when she stood beside Sam and said, “We decided we weren't going to go. It was all of us or none of us. We decided we weren't supposed to go, and I told you three to stick with us and not go out like that. Dang, y'all.”
Three girls got out of line and followed Malloy out of the room. Sam started crying. The other three girls were part of her crew. Now it seemed they were out.
Alyx addressed us. “I'm glad it was just three of you guys. I'd hate to lose our whole line because you couldn't follow our rules. We're founded on Christian principles, and tonight's Gem is so important to me because God saved my life, turned my life around, and has given me a new hope. I learned that if you do things the right way, the way the Bible tells you to, everything will work out. As you go through this Gem ceremony tonight, remember those three sisters who just left. They couldn't obey the plan and they will suffer the consequences for it. When you follow His plan for your life, you can truly have happiness.”
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Dr. Garnes was leading the ceremony. We were standing on a piece of purple carpet they had brought in that signified the royalty of the king. We held up our right hands and read the oath on the card in front of us. We followed Dr. Garnes's words.
“I vow to keep the Lord in my heart and to always let his life shine in me, allowing the Holy Spirit to make me the best Beta I can be,” Dr. Garnes said. “As I touch each of your heads with a drop of this anointed oil, I pray that you take time to take in God's word, understand his purpose and plan for your life, and, above all, strive to please him.”
I realized at that moment that I couldn't be a Beta if I didn't believe in God. The Christian principles and the sorority's mission were one and the same. We learned that day that the only thing that held Beta Gamma Pi together wasn't the sisters but the love of Christ that connected all our hearts. Part of the ceremony also had to do with Jesus dying on the cross. The correlation was made between that and giving our life to public serviceâthat we should do it with Jesus in the forefront of our brains, remembering that we would lay it all out to help another. Going through that ordeal with Al Dutch had broken me, and a part of my humanity had been taken. However, going through the ceremony and losing myself in the flame, I felt a passion for Christ. I was able to feel again, care again, want again, dream again, and hope again.
Malloy closed the ceremony by saying, “All our Gems mean something special, but this Gem is particularly meaningful because without Christ we can do nothing. With Him all things are possible. I encourage each of you Pis to dig deep within your soul, and as you look at that flame you've lit, recommit yourself to God. But as you extinguish the flame, know that you're loved by God, and anything preventing you from fully giving your heart will fade away with the smoke.”
When the ceremony was over, a lot of us were in tears, including me. We were all encouraged to go home and study for the upcoming Beta Gamma Pi test we had to pass in order to move on to the next Gem. There was one more ceremony to go through tomorrow, dealing with public service, but for now we were dismissed.
Isha came over to me and asked if I wanted to help out at her church. I was sort of tired, but it was Halloween, and a lot of the Pis couldn't go to the parties because we had to lay low. I didn't want to just sit home because I knew Sam was going to have some of the girls who were dismissed off line over at our place, and I wasn't feeling pity for them. Maybe church was just where I needed to be so I could pray for them and for myself.
As soon as we got there, the youth pastor, Konner Blackâthe one who had made me realize I needed to let God into my lifeâstood right there in front of me. He had been handsome onstage, but he was even cuter just inches away. I was really digging him.
“Hi, you're Isha's friend, right?” he asked, smiling at me.
“Yes,” I said, thinking he may be feeling me as well.
“I'm Konner, a new pastor here. I remember when you accepted the Lord a couple months ago. I haven't seen you back here since. Isha told me y'all are pledging,” he said awkwardly.
“Yeah, I know who you are, but you say that like you have problems with the sororities or something.”
“No, I'm just saying Greek life does a lot of good for the community, but a lot of people misuse the letters and end up doing more harm than good. But I don't know. I'm looking at you right now, and you got this glow about you. Halloween night, and you're in a church. I hope you and Isha do cross. I know you'll both make this world a better place through the sorority and on your own,” he said in a sweeter tone, realizing he may have unintentionally offended me.