8
GREAT
“N
obody's moving. Did you all think I'm playing? Betas who don't go to this school, get your stuff and get your butts out of here right now! Alpha chapter, front and center!” Dr. Garnes yelled. “Pis, take those blindfolds off. You know you signed a policy saying you wouldn't be hazed.”
“Torian, I thought you had your adviser in check,” said a Beta I had never seen before. On her jacket were the Greek letters for Gamma Psi, so I knew she was from another school. Torian looked like she was now very mad our adviser had gotten her punked in front of other Betas.
“Please, y'all just go,” Torian said to the Gamma Psi sorors. “Sorry it didn't go down the way we planned, but I need to handle this lady. We just got her as an adviser this year, and it seems she needs to be replaced.”
“Yeah, she does,” the other Beta from the other school uttered, rolling her eyes at Dr. Garnes.
After we followed the orders of the adviser, Isha leaned over and whispered to me, “Weren't we supposed to take off our blindfolds? Look at Torian staring at us like we did something wrong. We had a direct order from the head lady in charge. We might not be able to even cross because we did this anyway.”
We remained in one line. I could hear the heavy breathing coming from my line sisters. We were in the middle, and the middle was the hot spot. As Torian and Dr. Garnes eyed each other down, I knew things were about to get even hotter.
“And, pledges, get out of line right now!” Dr. Garnes screamed out. “You're not supposed to be hazed. You're not supposed to be feeling like you got to please these girls in order to cross over. You're supposed to go directly by the book. You must not want to become Betas.”
Many of us started saying, “Yes, we do. We're sorry,” and much other mumbo jumbo that let the adviser know she need not get it twisted: we did want to pledge.
“Like any of them wants to be paper, though,” Loni said in a whisper, clearly also heated by Dr. Garnes.
“Did you say something?” Dr. Garnes went over to Loni with her hand on her hip.
“We're just saying we got this,” Torian said bluntly.
“Do Alyx and Malloy know you're out here? I need to know how far all this deception goes. It is one thing to think it's cute and fun to have these girls out here, but it's another to think it's legitimate. Besides, all this wanting-props stuff is pure foolishness and ain't about nothing. I told you girls to fall out of line,” Dr. Garnes said to us.
We all looked at Torian, and her eyes were like
Do not move
.
I didn't give you an order to walk anywhere.
What were we to do?
It might not even matter anyway, now that Dr. Garnes had found out. If she turned us all in, certainly we would not be able to cross. But if we ticked off our Big Sisters, would crossing without their blessing be worth it?
Torian said, “This is bull. We weren't even doing anything to these girls. You have no proof of that. We didn't tell them to put those covers on their faces. We don't even know what it is they're wearing.”
“Torian, I know you don't think I'm that ignorant. These are stockings, and I'm sure if I took them down to the local police station, all of your prints would be on them and not just these girls'. So are you telling me you didn't touch any of these blindfolds?”
Torian rolled her eyes and then looked away.
Loni said to Dr. Garnes, “Can't you just, like, go back to those other old ladies and enjoy social time? We understand where you're coming from now. We won't hurt anybody.”
“It was one of those old ladies who heard some commotion and noise coming from her window. We fussed and argued back and forth because I just knew there was no way you Betas would've found us and been up here messing with these girls on our alumnae weekend. Though I've only been your adviser for less than a year, I pledged this chapter more than twenty-five years ago. When the regional coordinator and state director asked me to take this post, I assured them in no way was I going to tolerate any foolishness from you all. Be clear, I will not lose my letters trying to help you all save yours from any wrongdoing on your part. If any of this gets out that I found out and didn't report it, it'll all be on me.” She turned and looked at us one more time. “I don't know why y'all are scared to move, but I told you to go! I'll let you know in the morning what my decision is going to beâdon't make me make it right here and now. Trust me, none of you wants me to use my cell phone and report this one. But if these pledges don't get back inside right now, pack their bags, and head home, I will.” Dr. Garnes held her cell high.
“Let's jet, Pis!” I screamed out, making the call.
Cheryl looked at me and nodded. “Yeah, let's go.”
When the thirty-seven of us got back to the room, we packed up our stuff. All of us were breathing hard, extremely nervous, palms sweating, and some of us weren't able to breathe. What we'd done was severe. Had we messed up our chance? What was going to happen to Torian and Loni and the other Betas with us? Were they going to be kicked out of our chapter?
All of this was major just for a walk of trust that had ended up not putting us closer together but possibly tearing our line and chapter apart forever. It hadn't even been worth it!
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Everyone was packing up their bags to head out as our adviser had asked. Reality was sinking in that we'd messed up. It broke my heart to see Isha and Sam crying. Even Cheryl was broken. She was standing near me saying repeatedly, “What have we done? What have we done? What have we done?”
Then some of us started bickering back and forth as to whether Dr. Garnes would actually follow through and turn us in. In reality, we had committed a cardinal crime. Each of us had signed a no-hazing policy, and all thirty-seven of us had stood in line blindfolded, caught red-handed like thieves in the night.
All I could do was pray.
Lord, just before Dr. Garnes came, I asked You to help us. Is this my fault? I wasn't sure whether someone was getting whooped up on. I needed you to free us from the terror, and maybe because of my prayer I summoned our adviser to intervene.
I grabbed my head and just shook it. I had stopped praying at that moment. How could I be mad at God and question how He had answered my prayer? What was I, stupid? I was bringing even more tension and anguish into my life. I'd heard the saying “Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it many times before.” But this was one of the first times I'd ever prayed, gotten my wish, and wanted to take back my words.
As I was the last one left in the room, I dropped to my knees and said, “Okay, Lord, forgive me. I'm just so new with this whole Christianity thing, and I don't know how to talk to You. I don't know what to specifically ask for. But You got to know I didn't want us to get in trouble when I asked You for help. So now that this is how You solved my problem, can You help me solve another one? Can You make Dr. Garnes not say anything? Can You help her keep her mouth closed? Can You get her to understand they never touched us, and we were just in a line?”
Then I remembered a passage in the Book of Job:
The Lord gave, and the Lord taketh away; blessed be the name of the Lord.
Maybe this wasn't about my prayer or want I wanted. Maybe He didn't want Beta Gamma Pi for my life. So many people often said, “If you're a believer and a Christian, how can you be in a sorority?” That had never really phased me because Christianity had never been something that meant anything to my life, but now that it did, I wanted to live a life that would bring honor and glory to a majestic Lord and Savior. I was being a part of an organization founded on Christian principles.
Many in the organization particularly believed Christianity had used more venom, more nastiness than truth and love. If God didn't want me caught up in all that, would I be okay with His decision? That's what I felt something inside me was asking. I guess it had always been there, but again it was all new to me. I didn't know why I was wrestling with myself. I was now at a crossroads. Would I trust God with whatever He gave me, or would I continue to be caught up in needing to have it my way? Then it became crystal clear that I was getting a message from some internal force.
Go talk to Dr. Garnes yourself. Share with her your heart. See what happens.
Sam ran back in the room. “Cassidy, we're waiting on you, girl. And we need you. Everyone is tripping. We feel we're messed up either way.”
“Well, don't let them stress too much. Just stay in the car. I need to go check on something real quick,” I said, dashing around my girl.
“Where are you going?” Sam asked.
I didn't want to tell her, because I didn't know how the conversation with Dr. Garnes would go. I surely didn't want anybody putting all her hope on me.
I knocked on Dr. Garnes's hotel door. As soon as I knocked, I walked away, too nervous. I didn't get too far, though, because she answered.
“Cassidy, you okay? Your whole face is stressed. You having a relapse or something? You need to talk?”
“No, doc. I just came, on behalf of my line, to ask you to please give us another chance. We can't blame anyone but ourselves. We all want to be a part of Beta Gamma Pi so badly. Whatever we were asked to do, we would do. I know we've lost three girls on our line because they were participating in hazing. One could consider that we did the same thing. But we want to be here for Alpha chapter. We want to become Betas to change the system. We want to stand by the motto and make this world a better place. We want to please God as a chapter. We just ask for your compassion not to turn us in.”
She looked over at me, surprised, and said, “I understand why you guys were doing that. My line was also taken over by some alumnae sorors years back, and when we crossed, a lot of colleges in Arkansas didn't want to have anything to do with us and considered us paperânot real or whatever. It was the most hurtful feeling. It took a long time for them to come around and understand we were hardworking Betas, as you said, ready to make our world better. I wouldn't wish that inadequate, isolated feeling on anybody. But the thing is, Cassidy, I now understand that people who feel that you need to be hazed in order to be worthy enough to join the sorority are the ones with the problem. We can't cater to wrongdoers. So tell your line sisters you get no more warnings. I know you were under dire pressure. Follow the rules from here on out, and y'all should be fine.”
I sprung into her arms and hugged her tight. God had used me in a mighty way. Four days later, we stood in front of a limited number of Alpha chapter sorors because some were suspended. Not all of them could witness our meaningful initiation vow. I could not believe we had crossed. It felt wonderful, and I was so thankful that God had Beta Gamma Pi in the cards for me after all. I was not planning to let him down with what He'd entrusted me with.
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It was the first sorority meeting. Thirty-seven excited new Betas stood ready to go through the formal opening ceremony that took place before every meeting, ready to go through the chapter's agenda, and ready just to be a part of the fold without feeling inferior. Our actual crossing-over ceremony hadn't been that special, but none of us cared. We hadn't had a decorated space and many gifts after we crossed, because the chapter was missing members due to the trust-walk incident that Dr. Garnes
did
report.
Torian, Loni, and the other Betas who had been with us that night on the walk of trust weren't allowed to participate with us as Pis. So that left Malloy and Alyx to work with the alumni sorors and bring us into the fold. Though we had a ceremonial table, we were told later that we didn't get the nice facility, all the extra candles, and the well-decorated tables because frustration had set in that the line had been tampered with.
Though we weren't penalized, Alpha chapter was divided. Torian and her crew felt we weren't loyal to their cause and we needed to figure out a way to fix things with them. Personally, the threat didn't bother me, and now that I had my letters, I wasn't bending over backward to please them. The majority of my line felt differently though.
Malloy and Alyx had told us they were mad at their sisters, who were now my sisters. And somehow all of us had to find a way to not just coexist but act as one.
The actual opening ceremony was powerful and meaningful. We went through a vow and gave a reaffirmation statement saying we were committed to Beta Gamma Pi for life, and then we were able to start the chapter business. At the beginning there were no major issues.
Malloy was conducting the meeting as the President. We went through her report, the First Vice President's report, and the treasurer's report, and that's when we knew we were going to need to have some kind of fund-raiser because the funds were low. Even though they'd taken thirty-seven new members, a lot of the money they'd collected had had to go to the national organization. Next, we split into committees, and it was neat to see where I wanted to serve. Lots of sorors on my line started raising their hands, ready to volunteer. I was happy to know we were ready for business.